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Sleep

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Original poster

Don't want to cosleep - help!

51 replies

welshweasel · 01/12/2016 08:19

I need help.

DS is 10 months old. Sleep is really important to us (I went back to work at 4 months to a job where being tired could kill someone) so it's something we've always worked hard on from very early on.

Until recently DS was sleeping well, with usual rough patches due to illness/teeth. Bedtime routine starting at 6pm, left in cot with dummy and muslin by 6.30pm, asleep within 15 mins. Occasional night wake ups but often self settled or if not would be straight back to sleep with reinsertion of dummy. Awake for the day between 6.30 and 7am. All good.

For the past couple of weeks he's been waking multiple times a night very upset (rather than just whingy) and takes ages to calm down. Have been fairly strict about staying in cot so sit and rub back til he falls asleep again. Things got better for a couple of night and thought we'd cracked it. The past two nights have been terrible. He wakes up, then stands in his cot and flings himself backwards, hitting his head and obviously screaming. He does this multiple times. I try to lie him back down but he just rolls over and gets back up. Eventually have resorted to taking him into bed with me, where he goes straight to sleep and doesn't wake til my alarm goes off.

But I hate co sleeping. I barely sleep and my job means I'm sometimes on call overnight so having him in the same room as us, let alone the same bed, causes chaos.

I need some ideas. I have no idea how to tackle this. Happy for short term pain for long term gain and DH will be on board with any plans.

OP posts:

Tootsiepops · 01/12/2016 08:26

I'm so sorry that I have no suggestions, but the 10 month sleep regression was an absolute nightmare for us. We barely made it out alive. My daughter was always a good sleeper practically from the word go, then the 10 month sleep regression hit and suddenly we were up about 5 or 6 times every night.

We did whatever we could to get some sleep. I slept in her cot, she slept in our bed, my husband took her so that I could sleep (and vice versa), I fed her, we got up and went to her playroom etc. We've no friends or family nearby or we'd have been calling in favours left, right and centre. We even considered hiring a baby sitter and just booking in to a hotel for a few hours to get some sleep too!

We were just about on the verge of getting a night nanny for even a few nights per week. Then, just as suddenly as it started, it stopped 10 weeks later

FATEdestiny · 01/12/2016 09:16

This sound like basic winter poorliness to me.

He was sleeping easily. Was going to sleep alone. I assume can get his muslin and dummy himself in the night (?). So I'd suggest the change is because he's unwell. Maybe he's cold because of the change in the weather too.

But basically it just sounds like he needs extra reassurance just while he's struggling and he'll go back to normal once better.

It happens and will do for many years to come. You just have to get used to occassional periods of rubbish sleep, it's part of parenting.

lightcola · 01/12/2016 11:03

Could you set up a bed on the floor next to the cot? Might comfort him a bit.

Original poster

welshweasel · 01/12/2016 12:35

Thanks all. I think I'll send my husband into tonight and try lying him back down and if he won't settle then he can cosleep with him. We have a king size bed in the nursery anyway so can use that. I'm more concerned about him hurting himself. I wondered about putting him in be travel cot as he can't pull himself up in that (well he couldn't the last time he went in it!). I know that patches of bad sleep are to be expected, I just don't know how to handle this one!

OP posts:

Original poster

welshweasel · 01/12/2016 12:37

Oh and he can't usually find his dummy himself in the night. No idea why. Have tried multiple dummies, toys to attach it to, glow in the dark etc. He didn't used to need his dummy to fall back asleep in the night though, he'd suck the label on his muslin instead.

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GraceGrape · 01/12/2016 12:41

We went through a bad time at the same age. It turned out to be teeth so maybe try some things for teething?

Original poster

welshweasel · 01/12/2016 12:57

I've tried calpol and dentinox before bed. Doesn't seem to make much of a difference. He's had 4 teeth through in quick succession recently and they don't seem to give him much bother at night. If he was waking up in pain I'd understand it more but it's the trying to escape the cot that I don't get!

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GraceGrape · 01/12/2016 21:14

Some babies have a lot of trouble sleeping when they are close to learning a new skill like walking. Sounds as if he could be trying to practise in his sleep. Maybe it's best if you sleep in the nursery and try lying him down as soon as he stands up? Hopefully it's just a phase.

Original poster

welshweasel · 04/12/2016 10:20

Argh I can't do this! The last two nights he's woken up every hour. I just don't know what to do for the best.

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FATEdestiny · 04/12/2016 10:39

What about putting a travel cot in your bedroom?

There's no magic answer here. It's just about making things as easy as possible through this.

Regarding finding the dummy. I sewed a ribbon into the chest of the sleeping bag with a press stud at the end. Works like those dummy saver but without the bulkiness of a clip. Child soon learn a that a sweeping movement across the chest finds the ribbon, which then finds the dummy.

Monochromecat · 04/12/2016 10:55

I do mean this kindly. Most babies and some toddlers often wake at night and to be honest it's not something you can 'fix' it's just part and parcel of what they do just as tiredness and broken sleep is part of being a parent. Maybe the only solution is to change other things rather than try to change the baby...
And I do know how it feels...

Original poster

welshweasel · 04/12/2016 13:02

I know I know...it's just hard to go from a baby that, after a lot of work, sleeps for 12 hours a night to one that's basically awake all night. I fully expect the shit sleep that comes with teething/illness etc but this seems such an extreme change in a well baby. It doesn't help that this has coincided with being on call for 72 hours and I'm literally trying not to fall asleep operating on someone. We don't have any family or friends nearby who can help so I really don't know what to do.

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Original poster

welshweasel · 04/12/2016 13:03

Oh and we are already taking it in turns to sleep in his room so don't think moving him in with us will help. The last two nights he's not been trying to climb out of the cot, juts wakes up screaming.

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SpaceDinosaur · 04/12/2016 13:06

What about a night nanny/nurse. Someone in your home who's job it is to sort DS overnight?

Original poster

welshweasel · 04/12/2016 13:11

We might have to look into it although can't really afford it. I'm not sure how much help it would be as even with all the doors shut and sleeping as far apart as we can I still heard him every time he cried when DH spent the night in with him. Can't wear earplugs as need to be able to hear the phone for work.

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buzzlightyearsdinosaur · 04/12/2016 13:12

I used to have a co-sleeper cot, they were all next to me but I still had my own space.

I second the idea of a night nanny/nurse/sleep expert...you may only need them for a short time fix.

knaffedoff · 04/12/2016 13:12

Sorry to hear you are struggling, I am afraid I agree with monochromecat . Children change and routines you felt confident about now, will change and often you end up no further forward. I can honestly say that sometimes I get no sleep, as my much older children will just wake up and want to get into bed with me, they have bad dreams or when ill.

confusedandemployed · 04/12/2016 13:18

I wouldn't rush into major "solutions" which cost a lot of money, e.g. night Nanny or swish new cot. IME babies have umpteen phases. I remember with each one DD had, thinking that this was the new normal. It never was, eventually she went back to being the great sleeper she usually was.

If your DC has usually always been a good sleeper, chances are he'll gradually revert to type. I echo the developmental leap theory: DD always slept badly just before one.

I would try to push on through for a bit longer. I hope he comes good

Original poster

welshweasel · 04/12/2016 13:20

I don't mind cosleeping short term but my DH won't do it. He was in a cosleeper until 7 months, but grew out of it. How do you even find a night nanny? Everything on line seems to be for London/south east.

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SpaceDinosaur · 04/12/2016 13:46

Weasel. You absolutely can wear earplugs. You just need to sync your phone to something like an Apple Watch or a Fitbit which will vibrate like a crazy device on your wrist when your phone rings.

I'm so sorry, I have no idea about how to find a night nurse or night nanny

Original poster

welshweasel · 13/12/2016 10:04

I'm losing the plot. Everyone keeps telling me different things, I don't know what to do! Self settling to sleep fine, but the night wakings are worse if anything. Doesn't even try to find his dummy/muslin, just goes from asleep to screaming. He's not ill or teething anymore.

Should I be taking him straight out and cosleeping for the rest of the night (not keen on this long term). Or is it worth trying some kind of controlled crying technique (no idea where to start with this if so). I just wonder if he's got used to me sleeping with him now and he needs to break the connection. My DSD is threatening to move out as she's getting so little sleep.

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FATEdestiny · 13/12/2016 13:07

It sounds like he needs your reassurance so I wouldn't consider giving no reassurance (like cc). Could you sit/stand/lie down next to the cot and do the reassuring in the cot, rather than taking him out of the cot?

Original poster

welshweasel · 13/12/2016 13:55

I'll try that tonight. I spent 20 minutes last night trying to sooth him in the cot, then rocking him, nothing worked. Lay down with him and he was asleep within a minute. We've got guests/staying with family the whole of xmas fortnight so won't have to option of a spare bed to cosleep in so I need to come up with some kind of solution. He just sounds so angry but then falls asleep so quickly that there can't be anything seriously wrong I guess. I'll tell DSD to get some earplugs.

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 13/12/2016 13:58

Why don't you bring his cot into your room?

Original poster

welshweasel · 13/12/2016 14:03

Unfortunately it doesn't fit, or else we would have done. We had to move him when he grew out of his snuzpod. Sleeping in the same room doesn't seem to make a difference though, I've tried sleeping in the spare bed (his cots in the spare room) and me being there doesn't help, he wants to be in the bed!!

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