Advice please! When to move baby?

[sparkleandsunshine]

I have a 3 month old DD (my first) and I feel like she has been a good sleeper-slept through from 4weeks 10pm-7am.

She's in a large Moses basket (family heirloom that is about 10cm longer and 5cm wider than the standard Moses basket we were given that she has now outgrown.

Now it is a lot lighter in the mornings and our curtains do not have blackout linings (her room does) and my DP occasionally snores really loud (doesn't seem to bother her in the dark but from about 5am when it's lighter she stirs every time). His snoring always wakes me up and I make him roll over to try and stop it (he's very sorry for it and even apologises though it's not his fault).

So here I am waking throughout the night with his snoring (but always getting back to sleep which I can cope with) and then DD starts fidgeting and letting out the odd cry from about 5.30, and I have to bring her into our bed and snuggle up with her to get her to drop back off. But we aren't co-sleeping as such because the health visitor and midwife put the fear of SIDS into me saying that co-sleeping can cause it and you should never do it. So she sleeps and I lay there wide awake scared that if I let my eyes close something terrible will happen.

I know it's selfish, but now my sleep is disrupted and I'm exhausted during the day, if on the weekends I have a nap because I'm so tired DP is baffled because "we slept so well". But he can sleep through anything.

Also I think the giant Moses basket is too small, my DP disagrees. That's because he only sees her in it at night when she goes in and is in a deep sleep and lays nicely in the middle. Throughout the night she's spreads out a little, both arms are pushed into the sides when she spreads out just a little and she wiggles her bottom half around just a tiny bit and her legs end up up the side of the basket!

So basically I think she should move into her own room. It has blackout curtains and her cot which is much bigger, it's just across the hall, maybe 6 metres from her bed to ours and we would have the doors open, also I have a Motorola video monitor.

We don't have space to move her cot into our room (and it wouldn't solve the light issue), we don't have money to buy a slightly larger crib for our room (and that wouldn't help with the light) BUT when I was talking to the health visitor last week I told her and she said "it's up to you but I would seriously recommend keeping her in your room until 6 months- otherwise there is an increased risk of SIDS.

I am living in fear of SIDS! Since then lots of my friends have given me differing opinions, one let her kids sleep in her bed until they were 4yo and was all for co-sleeping, others moved their kids to own rooms at 2 or 3 months and loved it.

Then my SIL told me that if we were putting her in her own room early then we MUST have this angel mat that she had that feels the babies heart beat and sets of an alarm if it stops, and it comes with a video monitor, she said "its only £145, a small price to pay for your babies life"

But I don't have £145, right now we don't have £45 spare! So I explained that we already have a monitor and none of my friends had had this angel mat and they moved their babies into own rooms, and I got a dissaproving look and told "it's your choice, but really don't you want the safest thing for your baby?"

Basically want I want to know is, when did other people move their babies to their own rooms, and any advice for me please? Ta

Ps. Sorry for long post, didn't want to drip feed.

You already know what the best advice is. Nobody can tell you what to do, it's up to you to weigh up the risk. The advice is 6 months to protect against SIDS, what you need to decide is are you happy to go against the advice for a better night's sleep. There is no point asking permission from the Internet to take a risk with your own child.

Lots of people will have done it and been fine. I'm sure all our parents did. But the number of deaths from SIDS is lower now than ever before because the guidelines now exist and they do work. There are so many and such strict guidelines it can be hard to follow them all to the letter so it is up to you to assess what you feel you are willing to take a chance on.

8 months for both due to sids guidelines. The cot fitted along the bottom of our bed (Just!)

P.s. there is no evidence that those mats help prevent sids

Well sleeping away from their parents before the age of 6 months is also a SIDS risk.

And I was going to say - she sleeps through and you're exhausted because she wakes early?

My toddler goes 6-5.30 and it's bloody brilliant, I just make sure I'm asleep by 10.

Just to feed your sids anxiety (sorry) I read recently that peak risk age is 2-4months. So even if you move your dd earlier than the recommended 6 months it would probably be better to at least wait a few more weeks.

And to be brutally honest I don't think you're doing too badly for sleep if you're getting 10pm Til 5am at 3 months! But my dc1 didn't sleep through regularly till 18mths and dc2 at 4 months has 2 night feeds still so I struggle to have sympathy for anyone with a good sleeper maybe someone nicer will be along with advice for you soon!

Forgot to add - an angelcare mat will only alert you after your child has already stopped breathing. They don't protect against SIDS.

Get a blackout curtain liner. Dp sleeps in other room at least sometimes. Travel cot seems good idea. Think Aldi doing them for 25 quid or they are often on Facebook marketplace.

Not to stress you out anymore, but your dd might be about to hit the 4 month sleep regression, so would you be happy getting up out of bed into another room to see to her? My ebf dd has never slept through, but only woke once or twice, now we've hit the 4 month regression she's back to every hour or two. I'd much rather her be in bed next to me then having to trek across the hall every two hours! Plus I'm too worried about the sids risk - apparently it's being able to hear your breathing that helps very young babies to regular theirs. But like pp have said, it's up to you to weigh up risks and benefits.

Ta everyone, I'm not putting her in own room, ill have to sort something, we'll see if can get travel cot, will have a look for second hand on fb, going to have to do without liners, I wasn't joking when I said we had no money, unexpected bill has meant we are scraping just for food shop.

The bit about my sleep was an add on really, the main issue is that I feel hers is being disrupted, she used to sleep heavily and was so happy in mornings, last weeks has been waking up grizzling and gets agitated in mornings, is obviously tired but fights sleep.

Then can't your DP sleep in the other room? Or could you put a single mattress for you in the baby's room?

My dd went in her own room at this age. I weighed up the risks and found i was fine doing it this way. You are not on a different floor in the house so it will be fine.

For the light issue, if you wet your windows (just with a cloth and water) tinfoil will stick to them and you can block out ALL light that way.
I'm so jealous of your amazing sleeping baby. My 3.5 year old just started sleeping through consistently and I'd sell a kidney for my 10 month old to give me a consistent 6 hour stretch. But it's all a matter of perspective, and getting up at 5 is hard if you're not used to it. Try the tinfoil. If that doesn't help, (or even if it does) try ways to stop your partner snoring. Maybe those nose clip things or something. Snoring is awful to live with!

Just fyi, my DD started waking earlier when she got to about 3 months, just because she needed less sleep as she was growing up. So you might just need to go to bed earlier yourself, unfortunately...

To help with the light have you tried the black out gro blinds? They stick on your window with pads. Also if your partner is causing her to stir would he sleep in a spare room until she is old enough to go in her own room? Partner done this with our DS until he was 4.5months/5 months and we had to move him into his own room as was too big for the crib and cot wouldn't fit. Worth a try 😊 not many months left - trust me it goes fast!

I put both mine into their own rooms at 4.5 months - we couldn't fit a cot in our room. From your description I dont think it sounds like your DD has outgrown her basket - they do sleep in very strange positions (mine often would wriggle to a legs up position and as soon as mine could roll they would sleep with their bums pushed straight up in the air, legs scrunched underneath).
Is there a material shop near you? (Often in large department stores). You can buy blackout curtain lining cheaply and just stick it to your window.

With DD 6m we left her in her moses basket as long as possible but by 4 months she was almost filling it so we moved her in to her cot at the bottom of the bed. She hasn't slept as well since. I think it's because it's not as cosy.

I sometimes ship my husband off to my son's room and have DS in with me as i can cope with my baby waking me, but not his snoring!

I understand though. I was terrified something was going to happen to her which has calmed down now she is 6m. But my thinking was that i would probably wake up more worrying if she was in another room!

Im sorry that's no help! But id probably ask your husband to move and put something up at the window if you can. Ive hung two sheets over each corner of the curtain pole. And perservere with the moses basket. Sleep deprivation is the pits but i just remind myself that many many babies sleep a lot worse than mine does.

And i nap whenever i can. Remind your husband that your sleeping is disrupted, which is not a proper sleep.

I've seen these threads go both ways. You've got the "follow the guidelines" response. Search for other ones historically

My perspective - yes, the SIDS guidelines are very clear re: 6 months but people do move them earlier. We moved DD at 3 months (frankly because DH was snoring on one side and DD was snoring in the other and I was getting no sleep). We were good for the other risks (e.g. no smokers in the house, etc). I know of a lot of other people who moved them earlier too - including one who went into his own room straight from hospital.

This isn't a recommendation - just my experience. No one can or should tell you to ignore the guidelines.

You've won the sleeping jackpot! Mine didn't sleep 11-5 until she was 14 months. I echo others and get your head down earlier. That's a very good amount for such a small baby to sleep.

Then move at six months or so. We have an angel care monitor without the pad, it's fab for peace of mind.

Mine slept through her first night, when she got to 24 months.

So 2 years of waking to BF every 3 hours, I coslept with her, she didnt have her own room until she was 2.5 years.

I intend to keep the baby in my room until she decides she wants her own room. She's 4 months old now and I've moved her from the bedside crib to the cotbed still pushed up against my bed. The cotbed doesn't really fit, it's totally in the way and we have to sort of squeeze round it to get into the room. It's important to me to keep her close at night partly because of SIDS guidelines but also to make night feeds less effort and because I like having her close by. White noise seems to help reduce us waking each other unnecessarily although I often find myself awake while she's still sleeping which is a bit annoying sometimes. I've seen some people suggest moving some furniture out of your room to make space, might that work for you? It wouldn't for us because we've fixed everything to the walls already. Yes we do have a PFB.

There is no evidence that sensor mats reduce the risk of SIDS. They do cause a lot of anxiety and stress due to false alarms. The other thing to think about is what would you do if the alarm went off and your baby wasn't breathing? Are you trained in infant CPR? Dont let anyone make you feel bad for not spending a load of money you don't have on something that is known to not be helpful.

We moved DS at 5 months when he outgrew his crib. I have an angel care sensor but never use it.

Can your partner sleep in another room so you can keep baby with you? Or can you buy some blackout lining for your curtains? You can get it for £20 ish in Dunelm.

Up to you of course but I think you should follow the guidelines to sleep in the same room until she is at least 6 months old. There are two ways you could achieve that:

1. Get a travel cot and blackout blind for your bedroom. Send your DP to the doctors to see if anything can be done about his snoring!
2. If there's space in DD's room put a single bed in there for you to sleep in.

By the way, if you want DD in the bed with you, there are guidelines you can follow for doing it safely and minimise the SIDS risk. Google "safe co-sleeping".

You mentioned that money is tight - are you claiming all the benefits you're entitled to? Child Benefit, Child Tax Credits, etc? Maybe you could use an online benefits calculator to check.

We moved DD at 4 months. Though she came in with us from about 2 every night till she was about 15 months.
There is clear information regarding safe cosleeping on the isis sleep site. Damp tinfoil works well to black out windows. Can you get DP to sleep elsewhere, and get your bed pushed up against a wall?

SIDS - can't be prevented. Angel Care monitors do not feel the heart beat at all, they feel movement from the babies breathing. It will alert you to the baby stopping breathing and that is it. It does not prevent nor stop SIDS. If a baby dies and it's SIDS they cannot be revived. All that happens with those monitors is that you know more or less immediately that it's happened, rather than hours which is the usual as baby is usually only discovered when parent wakes up.

We had a SIDS death in the family (DS half sister, my ExHs first child with his first wife) As such me and DS were put on a scheme called CONI with the NHS (due to elevated risk of SIDS as a sibling died) We had a proper NICU used baby monitor. And even that screeched several times in a false alarm - during the summer when it was very hot and the tape/sensor had come off DSs stomach due to the heat.

It is thought SIDS occurs when babies sleep too deeply as they don't have the ability to rouse themselves or regulate their breathing. Being in a room with adults helps this, due to the noises we make and the sound of our own breathing. Keep the baby in your room.