Is more than 2 hours sleep too much to ask?

[Firstimemummy15]

I'm sorry this is a rant but I'm slowly losing the will to live, I'm shattered. My 8.5 mo th old just won't sleep more than 2 hour chunks at night before waking and crying/shouting for 30-60 mins before going bk to sleep. I try letting her cio but she has none of it. I feed her, make sure her nappy isn't wet/dirty etc but she always wakes and I'm losing my patients with it. She is breastfed, has 3 meals a day a generally has a two hour nap in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. I go bk to work next month and honestly don't know how I will cope. Why eont she just sleep? My sisters 3 week old baby sleeps better at night

At the same age I did controlled crying with leaving my ds 2mins, 4mins etc it did work and he learned to self settle. Does he have any other sleep cues eg. Dummy/white noise? Does she still feed to sleep? Could try giving water not milk when wakes if so as think others have found this stops some wake ups.

I know how horrible the sleep depravation was and please don't compare her to your niece babys sleep changes all the time!

I could have written your post. My DS is 9 months corrected (12 actual) and he won't sleep longer than 2 hours at the moment. He also seems to fight sleep and it can take me up to 2 hours to get him to stay asleep... only for him to wake an hour later
I was actually in tears last night sobbing to my poor DH that he hates me.

So, no advice, but you are not alone fist bump

My 6 month old is the same. I have no idea what to do anymore. DH is useless and just get annoys at us

You definitely are not alone. I have seen every hour from 11pm to 3.30am, got her back down at 4.45 and now she is asleep on me. Between 4.45 and now I was constantly soothing her. Feeling horrendous and my dh is just off for a weekend with friends...let's hope tonight is different!

Could you not start switching to bottle feeds that way your partner can do some night feeds to so your not so knackered

Babies, all humans in fact, wake multiple times in the night. The ones who can self settle just fall back to sleep, the ones who don't know how to have no option but cry.

This seems so simple to me. If it's getting to you then you just need to teach them to self settle. They're not going to learn it without your help. (Well they might but I expect it would take a couple of years).

When DS was 6 months or so and I'd had enough of waking every hour or two, we did controlled crying for 2 nights. We went up in 1 minute increments. We never had to let him cry for more than 6 minutes.

I appreciate CC isn't so straightforward for everybody, but most people do say it only takes 2 or 3 days and then it's done. You've taught them how to self settle.

I suggest you do this.

I would stop feeding her milk through the night and offer water instead.

I'd try CC myself. neither of you can carry on like this you both stand to become very ill over lack of sleep. it's over with very quickly they won't remember it and if she's going to cry anyway she may as well cry for that reason as any other.

Is she going to nursery when you go back to work? DD1's sleep improved hugely when she started nursery because she was so exhausted!

Exactly what luckiestgirlintheworld said. This is why they wake up and this is one solution to it. There are others that don't involve crying but they take longer and are (in my experience) less successful.

Oh I remember walking down the road on years when DS1 was 8 months old. That night I did CC. He is now 14 and doesn't seem to be psychologically damaged in any way.

Remember CC is about reassurance, not leaving them to cry for hours on end. It's a process, can feel quite harsh, but after two, maybe three, nights you have generally cracked it.

You need to be in a relatively positive frame of mind. As other posters have said, go and reassure at extended intervals, no picking up or cuddling, no eye contact etc.

It's not for everyone though. For DC4 I did a lot of 'sushing' and patting and crawling out towards the door. Took a lot longer but gentler on her and me.

Agree with posters who have suggested teaching dd to self settle. A lot of babies suffer seperation anxiety around 8 - 11 months so may not be ideal to sleep train around that age but it can be done. Key is consistency (yes - even in the middle if the night!).

Personally I would keep one night feed if you are still going to breastfeed when you return to work. It will help maintain supply.

Thanks everyone for your posts. I have started giving water when she wakes up so will carry on with this. She does have a dummy but they are scattered around the cot and she does generally find them herself is she wants them. With the controlled crying, how long do u do it for? I do try it, but I need to be more consistent with it. However she cried for 40 mins this morning - stopping every time I went in and held her but starting as soon as I left the room again. It just feels to brutal. She is fussy with the bottle sometimes will take it, other times not. My partner has had an accident and has his arm in plaster so a but limited on what he can do! She will be with my partner when I go back to work as he does shift work. Xx

Op, if you're going to do controlled crying, then do a little googling about it first. There are a couple of ways of approaching it but if you're not being consistent then it won't work and you'll just end up upsetting your dc and yourself!

There are a couple of approaches, one is to go back in after 2 mins and then extend the time (Google "ferberising" or the "ferber method") and another is that you just don't go back at all.

I don't think controlled crying is for everyone but I do think if you're going to do it, you need to be pretty committed. When my dh and I decided we needed to try sleep training, we actually wrote a plan and agreed we would stick to it for 5 days and then reassess what worked and what didn't. This is a totally solvable issue, but it does take work and a bit of trial and error if you're not prepared to close the door and not go back at all - which not everyone feels able to do, so no judgement either way.

Agree with RNBrie. You really have to make a plan and stick with it.

If you are planning on CC I would tackle night times first. The drive to sleep is strongest at night time so you will achieve results faster than nap times.

You don't mention how you settle for naps at the moment. Sounds like dc has good naps when you manage to settle them so maybe do what you have to do to ensure they get good naps in the day. When you crack the night time then do nap training. Nap training can be a lot harder as there isn't a strong drive to sleep like at night. You basically apply same method at night but put a time limit on how long you try before abandoning nap. Some say an hour. Personally I was never comfortable with an hour (although never really had to go that long). I capped mine at 30 mins.

Of course you may want to do nap training and night training all together. If so I suggest temp earlier bedtime if dc isn't getting full amount of day sleep.

When training I found it was worse when I picked dc up to comfort. I simply rubbed their tummy for 1 -2 mins. Then walk away. Dc may or may not stop crying but you don't want to spend ages there helping them get to sleep. They have to learn to do that themselves. You are simply letting them know that you are still there. Expect the crying to escalate when you go in and leave. It's protest crying.

You should see definite results by 3rd night. If you don't you may need to re-evaluate what you are doing. Keep a log and record how many checks, length of crying, wake up times etc. You can then clearly see if you are getting results.

Expect to get a regression on days 4 or 5. This happens as dc may have a final protest about this new arrangement. Ride it out. Stick to your guns. It will go.

Post here and let us know how it goes or for any more questions

Please be consistent with CC. You have to be so firm and don't give in otherwise they haven't learnt anything at all except that if they cry for long enough you will give in.

I suggest you google it properly, have a firm date that you are going to start it and really prepare yourself for it. Expect to have a couple of awful nights.

Lots of people do longer increments but what worked for us was 1 minute increments.

So I put him down after his milk and story, very kind and say goodnight. He obviously cries as I leave the room. I let him cry for 1 minute.

I go in, pat and ssh. This normally calms him down, if not, as a last resort, I give him a cuddle. Once he's calm, I leave the room.

He'll cry as I leave, I let him cry for 2 mins. I go in and repeat the calming down.

Keep doing this going up in 1 minute increments. (Each minute feels like a year!)

I've only ever got up to 6 minutes and he has fallen asleep himself.

Make sure they don't fall asleep with you patting or cuddling them- they need to learn to fall asleep by themself so that when they wake in the night they can just put themself back to sleep.

So just pat or cuddle until they are calm and their breathing has calmed down and they are sleepy. (This is so hard because it's so tempting to just keep cuddling that 1 minute longer to get them to sleep and put an end to it all!)

A couple of nights of this and they have learnt there is no point in crying because you're not going to give them anything nice. So they realise there's not much point in crying so they stop bothering.

I personally can't believe how well it works. I'm always a little bit when I see mums tearing their hair out because their baby won't sleep and it's killing them and they're wondering what to do.

Good luck.

Hey, we've been trying cc and its made a big difference so far, goes to sleep from awake at 720 sometimes without any crying but normally within 10mins tho he still wakes between 11-1, 3-5 then up for the day at 6-7, not sure if I should be feeding him?? Hes 8 months and eats well in the day but has been a terrible sleeper from day one so although 2/3 ups sounds a lot its such a big improvement on the 4/5 and extra settling sessions in between!!!

Basically we've been doing cc for 2 weeks and after improvement we've stalled at 2 feeds but I'm worried I'm sending mixed signals by still feeding him overnight?? Any advice? X

Hi everyone thanks for your suggestions. I've kept a record of what I've done so far, just hoping I'm doing it right! I don't have trouble getting my lg to sleep, it's the keeping her asleep! Lol

So on Sat eve

9.20pm - BF and bed. (We were at the carnival so late night for her!)
11.50pm - awake - cuddle and told time for sleep -
12.00am - fell bk to sleep

Sun morn
1.15am awake - had water, told to go bk to sleep
1.38am - comforted, told to go bk to sleep
1.53am - more water, told bk to sleep
1.55am - fell bk to sleep
4.25am - awake, fed and bk to sleep
7.25am - got up

Sun eve
6.15pm - BF and bed
8.36pm - awake, cuddle, told to go bk to sleep
8.41pm - comforted, told to go bk to sleep
8.44pm - fell bk to sleep
9.47pm - awake, fed and bk to sleep

Mon morn
12.27am - awake, water, told to go bk to sleep - did straight away!
1.54am - awake, water, told to go bk to sleep - did straight away! (Think oh disturbed her this time)
4.19am - awake, fed and bk to sleep
7.20am - got up

Am I doing it right - early Sunday morning looks like I let her cry for long periods but I just didn't record the times so my bad!
I've also got a white noise app that I play if needed. I'm still unsure how this approach will reduce night waking - will she just think it's not worth crying as I won't get picked up/fed so I may as well go bk to sleep?
Thank you x

Puttheteaon. Do u feed each time lo wakes? I've actually found of late that if I offered a feed my kg didn't want it and just wanted a cuddle or if she did feed it was for like a min so to me not really needed. People on here have been great so hoping you will get some advice of people x

Have to run now but honestly I would not be picking up your LO - pat back, stroke face for 10 seconds and then say sleep time and leave. I would also not be offering milk or water. it's still worth waking for if you're cuddling and spending serious time there. 20 seconds total time if not less. The more fuss they make, the less time you stay so it's not rewarded. It should only last 3 days max if you're doing it correctly (and if not cracked by 3, it should be significantly improved and then stopped on day 4) You're still rewarding waking......be boring, quick and don't stay in there.

Agree with shush. No picking up and no water. Not sure I would drop a feed yet at 8.5 months. If you know when dc is definitely hungry (rather than they have just woken up) I would feed at that point but no other. Can see you offer a feed around 4am.

What you should start to see is that dc will still wake throughout night but will stir and fall back to sleep (we all wake up several times during the night). If you are using white noise I would use it consistently. Mine love white noise and really helps sleep.

Once you crack this you may also find dc drops night feeds or that she sticks with the 4am one as she will be hungry by that point.

Be warned you sometimes see sleep regression days 4 or 5. Keep at it and it will pass.

No advice op except to wait it out. I think many people who advocate cc have very very different babies to us! Eg the person upthread who said they've never got beyond 6 minutes!!!! When we tried it with dd1, she was still going strong after four HOURS. Then she threw up from all the crying. I think self-settling can be nudged, but is essentially developmental.

You need to stop picking her up.

Go in, no eye contact, no speaking and certainly no picking up. Just liedown/ tuck in and leave gradually extending the time you go back in.

I'm surprised there's so many on this thread who are for CC. Usually it's cries of outrage.

Gamerchick so what do you do when after refusing to pick up, your baby cries so hysterically and for so long that they throw up? Not bring goady, I just genuinely don't think I've ever had a child for whom this would work, and it certainly isn't for want of trying!

I should point out that my oldest two are 5 and 7 and have self-settled just fine from 2ish, so even waiting it out does tend to work!!