Is self settling definitely the holy grail?

[PenelopeChipShop]

My DD is 6 months, nearly 7 months. She's breastfed and has never slept through, not that I'd expect that at this age but sleep is currently awful. Waking every 1-2 hours all night, longest stretch of sleep is no longer than 2 or possibly 2.5 hours and that would be the beginning of the night, so early evening.

I bf her to sleep as I can't keep her awake by about 6.30 and have got her older brother (4) to put to bed too. I know I should be teaching her to self settle etc but how to do that with a 4yo there and no adult? DH never back early.

Also how do you know when they can sleep all night without feeding?!

My DS is nearly 6 months and I've only ever fed him to sleep. From 3 months he slept through from 7.30pm to 7.30am and he started sucking his thumb to self settle so would put himself to sleep at nap times.

Then he started teething so I gave him a dummy and all of a sudden he was/is waking 2/3 times a night and will only nap if fed to sleep or rocked. It's infuriating because I honestly believe it's my fault for introducing the dummy.

She's hungry..needs food..mine were all on food at 4 months,as was the advice then...they slept through from 4 months and are normal weight/height for nearly adults now..

I feel your pain as I was in exactly the same position as you ...and still kind of am. 4th child, DS I'd 10 months, breastfed to sleep and has never self-soothed, unlike my previous babies. I tried everything, including many 'cry it out' methods, but instead of settling, he screamed harder and harder and would have gone on for hours. I beat myself up about it so much and read loads of books, but I've resigned myself to co-sleeping with him. He snacks on the boob on and off in the night, but on the whole, he gets 12 hours sleep. I get a really good nights sleep.
It really depends on how you feel about co-sleeping and I understand you will want to teach your baby to self-sooth, but I think for some babies it just doesn't work. In the end I feel it is better for my DS to feel happy, secure and with his mummy than anxious and screamy. Many books I've read assure that babies eventually self settle, even if it's when they're toddlers.
If you consider co-sleeping it's best to have the support of your DH as it can change your relationship for a while. Also follow SIDS/co-sleeping guidance.
In the evening I just put DS in the pram as a temporary fix before he goes to bed with me. (He just won't sleep in the cot) Then we go to bed about 9.30. He sleeps next to me all night. It feels crazy but I do it for survival and everyone gets a good sleep.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do. All babies are different and you just need to do what's right for you and your baby.

It is hellishly difficult putting a baby and 4 year old to bed on your own. All I want you say is it is bloody hard and don't beat yourself up about it. I was despairing over same problem. Hang in there, do whatever you have to. It will get better eventually! It is shit but it doesn't last for ever. HTH.

hughlaurie what type of projector do you have? Sounds ideal.

Self settling is a developmental milestone and kids only develop the ability to do it at around a year and a half.
I rocked and fed my son to sleep until he was 17 months and then he decided he wanted to go to bed himself and now he does and sleeps 12/13 hours per night with still a two hour nap in the day.
you are responding to your child's needs during this very short period of their lives. THAT'S the best thing you should do. x

We did the pick up put down method at about 8m, three days of hell but well worth it because it taught DD to self settle, there were still night wakings to pop dummy back in but we weren't having to be with her ages of rocking or whatever like we had before. It sounds like your LO still needs a couple of those night feeds so maybe do some gently sleep training and try to work out which of the feeds she actually needs for milk and which are to help her back to sleep? Hopefully with some gentle sleep training she'll self settle when she's woken but not hungry and cry for you when she actually wants milk. Good luck

Mines same age and also self settled until his jabs then things changed dramatically.

I have done CIO. It has helped but has not solved everything. Naps still a nightmare although just recently have improved (he was constipated a lot so finally got doc to prescribe)

He was going 4 hours at least at night. Now is back to two. I think I need to return to the 'rules' if CIO and go through it again. When he wakes at 1,3,5 if I don't feed he goes barmy. We tried water once but didn't work I may try again to see if I can dis associate waking with feeding.

Routine for us is hard though. I'm self employed, all days are different so although we follow that same rough pattern I am not consistent so I suspect that is not helping.

Does your 2nd like music or RB through head phones ? Just thinking if they could listen a bed time story on head phones whilst you try to self settle baby maybe to block the noise ?
CIO is stressful for a short time. You'll know within a week if it's working or not - that's what I found anyway. The first few days were a 'mare but now I put my DS to bed at 7 everyday, and he is always asleep by 7.30 on his own (with either playing or shouting in the interim depending on over tired or not).

I have been really hung up on it all and searching for an 'answer' but I've realised there probably isn't one. I just have a bad sleeper and as soon as I find a solution he will have changed again anyway. Relaxing about it seems to have helped, I have accepted that some days he will nap great, others I will have to walk him in the pram etc.

Although he wakes for a ten min feed he will always go back down though and will sleep until at least 7 if not longer - so that's something, as I know some kids wake for the day really early.

If baby isn't in own room that would help. We began self settling when he moved in to his own room so I actually gave him the chance to do it.

Good luck OP!

I don't necessarily agree with the advice above that she's hungry and needs more food. Everyone told me that solids would help my DS sleep, defo not the case for us.

Also BeanyGodkin says above self smooth doesn't work for all. The CIO method I followed said if it hasn't worked within a week chances are it won't and you need to try something else. It's so true that what works for one won't for others.

No I don't think self settling is a holy grail. I think independence comes with development (and personality) and like anything developmental there is no need to force it. I only BF one of my 3 and it was a completely different experience having something on tap (literally) that was easily available to comfort the baby and I used it and he grew out of it when he was ready. After the really tough early days of BF I found that comfort on tap to be one of the biggest advantages in BF.

I did a kind of teaching DS how to "self settle" (instead of feeding to sleep) around 6 months. It kind of works (2 months later). Sometimes. He spends around half an hour shuffling around his bed (normal night) starts crying (bad night) and eventually gets comfortable and goes to sleep. But that's all - he wakes up every 2/3 hours to feed so ... I don't really see whether or not teaching him to "self settle" was worth it