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Sleep

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Original poster

Controlld crying, no discussion - just what do I do

111 replies

missingsleep · 05/04/2007 20:41

and a few tales of how well it works would be much appreciated. My 6 month old dd wakes every two hours, only goes to sleep on the breast and can take up to an hour to settle if I accidentally wake her between breast and cot. I'm knackered and honestly feel cc is my only option so plan to start tomorrow night.

I've read a bit of the discussion on the other thread but to be honest I'm just too knackered to scroll through the whole thing so..

Who's done it, how did you do it and how long did it take to work? Anyone anti cc by the way please don't post on here as I just can't handle it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MillBill · 05/04/2007 22:21

Think nothing of Cubby. Because of that SWMNBN book, I let my 5 WEEK OLD baby cry for 15 mins during the day, thinking he'd nap - something I've never forgiven myself for. Needless to say, I literally shredded that f book that night (in tears) and have used my instinct from then on, which says, "When my baby cries I go to him". I've just stopped b/feeding (21 months) but I'm with him until he falls asleep. Let's hope not forever.

FrannyandZooey · 05/04/2007 22:24

I don't get these "don't say anything to me about cc" threads

so you are fine listening to your baby crying for however long it takes, but a comment or question from a total stranger on the internet is just too much for you?

Dottydot · 05/04/2007 22:28

Hmm. I think it's difficult to hear it because you know in an ideal perfect parent world you'd rush in every time your baby cried and soothe and comfort them - but what if it's happening around the clock every night for weeks and months and you're going doolally?! It's not something anyone rushes into...

FrannyandZooey · 05/04/2007 22:31

If you are not totally comfortable doing it, and you don't feel you can justify it to other people, and it makes you feel guilty as sin (which is what I am picking up from these threads) then my suggestion would be

DON'T DO IT

it isn't rocket science is it?

my son didn't sleep through the night until he was over 3 so I am not just talking out of my arse

MillBill · 05/04/2007 22:33

Did you just have your son to contend with or other children as well? I can imagine it would be a nightmare to have two or more children/babies that didn't sleep.

Dottydot · 05/04/2007 22:34

But if you could cope with that, that's brilliant - I couldn't!! I'm a lightweight when it comes to missing out on sleep - I get snappy, ratty, then very tearful and what's the point - I'm no use to dp, ds's - or work come to think of it...

It's another one of those difficult emotion laden issues in parenting where I don't think there's ever an easy choice.

Dottydot · 05/04/2007 22:35

But I would definitely recommend c.c. to other people - and have done on this thread. If it works it's a wonder and after a few days you wonder what all the fuss was about and everyone gets much better sleep.

boysontoast · 05/04/2007 22:35

the sleep book for tired parents

gives a good objective overview of some appraches to sleep with babies, including CC. also has 'instructions' on how to follow the path you feel most suited to. is easy and quick to scan through, you dont have to read whole thing... it saved my life (or at least my sanity) once upon a time.

available on amazon.

FrannyandZooey · 05/04/2007 22:37

"It's another one of those difficult emotion laden issues in parenting where I don't think there's ever an easy choice"

Agreed. But if you can't even begin to justify your choice to other parents then that suggests to me that something is very awry.

PeachesMcLean · 05/04/2007 22:37

The OP sounds at the end of her tether with sleeplessness. She's specifically asking HOW to do it, not a discussion on whether it's right or not. There are plenty of threads here on whether it's right and it appears that people have differing opinions and tactics. Sometimes, when you're desperate, you just want some constructive information and support, rather than being questioned, and as a community on MN, we should have the space to do that, rather than leaping into every thread with a judgemnt. Let's just give the information that we've been asked for. Is that so difficult?

Dottydot · 05/04/2007 22:38

I did though! The justification is getting better sleep relatively quickly, i.e. after a few nights, not several months/years, which leads to a much healthier, calmer, nice Mummy!

Dottydot · 05/04/2007 22:39

That was meant to be nicer - it's all on a sliding scale...

amijee · 05/04/2007 22:40

Hi there

I am in the process of doing cc this easter weekend. My ds is now 8 mths old and at his worst was waking 1-2 hrly for breast feeds and not settling easily - often only in our bed.

The first thing we started doing ( about a month ago) was reduce his night feeding by gradually increasing the time interval between feeds. I would hold, rock use a dummy let him sleep with us...anything to space out the feeds. We got him down to feeding only twice a night but he still waking more than that and not always settling straight away.

As of last night we started cc. He had a bath, fed and was put down straight away. How often you go in to check is really a matter of choice but we are doing 5/10/15/20 mins and staying at 20. When I go in, I don't pick him up but pat his bottom and sshh him. Last night he took about 20 mins to get to sleep and woke at 2am and was up for around an hour and a half. In the middle of the night I was doing a lot more patting and sshhing and staying in the room.

He managed to hold out for his feed until 6.30am and had a good breast feed so clearly he was snacking overnight.

Tonight he went down straight away and didn't even cry. Will see how the night goes.

Do what you think is best for you. I wasn't ready to do cc until I had got him off some of the night feeds- which in itself is very difficult and exhausting and you actually get less sleep for a short time but at least it eliminates that element of doubt whilst doing cc of - are they hungry?

God luck and hope you find some support on this thread x

FrannyandZooey · 05/04/2007 22:41

Dotty, I didn't mean you, I meant the posters who start the threads instructing us not to question their choices

Peaches when it comes to CC yes it is

I would post on a forum specifically for CC if I wanted only pro-CC advice, myself

PeachesMcLean · 05/04/2007 22:43

So is MN as a whole anti CC? Are we not allowed space for differing opinions?

JodieG1 · 05/04/2007 22:44

12 weeks!!!!! Ffs that makes my heart bleed for that poor baby. my ds2 is 12 weeks and he is a BABY he NEEDS to feed in the night and he NEEDS to know someone is there for him. I would slit my writs before I left him to cry on his own and I know what tired is, he doesn't sleep well and I have a 3 and 5 year old ds and dd also.

Cc imvho just isn't right, leaving a young baby to cry because you're tired? The baby could be tired, scared, hungry, scared and loads of other emotions but how will you know if you just leave them? All you're teaching them is that noone comes if they cry and that's why it SEEMS to work, they get so upset and tired from crying that they cry themselves to sleep. Ask yourself if that's the way you'd like to go to sleep and then imagine being a few MONTHS old not 30, 35 years whatever and see the diffrerence. Noone like being ignored when they're crying so imo a baby deserves even more time.

jacksma · 05/04/2007 22:48

I would really recommend cc. I had always said I would never do it but by the time my ds was 6 months I had no more than 2 hours sleep per night and he was getting very little sleep either. We set up a very rigid bed time routine so that he could get used to the signs of bed time, bottle, bath, story (felt ludicrous at 6months but nonetheless...) and then in cot awake we then left him to cry for 5 mins then put our head round the door and said goodnight, then same after 10 and then every 15 mins til he went to sleep. Because I too had been bf him to get him to sleep I had to gradually wean him off that, which I did by waiting to bf until post midnight and then doing it no more than 2 hourly for 1 minute less each night (ie starting with 10min feeds first night, 9 min the next etc...). The whole process took a gruelling 3 weeks but now he sleeps brilliantly and all our lives have massively improved. We also found that a 45 min nap mid morning an 1 and 1/2 nap after lunch and another 45 min nap in the afternoon helped - the less tired he was by bed time the easier wierdly he fou nd it to sleep. We used a sleep clinic t help us with this which was massively helpful but it was no more than what I have old you with some will power. Oh and also each patch of cc i 5,10, 15 min etc should be done by one parent as the change can make it interesting for the baby and get in the way of getting to sleep (apparently) - good luck, I really couldn't recommend it more highly and my ds at 18 months is a very cheery boy not the sad crack addict I thought cc may turn him into!!!

amijee · 05/04/2007 22:48

missing sleep - i'm afraid you're not gonna get only people's experiences as you were requesting.

Just try and take from it what you can - and accept that everyone has differing opinions but it's you and your family tha matter the most.

amijee · 05/04/2007 22:50

jacksma - it that the millpond clinic? I got the book and it pretty much outlines methods like this.

chocolatechipmonkey · 05/04/2007 22:53

Why should missingsleep have to justify her choices to other parents? I certainly didn't feel that I had to justify my choice to use cc on ds3 to any other parents. They were not the ones having to deal with a one-year-old who was , quite frankly, ruling the roost. I was so exhausted I could get nothing else done, the child was taking the p*ss, also needed his sleep and wasn't getting it. missingsleep has already tried other methods that didn't work for her and has made the decision to try cc and that decision being made, doesn't really need to hear the views of people who are not in her situation.

jacksma · 05/04/2007 23:07

Yes it was millpond - they were really brilliant - very supportive and helpful and it really did work very well - they also suggested sleep diaries so you can see the improvements as it sometimes feels there are none. I have to say though my ds took 3 weeks to learn to sleep on his own my friend's ds took 3 days so it depends on the baby...

pooka · 05/04/2007 23:09

What I did with dd, when she was about 6 - 7 months and she no longer needed night feeds (wasn't wanting a feed - wasn't interested in feeding) was to do every other night with dh. And then did the same with ds when he was the same wrt night feeds at about months.
So each of us would get a chunk of sleep at least every other night, and gradually they both started to sleep for longer. Did "shhh" and pat.
Both mine had dummies.
I wasn't able to get sleep during the day when I had ds, so it made sense to us for each of us to take turns at being without sleep (particularly since I had been up at night for the first 6-7 months of their lives).
That was at the stage though that I knew they weren't waking up for a feed.

FrannyandZooey · 05/04/2007 23:13

No, peaches, we should be allowed space for differing opinions, that is my whole point

including those of us who feel that cc is wrong and who would like to invite those thinking about cc to consider other alternatives

if you don't want a mixed response from posters with a wide range of opinions, post on a closed website where only one point of view is endorsed

amijee · 05/04/2007 23:23

franny, I don't think anyone is wanting to police mn - it's the diversity that makes it useful.

It's just that sometimes these threads can move very quickly away from the supportive and constructive to debates between people discussing studies and arguing semantics.

So - yes, it would be useful on a thread like this to ask - have you considered alternatives or have you thought of doing it this way ( just as I have written from my experience I weaned off the night feeeds first)

But I don't think it's particularly helpful to the person posting to criticise her for wanting to know only about the execution of it rather than the pros and cons of it.

baffledbybaby · 05/04/2007 23:25

Millbill: did the same thing as you for the same reason when DD was about 6 weeks, needless to say it was a very long 10 minutes and has never been repeated. My copy languishes in a drawer.

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