Self soothing- how did you teach it?

[Whoami24601]

DS is 20 weeks (4 weeks early though so slightly 'behind' ifkwim). Up until recently he was sleeping 730-6, which was brilliant! Unfortunately he has regressed massively and last night we hit a wonderful (!) low of waking 4 times .

I know there's a sleep regression around this time anyway, but what I'm looking for is some practical tips to teach him to self soothe. I think I'm broken!

He currently self soothes for naps (3 a day, adding up to about 3 1/2 hours), but that doesn't seem to be having any effect on night wakings. I feed him to sleep at bedtime, which is around 730-8. I want to get out of the habit of feeding back to sleep, but I've no idea how!

Things I've tried:
Implementing a routine through the day (though we're only in week 1 of this it's going well so far)
Upping his day feeds (he has been having at least 6/7 feeds a day for a while, though has got to the easily distracted stage, so some of these can be quite short)
Shh.. pat (he just got REALLY angry at this!)
Leaving him for a few minutes before going over to get him out of his crib

So... does anyone have any other ideas for things I could try? After 7 feeds yesterday I just don't see how he can NEED 4 feeds through the night as well! I'm not the type of person who can just say 'this too will pass'- I need to being doing something productive to MAKE SURE it passes!

TIA

Sounds normal to me too. You can't train a baby. Really you can't. This is just what they do and you need to roll with it till they are able to fit in with your requirements, which they will when they are bigger.

It must be a surprise after a child who slept easily before. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your baby or anything you can do about it.

Sleep training is a concept coined by those who want to make money out of parents. You can't teach a baby to do anything; they learn autonomously and short of forcing the matter, and causing upset and sadness to your child, you can't change that.

btw 'self soothing' means the thing they do with their mouths when they look like they are feeding in their sleep.

I think you mean self settling which is another phrase coined to sell books and 'consultant' type stuff and really is meaningless - it just means you leave them to it and hope they don't cry for too long as that would make you feel bad.

There's a really good book that I recommend about teaching you how to teach your child how to send them self off to sleep without any sleep aids (rocking, dummy, feeding etc). We used it and it's literally a step by step guide how to do it (otherwise in my sleep deprived state I wouldn't have been able to do it! It's called "the sensational baby sleep plan". It's very strict on routine and isn't for everyone but has been a godsend for me and lots of people I know. Best of luck!

I actually really like being there as a 'sleep aid' for my baby, and find it makes him sleep really well, but each to their own

Ok thanks for all the tips/advice. I think I need to listen to what most of you seem to be saying- suck it up! I had a bit of a tired cry at DH last night, and now feel much better. This isn't going to change for a while probably, so I need to change my attitude to it!

I do have time to nap in the afternoons if I need it now DD is at nursery, and I can go to bed when he does. Am planning on a gradual move into his own room to help with the waking at 10 when I go to bed. And I've started trying him with bottles (he's not keen, but I'll perservere 'til he'll take a full one) so if he persists I'll be able to leave a few bottles for DH to do a night sometime.

A full nights sleep would be sooooo good! I think I'm over the denial now!

I'm impressed with the way you've taken all that in good humour, I hope it didn't come across as too critical and I really hope you get a break soon.

Tbh the only way I could cope with the waking at night was to have them in the bed so all I had to do was roll over. I tried a week or two of putting ds1 in his own room, but the getting upright at night almost killed me, so I reverted to bed sharing!

Good luck x

Not at all- I needed telling!

I don't like the idea of co-sleeping (each to their own but it's not for me!). I'm a natural introvert, and need my own space. TBH I wouldn't have DH there if it was up to me!

He's been horrendous today - wouldn't nap, but then it went on so long he needed a feed, but then he was too tired to eat! He went 6 hours without a feed, which is unheard of!

He's in bed now, but not totally settled - I keep hearing him moaning and making noises

Thanks all for your advice

I successfully sleep trained (eliminated night feedings, rocking to sleep, transitioning to a crib, etc.) my both daughters when they turned 5 and 6 months with "How to teach a baby to fall asleep alone" guide by Susan Urban ( got it here www.parental-love.com/shop/baby-sleep-training ). The guide is just GREAT! Step by step instructions, the method is easy and fast. I thought that sleep training is a long process, and I was wrong. With both my girls, it took me 2 or 3 days to make them fall asleep alone in their cribs. Amazing!