Need my baby taken away

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

Can't cope anymore. He's 21mo, has been in some sort of sleep regression for over a month. The past week in particular I've been getting snatches of an hour at a time, and now he has a cold so it's even worse. He won't respond to sleep training the way he has in the past. Nothing seems to work. I can't cope with being screamed at and hit all day because he's so tired, and then screamed at all night because he won't sleep. I'm so tired. I wish someone would take him away from me just for a while, so I could sleep and feel strong enough to deal with him.

YES monkey! I felt the same about the acceptance. Once you start to roll with it you get less angry and resentful and it definitely helps with the sort of sleep you have. I stopped feeling 'entitled' to a full night of sleep, so I didn't feel hard done by and a bit cross when I didn't get it.

Sleep deprivation is the worst! As pp said, it's a prohibited form of torture under international agreements....

Have you been able to find any triggers at all to either him going to sleep (white noise? Story CDs? complete silence?) or waking up (sharp noises? next door's phone? car alarm?)?

Would you qualify for the funded nursery places for 2yo?

I don't qualify for the 2 year funding.
We do go out every day if we can - always have. Can't bear it being just us and the four walls. We have two bedrooms. There's a single pop up bed in DS' bedroom but it's seemingly not enough.
I do resent him and DH because he sleeps quite happily in my bed with DS while I get kicked out. Both other options are awful. I wish I could get in the cot tbh as it looks the cosiest place to be. I've been going to bed between 7-9pm because I know I'll be up all night. He's been really sketchy about napping too, so while I would usually either sleep for an hour in the day or at least get to lie on the bed in peace playing on my phone or whatever, some days I haven't had that either.

Probably a massive drip feed but I also have long term illnesses that make me extra tired. Yay!

Haven't read tft, but there were special needs reasons that my child didn't sleep more than an hour or so at a time - a characteristic of the syndrome. Desperate times require desperate measures. I would go to bed at 7pm and then DH would put DD to bed at midnight (or as soon as she would drop off after that) then come to bed himself. By the time she woke again, I would have had 6/7 hours sleep and DH got up when he had to - which meant that he also got 6/7 hours sleep. I would also get an hour during the day when DD napped. It sounds a very strange carry on, I know, and wouldn't suit everybody - but it got us through the worst times and made us feel human again. Might be worth trying if you're desperate.

I've become one of those people that fantasises about having an injury significant enough to land me in hospital for a few nights for a nice rest.

I'm having flashbacks of the hell that was DD's first two years. She sleeps fine now so this may not last forever. I slept whenever I could. I was broken. DH thought I had depression. I didn't. I was just tired!

Yes to childminder or similar.

Last year I wasn't coping and said he'd have to be put into care,

Don't be so daft, I understand there is nothing worse than being knackered it stresses you out and can you make you feel shitty, but come on look at your little boy, sleep is over rated, you don't want to put him into care, and they aren't like this forever.

Really wish I could help someway though.
How does he go to bed of a night time does he have bottle, what time ect?

Camichung don't be so presumptuous. I was extremely ill last year and unable to care for him adequately. I can see myself tail spinning into that again, which is frightening.

Perhaps I should have posted this under MH rather than sleep. Or not at all.

Ignore the trolls and just enjoy the helpful posts. There are a lot of trolls on MN but you can just ignore them. They are not relevant.

Hang in there. I know it's really hard, as I also had this and am still recovering 2 years after ds started sleeping.

Ignore camichung OP, no one can understand how awful true long term sleep deprivation is if they haven't been there. It's not the same as having a child that sleeps "normally."

You've done a great job to get this far, especially if you have medical issues yourself. It is hard. Really really hard. The thing we have found most effective is to take alternate nights, that way you at least get a decent block of sleep, and are somewhat prepared to "write off" nights when you are on duty. To make that work as best it can we've made DDs room as comfortable as possible for the on duty parent. It's not ideal, but after 18 months we've had to accept making the best of a rubbish situation.

Just get through tonight, things always seem better in the morning. You can do this, and it will be better, but until then you just have to do whatever small things you can to make life bearable.

I've got a long term illness (hopefully on the mend slowly now) and I've said the same thing about putting my baby into care. I even phoned social services the one day but got through to adults rather than children and just didn't call the other number.

Things seem so much worse at night so I've been using the Samaritans to calm me down. I find if I'm left to my thoughts, they just spiral and everything gets on top of me. I'm sleep deprived too (not due to the baby) and this doesn't help any rational thoughts (hence suicide seems like a good option. Especially when the pain is bad).

I find a baby cuddle helps as I need to focus on him rather than myself. I've also given myself tasks to do that I can cross off as I do them. It gives my days additional purpose and makes me feel like I've achieved something.

I can't help too much with the baby sleeping but I'd suggest giving up your bed for now and making sure you've got a comfy bed elsewhere to go to rather than the sofa. It might be enough for the baby to get used to and enjoying sleep so that it carries on if he can continue in with your OH.

Fingers crossed you can catch up on some sleep soon!

If you aren't working can you go and stay with your parents for a week? Let them do some nights so you can sleep or let them take him out during the day while you sleep?

Peaceandlove I am so sorry this sounds so difficult. Please can you speak to your Gp and/or health visitor. Is there a major reason why he sleeps so badly? Could it be a medical reason and GP can investigate?

You said it is you and your baby alone together a lot. That must be so hard. Please ask you dh to find some nursery place so you can get some time away from baby. Can you join any mums and toddler groups so he can get some time alongside others too. This might help. Can you get him out in the fresh air, park etc so he is more tired out by nighttime?

Agree with joinourclub go and stay with anyone hwo can help you get some rest. My relatives were in their 70s when dd was born (mum and in-laws) but they all managed to help wonderfully with baby, especially if it was just at home in a safe environment.

This sleep deprivation sounds like it is making you very depressed, maybe there is even some post natal depression affecting you. Have you spoken to GP about any of this?

Please get your dp to help you get some help for you and baby. What you describe sounds really awful.

Please use any and all resources, relatives, in-laws, GP, health visitor and your dp to get the help you need. Do not be fobbed off by anyone.

And YES, You were absolutely right to post here and to ask for help. YOU are worth help and you need it. Make sure your dh/dp is thinking of ways to get help too.

But you could also post under mental health as well. You may get some different or better answers. Please keep looking for answers and explaining exactly what you are experiencing.

I went through a period of sleep deprivation with my son recently. What helped with speaking to a sleep consultant and developing an action plan. The sleep consultant could be swapped for your GP or HV maybe?? Write it down and then stick to it.

Our son was waking very, very early for the day. He is a little older so we were able to explain to him that he needed to stay in his room and stay quiet until the sun came up on his groclock. We then put a baby gate over his door (he is out of his cot). We started the groclock at the time he was waking (3:30am) and moved it forward 5 minutes every couple of days. We are now back at 6am.

I am not saying that this will work for your son - just to say that having a plan and writing it down made me feel better. I know not everyone would 'approve' of the baby gate but it worked wonders for us. The sleep consultant gave me 'permission' to try something that felt quite radical.

Can you cancel the holiday and stay at home or go to visit family? Do your families know how dire the situation is? If they did, might they really want to help? We are away from our families but had someone come and stay with us (paid) to wake up in the morning with our son. Saved our sanity as we were getting things straight.

I hope you find a suitable nursery/childcare situation ASAP. Good luck.

My 4 month old just doesn't sleep, hasn't done so for weeks,it's hell isn't it! Absolute hell! I keep being told it will pass!
Can you pop him in a pushchair in the day, go for a walk until he drops off then rush home and have a nap yourself keeping him in the pushchair? I also agree with a couple sessions in a nursery, it may tire him out enough to sleep plus will give you a few hours of much needed rest!

If he sleeps well with your DH, I'd be tempted to let your DH stay with him for a few nights. And maybe try to get hold of a more comfortable bed for DS's room for you - even a single mattress on the floor would do.

I second the advice to go to bed at 7/8pm. I had a tough time with DD1 and this saved me. DP would do the evening shift until 12-1am and so it meant that I got at least 4-5 hours unbroken sleep. It made the days far more bearable knowing that sleep would happen

I know how you feel so you have home start in your area? They can come sit play with your DS while you catch up on sleep? I know people that used them and I did once saved my sanity

It is absolute hell - it really is . There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture.

I've become one of those people that fantasises about having an injury significant enough to land me in hospital for a few nights for a nice rest.

I've had the same thoughts.

it's so difficult. Sleep in shifts, making sure each of you get 2-3 solid hours a day somewhere. I'm sure you've already done this but worth checking there's nothing physical like an ear infection going on too.
Sympathies: it's shit, and it's tough. Definitely look into childminder

I second the brain trick my Dd2 is totally shit at sleeping. Screaming at bed time up all night ect. I found that if I just thought ok we will get up and watch TV have a cuppa, on the sofa with a duvet. It was much easier to accept. Sleep deprivation is the devil especially when your coping on your own. You will get through it. I just keep thinking I'm going to wake her up at 6am when she is a teenager to get my revenge.

I have had exactly the same - fantasies of hospital stays and feeling suicidal over lack of sleep. Get to a doctor or health visitor. My son has terrible eczema which causes the lack of sleep and we were both suffering so badly. It wasn't until I broke down to my GP that they referred him for specialist help. They were more worried about me than him. I was going to break. Please be honest with your doctor or HV and I hope you get help soon.

Oh I've just discovered I'm pregnant. Amazing timing.