urgent help needed - controlled crying

[zombiemeow]

Please will someone tell me how to do controlled crying properly and any success stories.

I always said from the start I would never do it but after months of bad sleep gradually getting worse i have broken. It's got to the point ds will not sleep on me at all. I have been spending days sleeping on his floor but it hasn't helped.

Please don't come and be negative, i feel like utter shit about it.

I feel like he will hate me for this :-(

We did CC with DD1 when she was 14 months ish. It took about 5 days. We did 2 min, 3 min etc and only got up to 6 min maximum. We only had to do it for going to bed as she already slept through.

How old is your DS?

He's 10 months, he's just stopped sleeping. He's never been a good sleeper but he would usually manage a couple of hours now he doesn't even do that.

We did it at about 11 months. DS just stopped sleeping, got really upset at bedtime, was waking every hour after almost sleeping through. It was awful.

We put him down after a long cuddle, said nn and left the room. After about a minute went back in and lay him back down, said night night again, left the room. Third time, just laid him back down and left. No attention, etcetc. Never left it more than 5 mins in between returns. First night tool about 45 mins, second about 15 and then it took just a few mins on the third night. His sleeping has been much better since, and he slept a lot better at night.

One thing we weren't prepared for was having to do it in the middle of the night when he woke, wasn't expecting that. He had milk as usual and then we had to do CC to get him back sleep.

I don't regret doing it at all, he certainly doesn't hate me

Forgot to mention - he caught on quick, realised what was happening, but got the rage! Crying levels escalated like crazy, but he would pause every do often to listen out for us.

Be prepared for the long haul, and you have to be absolutely consistent. Don't crack, at all.

^ that is good advice.

Make sure your baby is well-fed and generally ok (as in don't start cc on a day the baby has a cold or whatever).

Do a bath, book, bottle then into the gro bag and into bed. All lights out, straight out of the room.
Come back in after 2 mins of crying and say shhh, pat chest and leave. Repeat repeat repeat.

Be consistent or you'll confuse the feck bejaysus out of him and the crying will be for nothing

Shut UP caravanista what a stupid thing to say. It is categorically not child abuse. FFS

I think she does it to get a reaction ! Seen her on here before .... Fruit loop

Thanks everyone for the helpful replies.

Caravanista I have tried so many different things, my child is unhappy through not sleeping, I am losing my hair and feel shit 24/7, any suggestions on what else I can do?

Don't feel shit. It is not child abuse. We did exactly as TeamBacon did with DS1 when he was 10 months old.

He's absolutely fine, btw. He's 20, has no issues and is really close to me.

It's going to be fine xxx (((hugs)))

Thanks fairy

Some people are lucky...their children either never need to be taught to sleep...or they can manage with none until accidentally their children learn how to sleep without help.

Don't feel bad about teaching your child this important life skill! You both need sleep; it is as essential as learning to eat solid food.

be consistent....decide whether you are doing longer and longer gaps or going in after a certain number of minutes, decide how long is your maximum leave, decide whether you lie him down again or whether this will just end up as another battle of wills.

Whatever you decide, write it down with a tick list (yes really, it helps you to keep track and to remind you this is a plan not cruelty). Learn how to listen to his cries...angry, resigned,etc.

He will learn and you will both be grateful...no child thrives without sleep, and neither do parents. He will not remember nor hold it against you.

wishing you sleep and peace

Oh you sound so unhappy

I'm sorry it's so tough. Please ignore that thoroughly unkind and unhelpful outburst from Caravan.

My first was a terrible sleeper, in that she, well, didn't sleep.

What have you actually tried? Pick up put down, gradual withdrawal, cosleeping, motion and on and on ? Did anything help at all? What's the sleep pattern atm? Does he ever sleep easily in any situation? What is it that's the problem, falling asleep or staying asleep? Is he seeming uncomfortable or in pain? Is everything else okay? Feeding? Milestones? Weight gain? Digestion? Have you seen a decent health visitor?

I know that's a lot of bloody questions and you're tired and you absolutely don't have to answer. I just wondered if there's any kind of link between any of the behaviours you're seeing or avenues you haven't explored.

CC really does work and I think most people find it takes less than a week. I think that it results in less time crying than not doing it, just with a bit of front loading into that week. Not solving a sleep problem, resulting in a constantly tired child isn't a kindness at all.

He will not fall asleep anywhere apart from being held. He has problems falling asleep and staying asleep. He doesn't ever seen in any pain or anything.

I had him checked over at the Drs incase any teething pain/ear infections but they couldn't find anything. They have since referred me to a peadiatrition (sp? I can never spell that) which she said was for further help and advice but said the appt could take a few weeks to come through.

Did the same as Teambacon. It took 3 nights. I almost cracked on the third night but it worked and he got it. It saved me, don't feel guilty.

It works, you just need to persist and be consistent. As pp has said, start when he is well, fed, happy. Don't start when he is unwell.
We built up from 2, to 4, to 7 minutes (over the first three nights). We'd go in, get him out of the cot until he calmed right down, then lay him back down. It took about five nights but it worked a dream. He's still an early riser but at least he can get himself to sleep at bedtime. I previously had to hold/cuddle him to sleep for up to an hour before I could put him down.

Good luck to you. Do you have a partner who you can alternate with? I found counting down the minutes with DH was a huge support, and we'd take it in turns to go in.

Go for it Hun but please remember it is very cruel to start it and then suddenly stop.

It is better to prepare yourself mentally and then promise yourself you will not do it to him for a few hours then stop.

Go for it. It does work and within a few days you'll be wondering why you hadn't done it much sooner!

Ok, firstly you need to hit rock bottom in order to do this. Sounds like you're there. You have my sympathies - I was there not long ago when my DS was 17 months, so a bit older.

We did 1 min, 2, 3, 5, 7, 9. Never got past 9 minutes. After the first night, we didn't bother going in after 1 minute and started at 2, purely because DS was so furious it was futile. Furious, not upset. We also bought him into our room to calm him and then took him back to his. We just found it a bit quicker to calm him if he couldn't see the cot.

It is HARD, but so, so, so worth it. Bedtimes are a joy now! He knows the cues, is cute and cuddly, and more importantly, he knows we're in charge.

Our bedtime routine is bath, story and bottle on our bed, then into his room and bed. Even if he doesn't go straight to sleep, he happily lies there singing along to his little musical frog thing. It honestly transformed our lives.

You can do this, and you will all be happier for it. Lots of luck!

It worked for us. As someone else said overall it seemed to result in less crying if you look at it on an ongoing nightly basis. Plus a better rested child who goes happily to her cot and will ask to go to her cot now for daytime naps.
Be consistent, use your phone to time the intervals (as even short ones seem long when they are crying) and accept that you will feel awful whilst doing it - I sat downstairs crying whilst my husband did the timing and reassuring upstairs. But it was worth it.
We did it later than you but might try earlier with second child.
Just be aware that if you have a set back once it has worked, you may have to restart it - a friend of mine has this, eg after an illness. We have found though that with a good bedtime routine, even after an illness (when one of us usually sleeps in her room) she gets back to normal.
I am keeping everything crossed that it lasts!
Good luck.

Hey zombie,

I remember you from another sleep thread, as we're both here looks like neither of us have had much luck!

I'm regretfully doing cc next week with my lo too, I so wanted to avoid it and am sick to my stomach thinking about what I'm going to have to put him through but I know its the sensible thing to do. We've tried everything, ncss, breaking the feed to sleep association, longer/shorter naps.....

I think we have to be realistic and know that some babies sleep better than others and those than can avoid cc are lucky, those like us who aren't so lucky cannot sustain normal life with so little sleep ?? if there was another way I'd try it but resigned to cc and hoping for some sleep. Best of luck with it, i'll keep watching this thread with interest, let us know how it goes xxx

Thank you everyone for all your replies x

Another one that may have to join the CC club! Dd has no trouble going to bed although I do lie with her to she's asleep then transfer her over to the cot. She will sleep so sound for maybe 3 or 4 hours (used to be 7 or 8) then she wakens and cries to she is lifted into our bed! Such a bad habit but she would snuggle back up straight away and go to sleep! At that stage I didn't care who slept where as long as our eyes were shut!

I assume this is just a ha it now she has gotten into of wakening as she knows she will get into our bed. Iv tried giving more supper at bed, less bottle, more clothes on her less clothes on her! It doesn't seem to be those factors so I just believe now it's habit...

How old is she excited? While we did CC at bedtime with DD1, she mostly slept through. We never did CC in the night and just moved her into a bed so that she could get into us herself. It might not have been the best idea as she gets into bed without us waking up (not every night), so we couldn't stop it if we tried.

She's 10 months Pico so not walking just yet. Realistically for this to potentially work I need to start putting her in the cot at bed time and letting her try to go over herself rather than me put her to sleep and placing her in the cot when she's sound?