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Original poster

Need some serious help

28 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 31/07/2017 20:18

We are at our wits end with our 9 month old DS. He has always woken a lot in the night and been breastfeed back to sleep but at 6:30pm would go down in his cot and self settle to sleep. A month ago he stopped doing this and screams every time we put him in the cot. If I take him back out and put him on our bed he rolls around laughing but screams again the minute we go back into his room.

We have been putting him in our bed and cosleeping but I can't keep doing this. For starters going to bed when he does isn't practical (he can't be unsupervised on our bed as he can roll off). We also don't get much sleep and don't get any time to ourselves.

It has been taking from 7pm until 9/10pm for him to go to sleep and we are at our wits end.

I need some advise, or th contact details of a decent sleep consultant as we can carry on like this anymore.

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 31/07/2017 20:20

Sleep consultant: Carol Mae Grassick
Absolutely one of the top in the industry but has a v long waiting list. You could try her and see if she can fit you in

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/07/2017 20:26

Thank you!

We are desperate to try anything- DS is really suffering from the lack of sleep and I hate seeing him cry.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 31/07/2017 20:32

Google 8 month sleep regression.

It do a search on here. It gets posted about multiple times a week.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/07/2017 20:33

I've done some reading but none of the strategies mentioned are working and we are truely at our wits end. I understand it's about separation anxiety but I don't know how to help DS when he going hysterical in his cot as I can't cosleep with him anymore.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 31/07/2017 20:33

Perhaps 9pm is a more natural bedtime for your child. Can you go to sleep easily if you go to bed hours before you're ready?

8 months is prime separation anxiety time. Amazingly that's solved by spending more time with you, not less.

TittyGolightly · 31/07/2017 20:34

Put a mattress on the floor next to his cot?

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/07/2017 21:18

We have to be up at 6am to get to work on time and so a later bedtime doesn't work as DS is then tired the next day.

I've tried the mattress on his floor, doesn't make a difference. He screams and screams even with me sat next to him patting him, singing etc. The only way to calm him is to bring him into my room or take him back downstairs where he is instantly happy again.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 31/07/2017 21:22

Sometimes biological clocks don't work with your timetable.

Can you try the pool noodle trick to keep him safe on the bed? Or take the side off his cot and put it up against your bed?

Lovelongweekends · 31/07/2017 21:25

What time is his last nap? My three have all dropped their late afternoon nap at around 9 months as they weren't going to sleep at bedtime.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/07/2017 21:25

Putting his cot in our room is one thing we haven't tried yet so will give that a go. He could get over a pool noodle if he wanted to.

I know biological clocks don't always match but sadly being a working family we have to try our best to get DS to fit in with schedules. I'm off work for the summer at the minute and having to wean him off the breast and sort his sleeping before I go back again in September.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/07/2017 21:27

He tends to have 45 mins around 9:30 and 2 hours around 1:30pm. Can vary though as his routine has been all over the place now he isn't at the childminders and we've been on holiday.

OP posts:
Lovelongweekends · 31/07/2017 21:31

Mine wouldn't go down at all if they'd napped any later than 2pm - it meant they were absolutely evil for the last hour (witching hour!!) but then went out like a light at 6:30.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 31/07/2017 21:44

I will see if I can bring his naps forward and not let him sleep later in the afternoon.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 31/07/2017 23:50

I'm off work for the summer at the minute and having to wean him off the breast

Why?

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 01/08/2017 02:43

Because when I return to work in September I won't have the opportunity to express milk in the day time.

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 01/08/2017 06:36

OP you will get lots of advice here, some of it daft, some of it sensible and most of it conflicting.
If you want/need to get this sorted quickly and with minimal stress then do go down the sleep consultant route. I posted Carol's name but there are others too of course. Just get testimonials or recommendations, ideally first hand if possible.

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2017 06:42

If you're in the U.K. you have a legal right to express during your working day.

You may find that your baby adjusts anyway to just having milk at night with you - that's the experience of many friends in your situation.

LapinR0se · 01/08/2017 07:03

Jesus. Why would you want a 9 month old waking all night for milk? Confused

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 01/08/2017 07:07

I know I have a legal right, it isn't that simple in my job though. I'm a teacher and it takes me about 45 minutes to express as I don't tend to get much. My lunch break is only 35 minutes so there isn't time. On 1 day I have a free period I could use but the other days I am in the classroom.

OP posts:
TheFandango · 01/08/2017 07:32

OP you have my sympathy. DS is exactly the same at the moment. As soon as he is lowered into a cot (awake or asleep) he goes bat shit! Have had a few bedtimes where he wakes up 20 mins after going down and starts to play for an hour before conking out. He has always had a bedtime routine, he has 2 hour long naps per day (never past 4pm), not quite ready to drop to one nap. I am co-sleeping and he seems to want to feed a lot in the night. Can't increase day time intake, have tried. Already on 3 meals and snacks, eating meat, carbs etc. It is just so frustrating. I hope the lack of sleep is due to developmental leaps, he is about to walk, and some separation anxiety. I have no real suggestion, as hope this is just another one of the hard phases! Last night was like looking after a newborn!

TittyGolightly · 01/08/2017 07:38

Jesus. Why would you want a 9 month old waking all night for milk?

Where did I say that? My friends' kids tended to cluster feed from home time to bed time.

As for "why" - because breast milk is the best nourishment for babies up to a year? There's no need to wean just because of going back to work if you don't want to.

The human race has come through tougher things than this!

HT85 · 01/08/2017 08:50

Many babies feed at night until one or well over! I find it astonishing that some people think this is odd when perfectly natural! Just because one baby doesn't, doesn't mean another baby is going to be the same.

Often with these things OP it will just pass if you ride it out, sorry you're having a tough time.

You don't need to wean though if you don't want to, as Titty said milk in the evening only might be better as baby might be needing the extra comfort when you go back to work. What about formula in the day?

Good luck x

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 01/08/2017 08:53

I'm doing it slowly so have replaced the mid morning milk with formula this week and aim to do the afternoon one next week leaving just first thing in a morning and night feeds. I'm happy to do these as long as he needs but need to make sure I'm comfortable during the day as sore boobs are no fun at work.

OP posts:
BewareOfTheToddler · 01/08/2017 08:57

Oh dear, sounds rough. DS is almost two and has never been a sleeper, so I feel your pain.

I hear what you're saying about co-sleeping but have you tried a bed guard? You can get one for about £20 from Amazon and it means they can't roll off the bed when asleep. Doesn't mean they can't climb over it, of course Grin. But might be worth a look?

As for feeding and weaning, if you've had enough of breastfeeding, then absolutely go ahead. But if you're not quite ready to stop, it might not be an either/or choice.

I expressed for a couple of months when I went back to work (DS was 9 months) but got sick of it and wasn't getting a huge amount so just stopped. We feed first thing and last thing, and either side of a nap on home days, and my body seems to have just adjusted quite naturally.

FATEdestiny · 01/08/2017 08:58

I've done some reading but none of the strategies mentioned are working

If this has is only been happening for a month then I would suggest you've not been persistant enough with any of the methods you have tried.

The benefit of paying a sleep consultant is:

  • the initial consultation makes you properly define your style in terms of sleep, how you balance gentleness verses speed of results.
  • then they give you a definitive set of instructions to follow, something new mums often struggle not having with their baby.
  • they absolve you of all responsibility and guilt, you can legitimately 'blame' the consultant if it doesn't work
  • you are made to justify, in detail, if you decide not to follow the instructions. Why you did that and analyse what the consequences are.

It might be that just for the reasons above, a sleep consultant is right for you.

A sleep consultant don't have magical special methods to use. You could probably be talking through the method you use here on this forum. In fact it will probably be something you have already read about or maybe even tried. It's just that you will be made to be much more persistant and analytical about it.