Babies sleeping in parents' beds

[amysoph]

Sorry if this has all been discussed b4, but I am new to mn....heard on the radio (but was not listening fully) that some organisation (World Health? the government?) is now recommending that parents do not allow babies to sleep in bed with them at all, risk of cot death. I know about the usual stipulations of not doing it if you are a smoker/have had a drink/etc etc, but I was bothered about it, as my 6 wk old dd2 sleeps in my bed every night. She generally wakes for a feed at about 3-4 am, and I am just too tired to do it anywhere but in bed, and once she has finished, it is usually easier to settle her next to me. ( dh is usually in spare room, getting decent night's sleep, so there is lots of room). I am careful to position her so I can't roll on top of her/she can't fall out/won't overheat, etc. But now I am worried. Should I be doing it at all? Thoughts from other people???

Yes you should be doing it, keep it up for as long as it suits you both and enjoy the closesness.

I think you should keep doing what you are doing, it's absolutely the right thing to do in my opinion, it's what I've done with my daughter and what I intend to do with future children which I'll (hopefully) have!

amysoph - I had dd in a double bed with me alone at one point (but not for more than a night or two) for exactly the same reasons as you. She managed to roll out of the bed once and so that was the end of that. I can't remember why we shared as I had a bed side bed cot (was that what it was called, I wonder?), but perhaps ds was using it at that time. Don't know if that helps you at all?

When I had both my DSs the midwives in hospital suggested they sleep with me rather than in the cot. DS2 only 8m so don't think advice has changed?!

The advice I heard was for babies up to 5 weeks not to sleep in parents bed. In any case, mine (except ds1) all slept with us, and ds4 still does (9months). it's the only way when you're breast feeding. If it feels right, then do it.

I did this with ds, as we'd both fall asleep having a lovely snuggly feed, and I'd wake up in the morning to find him in bed with us -- lovely!

Sadly both his sisters, having finished their feeds, would lie awake kicking, wriggling, snuffling and punching me in the face, so had to go for the baby bootcamp approach and put them back in their own beds smartish.

Whatever works for you, really.

Dr Sears is an American Pediatrician who has slept with most of his kids - he and his wife had 8 children. This is a good article to read about the benefits of co-sleeping and he reckons it is safer than them being in a cot!

Like frogs, Do it and love it with ds, with dd just got kicked black and blue.
A lot of people seem to fall into a pattern of co-sleeping rather than make a conscious decision to do so. You sound a little unsure. I recommend you read "3 in a bed" by Deborah Jackson. It gives lots of advice and reasurrance and for me took away any feelings of guilt, or misgivings I had about doing it. Enjoy the closeness you have, as long as it feels good to you.

do what feels right for you, best advice is not to do it when been drinking or smoking and to keep baby from getting under your duvet so as not to overheat
I slept with my firstborn, he thrived on it, my 2nd, she hates it!

In case you are interested this is an article on the new advice that was issued recently. It does suggest a statistically higher risk if you co-sleep under the age of 8 weeks.

Whether you choose to accept the slightly higher risk comes down to personal choice.

Yes the advice changed to 8 weeks just before I gave birth, although my midwife told me that she had been told no such thing and just heard it on the radio like me. You are right about the no smoking and drinking thing. I ignored the advice, in so far as ds slept in my arms - not on the bed even! - after a feed for a couple of hours after the 4am, 5am feed - it was easiest and I was blimmin tired, and he was small enough to fit snugly in my arms (I was propped up with pillows). At the end of the day I think do whatever you feel best with. Afterall women must have been sleeping with their babies for YEARS.
x

Want to recommend co-sleeping def. If you make sure bed clothes are away from the baby, it's lovely. My ds had bad wind for a while and she used to prefer sleeping on my stomach cos she could get back to sleep quickly after feed - HURRAH! it was first few weeks, then gradually found i could gently put her on back after feed. Then, she gradually started to sleep longer between feeds. Then took out feeds and she slept through night after waking and just getting cuddled back to sleep.Have had heavenly sleep for 3 months (she's 8months). Same with daughter no 1 who went into her own bed at 20months and has slept through since 4 months (but mostky with me, till she got her own bed!

Jxxxx

That advice is based on a study reported in the Lancet a few months ago - at the time I read the Lancet study quite carefully and it't not very conclusive at all (doesn't distinguish between breastfed and bottlefed babies, nor between babies sleeping in bed or on sofas, etc) - previous studies of co-sleeping suggest it actually lowers the risk of cot death.
I am co-sleeping with my 3rd and wouldn't do it if I thought the research showed it was risky. I think the guidelines are just a panic thing.

I am still struggling with dd, she is four weeks old. After a blissful 3 weeks she suddenly seemd more alert and won't settle at night. The last two nights I have brought her into bed with me, but she snuffles and kicks and wriggling her way over to my boobs mouth wide open and arms flailing. I love her but this drives me mad, so I put her back in the crib. Not surprisingly she cried. Three times I did this!! Finally I gave up at 4.30am (am knackered) and left her in the crib. She cried and grumbled for an hour and a half!!!! What do I do?

Not sure of your baby's history or if you have other children but they can start off very sleepy at first but become more wakeful as they grow (in first 2-3 weeks). Hungrier and more alert - it's totally usual. For first 6 weeks, I was recommended to go with flow and my experience has been that that's a good idea. Feed when your baby is hugry, even if it seems more often. If feeding isn't doing it, maybe a bit of wind, or need for comfort?

After that, my experience was that i could extend times between feeds at night, little by little.

But I do use a dummy too because it seemed to help my two settle. I was a dummy child myself, so am totally happy with it. Good teeth and early talking, so don't agree with some advice. Plus my daughter is said to have excellent diction (unusual for her age - at 2.5) and she's adummy LOVER!

Anyway, I'm going on info you've provided so hope I'm not getting it all wrong, but I think if you takes things gently and steadily, you will see better nights gradually - but don't hope for miracles before 5 months! (sounds ages but suddenly your baby is two and these things are something of the past!!)

Jxxxxxxxxxx

Amysoph and others - see La Leche League's response to the Lancet article.

Wish I had that article a few hours earlier...

Just been to 8 month check with ds and recieved an ear bashing from HV about co-sleeping. She said a study had shown it to be dangerous but she knew nothing more than that. She didn't know it was just the first 8 weeks, the breast and bottle bit etc. I argued my point (having been prepared for her attitude, she was like this with dd) but I would have loved that succint article to give her too! She told me I was risking my son's life

Even when you know you're doing the right thing it's hard to take comments like that. She even had the nerve to say I seemed a bit depressed after all of that, wonder why??!

I think it's all of those things dino, plus they can fall off and get wedged between you and the sofa, which wouldn't be a good idea at all, or fall onto the floor.

Ok, I'm ranting now...

WHy can't HV just say, you can put your baby in a cot and these are the risks, you can have him in your bed and these are the risks and then let you make up your own mind with all available information.

With dd I was told I was scoring too highly on the depression questionnaire, I felt like sh*t, I was desperate for help and just told to do controlled crying. I have nothing against this as a method but it wasn't for me but the HV never gave me any other ideas. After several months, I ended up co-sleeping with dd and it transformed my life. Suddenly I wasn't tired, she was happy and life seemed so much better, I could feed her lying down in the night without either of us properly waking up. With ds I co-slept from birth.

I never, ever considered it before I had dd but it has turned into one of the most positive experiences of being a mum for me.

Thank heavens for mumsnet and sensible advice.

Clayhead typical HV response, mine would suggest not breastfeeding rather than co-sleeping, she thinks breastfeeding is a bit weird anyway.

we have cat hairs (and dust) everywhere in our house. am always booting cats out of baby bedding. I like to think of it as an anti-allergy approach

Mrs D sorry you're having a hard time this week. not sure what to suggest.

It's fine. Breastfeeding is protective against cot death, so is sleeping near your child. Overheating is the only real risk or letting your child get right under the duvet. I'm sure you do neither. The fact that you have lots of room is great. I did let my ds sleep under the duvet but stripped him off to just a vest if I did. Frankly, at 3am, and desperate, I felt I had little choice.
Mrs Doolittle, I suspect she's having a growth spurt and needs more night feeds. If she can latch on while you lie down (she clearly wants to!) that might help you feed her without disturbing your own rest too much. Sadly my own ds could never latch on if I lay down so I had to sit up all night But I think the reason she isn't settling and is trying to latch on is because she is hungry due to a growth spurt.

I've always wondered that about sofas too.

also the advice not to co-sleep if you're 'very tired'...er...this is a small baby we're talking about, per-lease?

It's because babies can (comparatively) easily get wedged down the back of sofas if you sleep with them on the sofa - I have heard of babies suffocating that way. That can't happen in a bed.