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Sleep

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Original poster

Sleeping in own Room

28 replies

Mizzey · 10/05/2004 21:22

I've just put my ds in his own room and feeling bad. I have mixed views from family, dh side think I am cruel as ds is only 4 months and should be in the same room as us. Am I being cruel for putting ds in his own room??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

madgirl · 10/05/2004 21:35

i think you will have lots and lots of replies to this one. we had intentions of keeping ds with us until he was at least 6 months, but after 3 weeks dh and i were hallucinating with sleep deprivation, as ds was a noisy sleeper (when he did sleep that is) and we were literally getting no sleep. we put his basket in his room which was about 6 metres away with a monitor on as well, which we didn't need but made me feel better and we never looked back. i think that you have to do what feels right for you and the baby. is there a specific reason why you have moved him now?

KateandtheGirls · 10/05/2004 21:38

I think it's great that he's in his own room. Why would that be cruel? I'm assuming that you can hear him and go to him if he wakes up, so what's the problem?

frogs · 10/05/2004 21:39

My dd2 sleeps very well but very noisily -- snuffling, wriggling, grunting, occasionally crying out. We put her in the cot in her older brother's room, right next door to ours when she was about 6 weeks, and she started sleeping through from 11 to 6.30ish. Coincidence? I don't think so.

4 months is fine IMO -- lots of people will disagree, no doubt, but as long as you can hear her if she really needs you, I wouldn't worry.

colinsmommy · 10/05/2004 21:43

I worry about the same thing with my son. He has slept in his own room most of the time since he was born (8 1/2 mo old now) I couldn't get any sleep with him in the room, because he moans and flaps and kicks and scratches his fingers against the bedding in his sleep all night long. My husband never understood my guilt. All I can say is he seems to be doing just fine and likes his own crib. He does great going to sleep, and most of the time he is out like a light before 2 minutes have passed whether going down for a nap or night. I think his being "alone" bothered me much more than it did him, if it even bothered him at all, although it might be different for other babies. If he seems to be doing ok, I wouldn't worry about the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" of where people think he should sleep. You'll be driving yourself crazy. My opinion anyway, having driven myself crazy.

dejags · 10/05/2004 21:45

Do what suits you - a rested (or at least semi-rested) mum is always better for a baby in the long run.

If it's any help our DS went into his own room at 2 weeks. The room was right next door and we could hear the slightest squeak - it was just far enough away to cut out the snuffling, farting, grunting and general shuffling which DS would do all night long.

Everybody always has an opinion - go with what you feel most comfy with is my motto...

Original poster

Mizzey · 10/05/2004 21:46

No not really madgirl, I used to go and feed ds in his room anyway and then bring ds back to our bedroom so as not to disturb dh too much. I have a fab monitor which allows you to see and hear him so if anything, I hear ds more.. I suppose I was more concerned with the risk of cot death as you get it drummed into you now that they should be in with you for 6 months.

OP posts:

colinsmommy · 10/05/2004 21:46

Oh, yes I forgot. My son has 2 little friends who are both almost a year old and slept with in their parent's room until very recently. Neither of them can sleep through the night. I don't think it is a coincidence either.

Heathcliffscathy · 10/05/2004 21:50

my ds was in bed with us for 3 weeks, then in moses basket for a couple of weeks, then in big cot in our room to around 3 months, then we moved him into his room. at each stage, we did what felt right, both for him and for us. I got to the point where i knew that we were keeping him awake at night. sids guidelines state that you should keep a baby in a room with you to six months. i've never been sure on the research on this, i think something to do with your breathing reminding the baby to breath. but as with most guidelines, and frankly most things about parenting, i don't think there can be hard and fast rules (note i said most, before anyone jumps down my throat)...you've got to go with your gut instinct. I think we did the right thing with ds. he sleeps really well and does this little wriggle thing as i zip him into his sleeping bag with his hands behind his head (which is how he sleeps) which just makes my heart leap, and i take as a sign that he is very happy in his own room. his room is next door to ours, we don't use a monitor as i can hear him clearly even when he does a deep sigh, let alone cries...but i know some people might be horrified that we don't use one (we spend weekends in dorset, where the walls are v thick and we use one there). all i'm saying in a v long and rambly way (sorry) is that you are the only ones that can make this decision...if you feel that it is the best solution to meet all your needs: do it. if it is going to keep you awake with guilt: don't. your baby, i think will be fine either way (other people will disagree with this, and maybe there is a chance that you are increasing a risk slightly) but will pick up how you feel about your decision from you...so be aware of that. it's not easy this parenting malarky is it? having said everything i've said, when ds turned six months a couple of weeks ago, i breathed a little sigh of relief...which is ridiculous as, god god god forbid, something could still happen...hth

gothicmama · 10/05/2004 21:51

do what is right for you

butwhatdoiknow · 10/05/2004 22:26

Mmmm do you reckon that putting babba in own room helps them sleep through the night?

Mine is 3 months. She goes to sleep well but wakes for feed once or twice in the night. I usually pick her out of the crib before she gets too worked up so as not to wake DP up. However, I have lain still a few times to see what happens and she does rev up to full crying - which she is rubbish at so it is not that loud. I don't mind feeding her in the night but guess it would be nicer not to.

Another question, if baby is sposed to sleep in your room for 6 months does that mean we should go to bed when they do? I don't think so!

And another thing - Having baby in our room is playing havoc with sex life - just when we're getting down to it she makes a funny noise or something and we lose our way.

Her days in our room are numbered/................

tammybear · 10/05/2004 22:55

Mizzey - My dd had her own room from 3 months, and since then she has slept throughout the night not waking up for feeds. I dont think you're being cruel at all, as usually the kids find it easier to sleep as they do not sense other people in the room. Or so Ive heard HTH

Spod · 10/05/2004 23:12

if you're anyting like me, waiting till 6 months for own room wont ease your guilt anyhow... we just put dd in own room at 6 months a few weeks ago and even though she has just started sleeping through the night i still feel guilty, even though we are all getting more sleep. i keep thinking, have i abondoned her,... poor thing loved being in bed with me etc etc... truth is shes fine, we all get more sleep and i now get to have dh back in bed with me.....

muddaofsuburbia · 10/05/2004 23:14

Ds was in his own room from 3 weeks, but has always come back into our room in his travel cot if he's ill.

His room is right next to ours and we can hear every shuffle, but it means that we don't wake him up when we go to bed ourselves which is what happens when he's in the room with us.

BWDIK - I've always wondered that about the 6 mth thing - if it's so important for a baby to be with parents while sleeping then what about daytime naps? And there was nooo way I was going to bed at 7pm just because ds was in bed - I wanted my dinner!

toddlerbob · 11/05/2004 00:24

My ds needs a bedroom like an icebox for his eczema, I need a warm room so I can sleep. For me it was a no brainer. If your ds feels deprived of your company he will cry out for you in the night won't he? Why not let him decide, rather than your inlaws?

KateandtheGirls · 11/05/2004 00:55

I've never heard of this 6 month rule (here in the US). Why would a baby be less likely to die of SIDS if they were in your room? I know that they're more likely to if they sleep in bed with you (despite which my daughter slept in bed with me for months for everyone's sanity). And I thought one year was the magic age at which the risk of SIDS is almost non-existent?

I just find it fascinating the difference in the advice given to parents in the US and the UK. But if you guys are being told to have the baby in your room for 6 months, then I can understand why you would feel guilty about moving them into their own room. I still don't understand the advice though.

colinsmommy · 11/05/2004 01:25

Thank you kateandthegirls, I thought the 6 month rule was something I had missed. And that was a pretty big something to miss.

Original poster

Mizzey · 11/05/2004 09:54

Thanks to all of you for the advice. I know deep down that I am doing the right thing. DS slept for 8.5 hrs in his own room and seems to like it. There are so many rules and regulations to follow - I guess I just need to chill and let natural instincts take over and ignore the comments from the bloody "in-laws"...

OP posts:

JeniN · 11/05/2004 10:07

We moved dd out at 6 weeks for DH's sanity (he's a really light sleeper) and because it was kinda lonely with him in the spare room all the time. This probably sounds really awful after reading all the other posts below about monitors etc, but we also have two thick doors closed between us and her. We can hear any grumbles through the wall, but it just keeps the snuffles we hear to a minimum...again, I'd be fine with the doors open but I'd have lost dh to the spare room again. I feel guilty/worried sometimes, and if she's ill I sneak out and open the doors but I think she sleeps better with the room really dark anyway. No one in my baby group has managed to keep them in their room until 6 months, despite all intending to. I think she slept better once we moved her and she loves her cot. What can you do?

sponge · 11/05/2004 10:30

We had dd in bed with us for the first couple of months. Moving her out of bed into her cot (still in our room) was hell - she screamed for several nights - but once we'd got through that she moved into her own room without any fuss at all and has been happy there ever since. I think it does help them sleep better. It's bad enough you and dp disturbing each other with the thrashing about, snoring etc without three of you in there!

elliott · 11/05/2004 10:36

JeniN just to make you feel better - ds2 was out of our room at about 5 weeks, also with two (closed) doors between us and no monitor....and I still wake when he cries (not even very loudly!)
Having said that, there is some evidence to support the six month recommendation - I think the risk of cot death is statistically higher in babies sleepign in their own rooms - plus it is thought that for young babies, rousing from deep sleep every few hours may be in some way protective. But I don't think I could follow the advice and stay sane, I'm afraid.

vict17 · 11/05/2004 10:38

We've had ds in his own room since he came out of hospital. The first night I slept in his room but the 2nd night I was so exhausted I just wanted to be with dh. We can hear him as our upstairs is very small. He's now 6 weeks and so far no problems. We follow all the guidelines for avoiding SIDS and I can't see that we're any more likely to encounter problems than a baby sleeping in a cot in the parents room. My sister has her ds in her room in a moses basket but then in the day puts him in his cot for his daytime naps and then does jobs downstairs so I find it hard to understand why not do that a night? But as everyone has said each to their own

pollingfold · 11/05/2004 10:45

I'm the same as vict17. DS was in his own room from 2nd day - first night neither of us slept.

never looked back - whats ever is best for you and the baby.

Don't worry about what others think

MrsDoolittle · 11/05/2004 10:56

The HV told me that according to research cot death occurs less in countries where it is normal for babies to stay with their mother all the time, hence the recommendation of six months.
I am struggling with this too as I have moved into the spare room with dd. I find myself awake now at 3am WAITING for her to wake up - is that not paranoid? Or maybe I am just lonely

inkstigmata · 11/05/2004 14:49

dd1 went in her own room aged 8 weeks, and we wondered why we had left it that long afterwards. dd2 was in on the third night - basically as soon as she was feeding about 3 hours apart. We use a monitor as not only are there 2 closed doors but also a flight of stairs.

I don't understand the idea that it is cruel - they get a better night's sleep and so do we. I would imagine that it is harder for babies if you get them used to one thing and then suddenly change it

secur · 11/05/2004 14:56

Message withdrawn

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