first night of cio...did i do it right? i feel awful.

[spillyobeans]

First night of cio last night (if anyone has read my sleep thread you will know my ds is an extreme non sleeper. Health visitor advised me to do cio) tried everything else and this is last resort. Ds (6 month).

So last night was horrendous, he literally cried all night! He started to be very sleepy at about 6, he fell asleep and we put him in cot and he got up at 12. Got him a clean nappy and a bottle and fed and changed him with v minimal contact and no speaking. He was very drowsy after and i placed him back in cot, he imediatly started crying. From then i came in every 3 mins then 5 mins and eventually 10 mins after quite a while - each time not lifing him just a quick pat and said sleep now. But this went on untill 4am! By this point i fed him again and he fell asleep on bottle and i put him back in cot (i know your not meant to feed to sleep but with ds being 6 month i think if hes crying and its been 4 hours since a feed then he may be hungry) so now im thinking the 4 hours of crying was for nothing as he fell asleep on bottle and not by self?

Surely 4 hours of crying is too much? If i hadnt fed him im sure he would have carried on untill right through to morning!

Sounds more like controlled crying as CIO is when you just leave them to cry and don't go back in. How would he normally settle to sleep?

How would you normally get him to sleep if he didn't fall asleep on bottle?

This is controlled crying, not cio. It's really not recommended for such a little baby. 4hrs of crying is heartbreaking.

What else have you tried?

We are at a point where the only way he will settle to sleep in being pushed about in pram and sometimes being bounced in bouncer. Tbh he ver rarely feeds to sleep and last night was a rare occurrence. You cant rock or pat and he wont take a dummy

Rax, ive spoken to a hv and a health support worker and they said i should do it as nothing else is working and ds no sleeping is exream and im at the end of my tether. Ive had a bedtime routine from 3 month that is quiet time, dimmed lights,bath book boob/bottle bed. Ive been trying putting him down awake but sleepy, just crys and crys. The last 3 months have been awful, he has a nap of 2 hours from 9am till 11. Then up and may have a 40 min nao from 1. After that he will not sleep more than 2 hours until next day!

That sounds really hard, when you say he doesn't sleep, does he just cry all night every night?
I'd be inclined to Co sleep if you think he'd settle in with you, no 6 month old should be left to cry, and I don't mean that in a judgemental way, I left my pfb to cry because I was at the end of my tether.
I couldn't do that with my second because I knew it would wake dd so he just got brought into bed, and at 18 months he sleeps fine all night in his own bed.

Ive tried, rocking in arms, shush pat, pick up put down, dummy (refuses it always has done. White noise/calming music, light projector/mobile. Taking everything out of xrib in case of overstimulation. Tried lying next to bed with arm on him to comfort him - this makes him worse than if i wasnt in room. Have tried singing to him, tried swaddling when yonger, now hates it

I know you're at the end of your tether. I understand. I've been there. Thing is, it isn't recommended and clearly it doesn't work for you because he's tiny and doesn't understand.

Has the hv recommended a gp visit and an investigation into whether there's something else going on. My niece was exactly the same and the crying and lack of sleep was medical, not behavioural.

Have you any friends or acquaintances with something like an amby baby hammock?

I went to gp and they have said nothings wrong with him, hes just not a good sleeper. Hv gave me leaflets which say its tecommened from 6 months onwards, ds is 6 months? Whats an amby swing? Also, i cant really use a wrap/baby carrier type thing because hes quite big (22lbs) so might have issues with a swing? Plus surely that would just be delaying him going to sleep on his own as he will rely on the movement of that?

Sorry not trying to be contrary, just thinking. Also, with the cc (sorry thought this was synonymous with cio) hes fine for daytime nap, 20 mins ago i fed him and put him in cot awake, he had a very small 5 min grumble and then fell asleep no problem - for some reason night time is a real big issue

Sounds like he's probably too tired to sleep at night
I would work on getting him to have a second nap before you work at nighttime, once you've cracked the daytime you may find that the nighttime fixes itself

Our eldest DD was like this (though she was breastfed and only settled to sleep in a sling, the general lack of good sleep was the same). She began to grow out of it at around 10 months although didn't sleep on her own until she was over two -- and still wakes in the night and gets into bed with us at nearly four! It was just a case of getting by, really. Responding to her needs and snatching peace and quiet where we could. Co-sleeping was a preferable option to CC for us... I found HV's advice callous and unhelpful in our case.

Oh i forgot to mention, have tried co - sleeping and it doesnt make a difference . My dh is against it (paramedic and has got a couple of sids cases so i dont blame him tbh) so i tried co sleeping when he was on nightshift, but honestly doesnt make a difference either way (however he will sometimes lie attatched to boob (i combine feed) and will sleep-suckle for hours (not a cluster feed just very gentle sucking) but as soon as i move boob or move him he will wake and cry. But this is only sometimes, othertimes he seems to be happier away from me tbh! The only place he truely settles and is happy is the pram.

My hv is retiering after xmas so im suposed to have a newly qualified person in new year so maybe they will have some different advice? I do feel awful leaving him to cry, but some nights when we have been cuddling /walking/pushing/patting he crys just the same and i wonder wether the extra interacting is over stimulating him? Also ive not noticed a difference linked to good day naps (this has been going on for 3 months so have tried keeping logs etc) and even if he gets two great naps and gets put down at 6 or 7 he wont sleep. We also tried for a few weeks just geting hin to sleep when he was v v tired and he wouldnt go down till 2am (this wasnt cc or cio btw, just cudles etc) and woukd wake every hour after

My DS was a bloody awful sleeper, the most he'd managed by 6 months was a 45 minute stretch.
Nothing worked for us, except for patience. Although to be fair I didn't try CC because it wasn't right for me, but we tried everything else. He went to sleep very happily on his own at bedtime but just wanted feeding and feeding and feeding overnight - introducing formula made no difference either, apart from to highlight how very hungry he was, he'd have 13oz before bed!
He outgrew it eventually, he didn't sleep through until he was 2, but it got significantly better from about age 1.
My first DC had slept through from 10 weeks. They are all different, it's nothing you are doing wrong. You will get there.

13oz at 6 months wow!! Well hopefully ds will get better with age!

No advice about the sleeping but at 22lb something like a Connecta sling will be perfectly comfortable! I carry my 24lb 2yo np problems :)

I would leave him alone in the cot to cio and not go in to shush him unless it went on for hours and hours. Maybe your stimulating him and winding him back up again.

3 days of cio and you'll be fine.

I disagree with leaving totally alone to cry. He is only 6 months old and it seems cruel to leave them to cry with no one to check how he is. Have you tried gradual withdrawal where you are in the same room but get progressively further away until you are out the door?

I've got to say I personally couldn't do any form of sleep training involving crying. I think we are instinctively attuned to a baby's cry for a reason and that's why listening to it is so bloody awful. That said, I also know the extreme depths that sleep deprivation can take you to. I've found myself lying on the floor bawling through pure exhaustion more than once so I totally respect your right to do whatever you need to do.

However, 6 months is very young to be expecting a decent sleeper. My DS only started sleeping consistently at well over 14mo. We rocked and cuddled to sleep for a long time, also co-sleeping when needed. We didn't do anything I'd describe as 'training' other than try to encourage him back into his cot as much as possible. Any significant tears and he came out again. Now, at 21mo, he sleeps through the night and self settles at bedtime/naps probably 70% of the time. Just wanted to let you know that it WILL get better in time regardless and if CC/CIO is too awful for you or doesn't work it doesn't meant you're stuck with sleepless nights forever. Good luck!

I second some people saying at 6 months expecting easy/quick bed-time, putting down from awake, isn't realistic. For me once I stopped those expectations I felt better, though it's still hard work. Some babies just need help to fall asleep, and if he needs motion from pram or rocker chair or just being walked back and forth with music on (we did this for a LOOONG time), then just do it, don't give yourself even more stress by worrying about your parenting or 'bad habits' or whatever. Just do what works for you; its clear that controlled crying/CIO isn't something you feel alright about doing. I think few babies can "self-settle" without some training i.e. learning that they will not receive comfort if they cry.

If he will "sleep-suckle" on you at night, then maybe just go with it for a while, until he gets a bit older? Sounds like the most restful option for you both. Your DH may have had awful exposure to SIDS through work, but co-sleeping can be done perfectly safely if rules are followed. Plenty of good practical advice in threads on here.

They change so much, so fast, and things do eventually improve. Our 21 month old now goes off like a dream every night by being read stories, would never have believed that was possible even 4 months ago, when we were spending an hour or more lying alongside cot, trying to get her to go to sleep herself (she is very far from sleeping through however, even 5 hours undisturbed is a celebration ). Good luck.

So he slept 6pm-midnight? That's a 6 hour stretch which really is very good for such a young baby, I think you might be expecting too much.a full night's sleep is actually a 5hr stretch.

I had one good sleeper, until 8months old he woke every few hours to be fed then started going 7pm-6am. But my other DS 15months old isn't such a great sleeper, bad nights he's up every 45mins, good night's he'll sleep 8pm-3am then 4am-6am.

Allyoucaneat sorry just chrcked my post, no idea how i put 6, but meant from 8, and that was a really good stretch for ds, we get that maybe once every 2 weeks, on a normal night he starts showing signs of tiredness at about 7, so from 7 untill 2am most days we are trying to get him to sleep and when he does he will wake after an hour.

Sorry if i havnt explained very well. Up untill 3 months he was sleeping through, i.e:sleeping from 10pm-2/3am, up for feed and back down until 6am - im not expecting him to be sleeping 8+hours or anything, but since 3 month until now at 6 months hes gone from that to not going down until about 2am, asleep for an hour, then up untill 5am and back down for 1 hour, 2 hours definitely usnt enough for him or me!

Twice today for naps he has fallen asleep pretty easy by himself - night just seems to be a nightmare!

I did think about gradual withdrawl with chair, but ds is normally worse with me in room?