4 month old will not sleep

[CaptWentworth]

I am losing the will to live, quite literally. My 4 month old DS has not slept AT ALL today, and this isn't unusual. By bedtime he's a grumpy overtired mess. At night he's waking 2 hourly and I am a broken woman. I have PND and I feel totally hopeless.

Every day is a battle to get him to sleep. It is a relentless exercise which never works. All he does is cry. I am so close to just walking out.

My DH is great but I'm EBF so can only do so much. DS will not take a dummy. I'm really worried there is something wrong with my baby. He did well until about 10 weeks, and now I can't stand this.

I'd love to try a sling, but he's a big boy (nearly 17lbs), I have a large chest and back/pelvic problems at the moment which would make a sling tricky.

I did see the GP about a month ago due to fussy feeding and lots of burping/bringing up milk. I imagined he'd give me some gaviscon to try, but he just told me that there wasn't anything wrong and that 'babies cry' Helpful.

So bedtime was 7pm. DH is up there now rocking and cuddling with all his might. I miss spending time with DH to be honest. We're usually in bed by 9pm and haven't eaten dinner yet either.

Don't feel odd sitting (sleeping) in the drive. I still do it with my 2 year old. Only way to reliably get him to nap when he's actually tired... otherwise he is a misery guts for 3 hours before finally succumbing to sleep wherever he happens to be sitting.

I'd say 85% of his whole lifes naps have been in the car. The 10% have been in his bed with me and 5% in his own bed on his own. What about if you lay down together in bed? At least you can mumsnet/read on your phone and relax then nap with him if he does go. He may do longer stretches with you next to him?

When we're frantic and desperate and pleading for them to just sleep they never do imo!

I'm sorry it's so hard

OP I would go back to GP and push to try some medication for reflux. Once we were on the right medication (and milk) it was a difference of day and night. It wasn't a sleep issue he had at all. He became much easier to settle.

Honestly, eat something, sleep, let you dh do whatever he is doing, it's good you kiss him- plan a lunch date, even at home, at the weekend. Sleep.

I also really missed my husband when our son was born - the dynamic really shifts but it's not forever and you'll get your evenings back soon hopefully.

Ps - your GP sounds very unhelpful. Ffs!

Hey Hun. Well done on still breastfeeding for such a long time. But it maybe best to try bambino on a bottle? Does he have Colic or reflux?

Why not stop trying to get your baby to sleep? Four months isn't old enough to have any idea of what you should or shouldn't do. Keep the baby by you, keep breastfeeding (if you are. The hun above thinks so), and do the things you want to do (as far as possible). Let the baby sleep or not sleep. Sleep will come. After a few days, you might notice a pattern. Or not. Your life will be easier, you and the baby will be of one mind, if you don't try to enforce sleep.

All the love and hugs in the world OP 🤗 I had a ds much like yours, he just flat out refused to sleep, either to fall asleep or stay asleep for longer than 20 mins. it was like he would fight off falling asleep. He was then in a constant state of overtiredness and we were exhausted. I felt like a complete failure and convinced that it was something that I was or wasn't doing. It wasn't! A health visitor (who came home with me after I arrived in desperation,crying at her clinic clutching my sleep app that showed 8 hrs total sleep for the baby in the previous 72hrs!) and subsequently a sleep expert helped me to realise that some kids are good sleepers and some, sadly, are piss poor at it. You can absolutely help with sleep training, white noise, blackout blinds, good bedtime routines etc, etc. And don't get me wrong they did help with these things, but the biggest thing was this: accept that he is a terrible, terrible sleeper and stop expecting him to be better at it. Once I had accepted this, I beating myself up about it and stoped searching for the elusive answer to the perfect night's sleep. It didn't make me any less tired, but it allowed me to forgive myself and start focussing my energy on finding coping mechanisms. Going to bed at the same time as ds, co sleeping, naps in car/ pushchair, accepting help from friends were all helpful! There is a way through it, you just need to find what works for you.

It sounds like your baby is hungry, cold or in pain. Something is definitely not right.

What chips said too. Trying to make them sleep is a quick way to make yourself feel crazy.

Do you cosleep at night if breastfeeding? Makes the night feeds much easier and I'm pretty sure is the only reason I got through 18 months of two hourly wake ups.

Awful isn't it? DS was the same - he spent the first year of his life overtired and grumpy. I was a wreck and hated it. Used a sleep consultant but she didn't give us any miracle solutions. It got better, slowly (too slowly!) I read everything on the internet about baby sleep (usually at about 3am with him propped on a shoulder). It didn't help. I desperately tried to get him into a nap routine. Never worked as he couldn't manage more than 20 minutes at a time.

We persisted with a dummy as (when it stayed in), it calmed him down. I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do, but it was that or crying! He's still a total dummy addict now, at 2.5, but I have to say, he sleeps better.

I'm sorry I've not got any answers, only some not very helpful solidarity. Currently trying to get DD (nearly 6m) to sleep and have resorted to earplugs as the screaming is so loud!

I don't believe he is hungry, cold or in pain. When he's not crying or moaning, he's grinning at me like he's won a watch.

DH is taking him out in the car. First time we've done this at night...

I used to drive my twins round til they slept, did it when they were toddlers and beyond! You're doing great. It all sounds horribly familiar, and you're getting through it which is a massive achievement in my book. Tough times!!

I now get my baby off to sleep for all naps in the pushchair. I keep it in the garden. breastfeed then back and forth in the pram. She sleeps better outside too, and can be rocked back to sleep in it when awake.

Dh and I once slept in the car with both boys asleep in the back until a well meaning stranger woke us up knocking on the window to see if we were ok! Just do anything you can to get some sleep. If you need to, do shifts with dh for a few nights just to catch up a bit. The time WILL come when the baby's in bed at 7:30 and you can get your evenings back

He eventually settled at around midnight, and didn't resurface until 6am! It's rare for us to get 6 hours, and despite the difficult start to the evening I think it's done us good.

Thanks for the support.

Glad you got some good sleep. Ours woke like clockwork every 3 hours for feeds until he was 8 months so you're doing well. Fingers crossed for future nights!