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Original poster

Controlled Crying

105 replies

clurina32 · 30/12/2015 20:43

OK, please don't judge, but its got to the point where we are going to use the cc method to help our 6.5 month old sleep through. She has 3 meals a day, plenty of milk and water and a HUGE bottle before bed. It gets to 10/11pm and things go down hill from there, wakings every 2 hrs sometimes more. She uses a dummy and that used to work to settle her back, but we've fallen into the bottle trap and now she just yells 'til she gets it. Been like this for weeks now. I am not coping with the sleep deprivation, its driving me mental. I have a husband who works very long hours and i'm on my own quite often at night until the wee hours when he gets back. I need to improve things for my own sanity!! I am nervous about this. My husband has booked some time off work and my 3yr old is going to stay with his cousins so we can spend a few nights trying cc. I would really like to hear from anyone who has succeeded with cc - tips, positivity, ANYTHING!! Please tell me how it worked for you and that i'll never look back!!!

OP posts:
Suzietwo · 30/12/2015 22:27

I haven't read this but leaving kids to cry works. I've done it with all 3 of mine from very early on and have never had a single sleep issue that I haven't overcome within a few weeks. Most recently my 18 month old started waking at 5am and after a few weeks of pandering to him we started leaving him until 7. He screamed for 2 hours the first few mornings. Within a week he sleeps until 6.45.

Waiting to see if they develop ishews as a result. Probably nothing worse than the rest of their upbringing will give them

Frustratedmummy79 · 30/12/2015 22:29

Well said clurina - I don't think any of us would even consider using any techniques that were abusive to our little ones. I hardly think reducing night time feeds from 3 hourly is abusive, particularly as this pattern is having a negative effect on the whole family. The original post was asking for support not opinions

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 30/12/2015 22:31

To be honest if you're talking going back in after minutes to shhhh pat I think a bit of manning up is required because if it works consider yourself lucky. I wouldn't waste angst on it.

Nothing like that worked with my DD- she slept on her back so wouldn't be patted and once cried for 3 hours whilst I held her hand before I gave in. It wasn't particularly traumatic just boring and pointless. I'm desperate to get her in her own room Sad

Suzietwo · 30/12/2015 22:37

Would I expect my husband to come to me in the night if I was crying?? No. Probably b/c my own upbringing taught me crying in the night didn't result in much attention. Have I lost out on something as a result of not spending my nights weeping into my pillows. Maybe. But mostly I'm too much asleep to notice

Takeparacetamolandstopmoaning · 30/12/2015 22:42

Exactly, why would a grown woman need her husband to look after her in the night? Weird comparison

Suzietwo · 30/12/2015 22:43

Tbh my husband is more likely to be dealing with a vomiting child than a weeping wife

Original poster
clurina32 · 30/12/2015 22:47

Yes, I think if I woke every hour shouting/crying during the night, every bloody night, my husband would prob move out.....

OP posts:
Ragwort · 30/12/2015 22:52

As usual someone comes in with the old 'it's child abuse' comment Hmm - yes, parenting is a 24 hour commitment but that doesn't mean you need to be at your child's beck & call 24/7. A child needs a rested parent who can work and generally function in society.

We did CC with our baby at a much younger age which I won't mention as I always get flamed - I prefer to call it 'learning to self settle'. I think it's almost too late if you leave it until 6 month, we had a GF routine from the day he returned from hospital, he went to bed at 7pm and, apart from one quick night feed, slept through until 7am.

Suzietwo · 30/12/2015 22:56

Hey ragwort, I leave them to cry the moment we get back from hospital. Not nec for long but I start immediately as I intend to go on. Don't feel bad! Fwiw it wasn't magical for all 3 but I do expect them to be sleeping through by 4/5 months

vichill · 30/12/2015 23:05

These threads are so depressing. It's really not ok.

Myothercarisalsoshit · 30/12/2015 23:12

I did CC with my son and it worked brilliantly. I think it's one of the kindest things you can do for your child. You are teaching them to settle themselves down to get the rest that they need and that will help with their brain development. Children who sleep well are happy and contented. I think it's cruel not to teach them this. Nobody on here is suggesting that you ignore their cries. If they seem genuinely upset of course you would go in. You just wouldn't rock them to sleep or pick then up as a first resort. Hardlt child abuse.

queenofthepirates · 30/12/2015 23:21

I did CC with my 7mo DD under the recommendation of the health visitor. She quite rightly pointed out as a single mum, I had quite enough on my plat without being run ragged with sleep exhaustion.

Child abuse it is not as I believe my well adjusted, happy, independent, thoughtful 4yo would attest to. Being too tired to attend to your's basic child probably is though.

nooka · 30/12/2015 23:28

We did controlled crying with ds, it took a couple of nights I think, not very long anyway. He was probably about six months or so, old enough that we had learned to understand his crying patterns so we could tell the difference between 'I'm very tired and I need to sleep' and 'I'm distressed and I need something'.

We tried to do the same with dd and totally failed! She just didn't settle at all without being walked. Probably some tummy upset I think. So dh jiggled her on his knee for hours until she finally went to sleep. Painful times!

Fifteen years later and ds appears unharmed. dd still struggles with sleep though.

Good luck OP. I hope that your dd soon sleeps much better!

passmethewineplease · 30/12/2015 23:31

Give it ago but tbh six months isn't really that old is it? I'd wait until a bit older personally despite what the recommended age is.

My opinion is that they're crying for a reason. God knows what reason but a reason all the same.

I would hate to cry myself to sleep so can't imagine letting a baby do it, eseoxoally when crying is that baby's only form of communication.

I know how exhausting it is. I have a two year old and a one year old that don't sleep through, I still can't do CC though.

SouthernComforter · 31/12/2015 06:42

We did the thing where you start by sitting with them and gradually move the chair away. Like a softer version of cc. At 2.5 he's now great at bedtime and almost never wakes up in the night (or he didn't until we had DS2 in November). I can't remember how old he was but it was prob about 8 months.

ilovehotsauce · 31/12/2015 06:47

She's only 6.5 months, 6 months is the minimum recommended age for any form of sleep training.

NerrSnerr · 31/12/2015 06:54

Six months is still tiny. My concern is that babies are being conditioned to not cry when they need something as they know that ultimately no one will come (or someone will come and shush them but not actually deal with what they want).

I'm assuming the poster who said they do cc straight from hospital and expect them to be sleeping though from 4 months is attempting some kind of humour? They can't be serious.

Suzietwo · 31/12/2015 07:16

Can't I?

Zogthebiggestdragon · 31/12/2015 07:17

We did CC with my daughter at 7 months, after a bout of teething had us all on our knees. Frankly I had a few glasses of wine for Dutch courage and we did the 1,2, then every 5 minute return. She cried for 45 minutes, it was awful, but then she slept for 4 hours. We hadn't had 4 hours of solid sleep for months. It just got better from there. We've had to do it again a few times - early rising, times she's wanted us to stay in the room while she gets to sleep - but it works so well.

I'm not even going to comment on the abuse bollocks, but before we did CC my daughter would be waking up screaming every 45 minutes through the night. One continuous 45 min bout doesn't even begin to match that for the distress it was causing her.

So go for it and good luck.

NerrSnerr · 31/12/2015 07:19

Sorry I assumed you were joking considering newborns need regular feeding and can't differentiate between day and night when so small. I was obviously wrong Sad

Bananabreath · 31/12/2015 07:27

I don't even understand how you would do cc with a newborn?! Or what the point is? Can you explain Suzie?

SparklyTinselTits · 31/12/2015 07:36

This is what gets my goat on CC threads.
People hear the words "controlled crying" and assume people are leaving their babies to scream hysterically for minutes or hours at a time. THATS NOT WHAT IT IS!!!!
For us, CC involved learning the differences between the sounds our DD makes. She never actually cried while we were doing it. She would chat and sing and whinge in her cot, but she only ever cried a few times. On those occasions, I went back into the room and calmed her (without picking her up), then left again.
It's not cruel IMO. What's cruel, is attempting to survive on a couple of hours sleep a night, and be a good parent at the same time. It's impossible, and in some situations, dangerous. And how is it fair on a 3 year old having their sleep disturbed every night because their sibling has never learned to self-settle when they wake in the night?!

Go ahead and call me a "child abuser". But I can guarantee, my DD is a happy little girl majority of the time, she's well fed, and she sleeps well. As do DH and I. And we are both better parents than we were because of the sleep we are getting.

SparklyTinselTits · 31/12/2015 07:37

Just for the record, my DD was 7mo when we did cc

Suzietwo · 31/12/2015 07:41

I haven't ever read about what controlled crying is, or different sleep training methods, so saying I do controlled crying for newborns may well not be a good description.

However, I do not go to even very small babies the second they start making noises, every time. I try and stretch out feeds from pretty early on and establish a routine with breastfeeding. That means that sometimes the baby is left to cry for a few minutes while I try to add say 5 mins between feeds.

I also try and encourage them to self settle from pretty early on. I try to avoid babies falling asleep on me in the evening and put them to bed where they might grizzle for a bit before going to sleep.

I do go to very small babies at night when they wake for a feed, every time.

I don't see any of this as being even slightly controversial, my kids are fine and i have been able to get on with life and work within weeks of having babies. Works for us

FinallyGotAnIPhone · 31/12/2015 07:50

I can't understand it when people don't do CC! They are the people who say "my DC still doesn't sleep through the night" ...at two years old. I think it's all about choices - you can choose to have a couple of nights of crying and then full nights of sleep after that- or you can choose to get up every night in the middle of the night for months/ years. It's up to you.

I did it with both my DC at about seven months. Health visitor recommended it on baby #1 as she said DC didn't need feeding in the night at 7 months. The CC with both children took a couple of nights but after that they slept through.

I kept going in every 10 mins giving a quick cuddle but not talking to them and putting them straight back.

Both kids - now 5 and 2 are absolutely fine and sleep training is a distant memory.