pupd

[zombiemeow]

Anyone who has done pupd give me some advice, I have no idea what I'm doing. Is it as obvious as just picking up and putting down? ????How long has it taken to work for you... If at all? ????I always said I wouldn't do sleep training but I'm absolutely broke ds is almost 10 mo and we're lucky if he sleeps 2-3 hours at night.

I think a growth spurt is possible but if it was hunger I am sure he world go back down after a feed . I fully wake up dd so technically not a dream feed but I change her nappy too and she seems to take quite a long breast feed which I am sure helps . I got an amazing book which helped me a great deal . It's called the blissful baby expert by Lisa Clegg . Lots of good tips .

I was wondering whether anyone knows what to do in the PUPD case where baby cries when held? He knows that he wants breast, and he just screams whether he's in my arms or in the crib. I let him scream in my arms for about 10 mins yesterday (I knew he wasn't hungry) but it felt like CIO even though he was being held.. :/

Cosmic - how old is he?

Apparently you have to put them straight back in cot if crying . If arching back it's their way of trying to get back to sleep -well this is what I have read .

How is everything going zombie ?

Not well

Trying pupd has seemed to make him worse. I just sat and cried the other night I was so tired.

I phoned the Dr who said she's referring me to a pead to get advice. I know they would just say cc tho

I'm currently sleeping in a uncomfortable camp bed next to his cot in the hope it gives him reassurance but nothing works.

I know I've fucked it up myself from rocking to sleep all this time. He stays up until past midnight every night just crying in his cot, if I go to lay him down he starts laughing. Then it's hourly wake ups at least.

Feeling a bit down with it all.

Oh zombie , I do feel for you. . That is tough. Is he napping better ? Has the doctor ruled out anything medical ? You do sound at the end of the road. Does he have a dummy ? Maybe try white noise ? Do you think it's to do with any food intolerence ? Sorry I am not much help !

He's been miserable all day, he has hardly slept. He's refusing to sleep. I feel broken. It's making me so depressed I spend my days dreading nap times and bed times. I cracked and am doing controlled crying.

I use to be like that , it's awful. Do timed comforting maybe . Go in every five mins ( cuddle if you need to ) stay consistent and do it for every wake up if you know he is not hungry , ill or teething . Stick to it and hopefully things will improve . Good luck
Xx

Dm just called me. I'm sat downstairs crying. I was going in every 5,10,20 mins. Dm said I can't leave a baby crying

It is hard . I wouldn't leave him 20 mins but try and go in every five ? He just needs to learn to self settle . I think you have tried everything and you both need sleep . Can you get some help from a sleep person in, maternity nurse ?

Zombie , it's prob a good idea to properly research cc so you know exactly what you are doing . And maybe when your partner is around . He is prob crying so much because he wants to sleep ! If he won't sleep on you it's not because he wants you . My dd is so much happier since sleeping better , she plays and is always smiling now . You are trying to help him. Hope I don't get flamed now

I don't know where is best to look for any help/where to read I was googling but it's not clear

Well it looks like it won't be happening tonight anyway. I was in the kitchen in tears with the monitor and I heard the door go, I went in and dm was at the top of the stairs she went and got ds and has brought him down and is now sat talking to him after having a massive go at me saying I'm 'abandoning him' and I 'can't give up on him' and 'stop acting like your the only one who's baby doesn't sleep'.

What are your dm's suggestions to help then? She can't slate you for trying to improve things but not offer any helpful advice. How bad actually are things? E.g how much sleep does he get at night, how often does he wake? I must admit, both my boys have been awful sleepers, the youngest is 17mo now and sleep started getting slightly better after 12mo and only now the last few weeks has it improved again to two wake ups a night generally - no real sleep training, although he does self settle at bedtime in his room on his own, which required very very slow, gentle gradual retreat. I'm talking from age 4mo until 15mo I've been working on the retreating at bedtime!

He will get better with time, I've heard that 8 - 12mo is one of the worst times for sleep, so much happening in their little brains.

Zombie, does he sleep well in the pram for naps? Dc3 has his naps in the pram now. He always fell asleep on the school run, but wouldn't nap in the cot, so I pop his lullaby cd on in the kitchen (it used to be the washing machine ), put him in the pram and push him back and forth. He's usually off within 5-10 mins. I'm Just wondering if something like this might be worth a go? I know its not the main issue, but if you can get him having a couple of decent naps so he's rested, it might help bedtime.

And work with the nap 2 hrs after first waking pattern, then next nap 3 hrs after last waking, then bedtime 4 hrs later. (These are approximate, it still depends on sleepy signs and how long naps were etc).

I hope you don't mind me saying, but you sound a bit confused with it all? Also like you need a break. Consistency really is key, and if the gentler methods are more in tune with you, then maybe just accept it will take time, but in a few months it will be much better.

I'm loathe to suggest you read a whole book, whilst so sleep deprived, but something like no cry sleep solution might suit you better? Or have you read bits of the mammoth sleep thread on here 'what worked for us' or something similar? People have posted their tales of success.

Give yourself a break and a pat on the back, this is really hard. If your instinct is to cuddle ds and that's what he's used to, sleep training will be tough using a method that's not natural to you.

I will try post a link to the other thread later (bedtime for my 3 now and DH away) xx

The gentle sleep book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith is worth a read too if you have the brain power! (She also offers an email service but just to say, she defiantly doesn't advocate sleep training).

Last night was okish for him, he fell asleep with me holding him at 6.45ish, I put him to bed at 7. He woke twice between 7-7.30 but settled with his dummy. 7.30 he was up until 10, I went and sat in his room and he was just trying to grab me and laughing so I moved away and he started crying again. He eventually fell asleep and I went to leave, he woke up the second I was the other side of the door. In the end I sat on the floor and stroked his head through the bars and he went to sleep. I went and slept on his floor, he was up between 10.30 and 5.30 about 6 times, most times he settled quite quickly with stroking his head, one time he was up for around 30-45 mins.

With his naps in the day I just have to hold him. He will not nap in his cot at all. If I put him in his bean bag like I used to he wakes up tired and refuses to go to sleep again.

I think there is something else going on here, maybe teething? Ear infection? Or could be an undiscovered food intolerance. Is his CMPI under control? No dairy sneaking in or maybe unsuitable formula?

I took him to the Drs to have it all ruled out, they said no ear infection and his gums were a little red/lumpy but she couldn't see/feel any sign of teeth yet.

His sleeping started to go really bad and his dietitian changed him from nutramigen to neocate incase it was that but things have just got worse and worse each night. Last week he would sleep 2 hours before the wakings started, a few days later it was an hour and tonight it started straight away.

I was wondering if it could be something else but if he thinks I'm going to pick him up or if I do he starts laughing

I'm Just going to ask the question, but have you tried co-sleeping? Or is it not for you? I appreciate it's not for everyone. You sound a bit attachment-y if that makes sense, if he naps on you, he's used to that close comfort so that may well be what he's looking for at night. And it might help you sleep too?

But I really do appreciate some parents just don't want to, so please don't think I'm suggesting you try it if it wouldn't suit you.

Hmmmmm, but there is something waking him up before he starts laughing..... The only time my youngest woke every hour was when teeth were cutting or ear infection (which he gets lots of).

This might be helpful? evolutionaryparenting.com/when-your-infants-sleep-isnt-normal/

I would love to co sleep but smoke sounds awful but it's the only thing getting me through the exhaustion. I feel bad cus I had quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant after 10 years of heavy smoking, but have a couple a day now

I will have a read of the link now.

That link was helpful.

Every time I have contacted gp/hv/nurse they have said to do cc. I even rang the cry-sis help line who told me to do that too. I just started a thread on cc as I felt helpless.

Am hoping the pead appt comes through asap but I was told it would take a few weeks.

If you don't want to do CC then don't. I find it ridiculous that that is the only advice NHS professionals can offer, they don't really get any training on child sleep so just stick to mainstream advice. I think co-sleeping may just save your sanity for the short term - could you not smoke for a couple of days and give it a go? See if it helps?

I might give it a go, but how would it work as he is very mobile and likes to crawl about the bed?

For tonight I have put his cot back in our room to see if that helps, he went to bed about 10 mins ago.