On the verge of a nervous breakdown

[cars254]

My 22mo does not sleep. She naps for an hour in the day in nursery and can then go a full 12 hours before even being remotely ready to go to sleep. I've tried lying with her in our bed, then transferring her to her cot - she goes to sleep then wakes three hours later thinking it's daytime. I've tried the CC - she makes herself violently sick. Took her to bed tonight at 9 - she is still dicking about so I've brought her downstairs on the couch after trying to get her to stay in her cot for the last hour and a half (with the nice addition of a vomiting spell as well). Any advice would be greatly received as I am about to lose my mind here. Thanks all x

She sounds over tired. Can you break the cycle with early bedtimes?

If she does it at nursery she can do it for you. She's choosing not to because she knows that you won't "make" her sleep. She needs to be put in the cot awake and learn to self settle.

Google sleep consultants and your area to find one.

There are all sorts of sleep consultants out there, good & bad. I used Carol Mae Grassick who is excellent - you can see the sorts of things she does on her site at www.carolmaeconsulting.co.uk.

I would start by getting her up at 7am everyday...if she's sleeping in, it'll perpetuate the late night/late morning cycle

Best of luck op, it can be utterly exhausting!!

You'll have more problems in a cot than you would do a bed.

This is a behaviour issue. It's not to do with bed or cot. It's not to do with how tired she appears to he, or not. It's that she doesn't view "Sleep time" at home the same as nursery. At nursery she knows what sleep time means. At home this boundary has never been enforced.

Don't change to a bed. Just establ7sh rules and routine and stick to it.

Corrextion because i wrote that compketely tge wrobg way aroun. It should read:

"You'll have more problems in a bed than you have in a cot."

Are you sure she's not sleeping longer than an hour at nursery ?

Should I try just putting her in her cot with her bottle at 7 and making her stay there? I feel so stupid for not getting this - I'm 35 ffs!

Yes that's exactly what you should do. Lights off, all the bedtime cues and leave her.

Thanks guys. Will try tonight. Something's got to give and at this point it'll be my sanity!!

Should I try just putting her in her cot with her bottle at 7 and making her stay there?

Ditch the bottle, but essentially yes.

If she still has a milk drink I'd change it to a beaker or cup downstairs. Then pjs on, story, kids, say mantra, into cot, leave. Any screaming go back in, lie back down, repeat mantra, kids, leave. Repeat until asleep

Same every night. I'd say 7.30pm bedtime.

Kids = kiss

So pjs on bottles / beakers downstairs ( might as well rope DS into this as well ) then both upto bed lie in cot and wait for the madness?

I desperately need this to work; after Christmas I'm going back to work fullish time so can't be awake til all hours! Hopefully I'll crack it over the Christmas break ... wish me luck haha x

I'm pretty sure she's not sleeping more than an hour at nursery. I've told them loads of times to cut her naps down to 40mins to 1hr x

Try looking at the baby whisperer (Tracey Hogg).

She has good advice about helping your baby sleep but it's not crying it out, which is obviously not easy for parents or babies!

Pablo - op has a 2 year old toddler. While I wholly agree with the baby whisper's methods - teaching an unruly over-tired toddler healthy sleep habits is a completely different ball game to a baby.

cars254

Yes, basically. Make a decision on on your Plan of Action before hand and stick to it. For example some say Nan night close the door and that is it. Some do one revisit and then thats it. Some agree on a period of time between going back in the room and go back in regularly. Some agree a 'distress threashold' and unless they reach that level, don't go in.

You need a firm decision on this and also what you'll do when you do go in, before you start.

Don't loose your rag. Don't get stressed, shouty or angry. Be calm, very clear and repetitive about boundaries and expectations and be consistent.

I don't know if this is the right place but does anyone has any edvience for me I have a little boy who 20months and in the last week he won't settle he naps for a 1hour 30mins a day. But when it comes to bedtime it's hell he has his dinner at 5.30/6ish and in the Bath until 7.30 and in bed by 8 but once his in bed it begins he crys and screams on and off for 2-3 hours and even then he doesn't give in but when he does give in it 10 and then he up at 4.45am I've teird sitting with him until he goes sleep I've tried nightlights and I've teird changing the bedtime routine this is so un normal he always settled himself and this has come out of now can anyone help please I don't know what else to do

Cut out daytime naps, if at all possible. Does she have to sleep at the nursery? Can she not just play instead?

DO NOT get a "big girl bed" for a child who has sleep issues. She will just get up and get out of bed.

You need to be consistent with bedtime and consistent with what bedtime means - i.e. it means bed and nothing else. No bringing her downstairs to the couch an hour after you leave her in her cot, for example.

Ok so today's / tonight's plan has gone right out of the window due to sickness flying round the house. She is however in her cot, and I am popping in and out when she cries to try and settle her. I want her to get used to going to bed in her room so she doesn't wake and think where the eff am I!! She's lying quietly and just letting out the odd cry when she sees I'm leaving the little bugger. I'm trying not to leave her to the point where she gets worked up. Am I going along the right path do you think? Again thanks so much for all the advice it's really appreciated xx

Sounds ok to me. Hope you all feel better soon

You need a bedtime routine that is really calming. You need to tell them in the morning what will happen (bath- stories- song - sleep)

Tell everyone you meet what is going to happen and how amazing DD is for doing it

Ring people and tell them. Get her excited about how amazing it is to do.

Then

No telly for an hour before bed.
No big meal an hour and a half before bed.
Milky drink downstairs (never in bed)
Then bath (not every night unless you want to)
Wash
Teeth
Stories (about 20 minutes worth)
Quiet songs
Kiss cuddle
Then a very clear night night it's bedtime see you in the morning.
Leave room

When she cries first time say night night its bed time

Second Time say bedtime

Third time leave

If properly upset sing another song on repeat (twinjle twinkle x 20)

But lessen this each night

No picking up. No taking out of room.

Repeat the end bit in the middle of the night.

Obviously only do when she is well.

If you succumb and let her in your bed, pick her up or whatever that is entirely your prerogative but she will know for at least a week that that is a possibility and will keep holding out for it. Therefore you have some choices. Either just cosleep it works for a few people and might work for you but only do this if you want to really do it it's not fair to chop and change or keep doing what your doing or you do a clear ' your bed is where you sleep and this is bedtime'. My eldest is on the spectrum and never went to sleep before 10 but he knew from a young age he could never get out of bed so he just used to look at books for a couple of hours. I cannot handle not sleeping and as his main carer would be an absolute nightmare unless I got eight hours.

Think the main message is just to be consistent as children pick up very quickly on any loopholes!

Apologies for above post being so difficult to read!

@Tiniti it wasn't hard! It was very concise and I'm going to pin it To my mirror. I'm currently back downstairs with her. I know - rod for own back, but she was sick (bug I think not temper) and needed changing. Easier to clean her off in the kitchen! Tomorrow is a new day - I hope! X