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Sleep

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Original poster

Have 'failed' again

49 replies

rbmilliner · 29/07/2017 11:16

Am feeling very emotional at the moment.

Have once again failed to get 8 week old to take a nap without feeding to sleep. I know I should do this but woke up so tired that I just couldn't face the battle it takes to try and get her to take a nap.

Am spending well over an hour to try and get her to go to sleep so we're going full circle on ourselves and she's ending up hungry again before she goes down - if she goes down.

It's been hell trying to get her to nap for more than 10 mins at a time anyway and anything longer than that feels like I've won the lottery.

I know I should be putting her down drousy and certanly not feeding her too sleep so she learns to settle herself but if I do that she up and awake again soon after.

I know I sound like I'm heaping on the self pity but she hates being swaddled thus hates the sling ( and I'm not keen either), can't get the sucking motion right on a dummy (have tried every brand out there) and just won't go.

I've taken to simply sitting still with her whilst she thrashes about in my arms which I hate doing but seems to eventually works but am I damaging her phsycologically in the long run?

And today I simply just gave in a feed her to sleep because I was so tired and couldn't face the battle again.

I feel like I'm a terrible Mum who can't get it right on any level. Is there any advice anyone can give me?

OP posts:

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Flowersandfootballs · 29/07/2017 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoubleCarrick · 29/07/2017 11:19

If you don't want to feed to sleep that's fine, but don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do because if it doesn't feel natural it's probably not the right thing for you or your baby xx

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 29/07/2017 11:20

Just feed her to sleep OP! At 8 weeks you just do what you can to survive. Changes can be made when she's a little older and you're a little more confident. Put the baby books away for now.

Tilapia · 29/07/2017 11:20

I've got three DC, and the thing I wish I'd known when the eldest was a baby is to stop worrying about 'making a rod for my own back' or 'causing psychological damage in the future' or anything like that and just gone with whatever worked best for me and my baby.

So my advice is to feed her to sleep and don't feel that this means you have failed.

Be kind to yourself OP.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 29/07/2017 11:21

And no; if you choose not to feed her to sleep and hold her instead, you are not causing any damage whatsoever. Cut yourself some slack , you're doing a good job

PosiePootlePerkins · 29/07/2017 11:22

If I could go back in time and give myself one piece of advice about how to deal with my screaming baby it would be this
'Go with the flow. Stop worrying about what you should and should not be doing. Ignore everyone's well meaning comments. Stop reading all the books. If your baby wants to feed to sleep, let him feed to sleep. If he wants to be rocked, rock him. If he wants to sleep with you, let him.'
Honestly, they're tiny babies for such a short time, they need cuddles, love, attention. Just go with the flow. I know when you're stuck in the middle of it, it feels like forever, but they all get there eventually. Can't wake my lump of a 13 year old up now without shaking him, and he used to scream all night long.
Good luck and enjoy your gorgeous baby.

Gaffgiff · 29/07/2017 11:22

Feed to sleep op. For your own sanity. Honestly in the long run it really doesn't make a difference. I remember stressing about these things when my two were newborn but looking back now I should have just done what was easiest. Good luck and hope you manage to get down sleep soon.

TupperwareTat · 29/07/2017 11:23

Do you want to feed to sleep?
Baby will want to.

I think I probably did it for well over 12 months, it meant baby got a few hours between 7pm before she woke again at 11pm, 2am, 4am & 7am.

She slept through her first night at 24months.

Do what you need to do so you both rest, if possible.

EchoesOfLeon · 29/07/2017 11:23

I don't understand why you don't want to feed her to sleep? It's perfectly normal especially at her age. Has someone told you you shouldn't feed to sleep?

My DD is 9 months and still feeds to sleep in the evening and for some naps. As she got older she began to fall asleep in her pram or in the car herself and very occasionally just laying in cot. It's all very normal so just go with your instincts and what works for you

BertrandRussell · 29/07/2017 11:24

Can I ask why you don't want to feed her to sleep?

MrsRaymondReddington · 29/07/2017 11:27

Stop giving yourself such a hard time! There's nothing wrong with feeding to sleep....she's only tiny. My little one hardly slept when she was tiny, now she's a champion napper at 8 months old. She did used to self settle when she was tiny though and now she doesn't! Every child is different. You're not making a rod for your own back, you're just keeping her happy

ILoveMyMonkey · 29/07/2017 11:34

Do not ever use the word 'failed' again in relation to what you do for your newborn. There is no failing when you are doing what is best for both you and your 8 week old baby. Feeding to sleep is perfectly ok, as is cuddling to sleep as is holding your baby for an entire naptime while watching TV ( I did all of these things and probably many more 'bad habits') but I have a perfectly adjusted 4 year old who is a great at sleeping, napped fine, and who hasn't needed support sleeping for years. Go with the flow and don't beat yourself up.

DoubleHelix79 · 29/07/2017 11:44

My DD was a terrible napper for the first four months - little catnaps, impossible to get to sleep, hysterical screams at every naptime. We just did what worked (sometimes rocking, often feeding to sleep) to survive. Now she's almost five months and we've only recently been able to totally stop feeding to sleep. I think she just wasn't at all ready when we tried before.

The two things that did help her go down a bit easier recently were an electric swing (the movement helps her not wake herself up again right after dozing off) and a temporary return to swaddling (hated it when she was younger, now loves it).

In your place I'd not worry for now - there is plenty of time to instill good habits later on. It's stressful enough as it is.

Oh, and she's also started napping up to an hour and a half. Nothing we did ever made the slightest bit of difference, she just decided that it was time.

FATEdestiny · 29/07/2017 17:08

It's pretty impossible not to feed to sleep in a newborn.

I suspect some first time mum over-thinking is going on here.

If you're wanting independant sleep in the lobg run, feed to sleep in a swaddle, lift to your shoulder and wind whilst in a swaddle, put baby down. A dummy might be helpful if baby stirs from the sleep when being put down.

teaandbiscuitsforme · 29/07/2017 21:51

8 weeks?? Feed her!!

My 7mo is fed to sleep if we're in the house. I'm certainly not doing anything wrong, it's an amazing way to get babies to sleep!

Have you tried BF lying down? If so, I'd really recommend feeding to sleep on your bed and letting yourself lie and close your eyes. It's exhausting and overwhelming having a newborn but you really need to take care of you as well. Please don't ever think you've failed your baby!

HT85 · 29/07/2017 21:51

Why are you so worried about feeding to sleep? It's natural x

Josieannathe2nd · 29/07/2017 21:56

Feeding to sleep is great! It starts to associate nice warm feeling full up with peacefully going to sleep. Months (years!) down the line you can swap feeding for cuddles/rocking in pushchairs etc but definitely no need with 8 weeks old! Even my friends who did strict routines at 8 weeks would do more of an eat play eat sleep thing.

gamerchick · 29/07/2017 21:57

She's 8 weeks, still in the fourth trimester. She's not going to develop any bad habits. We only have them when we do because we wouldn't be able to get them out when fully cooked. Feed her to sleep, honestly it's whatever works at this age.

nomorebabiesyet · 29/07/2017 21:59

Dont worry op. Its not really possible to not feed to sleep an 8 week old. They will naturally fall asleeo when feeding at this age. That is the whole point. They need to eat and sleeo to grow. Whoever told you other wise is Batshit! Feed baby to sleep and enjoy the nap! You need to rest too! X

MyCalmX · 29/07/2017 22:02

Feed to sleep! They grow out of it and those that don't can be helped when they're older.

The best thing at this age is surely being able to feed and them sleeping

OuchBollocks · 29/07/2017 22:05

Here's what to do:
Get a tea in a travel mug
Get some biscuits
Charge phone
Take all upstairs and put by your bed in easy reach
Stretch out on bed
Feed baby to sleep
Lie down eating biscuits and drinking tea
Enjoy having a lovely warm soft baby snoozing on you

Your baby is so weeny. Nothing is ever permanent with children, don't beat yourself up about it, there's enough people out there to give you a hard time later on.

NerrSnerr · 29/07/2017 22:05

I fed my eldest to sleep until over a year old. She took herself off to bed fine tonight as a nearly 3 year old. Baby number 2 is 4 months and is asleep on me after feeding to sleep. I don't think I'm a terrible mum.

MrsNuckyThompson · 29/07/2017 22:08

Good grief, cut yourself some slack! She's only 8 weeks old and it is entirely normal for her to be fed to sleep.

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 29/07/2017 22:14

Crikey, I fed all my 3 c to sleep. They're 5, 5 and 6 now and have no issues with sleep bar the eldest, who like me, finds falling asleep really hard. She was the best at settling herself to slwep from about 9 months old though! I fed to sleep for all sleeps til hen when suddenly she wasn't asleep after feeding. Oh shit! I thought to myself. Put her in her cot and she went t sleep. I was gobsmacked. I was sure I'd made this huge issue for myself and it never became one.

Feed your new baby to sleep. Cuddle them as much as you like. I promise you won't regret it!

Lou573 · 29/07/2017 22:19

Feed her! She's 8 weeks, she's going to change her sleeping habits so many times over the next year, what you do now will really not make a difference.

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