Night weaning a 'fed to sleep' toddler with a view to giving up breastfeeding

[EnthusiasticEdna]

My 2 year old has always been breastfed to sleep and I want to gradually stop breastfeeding and help him find another way to sleep. I stopped breastfeeding in the day about 6 months ago by using distraction. He doesn't have a nap in the day any more. He sleeps in his own full size bed where I join him to feed him to sleep 2-4 times a night. I just thought I'd share my story. Feel free to share yours on here and any questions. More details coming up about how it's going

So I have always had three other sleep associations for him; a toy, a song and a prayer. The song and prayer used to happen while I was feeding him but in preparation for night weaning I started insisting that they happen before the feed while we both lie still. Just teaching him to lie still in his bed really

I decided to cut out the in-the-night feeds first, i.e. night-weaning, as I thought he would be sleepier then, in the dark etc. I waited until I had a couple of weeks off work so I could lie in to catch up on sleep then made a start on Thursday night last week.

I explained to him that he would have milk after his bath but not later when he woke in the night- that he would have cuddles instead

The first night he cried loudly in my arms for about 5 minutes and then spent an hour awake intermittently trying to settle off to sleep and trying to get off the bed. I just kept him on the bed with me and he eventually just gave up and fell asleep. He then slept until 9am and we both caught up.

I still feed my 2.5 yr old to sleep and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to wean yet.

Night 2 when he woke he cried for less than a minute and then lay down and cuddled, falling asleep within 10 minutes. He woke again later but didn't cry (he calls Mummy when he wakes). This time he went to sleep in less than 5 minutes. Since then (4 nights done) there have been no more tears and every re-settle has taken less than 5 minutes

hickory - it helps that you can explain to them at this stage. Are you happy to continue or is it getting you down? I needed there to be an end in sight for personal space reasons really

Night 7 update. Things are going well. Ds slept through last night for only the third time in his life! Let's hope it isnt a one off

sounds like you're doing really well Edna. I like the sound of your gentle approach. It's hard listening to them cry, but bf has to be a two-way thing and if you need a bit more personal space then it's time to stop.

My youngest is 15 months and I'm going to wait about a month or two before night weaning and then let her work out when she's ready to wean herself off completely. It's very different than with my eldest who - at 3 - has only just self-weaned, but I don't feel that I have the same resources this time round and it will be better for all of us if I'm getting a bit more sleep. Let us know how you're getting on.

I've been wondering how to night wean my 15mth old too. She feeds to sleep and I'd like to just feed at bedtime and then have her sleep through! Sounds like your plan is going well.

I sometimes suffer from nursing aversion (where you can't bear the feeling of your baby suckling) and I've noticed I'm feeling this a lot more since cutting down to one feed. Ds sttn again last night so night weaning is definitely going well. I have decided to have a go at settling him without feeding from tonight while I still have some time off work

I night weaned at this age, and it was really pretty simple, I've looked back at my thread from then and it describes only 'two nights' of real drama. It mentions that we're talking about it too. As I remember it, breastfeeding didn't really last long after this.

Thanks Yes that's encouraging!

Wow! That went well. His first night of being settled to bed without being fed and it took 20 minutes and no crying whatsoever! It did break my heart a little when he said "praps if (own name) say preeeeese mama" but I stuck to my guns and he lay and fidgeted and sat up and lay back down and eventually his eyes just closed and that was that.

I had mentioned it to him earlier in the day a few times and asked to check his understanding: "how will you get to sleep tonight?" His reply "no mk just nuggles and cuddles" so I knew he got it. I also kept bed time extra calm (dh kept the older two downstairs from his bath onwards) and read his favourite story three times with a reeeally sleeeeepy voooiiice.

That was a great night's sleep! 7:30pm-8am with a couple of mini re-settles taking 3 minutes each and with no tears. Happy days!

Ugh a bit more challenging tonight. He didn't ask to feed once but rather to go downstairs! "No leep go downtair" over and over again for 40 mins while I wrestled/hugged him on the bed. Eventually he just ran out of steam. This is only night 2 of settling down without a feed at the start of the night and I had a feeling it would be trickier as he has very often resisted the idea of going to sleep until I persuaded him to lie down for 10 mins by feeding him. Now that's gone there is nothing but fight! This is when I feel tempted to try something different but resist as 'trying everything' is always a route to disaster whereas sticking with one thing is more likely to get results. So it'll be same again tomorrow night.

Glad I found this thread as I'm just having a tough time with DD2 in general when it come to sleep.
She shares our bed, but is now up until 9pm climbing all over me, which hurts!
We start a bedtime routine at 7pm when she usually is quite tired. She tantrums through teeth brushing and getting PJs on. Then had a feed in our bed. She then gets totally revitalised and messes around feeding on and off before eventually giving in.

It's driving me crazy. I'm ashamed to say Inlost it tonight and pushed some boxes over in frustration and shouted I was fed up.
She obviously got upset. I put her in her own room so i could calm down.
She cried more, but I just could face anymore. I put her back in the room a couple times talking calmly to her, then sat with her in her bed and she fell asleep quickly.

I feel like shit.

She's never slept in her own room and do t know what to do about the night wakings tonight or how to put her to sleep tomorrow night.

I'm shattered

Oh I can hear your frustration Biscusting. You don't say how old your dd is? Things have got much harder for me because ds was previously settling on the breast in 5 mins flat at 7pm and then the night weaning was working. Then I dropped the 7pm feed and it's a nightmare trying to settle him both at 7pm and through the night because he wakes in fight mode instead of happy and sleepy. Tonight he cried with anger at being kept in bed for half an hour before giving up and falling asleep. The problem is having reduced to only 5 mins feeding a day I think my body was stopping producing milk and that was exacerbating my nursing aversion. I think if you're starting to resent bfing it is a sign that you may be ready to stop. I just would love to not have this battle now. My heart breaks for him because he freaks himself out with his crossness.

The thing is. He isn't asking to feed. He's asking to not go to sleep. I guess if he is going to fight sleep I will have to have this battle at some stage.

Tonight was better. 30 minutes. He was cross and crying intermittently but much less so than last night.

Last night was better again. 10 minutes to settle. No proper crying. He even giggled at one point so clearly no distress. He only woke once in the night and was resettled with a cuddle in about 3 minutes. Slept 7:30-6:45.

Brilliant Edna, well done.

Biscusting, it's hard work. How old is DC?

10 minutes again tonight with no crying. I've noticed he hasn't been bothered about whether or not I lie with him during the initial nighttime settling so I'll aim not to do that unless he asks, paving the way for gradual retreat later maybe....We'll see.