Sick and tired of being the only one with a toddler who wakes multiple times at night....

[Pinkpowderpuff]

17mo, wakes 2 - 4 times a night still for no reason other than he can....... Everyone is incredulous when I tell them. What did I do wrong with my child? Ive tried so hard not to cause 'bad habits' but made no difference. His bad habit is having me tuck him in briefly in the night then back to sleep, no drinks, no cuddles, no light, no talking, no me in the room. Sometimes he goes straight back to sleep, other times I can be in and out for over an hour. Am I really the only one going through this?!

If it's any consolation or probably not as a glimpse into the future I usually have one or both of my two in with me at some point in the night/stupidly early morning. DD is 5 and DS is 3. We had broken DD's habit over the summer, but starting school has wigged her out again. DS has only just started coming in. He's a wriggler though so he gets booted out asap while I can deal with her until we both get too hot.

Much sympathy.

Nope! My 18mo was up for three hours last night, screaming on and off. In the end I had to rock her in a chair. Usually a bit of shushing outside the door does the trick, but not always. She usually sleeps through (or nearly) for a couple of nights, then goes through a stage of crap sleep, then does a random good night before back to crap. It's rubbish.

Nothing but sympathy for you, sounds like you have it worse. Does he self-settle at bedtime? Nap well?

DD (5 and a half) still rarely gets herself to sleep and ends up in my bed most nights-I gave up trying to get her to stay in her room. Too hard.

Self settles brilliantly at bed time, just pop him into bed and he chats to himself for a while then out like a light so not a self settling issue. Naps for 1.5 to 2 hrs a day. Technically, if you actually take what the books say as truth, he should be a great sleeper! He does have 14 teeth with 2 more on the way. I'm kidding myself that once teething has finished he will be amazing!

You're certainly not the only one!

There's a huge developmental leap around 18mo - connected to emotional and language development. It can really skew with their sleep.

My DS1 was a nightmare at nap/bedtimes from about 18.5mo-20mo. This was not helped by moving house and the arrival of his twin brothers.

He did get much better after about 20mos.

He does still wake in the night though - and jumps into a spare bed with DH. It's the easiest way for us all to get some sleep!

Good luck.

I don't mind 1/2 wake ups, it's when he wakes more and for prolonged times. He is quite advanced with language so maybe be is doing that early. To be honest, he is better than he has been - we get a 7hr stretch at least once a week now but I really thought it would be better than this by now. I'm SO jealous at those with younger children who sleep well,cmakes me feel crap.

My 17 month old will only fall asleep holding hands with me/dh/or whoever is mad enough to offer to babysit for us. Dh has to sleep on a mattress in his room.

My 20 month old niece is still bf to sleep sleep. Multiple times a night.

You're doing really well .

(Sorry for no advice!)

Oh, please don't feel crap. They just do what they do, there is a limit to how far you can influence it sometimes. 2 of my nieces were like this. One stopped aged 4, the other aged 5. Interestingly, they are both Mum's No.1 fan (different mothers) and just seemed to need a lot of proximity to their mothers to feel happy.

Thank you trinpy. I don't think there is any advice to give really, just helps to know others are in the same boat!

This is normal, if that helps.

True some toddlers don't do it, and it can feel like you're surrounded by those that don't (people spin the reality of sleep a lot) making it really hard.

It will get better, promise. Our DD woke regularly until around 18 months. She's not over two and does a lot less, although still does if over tired, or ill, or teething, or feeling wobbly.

Personally i think the 'habits' thing is rubbish. It maybe works for some children, but as you say, you can work on all the good 'habits' in the world, it won't necessarily stop them waking in the night.

Over tiredness and teething can both have a big impact. So can hunger - she has a fast metabolism so if she's not eaten well she'll wake early these days, until 18 months she would feed in the night and was hungry, despite all the books saying they don't 'need' to feed in the night past 6 months. But that's an arbitrary, average line. In the same way that some adults could go all day without eating and be ok, but i would be feeling wobbly, headachy, shaky if i did that.

Finally, as others have said, they are really little still. Often then are waking in the night for reassurance. We know they are safe in their rooms, but as animals they are programmed to seek comfort, reassurance and physical closeness from their parents to ensure they are safe at night for much longer than we might like.

some co sleeping (maybe part time?) might help. We have a doulbe bed in DD's room and one of us will often cuddle up in there with her if she needs support. It's not for everyone, but i'm interested in the shortest path to the most sleep for everyone, as well as giving her the reassurance at night that she needs.

Also lately family staying has meant we've had her cot in our room, and she's often slept well like that - she can sense she is not alone. Might be a better option if they are too wriggling in your actual bed.

As others have said, i have stopped worrying about the long term bad habits of this, too. No teenager sleeps in their parents bed, i assume DD will stop needing this when she's ready, and until then i opt for an easy life!

She's now over two, that should have been

It's not bad habits at all - you respond to him when he needs you which is wonderful

Mine is beginning to sleep through the whole night occasionally, at 2 years 8 months - he also wakes maybe once a night on 'usual' nights, has a quick breastfeed and then goes back to sleep again.

I've never sleep trained him, or any of them, and remarkably they sleep pretty normally now, because babies do get there by themselves.

Keep your chin up and remember you're not doing anything wrong, except perhaps worrying too much.

I think that is part of the 'problem' - he is very much a Mummy's boy and loves to be close to me. I think he just needs regular reassurance that I haven't gone far. Hopefully this is something he will grow out of soon, I would feel bad doing CC and to be honest, he quite often settles back to sleep quickly as soon as he has had me tuck him in so CC wouldn't work anyway. My Mum said to ignore him completely or shout for him to go back to sleep through the wall..... Not sure either of these are kind but probably would work!

On Sunday night I went into 3 year old DS's room over 12 times between 2am and 4:30am. Last night he slept from 7:30pm until 6:20am! You are not the only one but I know the feeling of thinking you have done something wrong and everyone else has children that sleep

My 16 month old has never slept through and is currently waking 6 -10 times a night. Don't know why. Possibly the 4 teeth he's cutting. But then he also woke when he wasn't cutting teeth...

Also he needs BF back to sleep, despite not falling asleep like that in the evening!

No idea what the answer is but I'm very close to getting a sleep consultant as this is my 2nd non sleeping DC (the first one is 4 and has long phases of not sleeping through, then a couple of weeks respite, then waking again)

You aren't the only one. It just feels like it!
Neither of mine slept through until they were about 2.5 - it did coincide with nap dropping!
DS1 was a shocking sleeper and napper. He was so very clingy it took hours for him to settle at night and I ended up driving him around for naptimes to force him into sleep.
DS2 napped fine and settled much easier at bedtimes, but he still woke up 2-4 times a night. Just because he did.
As I said, when they dropped the nap, they started sleeping through. DS2 woke pretty early still (5.30) but it gradually got better. He is 5 now and sleeps until about 7am.

Thank you so much everyone. My gut instinct has always been to respond to him, even when he was waking every hour when he was younger. It's so hard getting 'advice' from others as when I don't follow it (like my Mum's for instance) I get told it's my fault he is doing it and I'm being unfair on him by prolonging it by not sleep training. The HV said to stop his bedtime BF as it means he is close to me and will make his clinginess worse..... After his feed be has no problem being put in his cot and is happy to go in and snuggles down so that is rubbish.

Like I said, it just helps to hear others are in the same boat and it's normal and I'm not ruining my son and his future sleeping habits!

My 22 month old is still up at least twice a night. I also have a 9 week old. Not much sleep to be had in our house! Like yours she goes to bed fine, pop her down and she chats a bit then goes to sleep. Naps an hour and a half a day. Just doesn't sleep through the night!! She did for a week at 15 months, but that's it.

Also i think it's easy to underestimate how tired you are yourself, and how much harder that makes it to keep things in perspective.

We were up with DD between 3 and 5am on saturday night as she'd got over tired (it looks like she's starting to drop her daytime nap, much to my disappointment, but two days without a nap in a row was too much). As relatively speaking it was a one off, i can see what was going on, and also we had a quiet sunday so DH and I took it in turns to have a nap and recover.

Do you get a break? Could you nap in the day while he naps? Do you have a DH / DP? If so at weekends could you take it in turns with going in to him? When DD was still waking regularly, i developed insomnia. Sometimes I'd sleep on a blow up bed in the kitchen (was the only place in the house i couldn't hear her) to have night off.

There can be the trade off of if you go in it's quick / if it's someone else he'll get upset, but that can be worked through, and it might be worth it to get you some full nights of sleep. It's also, for your DS, the start of learning he can get reassurance from someone else, sometimes

I can't really nap in the day as studying for a degree and that is when I get to do it. I have a DH who is great - he helps out at night but sometimes DS won't accept him and shouts until I give in and help. I try to keep his shouting to a minimum as I also have a 6yr old son in the room next door and don't like him being disturbed. I'm quite glad that I can go to sleep easily and back to sleep quickly after night wakings - my body just grabs it while it can!

Definitely not the only one.

My 18mo was asleep at 7 last night. Awake at 10, 11, 12.30 (bf/cuddled back to sleep all those times), then awake 3-5 for some bizarre combination of trying to get herself and her toys to sleep and running in circles round her bedside cot (we cosleep, so can't even sleep through this alas) squealing with laughter.

This is a particularly awful phase but the truth is she's never slept well. She was okay as a newborn, but since she hit about 3 months we've been lucky to get a night with only two wakeups. I hear people talking about their struggles with nine-month-olds only sleeping through the night half the time and am

Apparently I was also a horrendous sleeper as a baby/toddler, so maybe it's genetic?

people spin the reality of sleep a lot

This is so true, especially when it comes to older babies and toddlers.

I couldn't leave DS1 to cry alone in the night - I suffered terribly from night terrors until I was into my teens and my parents never once sent me back to my room to be scared alone.

He goes off to sleep by himself at nighttime but in the middle of the night he needs some cuddles/reassurance and that's ok with us.

It's unkind and unhelpful of your HV to make those comments. You're his mother, of course he depends on you! Plus he's really still very small.

Sounds to me like you're a lovely mum. Could your OH settle him some nights with a cuddle to give you a break? Or can you get some time to have a nap during the day?

Everything is much harder when yon don't get enough sleep

You not yon! (Feeling the effects of twins awake every hour last night)

53rd, that sounds rough! At least he is contained in a cot and to be honest doesn't seem to want to be awake - we have never had episodes of wanting to play in the night thankfully! He was asleep by 7 last night, awake on and off between 9.30 and 11.30 then slept until 3am, brief wake up then slept until 6. Not an amazing night but not as bad as some. The night before he was asleep by 7, didn't wake until 2.30am which was a quick tuck in then wake again at 4.30am until 5 then slept until 7! He had napped for 2.5hrs that day too so was surprised he slept so well. It makes me laugh reading what I've just wrote as a good night for us would be a night from hell for most parents!

My 6 year old crept in with me last night and proceeded to snuffle like a little piggy and I didn't mind.

I don't know who you're hanging around with but in my circle of friends we were certainly not the only one with a waking toddler. I think people are often afraid to admit their child wakes in the night - as if it's some sort of failing.

It isn't. It's just what humans do! Sure you can train them to not cry if they wake in the night, but personally I prefer to give them what they need when they're tiny.

The question is, do you really mind him waking or are your worrying because you think he shouldn't be doing so by now?
Of course we all wish for a decent night's sleep, but it will come. Until then you just need to do what suits you as a family.