controlled crying advice needed before tonight

[furniture]

Dd, 19 months, previously a good sleeper has been having problems over the last few weeks. I've posted about it before and won't bore anyone with details again but basically we've decided after 3 nights of awful sleep for all of us that we're going to have to try controlled crying seriously. The thing that's confusing me is about whether or not to pick them up when you go in. I've looked at Ferber and Christopher Green. Ferber says not to pick up but to spend 2-3 minutes talking gently to them and then leave. Green says pick up and cuddle until they've quietened down and then put them down and leave. What's been happening with dd is that she stands in the cot calling for me and only goes back to sleep when I go in and lay her down which she does quite quickly in the night and I wouldn't mind if she wasn't doing it 3-4 times a night! She doesn't seem to want to lie down on her own. Should I try not picking her up and see if she'll eventually lie down? (We did try this once in the middle of the night and she stood calling for me for 2 hours, whereas she goes straight back to sleep if I do pick her up and lie her down). We're at our wits end, fighting with each other we're so tired now and really don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it, otherwise I think we're going to have to try a sleep clinic but they're so bloody expensive.

Hooray for you!

I think we're having a bit of a backslide which I think I might have remembered from someone else's thread does happen sometimes. Last night she was mostly awake from 2.45-3.45am and today she's really protesting against her nap. Think I'm going to have to take her out in the pram if it goes on much longer as it's not worth leaving her for ages in the daytime but then I'm worried it'll give the wrong signal for later.

AGH!!!

45 mins into the crying and calling now. Ferber says not to leave them in the day for longer than an hour so I'm about to give in. I really really hope it's not a disaster ...

Oh Furniture... feel for you. Must be sooo hard.

Can you move the TV into her room and all sleep in the lounge?

Well, the lounge is very light and attached to the kitchen so if we decide to co-sleep we basically have to decide to give up our evenings and keep dd up until we go to bed. There's things against us co-sleeping too like the fact that dd just doesn't sleep well with us, she's very wriggly and we don't sleep properly too as a result. We have tried it occasionally but it just hasn't worked out.

Oh I didn't mean put her in your bed.. I am no good at that either

is she really tired when you put her to bed?

I really hope things get better for you soon.

Hi papillon, sorry if I misunderstood you earlier.

Today's been a bit of a disaster really. Dd did go to sleep this afternoon just at the moment I was about to give up so after an hour of calling for me. Horrible. But she only slept an hour and woke in a real panic of tears and shaking.

Tonight she's gone to sleep very quickly but I'm not confident of how the night ahead will be. I feel a bit daft that I was so enthusiastic a couple of days ago.

Oooh furniture, I do sympathise. But please, do stick with it. You've come such a long way with this, and the best thing is consistency. She may just be checking that these really are the new rules, and you both need to be confident that they are. Good luck!

Thanks ponygirl. I'm also a little worried that she's not well and not sure how to play it with that going on. She's had a cold (me too) but not a major one or so I thought and I think it might be going to her chest as she's been coughing a lot. She also keeps telling me she's very uncomfortable saying 'poo poo' but her nappy is always fine. So I'm wondering if she's got a tummy ache. Oh, do the anxieties and the feelings of being an inadequate mom ever go away?!

Well, if it's any consolation, furniture, you're not alone! Sorry to hear that you and she aren't feeling very well. Anything you can do for her cough?

I don't think they do, no! Hmmm, difficult if you think she's ill - how's that for bad timing. If she's blocked up/temperature etc then you might just have to suspend the cc til she's better, if you think she's waking due to illness rather than habit. You could always try calpol/olbas oil or whatever and give it a reasonable amount of time to soothe her. I can say that with mine, even when illness has disrupted the routine, once their better they've got back into it very quickly, even when they were quite small. So it may not be as bad second time round!

Thanks. In the past when dd was a good sleeper all on her own I could always change things round when she was ill and as soon as she was better she'd settle straight back into her routine. As this is all new to me now and I realise how much she's changed in character over this last month I feel like I don't know what to do for the best. She's not REALLY ill, no temperature, just a runny nose and a bit of a niggling cough. She's had chest infections in the past and been very ill so I know what to look out for and if there was anything like that going on I'd definitely throw the Ferber out of the window for the time being. But it's kind of borderline and I had thought this was about the end of the cold.

My DD is 18 months old and I sympathise entirely when they wake in the middle of night, and previously they've been so good at napping during the day and sleeping at night. We've used cc technique a few times and found it has worked when done consistently. I'm now convinced that when DD doesn't settle it is usually because something is up - like illness or teething (big problems there which I won't go into), in which case cc won't work, cos all DD wants is lots of reassurance and cuddles. At the moment I can't decide if DD is beginning to work out how to delay settling down at 7pm. Tonight she drank 14 ozs of milk (this has been the norm since I gave up bf six weeks ago), settled in cot and 5 mins later was crying very loudly. When I went in after 10 mins, she signed to me that her teeth were hurting (we've learnt a few baby signs) so I gave her a teething remedy, which usually works immediately. But after 15 mins she was sobbing again. When I went back in, she signed again that her teeth were hurting, so I gave her Nurofen. After more cuddles and some whimpering she eventually lay down in her cot and settled. Hopefully she won't wake tonight.
Go with your gut instinct as to whether to carry on the cc technique tonight. My experience is that DD knows the routine and usually gets back into it quickly when she is 100%.

furniture. When my ds was ill we put him straight back in our bed and ignored Ferber. We still do and he is 3.5 years old. However, once the worst of the illness is over he goes right back to his bed. It does help that he is a heavy still sleeper and doesn't disturb us when he is in our bed. I'm ashamed to admit that we don't do the same for dd as she is a squirmy sleeper and we both hate having her in our bed. As soon as we get her to sleep she's straight back in her cot.
Also, ds would never ever let himself be ferberized during the day. He refused to nap in his cot and would scream his head off until I took him. We put him in his buggy and wheeled him around until he slept. Eventually we could just put him in the cot and he would go to sleep without the wheeling around. Even now, when he wants a nap during the day he will make me pull out his buggy and he'll sleep in it. Dd does her naps in her cot.

Well, last night was brilliant. Dd went to sleep after a few minutes and slept right through, 12 hours solid. She hasn't done that in weeks now. I actually now don't think she's ill, just the last throes of a cold, definitely nothing to worry about as no fever, good appetite etc. She's battling against nap again now.

Sofia, I used to wheel dd around for naps until she was about 8 months old and completely about turned and refused to sleep anywhere but in her cot. Now occasionally when I'm going out for the day I give her a nap in the pram but she never sleeps long, maybe 30 mins or so. Whereas in the cot she does a good couple of hours and is much more refreshed.

We're in this mad situation where she won't sleep anywhere except her cot but she's fighting going off to sleep even there.

But I think she's gone off now. Phew ...

By the way, when people think cc has 'worked' does that mean the child now goes down without a whimper and quite happily? Or does it mean there will always be a bit of a battle but it's less than without having done the cc? I keep hoping dd will begin to settle peacefully but maybe I'm expecting too much?

Well, last night was brilliant. Dd went to sleep after a few minutes and slept right through, 12 hours solid. She hasn't done that in weeks now. I actually now don't think she's ill, just the last throes of a cold, definitely nothing to worry about as no fever, good appetite etc. She's battling against nap again now.

Sofia, I used to wheel dd around for naps until she was about 8 months old and completely about turned and refused to sleep anywhere but in her cot. Now occasionally when I'm going out for the day I give her a nap in the pram but she never sleeps long, maybe 30 mins or so. Whereas in the cot she does a good couple of hours and is much more refreshed.

We're in this mad situation where she won't sleep anywhere except her cot but she's fighting going off to sleep even there.

But I think she's gone off now. Phew ...

Sorry, I don't know why that first message of mine repeated itself.

Well, last night was brilliant. Dd went to sleep after a few minutes and slept right through, 12 hours solid. She hasn't done that in weeks now. I actually now don't think she's ill, just the last throes of a cold, definitely nothing to worry about as no fever, good appetite etc. She's battling against nap again now.

Sofia, I used to wheel dd around for naps until she was about 8 months old and completely about turned and refused to sleep anywhere but in her cot. Now occasionally when I'm going out for the day I give her a nap in the pram but she never sleeps long, maybe 30 mins or so. Whereas in the cot she does a good couple of hours and is much more refreshed.

We're in this mad situation where she won't sleep anywhere except her cot but she's fighting going off to sleep even there.

But I think she's gone off now. Phew ...

And again! Weird ...

Maybe its a good sign Furniture - that all will be brilliant and phew

Fingers crossed for you

(it is weird I am not a CC advocate at all - but for some reason feel drawn to post to you and give you support!?! - always seem to come to computer just when you have posted!)

Your support is much appreciated papillon!

To be honest I've never been a supporter of cc either. I've sworn against it and been so far lucky enough to have a dd who didn't need it. I used to sit and criticise with dp other mums who did cc and we thought it would never be for us. But we just didn't have another solution.

How do you deal with your child/s sleep problems? Or maybe they don't have any?

Your support is much appreciated papillon!

To be honest I've never been a supporter of cc either. I've sworn against it and been so far lucky enough to have a dd who didn't need it. I used to sit and criticise with dp other mums who did cc and we thought it would never be for us. But we just didn't have another solution.

How do you deal with your child/s sleep problems? Or maybe they don't have any?

Our dd is only 6.5 months old. So I have never used CC because she is too young. She does have a night sleep problem though. She has begun sufferring from excema or an allergy - it isn´t clear which and it got alot worse about the 5 month mark. It is better now after having to use cream from the doctor but it has effected her night sleeping alot.
She wakes up now usually around 4 to 5 times a night! Because she sleeps on a futon next to our bed I can touch her or bf (twice a night) and she goes back to sleep very quickly.

I would really like to improve this situation for all our sakes and have been thinking of posting on the attachment parenting thread. Yesterday I decided that I would keep postponing the feed I was giving around 10pm - 11pm as long as possible. Feed her last nite at 12.30pm - could hear in her voice.. please. But will try and lengthen this more every nite if possible. She has never been good at the focus feed idea and tbh I never really did it unless she woke up then - most times I just got her to go back to sleep.

Well thats my story!

Dp and I used to sleep in dd's room, we moved out when she was about 8 months old and we were just keeping her awake too much with our whisperings and shufflings but we did find it very hard to be sleeping so far away from her at that point. She'd been sleeping through though for a long time back then, since around 3 months old if I remember right. But on the very odd occasion she didn't I always used to just feed her and she'd go straight off again as you say. And that never seemed to become a 'habit.' Those days seem so blissfully easy to me now!