Compliant from the neighbours

[ftm1984]

Hello

We are currently sleep training our 9 month old baby girl. We live in a terraced house, so can hear loud noises from our neighbours on either side of us. Last night the neighbours started banging on our baby's bedroom wall to stop her crying. Well, it didn't help as it just made her cry more and when she was close to self-soothing herself back to sleep... They banged three times over the period of an hour.

I can understand how hearing a baby crying in the night would be frustrating (she's in the same house as us so I can hear her too!!), but would never bang on the wall of a neighbour with a crying baby.

In retaliation, I banged my fist against their wall too. I was simply doing exactly the same as what they'd done (but there wasn't a baby in that room).

I politely went to my neighbours this morning and asked why they'd banged on he wall and all I got was abuse. They accused me of:
Not consoling my baby (I went in at regular intervals to console her)
Failing as a mother (because I can't get her to sleep through the night EVERY NIGHT. So obviously I'm failing)
Struggling as a mother (?)
Not being maternal (because I didn't go in frequently enough to console her)
Being a liar (for saying we could hear their banging at the other end of the house, when we could)
Imagining things (hearing their banging at the other end of the house, when we could)

I walked away crying and feeling as though I'd been verbally attacked. We own our home, but the neighbours rent and I'm scared to see them again as I don't know what they'll do/say.

Please mums, what should I do???

Thanks in advance.

So what does your middle-of-the-night sleep training involve?

thats really antisocial behaviour on your part, plus the confrontational going round the next morning part

Good luck for tonight OP. Life with a newish born isn't easy.

X

The issue is that, whilst you know that you are going in to comfort her, your neighbours do not. They just know that she is still crying and therefore any comforting is not working. She may not have been screaming, but she was crying and whimpering loud enough that they could hear at 4am for an hour. Most people won't be at their most patient when they've been woken up by someone else's crying baby at 4am. They'd probably have been a whole lot more tolerant at 7pm.

If you want to continue with the sleep training; baby needs to be somewhere further away from the neighbours.

you need to minimise disturbance to others. That probably means abandoning sleep training. Your neighbours were rather rude but they're probably pissed off. Knocking on walls is childish on both your parts.

Wow! I think you have gotten a really hard time of it on here. You dd is a baby and babies cry, even at 4am and they are completely out of order for banging on the wall. You have a right to parent your child however you want without it being any business of your neighbours. I would go round there again and tell them what you are doing, apologise in advance for any rough nights but that you have to do what you have to do. My ds was a crap sleeper so you have a lot of sympathy from me. If they don't like it they can wear ear plugs! Good luck op

What's the relevance of you owning and neighbours renting?

Our 16mo doesn't sleep through but I go to him straight away and feed him back to sleep after about 11pm. I do try to comfort him without feeding before then but don't leave him crying for long.

We need to move bedrooms around and he will end up next to the master bedroom next door, at the moment he's at the back next to their spare room & bathroom. I won't move him until he's reliably sleeping through as you can hear a pin drop between the walls.

You should have given the neighbours a heads up and maybe even worked out a time that suits everyone (maybe they're away soon for example).

I did shush pat and gradual withdrawal with DD when next door were on a two week holiday. Mostly cracked it before they were home.

I'm in a terraced house with 2 flats on either side. So nearly every room in our house adjoins a neighbour's bedroom.

With all 3 of mine, not settling at 4am was clearly due to hunger as it was 8 hours since their last feed (I never did a late night dreamfeed, just let them sleep so I could too.) I'm paranoid about the noise, so at that sort of time in the morning they'd get a bottle / boob and they'd then nap til 6 or 7am.

What's the relevance of you owning and neighbours renting?
Perhaps the OP was referring to the fact that owners are allowed to disturb renters and they should just accept it but not vice versa.

It sounds like they feel terrible for your baby. I would, too. CC is a 'choice' but if the soundproofing in your house is poor you are subjecting your neighbours to methods they may understandably feel are abhorrent. It's not fair. On anyone.

PersianCatLady, please don't respond only behalf, as that is not the case at all.

*on my behalf

OP [tea]

Seems a bit harsh from your neighbours as babies can cry non stop when being held etc if Poorly or something ...just a thought re the cc how long has it been going on? Id be surprised if crying for long periods after a couple of nights? I found cc worked really well at bedtime and then I had a cut off point for night waking so I think at first I would feed after 2am then gradually extended I have a feeling I would have fed at 4 to start with and then got them back to sleep ....just suggesting if gone to sleep at 7pm they could be needing a quick feed while they adjust to sleeping through ...hope you all get a better night tonight . By the way I don't think 9 months is to young to be doing cc

OP you are going to get a hard time, but I did sleep training with DS 2. It really did work within about a week tops, maybe if you explained to them that it a means to an end and won't be for much longer.

Stay strong x

PersianCatLady, please don't respond only behalf, as that is not the case at all
Fair enough but if it wasn't at all relevant to the case why did you feel the need to mention that you are owners and your neighbours are renters.

It must mean something to you?

PersianCatLady, it means something to me as I am now terrified of my neighbours who verbally attacked me. I can't just move, because we don't rent.

It has absolutely nothing to do with who is 'allowed' to make noise.

We live in a terraced house and we expect (and hear) a lot of noise from them.

PersianCatLady, I was comforting my baby.

I am now terrified of my neighbours who verbally attacked me.
If you are now genuinely terrified of them call 101 and log an incident with them and then do the same every time there is another incident.

When you have logged a few incidents contact the LL or LA of the neighbours and let them know what is happening.

Hi, you probably won’t see this, but I just wanted to send a wee message to say I hope this all sorted out and you felt comfortable with your way of raising your daughter. I am pretty shocked at the amount of negative feedback you received on this thread to be honest. I know a lot of people have opinions on sleep training, but come on people! I personally thought I’d never sleep train or leave my baby crying ever, but following pretty severe reflux my son’s sleep was really bad with frequent wakes every night where the only thing that would soothe him was a feed. I couldn’t hack it anymore after 9 months and felt bad for him cos he was upset so much in the night, so I worked with a sleep consultant who was very clear that sleep training is not as damaging as people make out and that it actually helps some babies in the long run. I can confirm that two weeks in my baby is sleeping loads better and is HAPPIER as a result. I have honestly not seen any evidence of emotional damage whatsoever. I also get the frustration with your neighbours. I had a neighbour banging on my wall while I was trying to sleep train and it made me feel so upset and alone. I wasn’t wanting to leave my baby crying and it felt like I was being told off for it on top of having to wait out the 5 minutes when every instinct was telling me to stop. I really hope things have settled a lot now that your baby is a more grown up child! Sending solidarity and respect your way!

I've not read all the comments but you are not in the wrong?? And people saying you weren't verbally abused?? He said you're failing as a mother!! Babies cry and that's life, it's not as if you've disturbed them on purpose by partying or something?! And banging...wow that's definitely going to make the baby shutup🙄 I would report them for verbal abuse and banging on the wall to their landlord if possible. They sound vile and you shouldn't feel bad or say sorry

Ah old thread