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Sleep

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Original poster

Have 'failed' again

49 replies

rbmilliner · 29/07/2017 11:16

Am feeling very emotional at the moment.

Have once again failed to get 8 week old to take a nap without feeding to sleep. I know I should do this but woke up so tired that I just couldn't face the battle it takes to try and get her to take a nap.

Am spending well over an hour to try and get her to go to sleep so we're going full circle on ourselves and she's ending up hungry again before she goes down - if she goes down.

It's been hell trying to get her to nap for more than 10 mins at a time anyway and anything longer than that feels like I've won the lottery.

I know I should be putting her down drousy and certanly not feeding her too sleep so she learns to settle herself but if I do that she up and awake again soon after.

I know I sound like I'm heaping on the self pity but she hates being swaddled thus hates the sling ( and I'm not keen either), can't get the sucking motion right on a dummy (have tried every brand out there) and just won't go.

I've taken to simply sitting still with her whilst she thrashes about in my arms which I hate doing but seems to eventually works but am I damaging her phsycologically in the long run?

And today I simply just gave in a feed her to sleep because I was so tired and couldn't face the battle again.

I feel like I'm a terrible Mum who can't get it right on any level. Is there any advice anyone can give me?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

silkpyjamasallday · 29/07/2017 22:19

I wish that DD would still feed to sleep! I have always fed her to sleep as it was simple and easy, now she is 10 months I have had to employ other methods as she won't lie still, she will self settle when she wakes during the night or a nap but won't go down in the first place without rocking and cuddles. I don't think I'm a 'terrible mum' for doing what works for my baby, and nor will you be. Honestly OP it is the easiest way and in the early days that is what matters, when she is older you can start to encourage self soothing sleep habits but at 8 weeks they are too young for that imo. Enjoy the sleepy milky cuddles while you can, worry about self settling when she is older.

chips4teaplease · 29/07/2017 22:23

Sorry, haven't read the thread.
Who on earth told you an eight-week-old should go down without feeding? Rubbish!
Take the baby. Put her to the breast. Get used to it. She gets to stay there until she walks away next year.
It isn't horrible. She doesn't want to dominate you. She's read the manual and it says 'Attach to mother and wait'.
She'll probably feed to sleep for the next three years. That's fine, normal, human behaviour.
Follow the baby. She knows far more about this than you do. All will be well.

MsMommie · 29/07/2017 22:27

At 8 weeks most babies feed to sleep.
I have never met a single 8 week old baby who didn't.
8 week old barely know they're born. You haven't failed anything. There are a million hurdles to jump through as a parent and this one isn't an issue OP.
Be kind to yourself.

OuchBollocks · 29/07/2017 22:28

I was gutted when DD stopped going to sleep with a feed. She's 3 now and hates going to sleep. Tbh if I thought sticking a boob in would save me from the pissing about I would consider it (she sleeps well when she finally gives in, I might add, and in fact the method of getting her to sleep was unrelated to how well she slept. She was sleeping through long before she gave up the last breastfeed of the day)

theundecided · 29/07/2017 22:55

My dc were both able to put themselves to sleep from drowsy at about 4-5 months and I thought that was pretty good. I think it's virtually impossible to get an 8 week old to sleep without feeding isn't it?! He is so so tiny and you are tired- do whatever you need to do and don't worry about rods and backs and a that stuff.

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 30/07/2017 08:47

At 8 weeks you do what you need to to survive. Feed to sleep or not it's all fixable later. and

Ladylolly · 30/07/2017 18:32

The baby and you need to be as close as possible for as long as possible. My LO fed to sleep until 9 months when I decided to gently rock him to sleep. Then we moved on to pick up put down and gradual retreat. All these methods if you chose to use them will help you in the months to come but for now feed to sleep/cuddle and hold them as much as you can. Make the cot as as womb like as possible- sleepyhead and a dark room every time they sleep and then you may get a longer stretch of sleep for a while till it all changes again.

Bubblesoup · 31/07/2017 09:15

This might reassure you that you're actually doing the right thing...

kellymom.com/bf/normal/comfortnursing/

duxb · 31/07/2017 09:19

I frequently have to feed my 7 month old to sleep.

It's not ideal but it's better than her having no sleep.

She will also nap in her pushchair, in the car or I rock her to sleep initially but she can now re-settle herself and I can put her down awake but drowsy and pat her back to get her to sleep.

Please just do whatever you need to in order to survive. Your baby is 8 weeks old. I don't think I was brushing my hair yet!!

Original poster

rbmilliner · 01/08/2017 08:41

Thank you all - I think I should maybe relax, although it's easier said than done.

Being a Mum is definately a lot harder than I ever thought for and unfortunately I don't have easy access to family locally to be able to advise so books and net are my only source of info. As said may it's time to step away from the books and computer

OP posts:

Jackiebrambles · 01/08/2017 08:45

OMG please stop giving yourself such a hard time!

Babies are supposed to feed to sleep, most certainly at 8 weeks! The sucking they do is comforting - that's why dummies work :)

Both of mine fed to sleep until they were about a year old I think! Both of them nap/sleep really well (independently!).

Enjoy the snuggles. Don't spend this time stressing that you are doing stuff wrong, you aren't.

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 01/08/2017 08:51

An 8 week old will feed frequently anyway. My dd wouldn't take a dummy either, they will basically use you as one! It gets easier I promise. Are you breastfeeding? It is very difficult to overfeed a breast fed baby. Maybe she's thirsty? Or she's trying to increase your supply? If she is bottle fed then it is easier to overfeed which can cause discomfort.

At this age you really should be just following the baby's lead and doing what works.

HT85 · 01/08/2017 09:06

rbmilliner I suspect you've been advised by a health visitor to put down awake haven't you? They love giving that advice and then just shrug when it doesn't work. It really is nonsense and I can't believe they still tell people this as if it's gospel.

Claiiire · 01/08/2017 09:08

Don't beat yourself up both feeding to sleep! Do it if it works, BUT, you could use the bouncer and get her used to motion for sleeping as well. If you are hoping to eventually establish independent settling, I'd say motion is easier to withdraw than feeding. But yes, 8 weeks is little, and there is plenty of time. If you enjoy it and it works and feels right then go for it. I'm sure it's definitely what your baby would prefer!

I also am in the camp of I wish I handn't worried so much... these early days are precious. :) x

Oly5 · 01/08/2017 09:09

Feed to sleep, you won't regret it. I fed mine to sleep for 12 months, then we did gradual retreat which worked a treat. Don't worry about rods for your back. I wish I had relaxed more with my firstborn, watched box sets, eaten biscuits and let him nap on me. In my experience young babies don't nap well at all (unless on you or in a buggy!)

RhinestoneCowgirl · 01/08/2017 09:14

Just piling in to say don't worry too! I really remember those feelings of 'failing' to get my baby to sleep.

You're not failing, you're doing a great job. And your baby is very young and needs you so much.

riddles26 · 01/08/2017 09:47

As someone who experienced sleep issues with their little one and resorted to a sleep consultant at 5 months, I would honestly say this is not an issue at 8 weeks old. Even if you did break the habit right now, all will change at the 4 month regression so my advice would be do whatever works right now and just enjoy your baby.

Please don't consider yourself as a failure, your baby is loved, healthy and fed so you are doing a fantastic job and a wonderful mum. Remind yourself that all the time

cricketqueen · 01/08/2017 09:55

God at 8 weeks just do whatever you need to do to make life easier. You won't make a rod for your own back or any of that rubbish. She is too little to self settle. I fed my dd to sleep for months. When she was ready she started self settling herself at about 1 yr old. I was told by numerous people that she wouldn't settle by herself unless I put her down awake etc. She is currently 2 1/2 and she is quite capable of going to sleep by herself so obviously it was all rubbish. Give yourself a break, go with you instincts, relax and the rest will come with time.

Her0utdoors · 01/08/2017 09:57

I second OchBollocks nap time routine, and you could mix it up a little by taking everything to the sofa a your baby could nap on your lap instead. Get the rest while you can OP, your body will still be recovering from pregnancy and birth.

RumpledStiltskin · 01/08/2017 15:43

I'm in the process of training my 10 month old out of feeding to sleep and it's a pain in the bum. BUT it's a million times easier with a robust older baby - whose habits and moods I know, who I'm so much more confident with compared to the early weeks. There may be a better time to establish good habits than 10 months, but 8 weeks isn't it! Give yourself a break. I don't regret getting into this habit - the early weeks were so much gentler and easier for it.

DreamsOfWaves · 01/08/2017 15:54

Oh OP, please try not to worry, I don't know any baby that didn't feed to sleep at that age! If anything like my baby, feeding to sleep will just stop working some months later and your baby will find a new way to fall asleep. My health visitor told me to put DS down drowsy but awake and he would be able to fall asleep that way. Bahahaha! What rubbish. Yes, he did, but not until 6 months later. Just try to enjoy the couch cuddles for now and get some netflix loaded up!

Mermaid36 · 01/08/2017 15:59

I'm still feeding my 15 month old twins to sleep every night. I have no plans to stop.
It ensures a fairly quick and painless bedtime for us all
(Obviously I can put them down after a feed these days!)

OhWifey · 01/08/2017 16:16

I fed my daughter to sleep til she was nearly 3 and we sort of transitioned out of it. It was very painless and now she falls asleep beautifully each evening.

FourForYouGlenCoco · 01/08/2017 16:27

Oh OP, big hug. It is bloody hard, especially first time round. 8 weeks is honestly nothing. I wish I hadn't beaten myself up and wasted so much time fighting with my first.
My second I co-slept and fed to sleep every single night til 10 months, at which point he weaned off bf and transitioned to his cot over a few weeks with no bother at all.
You're doing fine - follow your instincts and do whatever works. If something feels like more trouble than it's worth, don't do it! Change tack. And I know it's a huge cliche, but you will look back on these days so fondly. And I promise, 100% promise, you will never ever wish you'd cuddled your baby less. You'll wish you could go back and have one more lovely newborn snuggle. Make the most of them, put your feet up and don't worry about it.

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