first night of cio...did i do it right? i feel awful.

[spillyobeans]

First night of cio last night (if anyone has read my sleep thread you will know my ds is an extreme non sleeper. Health visitor advised me to do cio) tried everything else and this is last resort. Ds (6 month).

So last night was horrendous, he literally cried all night! He started to be very sleepy at about 6, he fell asleep and we put him in cot and he got up at 12. Got him a clean nappy and a bottle and fed and changed him with v minimal contact and no speaking. He was very drowsy after and i placed him back in cot, he imediatly started crying. From then i came in every 3 mins then 5 mins and eventually 10 mins after quite a while - each time not lifing him just a quick pat and said sleep now. But this went on untill 4am! By this point i fed him again and he fell asleep on bottle and i put him back in cot (i know your not meant to feed to sleep but with ds being 6 month i think if hes crying and its been 4 hours since a feed then he may be hungry) so now im thinking the 4 hours of crying was for nothing as he fell asleep on bottle and not by self?

Surely 4 hours of crying is too much? If i hadnt fed him im sure he would have carried on untill right through to morning!

Not much advice, my ds was very similar and I just rode it out with him, he did get better but didn't sleep through until he was over 2.

Re a sling. Look up Lillebaby. The complete is for babies up to 45lb. I can carry my 3 year old in it no problem.

My DD was 23lbs at 6 months and lived in the sling. I still carry my 4yo in a back carry for long walks. Maybe try it?

My youngest had very severe separation anxiety from 5 months and would only sleep on me. For around an hour at a time. It was so ruddy hard. I did whatever helped and never bothered worrying about bad habits.

Controlled crying before 12 months old? I cannot bring myself to consider that ok no matter now supportive I try to be.

4 hours of crying is massively excessive even for an older baby. I wouldn't expect an 18 month old to cry more than 60-90 minutes. On a tiny baby.., I can't. I don't even know what to say. Too much crying.

Do you have a reference point OP? Is this your first child? I wonder if actually the changes need to come from you and your expectations and stress levels rather than changes in your baby.

4 hours of crying tells me baby has another need that needs to be met. If it was just sleep he'd have "given up" in half that time. The need may simply be comfort and security. A baby feeling insecure is likely to find it difficult to sleep.

FATE you just worded everything I wanted to say perfectly!

It sounds like up until 3 months you had an unusually good sleeper (10pm-2/3am would have been very welcome in my house even at 12 months!), and now you have an unusually bad one. Baby's still VERY little, only 6 months, and will most likely change sleep patterns again and again. Even 8pm-midnight undisturbed with our 21 month old is an extremely good stretch... I still think you might be suffering from unrealistic views of what is 'normal' either in evening, overnight sleeps or naps. Yes, he sounds pretty bad right now, but you say he will snooze when co-sleeping with you on boob. So just do it!
Just do whatever you know works to help him go to sleep, whether in your arms, in the pram, whatever. They are tiny for such a short time, and they will eventually improve. If you find CIO/CC unpleasant (and he surely does), don't do it.

If he's only sleeping for two hours a night most nights no matter what you try, I really think you should take him back to the GP and press them to look for an underlying problem. That is not normal even for a really bad sleeper.

I had sleep problems with DD1 (who is now 9). I still struggle with her behaviour a fair bit, and one of the sticks I beat myself with is that I did controlled crying with her. In hindsight I think it's probably best not to let them cry for any length of time. I felt so so bad about it, still do.

I co-slept with DD2, in a different bed to DH. She is a completely different child to be fair, but it did seem to work.

As a PP said, when you are so sleep deprived I respect your right to try as much as you can to sort it out! But if your baby is crying, hold him, or feed him, or give him whatever you think he needs.

I hope you get through it ok.

I don't think the sling suggestions are very helpful - she needs to sleep too.

Op, I don't know what to suggest, other than to say try not to focus on getting him to fall asleep on his own right now - in an ideal world that is important, but your situation sounds so dire that you both just need to get done sleep, no matter how you get there.

If he sleeps well in the pram why not go with that?

If I've read correctly, he's awake between 1:40pm and 2am. Is that right? He's totally over tired. Don't wait until 7pm to start putting him to bed. Bedtime routine needs to start 1 hour before bed. So at 6pm low lighting, hushed voices, no loud toys or tv. Just stories and quiet playing and a bath if he doesn't get too excited about it.

Are you doing shifts at night with dad? Most parents of babies who don't sleep share the nights for a while so each parent should be able to have a block of sleep whilst the other is looking after baby.

Agree with pp. forget self settling at night. Your baby needs you to respond to his cries. Your Hv is badly informed. Cc at 6 mo is not appropriate.

If I were you, and I've been there, both mine were/are terrible sleepers, I would consider co-sleeping again. If you do it safely it protects against sids and you may find that you feel much more rested. I can't imagine having to actually get up everytime my baby wakes at night.

You have my sympathies because sleep deprivation is awful. But you do need more realistic expectations. I was just like you with my first, then I realised that most babies wake multiple times a night for their first year. Those that sleep well are the exceptions.

Good luck