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Original poster

4 month old will not sleep

42 replies

CaptWentworth · 30/08/2017 16:09

I am losing the will to live, quite literally. My 4 month old DS has not slept AT ALL today, and this isn't unusual. By bedtime he's a grumpy overtired mess. At night he's waking 2 hourly and I am a broken woman. I have PND and I feel totally hopeless.

Every day is a battle to get him to sleep. It is a relentless exercise which never works. All he does is cry. I am so close to just walking out.

My DH is great but I'm EBF so can only do so much. DS will not take a dummy. I'm really worried there is something wrong with my baby. He did well until about 10 weeks, and now I can't stand this.

OP posts:
crazycatlady5 · 30/08/2017 17:46

What do you do to try to get him to sleep currently?

Original poster
CaptWentworth · 30/08/2017 18:04

The most successful method is to feed him to sleep, but he rarely stays asleep longer than about 20 minutes. If he's ready for sleep, swaying/rocking sometimes works too. I've tried swaddling, grobags, white noise, music, trips out in the pram etc He will fall asleep in the car as long as I keep moving.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 30/08/2017 18:06

When you say he's not slept at all, for how long? When was the last time he slept? Feeding and sleeping counts as sleeping.

Copperbeech33 · 30/08/2017 18:06

Every day is a battle to get him to sleep why are you trying to get him to sleep during the day? There's no need. Mine had stopped napping by this age, except very occasionally in the push chair,

Original poster
CaptWentworth · 30/08/2017 18:12

But he looks tired, and it's very hard to comfort him when he's so tired. I feel he does need some nap time.

He dozed off in the car today, but it was a short journey. We walked around with the pram and he would doze then wake then doze again. There just doesn't seem to be any restorative sleep. I feel like I'm failing him terribly.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 30/08/2017 18:25

Vast majority of children need daytime sleep until they are 3 or 4 years old or 39 in my case!

TittyGolightly · 30/08/2017 18:29

Your baby's brain is building more neurons than it will ever need, and his body is growing at a faster rate than it ever will at any other time in his life. There will be times when that development disrupts or changes sleeping patterns. Generally speaking daytime sleep breeds nighttime sleep in babies, so finding an answer should help things all around.

Could he have wind or reflux? Milk allergy? Any symptoms of discomfort?

PotteringAlong · 30/08/2017 18:35

He needs lots of sleep. I suspect copper has misread 4 months for 4 years.

Original poster
CaptWentworth · 30/08/2017 18:45

No obvious signs of an allergy. Normal bowels (have checked with HV and GP). He will often 'mess around' and smile when I'm trying to get him to sleep, so I don't think he's in pain or anything. Have tried calpol in case he's teething and baby bonjela. I don't know if my mood is making me overanalyse this or if this is making me miserable. I'm just so tired and I can't see an end to it.

OP posts:
Dreams16 · 30/08/2017 18:48

Hi op

At 4 months old baby's go through another development change which can affect their sleeping habits as well as temperament.
My DS is currently the same as your DC what I have found that works for us at the moment around 7.30pm I will normally either bath DS every other night or read a book to him with his baby monitor lullabies and lights on he usually drifts off by 8pm down then till 5-6am for his morning fed back to bed and then up usually around 8-9am. He will then have plenty of play time but I try not to over stimulate him as this can affect how he naps he becomes a crying mess and won't give in when he's overtired to just go to sleep so I now try and look out for the cues more like rubbing of eyes etc
He will normally have another afternoon nap so usually two naps in the day before being put to bed at 8pm.

Maybe try and see if that would help I know it's frustrating but it does get a little easier

Dreams16 · 30/08/2017 18:50

I should have also added that I feed him before his 8pm bed time so he gets his last bottle before bed.
And the blinds and curtains are drawn to create night time during the time of trying to get him to sleep with just his lullabies and lights on

Original poster
CaptWentworth · 30/08/2017 18:52

There is no 'drifting' here. If I lie him down awake he screams. No amount of patting, shushing, singing or pleading will make him sleep.

We do bath and bed every night at the same time. We do try to read to him too but it depends on his mood. Then he's usually up 3 or 4 times overnight. We've never got as far as 5am, and if he wakes at that time he's usually up for the day.

OP posts:
nuttyknitter · 30/08/2017 19:21

This sounds just like my DGD. I think it's not at all unusual for small babies to be such terrible sleepers but it's so hard when the only way you can get a break is if they sleep. Do you have anyone who can step in from time to time, perhaps to take the baby for a walk between feeds while you have a rest?

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 30/08/2017 19:25

There is a huge developmental leap at 4 months... Google the 4 month sleep regression, it's a 'thing'.

It nearly killed me, twice. Hang in there OP.

Also check he hasn't got wind, might explain why he screams when lying down and wakes after 20 mins. A spoon of gripe water might help him after a feed.

Best of luck.

thereareworsethingsicoulddo · 30/08/2017 19:30

My DS was similar. He did sleep eventually but it was very very hard at times.
My best advice is cosleeping on your side with your nipple in his mouth and sleep when he sleeps. I went to bed at 7.30/8pm for a year. He woke every 1.5-2 hours but I got a long broken rest if that makes sense. It DOES get better I promise Flowers

Original poster
CaptWentworth · 30/08/2017 19:37

Thank you so much everyone. It's self indulgent, but I think I just needed to have a whinge and hear some similar stories.

OP posts:
riddles26 · 30/08/2017 19:39

I have so much sympathy for you - I was in exactly the same boat 6 months ago. She would stay awake for the entire day and wake up happy but be a grumpy, clingy exhausted baby by 11am until evening. I tried going by her signals (eye rubbing etc), going by a clock (90mins awake time etc), rocking, bouncing, patting, cuddling, pram, music etc etc. She hated the car seat so that want an option either. You name it, I tried it but she wasn't having any of it, she would resist and then eventually cry and scream. She didn't want to nap and was too interested in the world around her. Happily fed to sleep at night though.

I was petrified for her development as their brain grows so much at that time and without rest, I couldn't see how she would possibly develop normally. I resorted to a sleep consultant at 5.5 months and for us, it was the best decision ever. With hindsight, I can see that I wasn't being consistent enough with all the methods I was trying to get her to sleep. I thought I was but I really wasn't and having someone tell me what to do and analyse every wake up etc made all the difference.

Our day is now dictated by her routine - certainly not how I had planned to parent when I was pregnant but it works wonders for her. Since sleep training, her growth massively accelerated and most importantly, she is a super happy and content baby all the time.

There is hope and you will get there Flowers

Huishnish · 30/08/2017 19:42

Both my ds's were the same, I felt like I was going crazy and that it would never end. I promise it does. Just hang in there. With ds1 I used to drive for a long time, 30-45 mins, by which time he'd be soundly asleep and I could park and sleep myself! It was the only thing that saved me. With ds2 he had to be in the sling or buggy or on the boob. He now has a great after lunch nap which he self settles for and I have to wake him up after 1.5 hours. I never thought I'd be writing that. Both my terrible sleepers now basically sleep through and wake at a reasonable time (ds2 now 16 months). Just keep on telling yourself it's a phase.

Practical help - can you get dh or a friend to take the baby out for a walk/drive and catch up yourself?

Cantchooseaname · 30/08/2017 20:07

Sending some caffeine, calm and sleepy dust your way. We had couple of really rough patches- I really struggled without the pnd to contend with as well.
I stopped stressing about her sleep- it happened when it happened. I tried to get fresh air every day, I spoke to someone else in same boat every day (nct mum's, literally saved me).
It's nearly the weekend- is your husband home at weekend? You need to make this weekend about you getting some sleep- everything will feel better with a few hours shut eye. Maybe 7pm feed, husband takes baby out in car, you go to bed- he stays put til 10pm- baby should be fine for 3 hrs without feed. Where he goes, what he does isn't important, you sleep.
Can you feed lying down and co sleep? This was my saviour. I never managed when dd was tiny, but at 12 weeks I was so tired, a nurse at breastfeeding clinic showed me how. I'm sure there were many nights when I spent most of night with baby attached to me. But I was lying down, with eyes closed. It's not same as sleep, but providing you are comfy enough feels a lot better than getting up!! Same deal sat am- do proper feed, pack husband and baby off for 3 hrs. Sleep.
If you can manage a couple of those blocks over weekend it will hopefully make week more manageable.
If baby isn't sleeping anyway, they might as well be out of the house with husband and you catch up a bit.
It's hard to pass over responsibility, particularly when you breast feed- but they will be fine. If you don't manage some rest you won't be.
Hang in there- things will improve. Just manage for now.
Ready meals (nice ones to keep your energy up), sod hoovering, husband do essential washing.
It will get better.
It will.

Original poster
CaptWentworth · 30/08/2017 20:12

I was actually thinking today that I could just take him for a long drive and if he was still asleep when we got back I'd go to sleep in the car with him! (outside our house is lovely and shady) I'm glad that was mentioned, because now I can try it and not feel odd.

I do worry about his development at the moment too. I also worry that there may be some underlying developmental problem/SN, but I know that's just my mind going round and round. He is reaching all his other milestones (by some miracle!).

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 30/08/2017 20:14

Sounds like my dcs. With my first I basically ground myself into the ground trying to get him to nap like he "should" I.e self settling etc.

So when my second arrived, I thought fuck it and she lived in the sling for the first few months. I got a decent sling. She napped much much better in a sling.

At bedtime, I went to bed when she did. Fed her then winded her for aaaaages. Cuddled, rocked etc. Lay down with her. Then I would slip out once she was asleep. As she got older I could put her to bed by gradually reducing the cuddling and feeding.

I was so tired and most important was getting enough sleep.

She also had tongue tie and reflux (silent reflux) as did my eldest (my dd is 5 and still gets reflux). This made things even harder. But I still wanted them to sleep as I knew it was important.

riddles26 · 30/08/2017 20:20

Don't worry about developmental problems - we didn't tackle it until 5.5-6 months. She is now 10 months and hitting all her milestones perfectly so development was clearly not affected by the first 5 months of poor sleep. He will be fine and before you know it, you will be advising someone else of what worked for you

JustMumNowNotMe · 30/08/2017 20:27

@FATEDestiny is a sleep expert who gives amazing advice! I've tagged her so she will hopefully see this and offer some help.

purpleviolet1 · 30/08/2017 20:27

Sorry your going through this OP - DS is 5.5 months but there was a definite worse period at 4 months - I thought it was the new normal and was really worried but thankfully it passed. I would do whatever it takes to get through this - as PP mentioned try get help from anyone who can take him off your hands whilst you sleep. I also found it helped to take some paracetamol ibuprofen to help me power through. When alone with him do whatever it takes! A drive and parking up for a nap is fine! At the moment you just need to get him to sleep. He is probably in a vicious circle of overtiredness and sleep will breed sleep for him. Would you consider a sleep consultant? I'm using 'the sleep lady' at the moment, She isn't as expensive as I thought and quite frankly I would've given my right arm for some decent sleep when he was waking up 12 times a night. DS had started sleeping through but has CMPI and reacted to the milk again and it caused multiple night awakenings. She has been great in helping me through it and also gently teaching him to self settle.

Also you mention crying when laying down - this is a classic symptom of silent reflux. Again check the sleep lady website she has a list of symptoms of silent reflux

www.thesleeplady.co.uk/silent-reflux-tips/

Booagain · 30/08/2017 20:27

Awe poor you :( sounds really hard.

Have you tried cranial osteopathy? We took our son as he was having real problems with digestion but it helps with a lot of issues so worth a thought x

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