I'm getting desperate

[mrsb26]

I'm getting pretty desperate now. I've tried riding out the growth spurts and all-day cluster feeds with no sleep. I feel like I've tried everything and read everything and nothing works. My 8 week old dd will NOT sleep during the day.

I'm fed up of seeing other happy mums, out and about with their angelic sleeping (or awake and happy) babies. I'm fed up of hearing about your bottle fed baby who naps well and goes four hours between feeds (not that I have anything against formula, and I've debated resorting to it on a number of occasions). I'm fed up of spending all day, everyday either trying to feed her to sleep (I know, I know) or trying to rock her to sleep for 30 minutes, only for her to wake up as soon as I put her down. I literally can'y get a thing done. I'm getting to the point where I'm putting off going anywhere day after day through fear of her kicking off. I don't even want to go for a walk anymore because she just screams and screams with overtiredness. I feel so embarrased that it's only my baby that's unhappy, wherever we go. 9 times out of 10 when she's awake, she's crying.

It's not colic. It's not reflux or anything else. She doesn't display any other symptoms. It's just a constant cycle of overtiredness and I don't know what to do to get out of it.

Please help :(

I'm not going to be much help here but my 13 week old DD had this around 8/9 weeks. She just would NOT sleep during the day. Why i dont know. However she would sleep well at night but her over tiredness leading up to evening times made her very grizzly & unsettled like yours. The one thing that did help was her chair bouncer i would sit there rocking for ages but she did use to go off evenually. Have you one of these? Sorry not much help but hopefully she will grow out of it & start having day time naps.

Sling? My 9 wo basically has all his naps in a sling as I have 2 to twins who wake him if I dare put him down. Or he wakes himself for no particular reason. Doesn't affect his nighttime sleep at all. He did 9.30 to 3 last night (bf too).

Okay you're still holding the baby but you have your arms free to get in with stuff and I find sometimes I can even transfer to the cot after 30 mins or so and he will sleep in for a bit longer.

Lots of babies ( both mine included) will struggle to be put down for their nap. Have you tried a sling? That way baby can sleep all cosy next to you whilst you Potter round the house. Your local area should have a sling library/meet for you to try different options. Don't worry about bad habits... key at this point is getting her to sleep.

One thing that helped me when DS1 was born was the knowledge that they only really do a max of 2 hrs awake... or more like 1-1.5 at your DD age. I thought they were up for the day and would fall asleep when required (cue v overtired baby!!)

And those mums that look like they are breezing it... they're not! A lot of it is for show. It does get easier x

She's 8 weeks old! She doesn't want to be put down.

Try and ride it out for another month or two. If she'll sleep on you, sit down and let her do it. If she'll sleep in a sling, use one. If you can feed lying down, have a go at that and take a nap yourself.

I know it feels awful now, but she's tiny. She doesn't understand she's outside. She doesn't understand she's not part of you - you put her down and she feels like a part of herself has disappeared.

All three of mine were like this. They do get independent fast I promise you.

It's really tough having a baby that is hard to settle. Ds2 and dd were like that. I wore them up until 3 months ish in the sling for naps. I have the caboo close and it's fantatstic.

Really try and focus on minimising awake time (I know easier said than done!). None of my dcs could handle more than 1hr of awake time at that age which is fairly normal. Awake time includes the moment they wake up and are fed until they are asleep. My routine was wake, feed, change, quick cuddle, and settle to sleep. And repeat! Mine were short nappers until 6 months. This is normal too and just means dc needs more frequent naps.

Also I found all my dcs settled much better in dark rooms with white noise. Oh and swaddled.

Tbh honest I doubt formula will help sleep. Plus bf means you have another weapon up your sleeve to help settle/relax baby!

Have tried sling, white noise etc etc - she screams in that too. She won't even sleep on me for very long.

I so wanted to enjoy my mat leave and thought we'd always be busy and out and about. Instead I'm sofa bound and my poor dh is coming home most nights to us both crying.I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but this is something else. I've really, really tried. I feel like I'm going to look back on it as if I had such a crap time.

I know she's only 8 weeks. But I still feel like the majority of 8 week olds will at least be put down and/or sleep for some of the time, and that makes me feel like I'm doing a rubbish job. She was an easier baby between 1-4 weeks than she is now.

My first DS was like this. I was getting pretty desperate at times, but eventually he did improve. It's tough when it's happening though, you have my sympathies. I do look back on it as a crap time, but it did end. For me, it got better at maybe 6-7 months (sorry!) Hope your DD improves sooner than that.

mrsb26 god, I feel your pain.

I have a 13 week old who has never napped during the day unless on me(rare and only for 20 mins or so), in a sling (but moving) or being pushed in the pram.

I try to put him down for naps 3/4 times a day but he just cries. I have tried everything. I persevere and have had maybe 3 naps in his cot in 2 weeks. I give it half an hour, if he won't sleep I put him in the sling (I have a caboo which is great although I cannot get DS out of it and keep him asleep) to nap - he will last up to an hour in there asleep.

I do the white noise, dark room, swaddle - you name it.

I try to limit awake time to about 15mins as he gets overtired/ overstimulated very quickly and I aim to get a nap of any kind between each feed.

I walk loads and know every inch of my local park I am dreading winter.

The only positive I can give you is that in the last 2/3 weeks DS has been much easier to keep calm when awake and doesn't just scream all the time.

I spoke to my HV and she just said if he is sleeping for a total of 10 hours a night (which he does) then they are not worried.

You are not alone! I don't know many 8 week old babies that nap well. The majority can only do it while in motion (sling, car or pram) and even then only for short bursts. They want to be close to you - and that's as nature intended. Huh!

I have walked hours in our local park, sick of the sight of it. I've prolonged car journeys (backfires when baby wakes up and you've still got ages till the next exit). Mostly I sling her but it's killing my back the bigger she gets. But it takes ages to get her down in her cot, and even then she only lasts 30 mins max. It just doesn't feel worth it.

So no real advice but wanted to reassure you this is very common!

Thanks fleur. She's been asleep on me for about 20 mins which is sort of a result.

She's sleeping ok at night, I'm just worried her lack of daytime sleep is going to impact on this soon too.

I have so much going right in life, I feel like a bit of a twit for complaining. I'm just so jealous of everyone who has a content and happy baby for most of the time. Meh.

Thanks also Purple, I've been lurking over at your 4 month regression thread. Hugs all round.

It's tough, my DS also struggled with day time sleep around that age, they seem to 'wake up' from the sleepy newborn stage! A session with a cranial osteopath really helped my DS...he's 14 weeks now, doesn't sleep loads in the day but will doze when he needs to now.

I know this doesn't help - but (in my limited experience at least) it does get better. I used to hold my little one to sleep during the day after he started refusing to be put down. Then at 10 months I thought "sod this" and gave it another go. I still have to put him down asleep (and I still feed to sleep - no shame in it IMO) but he'll now go for up to 3 hours on a good day. Your maternity leave will be full of lovely things as he gets bigger, but the first few weeks are tough. You are doing amazingly though x

Maybe your milk is crap/waterey because your tired! So even after feeding she might still get hungry?! Mine was, I'd feed her then maybe top her up with a bit of formula? Or try her on s couple of bottles and see if that helps? If it does you have your answer?! Worth a try, a bit of formula is no biggy!!

Not much use, but none of my 8 week olds would be put down at all! It isn't anything you have done!

Brig tired doesn't make your milk watery. What an odd thing to say. Nothing wrong with formula, but that reason is just an old wives tale.

DS1 was a nightmare to nap during the day. The only way he would sleep was to drive him round in the car...crazy, but it was the only time I got a break. No-one ever took him for me. I used to take the newspaper and a flask and it usually gave me an hour. He dropped even doing that at 13 months old although always slept really well at night.
DS2 napped for 2 hours solid each afternoon until he was three. I basically put him down at the same time with a blanket, closed blinds etc, and left him. He did protest initially but I was determined not to go down the same road as with DS1. I once put the vacuum on to drown out his crying, and when I'd finished five mins later he was fast asleep.

I've tried formula - doesn't make DS sleep any better

I think I am just getting to the stage where I am going with it. If he will only sleep in the sling then I guess I will have to walk around the local shopping centre when the weather is bad.....

Libraries is right - tiredness (or what you eat) has no impact on milk composition. Your milk is fine and if you are concerned baby is still hungry then offer more feeds instead of formula.

Mrsb26 is there anyone (dh or family/friends?) that can take dc a few hours during the week just to give you a short break? Even if it's for half hour/hour at a time so you get that time to yourself to have mini recharge. I really do know how stressful and draining this is and know from first hand experience how this can tip over into more serious problems such as pnd (not that I'm saying you have it but just pointing out how these things can escalate without support!).

How many hours a night does dc sleep and what time is bedtime? My DD was a terrible sleeper at 8 weeks but slept really well at night and was easier to settle then. I moved bedtime to an earlier time to help her get more night hours. She still woke up throughout early evening a few times but was easier to settle back down. This helped to shorten the day and gave me a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Could you try this?

Also I found bouncing on exercise ball with her in a sling helped. (Yes I had to keep bouncing for a 30 min nap but it was so worth it compared to the crying!).

She sleeps well at night. A typical night is 10-4, feed, then through til 7-8ish. She cluster feeds in the eve, from 6ish. We bath, pjs and book from 8. It takes a couple of hours to get her down usually as she wakes up if we put her down and she wants feeding again.

Should I be putting her down earlier? Letting her cry?

No one to help during the week. I tend to chill out a bit more at the weekends as dh can help and he is good as gold in the evenings.

To the pp who mentioned offering more breastfeeding, I'm not sure how I can up constant boob attachment, like today. I thought breastfeeding got easier?!

Have you tried a dummy to get her off to sleep? I expect she's established Breast feeding now so worth a try

I'd rather not as I don't want her to then rely on it to get her to sleep and wake every time it falls out. Might be worth considering though, thanks.

Hm... dd is a boob monster which is good and probably rules out hunger. It does sound like classic overtiredness. I remember thinking with all of mine "where is the off switch?!!". Also what seemed to work one day didn't work the next.

Does dd fall asleep on the boob? Can you hold her like that for at least one or 2 of her naps in the day?

Does she like sucking on your little finger? None of mine took a dummy but I could lay on the bed with dd and she would sometimes go off to sleep eventually at bedtime doing this (she had to tightly swaddled, have white noise and dark room too).

What sling are you using? Is it a wrap type one? Will dd sleep in it at all when you are moving (I had to keep moving with my dcs when they were in sling for them to sleep).

When you say dd is waking up when you put her down how long has she been asleep in your arms? I would only have success at this if I put them down in a deep sleep which meant at least 20 or mins after they had fallen asleep. Could you try waiting until deep sleep cycle if only at bedtime?

Sorry, not sure if I'm helping much at all but just trying to list options that I had some success with.

No thanks mintbiscuit, I do appreciate it.

We have a babybjorn but she won't sleep in it for long either.

When we put her down it's as if she's in a deep sleep and she'll settle for a few mins before realising she's down and waking again. It takes several repetitions of this before she eventually stays down for longer.