On the verge of a nervous breakdown

[cars254]

My 22mo does not sleep. She naps for an hour in the day in nursery and can then go a full 12 hours before even being remotely ready to go to sleep. I've tried lying with her in our bed, then transferring her to her cot - she goes to sleep then wakes three hours later thinking it's daytime. I've tried the CC - she makes herself violently sick. Took her to bed tonight at 9 - she is still dicking about so I've brought her downstairs on the couch after trying to get her to stay in her cot for the last hour and a half (with the nice addition of a vomiting spell as well). Any advice would be greatly received as I am about to lose my mind here. Thanks all x

If I were you I would get a sleep consultant in as this sounds very very tough with lots of things going on

Get the gro clock. She might be young but she should be able to get the concept. At least if she wakes up she can see its still night time.
From your post I just got a sense of all the moving around from one place to another. I think you need to be consistent and say, it's bedtime and this is where you will sleep. This is your bedroom. Do that for a week, persevere. Let her learn the rules. They are final and will not budge. You'll be shattered but at the moment she doesn't know if she's coming or going and she is getting her way. Wow! She gets to come back downstairs!

Once she knows she's going to stay in her room you can look into cc again. Big girl's bed soon??

What Bagina says. You need to be firm and consistent.

Also, the sickness...is it OK to go in clear it up and leave again? After a few nights of calmly going in and changing the bedding with no interaction, would she start to calm down? It's a tough love approach, but this excessive crying will not get her what she wants. They normally twig quite quickly in my experience.

Is it possible to ask nursery not to let her nap in the day? So that she is tired at bedtime?
I take it she has a getting ready for bed routine? Bath, story, bed?
Do you interact with her when she is in her cot? Our 3 year old still does not go to sleep unless someone is with him. This is a pain, but DH lies in his room silently, so he gets no interaction and goes to sleep.
When we tried to leave the room to get him to sleep by himself he would scream with a real primal terror. It was awful. I just couldn't leave hm alne like that, personally.

I hate replying on sleep threads as everyone is so different; but there is no way I'd been spending my evening lying on my child's bedroom floor. To me it is a skill that they have to learn. Children will take every inch of you if you let them! There have to be boundaries for everyone's sake. Or else it's just not conducive to real life. Where does it all end??

Btw my son dropped all his naps at around your daughter's age, so it is early but not impossible that she just doesn't need a nap, He needed some quiet time at his nap time initially, reading stories or something, but quickly adjusted.

What is her normal routine (bedtimes, wake up?)

9pm is far too late.

She might not sleep because the routine sounds inconsistent, not because of the lack of nap. Mine seemed to not sleep properly because of a nap but actually they needed it and just found it harder to switch off

We did stay in the room with them, in pitch black to help them settle.

I would move her to a toddler bed, introduce a new routine and stick to it for two weeks.

You have my sympathy, we've just started a sleep training plan with a sleep consultant, first night not great, but for a 20 month old they suggest 1-2 hr sleep max at about 12-2 then bed at 7-7. We managed asleep finally at 8.30 and awake at 5! But told to treat it as night until 7am. I gave up just after 6 as he was driving me mad messing about.
This is the 4th time we've tried, in 4 months we've gone from him sleeping in with us and feeding all night to him being in his own room, going to sleep in his bed with back rubs etc and sleeping most of the night there with 1 feed. Hoping to go to none this week. My advice is try to pick a week where you can rest during the day and just have some set bedtimes and rules like not leaving the bedroom until morning and see if you can crack it or at least establish a routine. It's so hard though, I was crying this morning with tiredness.

I'm not knocking on people's doors, going in and judging and giving unsolicited advice: it's an advice forum!

Bagina is giving excellent advice

It is a completely different situation if a child has underlying medical issues. But the OP said nothing of the sort in this case.

So Bagina keep up the good sound advice and don't feel bad at all!

Agree, bagina's advice was for the op not for you mellow-and it's good advice in the context of the op.

So sorry you've been through difficult times with your DS mellow, but it's a bit unreasonable to lay into another poster for offering advice that's not directed at you

Mellowmarsh, please calm down. Do you always react so personally? Begina's advice was not to you and even acknowledged that all babies are different. Your situation is totally different. Why are you taking it this way?

Mellow, I'd just leave it now...bagina had good intentions but you're coming across a bit nuts tbh

Mellow you have completely over reacted. Obviously your situation isn't the same as the OPs. You've hugely drip fed and the advice given by Bagina is spot on for the majority of situations.

OP you need more consistency. I'm confused by the number of times you have taken your child in and out of bed. Tbh I'd clean up the sick and then put her back to bed. Try an earlier bed time.

cars254 - yours is a behaviour issue.

You need to be firm and consistent. Develop a mantra that covers your expectations. Something like:

"Sleep time now. We lie quietly in bed at sleep time. Nan night."

Then be consistent and repetive. At 22m toddler will have understanding, even without language skills. Just keep repeating the mantra. Go in, lie down, kiss, repeat mantra, leave. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Thanks so much for all the replies: I'd like to firstly clear up that I don't leave her to cry until she vomits - it can be a simple case of she gets herself worked up very very quickly and that seems to be the end result. It's certainly not abuse and I resent the implication!

To the other ladies who suggested big girls bed; I've thought for weeks whether that would make a difference so I will look at sorting that asap.

She doesn't have a routine, my fault totally. We tried bath bottle bed but she goes berserk if you put her in the cot awake. We sleeptrained DS when she arrived so he was 15 months and for the most part he is quite good but can do the same, mess about. She just doesn't get it! In nursery she goes and lies down when the girls say nap time, at home I have to put her in her buggy with her bottle to get her to settle otherwise she just wouldn't.

At home after she comes back from nursery sh can sometimes fall asleep in the car but I panic if she goes to sleep then cos even just five minutes at 5:30 will be enough to recharge her batteries. The problem now is she's going to sleep really late; lying in in the morning and then falling asleep again mid morning so by "bedtime" she's like err no chance!!

I've never heard of a sleep consultant, can anyone give me a bit of info?

Thanks to everyone who's given constructive advice it's much appreciated