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Original poster

Controlled Crying

105 replies

clurina32 · 30/12/2015 20:43

OK, please don't judge, but its got to the point where we are going to use the cc method to help our 6.5 month old sleep through. She has 3 meals a day, plenty of milk and water and a HUGE bottle before bed. It gets to 10/11pm and things go down hill from there, wakings every 2 hrs sometimes more. She uses a dummy and that used to work to settle her back, but we've fallen into the bottle trap and now she just yells 'til she gets it. Been like this for weeks now. I am not coping with the sleep deprivation, its driving me mental. I have a husband who works very long hours and i'm on my own quite often at night until the wee hours when he gets back. I need to improve things for my own sanity!! I am nervous about this. My husband has booked some time off work and my 3yr old is going to stay with his cousins so we can spend a few nights trying cc. I would really like to hear from anyone who has succeeded with cc - tips, positivity, ANYTHING!! Please tell me how it worked for you and that i'll never look back!!!

OP posts:
YouBastardSockBalls · 31/12/2015 08:16

Finally it DOESNT work for all children.
Worked really well with my first, so I was a bit smug about it like you sound to be - 'I can't understand why these people complaining they get no sleep don't just get a grip and do cc!' but with my second it REALLY didn't work. After 2 mins she'd be hysterical, and after 4 mins she'd have vomited and be hyperventilating, so I'd have to get her out for clean up anyway.

Suzietwo · 31/12/2015 08:29

I agree with that. It worked less well with my third when he was little, but does now.

Suzietwo · 31/12/2015 08:33

I suppose what I think is that it's not not worth trying just because it doesn't work. And I think there are long term benefits to the process either way

Ragwort · 31/12/2015 09:06

I agree with Suzietwo - of course I didn't leave my newborn to scream in his cot but I started with the assumption that there was a set bedtime (7pm) and DS would be put in his cot - I never fed/rocked/cuddled him to sleep so he never got into that bad- habit. He very quickly learned to self settle as that was his 'norm'.

I understand that it doesn't suit everyone but I do get slightly fed up with people who say 'my child never sleeps' who then do nothing to encourage good sleep habits.

CottonSock · 31/12/2015 10:07

Op, I had big improvement after two nights.

Funny enough I tried the no cry sleep solution before cc. It resulted in more crying overall than cc! Delayed the inevitable and got me all stressed.

passmethewineplease · 31/12/2015 10:11

CC wouldn't work with my DS. Going in and out of the room would upset him even more.

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 31/12/2015 10:32

I don't understand it when people profess teaching good sleep hygiene is some kind of cruel terrible thing. It's absolutely essential to a good healthy life. Roaming round in the night going from room to room/ taking over a king size bed/ interrupted sleep is BAD and anything which can help babies not
To experience it is helpful.

That said CC didn't work with my DC but doesn't mean it's not worth a try.

4 months is a perfectly normal
Age to be sleeping through. Many don't but many do. Mine had started doing so naturally at that age and so had most of the babies I met who were born at a similar time

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 10:51

I've never met a baby who slept through at 4 months and stayed sleeping through after that...

maybe if they are on formula they sleep for longer?

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 10:53

what worked for us was to co sleep
feed on demand

funnily enough the babies all settled really easily...and I barely had to get out of bed, ever.

That was what worked for us anyway.

passmethewineplease · 31/12/2015 10:54

Me neither Pip..

I'd say if your 4 month old is sleeping all the way through you're pretty lucky tbh. Most of the babies I know started at between 6-8 months.

If the net is to be belived up to half of young children still wake in the night.

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 10:58

btw the time I tried putting one of them in his own bed in a separate room for a couple of weeks almost killed me

I firmly believe that having them near to you and giving them what they want immediately is the BEST way to minimise your own stress, get the maximum sleep all round, and not cause anyone to cry for any length of time.

Even having a bedside cot has to be better than going in a different room

why put yourself through it

people seem so scared of babies. Like if you give them what they want, they will take over your life entirely, kill you by degrees, and never grow up or sleep through ever.

It's bollocks.

It only kills you if you have to physicallt get out of bed to attend to a child who is by then crying and won't settle and then you do it again five minutes later. THAT is torture.

Just put them next to you. Minimise the effort. Arguing with a baby is a waste of time. Adapt to the current need.

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 31/12/2015 11:01

Of course they don't guaranteed sleep through- DD was up half last night for example with a wheezing cough and she started sleeping through at 5 months. All my children were EBF although I agree formula fed babies tend to lend themselves a little easier to a routine.

I'm surprised you've never known a baby to sleep through at 4 months. I happen to have the essential first year book in front of me which mentions you can expect babies to start to sleep through from 3.

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 11:04

Oh, really? Well I imagine some do. 'From' three months is a kind of catch all though really isn't it.

I've had three of my own, and known various friends to have babies, obviously, and none of them have done it that early to my knowledge.

It's anecdotal either way.

passmethewineplease · 31/12/2015 11:04

Wow really?

I'd say that's quite optimistic, everywhere else says 6 months.

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 11:05

From three years perhaps Grin

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 31/12/2015 11:16

Well it only covers the first year Wink

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 11:18

fair enough Grin

But I would be surprisd if anyone took a book like that as an actual baby instruction manual.

They are all different. it can only give you the range of possibilities, really.

Purpleboa · 31/12/2015 11:32

I think that going by the guidelines that say a baby 'should' be sleeping through by a certain time is a surefire route to insanity. My DD is 6 months and is about as far away from sleeping through as you can get!!

I'm considering doing CC. Not just for me (although it would help, given that I feel I'm on the brink of PND) but for my DD, who is not getting anywhere near the amount of sleep she needs. I worry that through feeding her to sleep, I've created some bad habits and not helped her to learn how to sleep. I know I'd be a better mum if I could just get some sleep!

That said, there are strong arguments for and against sleep training. As a mum it's so hard to know what's right. Being exhausted and doubting your every move makes it worse!

Either way, please don't bandy about a serious term like child abuse. To liken sleep training to this is bollocks at best, dangerous at worse. Have some sense and respect please.

53rdAndBird · 31/12/2015 11:34

Mine slept through at 3 months! For one night. And hasn't repeated it since Grin

Seriously though, the research on normal infant sleep suggests that some might be regularly sleeping through at 3/4 months, but the majority won't. From here:

By the time babies are 3 months old some (but not all) begin to start settling (sleeping through a night-time feed for a stretch of up to 5 hours). By the time they are 5 months old half of them may have started to sleep for an eight-hour stretch on some nights. Generally, though, babies do not sleep all night-every night until they are close to a year old. One study investigating infant sleep duration found that 27% of babies had not regularly slept from 10pm to 6am by the age of 1 year. 13% of babies had not regularly slept through for 5 hours or more by the age of 1 year.

And some of them will still be waking up multiple times at 21 months, no matter what you bloody do.

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 11:38

Purpleboa, honestly I don't think there is such a thing as a bad habit in a baby - especially not one that tiny. You have done nothing wrong by feeding to sleep...IMO, it's how it works best. It seems very intuitive and natural to me.

Well it's worked very well for us through three babies. If it ain't broke and all that.

I think there are likely to be other reasons your baby is waking at this age. Often it's when they are getting their first teeth and of course that means some discomfort and needing to suck to ease that - also for reassurance and comfort. Just knowing you are near can help a lot - which is why I take it further and keep them right next to me.

It helps them to know I am there and they can feed when they ask, and often I think they don't bother because they already expect me to be there, so it isn't a cry for attention, if they do wake up.
Do you see what I mean - it's normal for them to wake a fair bit and to want you there, all you can do is try to accommodate it as best you can with minimal disruption to your own sleep.

For me, co sleeping and feeding when asked was the best way to maximise the efficiency there. I really believe it leads to less frequent waking and far easier settling after a feed, rather than dangling your boob over the side of a cot or something and tiptoeing away waiting for the inevitable 'wahhhh' as they realise they are on their own again!

Purpleboa · 31/12/2015 11:55

Thanks Pip! That makes me feel better. That's the approach I've been going for. But reading comments on here which basically say you are to blame for your baby not sleeping if you don't do cc makes me doubt myself! I would much rather be responding to her needs.

Tbh I don't mind a few wake ups to feed, ad long as she will go back to sleep. And she usually gets a few hours to start with. But lately she's been waking and not going back to sleep, so it probably is teething. That's why I'm reluctant to do controlled crying - I think she does need comforting.

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 12:00

I love to hear someone saying that Brew

there are a lot of proponents of CC and so on on here - and gentler methods too of course - but also harsher ones such as CIO.

It makes me really sad sometimes to see people advocating 'not' comforting a baby as often as it needs to be comforted.

It's not like the world comes to a standstill if you go to them/sleep next to them/stay with them. It's for a short time. People get very freaked out and feel like they have to DO something. Like their baby is unusual or broken - it's not.

Good luck, follow your instincts, I hope it works out for you as well as it did for us.

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 12:01

By the way you can try a little calpol if she seems to be in pain. It's not something I'd use a lot but for a few nights here and there when they are teething, and inconsolable, it can make a big difference to them.

Purpleboa · 31/12/2015 12:16

Thanks Pip. Yes, I've felt like my DD is broken in some way - especially when other babies in my mums group sleep through so well! So it's reassuring to hear that.

Yesterday we visited a friend who has a 6 week baby who was born 3 weeks early. They are already leaving him to cry it out!! That just doesn't sit right with me.

Yes we do use calpol, might try some tonight. Hate the thought of her being in pain.

Pipistrella · 31/12/2015 12:24

Blimey that is awful, poor little thing, I can't imagine how anyone can do that. Are they mostly nice people/good parents? If not I'd have a word with their health visitor as it's quite concerning and could be dangerous to the baby - babies have been known to choke on their own vomit if left to cry.

It would really worry me tbh that they are even doing this. It's just so cruel.