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Sleep

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Original poster

Gradual withdrawl method - help needed

114 replies

lori21 · 09/04/2007 20:33

We are doing the GW method as described by the Millpond Clinic. We've done the rocking to sleep and are now on the holding to sleep. The next one is the 'holding in cot' to sleep. I'm a bit sonfused about how to do this. I may be being a little thick as I am rather sleep deprived. If anyone else has done it please give me some tips

Thanks

OP posts:

Tapster · 08/05/2007 10:01

Hi, I've posted on sleep is for the weak. Just started GW with great success after only a few nights. Bikebug why can't your DH wake up at night? It was the only way for us. DH goes in to settle her except when we have decided its time for BF - we said every 4 hours but last night she woke up only twice 1am for BF and 4am for 10mins which DH got up for. We started this bank holiday but DH has agreed to be a bit sleep deprived this week at work. I've slept in another room so I can get some rest and only get woken for BF. I don't think you can do it without help from DH. If its been going on for so long maybe DH take a weeks holiday and try and crack it. I know how you feel and I've only been very sleep deprived for 3 months.

tibsy · 08/05/2007 10:04

bikebug x posted, sorry it doesnt seem to be working, i dont really know what to suggest. poor you and lack of sleep for 14 months, its bloody hard going. believe me , you're not crap. (((((hug)))))
i dont like the idea of cc myself either, (too much of a wimp!!) but in the end, i guess you just have to do what you think is best for you, the bubs and your family. sorry if that sounds a bit wishy washy and half hearted, just wanted to offer you some support even tho i dont like cc! have probably made things worse tho now, so i'll bloody well shut up

BikeBug · 08/05/2007 10:12

tahnks tapster & tibsy. DH does help out where he can - he often does the evening settling if he's back in time and also some of the evening / early nighttime wakings, but he is out of the house 7-7, has an hour or more commute up the M1 to work, and is very bad at coping with sleep deprivation, so it makes more sense for me to do it. Else I'm coping with everyone in the house being grumpy! He did a week once when I was night weaning (not every waking, but most of them), and it made no difference to ds's sleep at all. I hate the thought of cc, always have, but if I was my employer I'd have sacked me by now - I turn up, but my brain isn't working at all, and it's a fairly intensive job (if you do it right). I'll see. I really wanted this to work, but the only improvement is that we've lost the '45 minutes after falling asleep' waking.

lilysma · 08/05/2007 21:13

Well, we have had a couple of slightly better nights, but I'm not sure why! Last night dd woke at 9.30 (screamed for 40 mins before settling!), 11ish, 3 and 6.30. Not claiming this is due to any effort of mine as I've been crap at doing the GW over the last 10 days or so due to me and dd having colds. Maybe it was just a blip! We'll see what happens tonight!

tibsy · 09/05/2007 10:27

morning all and hoping it was a restful one for you all

lilysma - dont worry about not following it to the tee, i 'relapse' if i'm or dd is ill, or if i'm jsut too sodding tired

another 8 hour stretch for us from 7.30 til 3.30 am am sure the supper is helping to keep her settled too tho. am still in the room with her when she goes to bed, jsut sat a little away from her. dont know whther i should move to the next stage yet? its actually really wierd now shes not falling asleep in my arms. i still have to go and touch her, and give her a kiss before i leave the room.

Tapster · 09/05/2007 12:18

We had hourly wakings from 8pm-1am when I fed her (I fed her at 9pm as I had been concerned that she had not had enough milk as she was too tired when she went to bed) then she slept til 6.45am - weird or what

tibsy · 12/05/2007 18:03

hows everyone doing? think maybe i'm cheating by bringing dd in with us when she wakes for a feed. think it might be more va case of weaning me off it than dd tho

mrsmalumbas · 12/05/2007 18:12

when I saw the title of this thread I thought it was withdrawal method as in sex - I was wondering how on earth it was possible to do that gradually...

lilysma · 13/05/2007 20:38

Hello, have been busy and trying not to think about dds sleep! But am finally ready to face the issue again. Am down to 5 hours between feeds, which translated as feeds at 11.45 and 5.30 last night. Unfortunately she still wakes every two hours and has to be soothed back to sleep anyway . So I have her in bed with me from the first waking (about an hour and a half after bedtime) as it's the only way to get any sleep. Not really sure how to continue the GW from this point (I shshsh and hold her back to sleep) since she still cries when I do this. Any ideas? Do I just do less to soothe her even though she's crying?

tibsy · 14/05/2007 09:26

lilysma, the nights are the hardest thing i think as opposed to getting them off to sleep in the evening i mean
our nights have been up and down lately. dd got 2 buds of teeth coming thru to prove it!
i guess what the 'plan' recommends is to go to whatever stage you put them down to sleep at, to ensure you're giving them minimal assistance back to sleep.
i'm afraid i havent mastered that yet if i'm knackered, i continue to go for the 'easy' way

tibsy · 14/05/2007 09:32

i think at this stage, its just best to expect the unexpected and roll with it. it will get easier.
i've gone from having to go upstairs to her every 30 mins in the evening to resettle to actually having an evening to sit down and read or watch tv. i just have to remind myself of that when i'm getting pd off cos she's woken 2 times for a feed. easier said than done when you're knackered tho, i know
it doesnt make it any easier when you hear of babies going to sleep at 7pm til 7am either
i got really cheesed off this am cos the alarm woke me up, dd was asleep and it woke her too. i just thought b*s, if its not dd waking me up its the sodding alarm to get ds up for school, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
and when will this bloody rain stop

lilysma · 15/05/2007 20:21

I'm finding it v hard to 'roll with it' atm . She's still waking up every 1.5 - 2 hours and for the last couple of nights she's been up for an hour between 4ish and 5ish until I gave in and fed her out of sheer exhaustion . I ended up getting really angry with her last night (not that I did anything about this except have a little grumble at her and seethe inwardly)! The GW seems to have stalled. She goes down quite easily at bedtime with me holding her hand or patting her but this works progressively less well during the night even though she's in bed with me, so I don't know whether that makes us 'ready' to move onto the next stage. Have more seasoned practitioners any advice?? I'm getting desperate!

crayon · 15/05/2007 21:55

A total shot in the dark here and I've only read a bit of the thread, but have you thought about cranial osteopathy?

DS2 who had normally been a good sleeper started waking for hours in the night after chicken pox. One session of cranial osteopathy and he never did it again. Ditto with DS1 who had colic as a 6 week old.

It might be worth a shot. I don't know how old your DC is, but maybe she is uncomfortable for some reason.

Most cranial osteopaths seem to be quite honest and will say if treatment is not necessary after the first session.

tibsy · 16/05/2007 09:20

lilysma, we regressed a bit too, i think some of it was to do with teething but also cos i've been at same stage forever
i got cross the other night too, unusual for me, but i was just so tired makes you feel horrid doesnt it?
anyway, it gave me the impetus to move on to next stage and last night, we had a really good night, didnt wake til 2.45am for booby. we had a few tears before going to sleep but it seemed to work, or maybe it was a fluke, who knows with these babies

tibsy · 16/05/2007 09:21

oh and hi to crayon

lilysma · 17/05/2007 20:20

Tibsy, what was the next stage for you? Did you manage it all night? Glad it worked, anyway . Mine is going down like a dream at bedtime now but still waking crying every 2 hours or so and up for at least half an hour somewhere between 3 and 5 . Not sure how much more i can take...

lilysma · 17/05/2007 20:22

Sorry i forgot to reply to crayon. I did consider this a while back but she's quite old now (LOL) - 6 months - and dh is quite anti after a bad experience with an osteopath himself. I don't really think she's in any pain or anything as she does eventually stop with cuddles - she just isn't learning to settle herself and I don't know how to teach her apart from trying gw or going on to cc.

lorisparkle · 17/05/2007 22:13

So sorry you are feeling down lilysma. Lack of sleep just makes you feel cr*p. We seem to have stalled a bit as well. He's settling in his cot by himself with me just watching him but is waking up every 2-4 hours and screaming or not settling if I don't feed him.

My theory is that I am going to keep going with reducing support when he first goes to bed (I am currently moving my chair further and further back out of the room) and still going with the cuddles during the night and only feeding once during the night. I have found that his sleep has gradually got better but the night time settling seems quite a few steps behind the evening settling. So I am hoping that he will wake up less when I move out of the room completely.

I am sure you have looked at NCSS and the askdrsears website but I still find them quite comforting and useful when I am feeling down.

tibsy · 18/05/2007 09:40

lilysma, so sorry youre feeling fed up. those 30 min wakings are the pits, i know. chin up
the next stage for us was me removing all contact and standing away from the cot out of sight. shes definitely complained about it! but i feel 'happier' for want of a better word, with her crying if i'm in the room. if she gets really upset, i'd go and kiss her face, then move down to rubbing her tum, moving down to her feet, then retreating again. hth
last night good, woke at 3am for huge feed then nothing til 6.55 !!
hope everyone has good days

lilysma · 18/05/2007 09:47

Thanks Lori, I am also hoping that decreasing the support at bedtime will eventually have knock on effects later in the night, as settling her at these wakings is lagging far behind! Last night I settled her 5 times between 10 and 11 - she kept settling then waking up again. I eventually came to the conclusion that she was hungry and fed her - she went to sleep no probs after that and settled just with shshing in the bed with me a couple of times until 4ish when she decided to wake up for the day . I gave in and fed her again at 5 and she settled again after that until 7ish. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but I'm so chronically sleep deprived it feels it!

Tibsy thanks for the info - for the last couple of nights I've moved to just sitting by the cot after I've put her down awake and she goes to sleep no problem, which is why it is slightly puzzling that it is often hard to settle her that way whenever she wakes in the night [hmmm]. I guess sometimes she really is hungry...

The struggle continues !

lilysma · 18/05/2007 09:49

p.s. I actually find dr sears' stuff really unhelpful as it doesn't seem to allow you any agency to change anything, which is fine if you are coping, but not if you're not! NCSS is a bit more helpful, although the idea of 'no crying' is just not feasible with my LO unless I feed her every two hours, which I'm just not prepared to do anymore!

lilysma · 19/05/2007 21:18

I seem to be the only one left here [hmmm]. Have posted on siftw, but in case you're not on that one and want to keep this one going, here's the latest:

Have just spent 1 and a half hours getting dd to sleep, at least half of it was full on screaming . Was trying the sitting by the cot holding her hand approach - have got as far as not holding the hand most of the time the last two nights but tonight she wasn't having any of it. Picked up and put down a few times too as she was really screaming . F**kinell, I may just as well be doing cc . Part of me says at least she knows I'm there and part of me says maybe I'm just prolonging the agony. We'll see what happens for the rest of the night...

lorisparkle · 19/05/2007 22:50

Our internet is down at the moment so can only come on infrequently. I don't know what to say lilysma. I find the screaming unbearable as well and he won't tolerate any kind of touching so now I just lie next to him on a mat on the floor for nap times and during the night then transfer him to the cot. I was still feeding every 1 to 2 hours when mine was 8 months so I know you are not alone BUT that does not really help! Have you read the article about feeding as much as they want up to 11pm then nothing until 5am then feeding as much as they want then. I'm not sure about how it would work and whether it would confuse them more. I will try and find the internet page when our internet is a bit more stable. Here is hoping for a good nights sleep

tibsy · 20/05/2007 21:39

hi lilysma and lori
i have not been off getting loadsa lubbly sleep alas
lilysma, we had a night like yours fri night, screamed on and off for 1 1/2 maybe 2 hours. horrendous
dont know whats up with dd atm, teeth have burst thru the gums but her sleep seems to have gone down the chute
will sleep if in with me but otherwise, shes started waking again, arrghh.....
im still feeding her, last night, her 1st feed was at 2 and i lost track after that as was so tired. am sure i must have fed her again.
have been a bit lapse the last couple of nights, so must get back into it. heres to a night of sleep tonight for us all, fingers x'd

lorisparkle · 20/05/2007 21:59

we had an interesting night. Slept for 5 hours then did not want to go back to sleep for THREE hours aarrrggghhh. He just wanted to stand up and moan about being in his cot. He eventually went back to sleep at 3am and then woke at 6am. This meant that I did not feed him for 11 hours and he was not bothered! Well that is it now, no more night feeds for us.

Hope the sleep gets better again tibsy

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