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Original poster

I hate the way ds2's sleep 'issue' is colouring my feelings towards him.

26 replies

colditz · 27/03/2007 08:48

At this precise moment in time, I don't like ds2 very much.

he is 11 months old, and every single sodding night, he wakes up between 11 and 1 and wants to get up and play. That's all he wants. Calpol has no effect, nor milk, nor cuddles (he just fights me off)

NOTHING IS WORKING AND HE IS AWAKE FOR 2 HOURS ONCE HE WAKES AND I CAN'T COPE ANY MORE

I had to put ds1 in my bed last night so I could get some sleep.

I have tried shushpat - but every time I lie him down or stop him standing up, the hysterical fit starts. I have tried just leaving him (while I am in the room), and he screams until he is sick.

Now I feel miserable because he is just such hard work at night that I resent him for it. I resent him for not being easy like his brother was. I resent him for screaming for 2 hours in the night then waking up for the day 3 hours later. It is taking over my feelings towards him. I want to like him (I do love him) but he's just NOT VERY LIKEABLE

OP posts:
Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 08:59

.

OP posts:
mumto3girls · 27/03/2007 08:59

Hi Colditz..not able to offer any help I'm afraid, but just wanted to sympathise.

I do understand a little of how you feel, as I certainly wasn't my dd3's biggest fan when she used to wake 2, 3 or even 4 tims a night wanting bfing...even at 11 months old.

I guess you've tried all the usual routes..? Changing bed time ( either earlier or later seems to work equally well for different babies), plenty of physical exercise, perhaps a late snack before bed so he's nice and full etc etc

Does dh share the night wakings?

chirpygirl · 27/03/2007 09:02

Oh colditz, poor you.
DD does this every so often, she is 13 months, and it drives me up the wall, I just want to go and sleep in the car so I can't hear her, but it isn't every night so I can't even imagine how knackered you must be.

Have you tried keeping him up longer? Everytime she does this we knock her bedtime back by 15 mins until she stops it, normally 15 mins is all it takes but it just knackers her out that little bit more.

Scootergirl · 27/03/2007 09:14

Would he play on his own? If you put toys in his cot so he could just get on with it, it might take some of the pressure away, like "Fine, you can be awake if you want but I can't play with you until morning".
After a while he might lose interest in waking.... perhaps... maybe
I hope it gets sorted though soon. No sleep is no fun at all!

kiskidee · 27/03/2007 09:24

i have 2 ideas, both untested really. but here goes. have you tried turning off the light and staying in the room with him. you in bed and him on the bed or wherever he pleases. don't fight him just let him play in the dark as i remember making dd do a few times around this age. she screamed a bit, then played a bit then at some point came back to bed.

another idea is that 15 mins before he normally crashes out, dim the lights and make things boring for him. after a few nights dim another 15 mins earlier.

AxelF · 27/03/2007 10:13

Just wanted to say I also sympathise. Its not surprising how you feel as I get the same when we have sleepless nights - (constantly). Only thing I would advise is to get some help, Mum or husband to give you some time out to relax and make sure you are'nt near him when feeling annoyed. Just put him down and go have a cup of tea...Best of luck and hope he grows out of it soon!

BikeBug · 27/03/2007 10:35

I just want to give you a (((hug))) and say I understand. I was up last night at 11.30, 1am and 3am-5.40am before DS (12 months old) woke for the day at 7.10am. The only unusual thing there is the very long wake up (he just wanted to play as well). We are down to a minimum of 2 wake ups and a norm of 4, and sometimes I am so angry with him in the night... DH has stormed around hitting walls when it all gets too much for him, and I have cried, and come within a hairs breadth of slapping DS. I don't know how to fix it either, the only thing I can offer is that it is hardest for me when I either try and change it, or when I think it should be changing itself (eg at 6 months old, at 12 months old and any time when he has done something wonderful the previous night like sleep for 5 hours, or settle himself in the evening). I try and go with the flow as much as humanly possible, but it is so, so hard. I hope things change for you soon.

Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 16:51

Thanks guys.

The boys' dad came at 9am, so I went straight back to bed, and didn't wake up until he brought them back at 1.30!

so i feel muchly better.

The problem with justv letting him get on with it, is he doesn't want to sit and play with toys, he wants to sit and play with ME!

And every time I turn away, he screams like he's been electricuted!

OP posts:
auntymandy · 27/03/2007 16:53

does he sleep when he is in your bed?

Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 16:55

no, he bounces up and down, and climbs on my face, and screams if I try to make him stay horizontal....

OP posts:
auntymandy · 27/03/2007 16:56

Ds was a bit like this. I just put up with it..it doesnt last long..honest
If you can get him to sleep with you then at least you get some sleep. or just keep putting him back to bed. No talking, just lay him down give him a kiss and walk away.

Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 18:11

I've put him to bed. he was hideous.

OP posts:
Pitchounette · 27/03/2007 20:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 22:09

ah

problem being, I am on my own with the kids. If I don't go to him myself, it means leaving him to scream, unfortunately. They have a Benign but Uninvolved Grandma, so that's it really.

OP posts:
Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 22:13

Come on, stop talking about wanking and talk to me!

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Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 22:28

he's awake AGAIN and moaning AGAIn, I don't know what to dooooo

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bunnypeculiar · 27/03/2007 22:34

Oh god, Colditz, no answers but much sympathy. Ds would be awake for 2-3 hours at a stretch at that age. I remember talking to the h/v ( I was desparate) & her saying," well if he's only waking once we wouldn't classify that as a sleep problem .... " Agghhhh, but he's awake for fecking HOURS.

Have you read No Cry Sleep Soln as mentioned earlier? If nothing else, it helps you understand that there are lots of babes out there that are at least as annoying (none of the solns tbh really helped us - only soln was him getting a bit older... but at least we felt we were doing something...)

Does he seem happy & rested in the day??

phatcat · 27/03/2007 22:47

Oh god - this brings back bad memories for me with my ds2. I think the key is to break this routine and replace it with a new one which is acceptable to you and to be prepared to stick with making the change when it all goes tits up for the first few nights. The real issue for us wasn't the not sleeping, but rather him waking up everyone else in the house. We put a travel cot downstairs and after feeding & changing him on his nightly wakenings would put him straight down in that. Over the course of a couple of weeks I went from interacting with him in the cot, to sitting next to it looking at him but being quiet, to sitting on the sofa reading, to sitting out of sight, to leaving the room. He complained like hell at first, but eventually it worked and he would settle himself without crying and I could leave the room pretty much straight away. I always had a monitor on him so I could hear him when I went back up to bed. Once he got used to this routine I started taking him back upstairs after his feed and fortunately it all continued OK. I think you need to break it down into small chunks and make the change gradually for it to stick and just keep at it. My sympathies though, it sounds horrendous.

Original poster
colditz · 27/03/2007 22:56

Have given up
he is crawling around on the floor and I am ignoring him. I might try the travel cot thing, actually

OP posts:
Original poster
colditz · 28/03/2007 09:56

He finally settled for the night at 2.15am.

Grooooo

casn't keep doing this,.

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bringmeashrubbery · 28/03/2007 10:04

my dd did this at 12m. For ages. I am sure it was her teeth although she showed no other symptoms. 4 of them came through at once. She then had a good phase and now at 18m is doing it again. Again I think it is her teeth, but it does do your head in I agree. I am ill atm - lat night I just went in, shoved her dummy in and came out, repeated immediately about 3 times and she eventually went off. All I can say is, hang in there, it won't last forever. I've been trying to convince myself anyway...

FillyjonkIsMilitantAboutFruit · 28/03/2007 10:11

am hardcore cosleeper/ AP parent

BUT

you need your sleep

if possible I would

move him and you far enough from rest of household thst he wont wake anyone up

then

light off (pos nightlight), lie down, pretend (or really do) sleep. let him do what he wants, be it screaming, playing, whatever. Set the boundry for what YOU will do.

and don't accept hitting/climbing on face etc. personally I would turn away/hide my face if that happened

I would be trying to send the message "mummy is here, and everything is safe BUT at night mummy goes to sleep and so does everyone else. And we don't jump on peoples faces or it makes them grumpy."

Lazycow · 28/03/2007 10:28

ds did this from a very early age and continues to do it on and off even now at 2.4 yrs old.

I too would be absolutely beside myself as he would be awake for hours. A typical night was
down at 5.30/6pm (exhausted from no sleep) up briefly at 10/11pm
up 1am-3am,
up at 4.30/5.00am for the day.

When he was a small baby, I would in desperation put him in the cot and lie in my bed in the same room (luckily we had a bed in his room then) - put in ear plugs (I could still hear him as he was right next to me but it was muffled so slightly more bearable) and ignore him. I found actually that he settled quicker in the cot though I appreciate you may not want to ignore the crying.

To this day if I try to co-sleep with him or lie on the bed with him to get him to sleep he wants to play and it takes AGES to get him to go to sleep.

WriggleJiggle · 28/03/2007 10:31

((hugs)) It must be absolute hell to have to deal with. You NEED your sleep, if only to survive during the daytime. I know it is far from ideal, and not a solution to the problem, but can you throw a load of toys in the cot, turn the baby monitor down as low as it can go (whilst still being on), then just let him get on with it - screaming / crying / whatever. You desperately need your sleep, and there is no one else to palm him off on. When you're feeling so knackered just one night of sleep can do the world of good.

Lazycow · 28/03/2007 10:54

Wrigglejiggle - When ds was older (18 months onwards) and doing this at night that is exactly what I did.

In fact he cried very little once I had left the room. I could hear him chat and play for ages. Problem was I couldn't actually go to sleep as I was so worried about him so it didn't help me sleep but at least I was resting instead of being pulled, poked and screamed at if I ignored him.

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