The lure of bottles and dummies

[JoRichardson35]

Hi all, FTM, I have a beautiful 8 day old son who has been cluster feeding like he's stocking up for winter for the past 3 days and nights - sleep is non existent as he won't go down for more than 20 mins at a time. I understand that he's having a growth spurt and is increasing demand for milk to accommodate the growth, but at this rate I'm going to be useless to him as I am so ridiculously tired.
I am BF but am starting to really be tempted by the lure of bottle feeding as then my husband can help with night feeds and also by a dummy as I'm sure that at least 20 of his desire to get on the nipple iscfor comfort.
I want to do what's best for him - I know that you shouldn't introduce a dummy until 1 month old and BF is established or it can muck it up and that BF is better for him than bottle but I am seriously struggling atm :( I don't feel safe co sleeping (hubby is a deep sleeper and rolls around a lot) so am using a Poddle Pod at bed height next to the bed which worked a treat for a few days but now we're back to only sleeping for 20 mins at a time.
Apologies for the length of this, but any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated. X

This too shall pass

I would be inclined to stick it out for a few more weeks and see where you are - you are supposed to be exhausted at this point, it's all pretty normal.

Be kind to yourself, take rest where you can, accept help with everything else and essentially park on the sofa/ bed and feed. Nothing else is important. Hand over the baby to anyone who will take him once you have finished a feed, and try and get some rest.

Congratulations!

Oh you poof thing. I am no expert but I would considers bottle. The NCT bf counsellor I spoke with told me that you need a break of at least an hour to replenish yourself and your milk.

One thing I do feel strongly about is that the worry about breast bottle confusion is over egged. The two books I depend on both recommend a bottle at least once every day or two from early on to get the baby used to both. I don't know a si gle person who introduced bottles whose baby got confused. With dd I was expressing rather than bf but every day or two I would put her on the breast. And she would feed fine.

Get a bottle. Give it to your Dh and go to sleep.

So, if ou are feeding make sure you aren't doinf anything else. He can do nappies and chores rtc.

Meh, I'd try the dummy. I know plenty of people who used them and EBF.

Those first few days and weeks are unbelievably tough but it really does get easier very quickly. Cluster feeding and growth spurts get fewer and you will get more sleep. I felt the same as you at your stage but I got through it and the fact that my DD remained EBF is one of my proudest achievements. I managed to resist formula but gave my DD a dummy very early and it never affected feeding in any way. I also started giving a bottle of expressed breastfeeding milk from 3 weeks so DH could do one of the night feeds and I could get a decent block of sleep which made a huge difference.

It's hard, but worth sticking with it. The comfort sucking that you're thinking of replacing with a dummy is important for stimulating your supply. I have a three month old. After a couple of weeks, he settled down and fed twice a night, so the end of the constant feeding part may well be in sight! Is anyone able to help you with everything else so you can concentrate on feeding and catching up on your own sleep? Good luck

Whatever you decide OP, your baby will be fine! I have 3 healthy dcs who were all bottle fed more or less from the start, 2 of whom also had a dummy from afew weeks old. None have come to any harm. Sleep deprivation of this level can be very dangerous for your mental health so if you do get to the point where you can feel yourself going over the edge, it really is ok to give a bottle/dummy.

At 8 days cluster feeding is totally normal, but if he hasn't stopped at all in days it's worth checking there are no other issues. Has his weight started to increase back towards birthweight? Wet and dirty nappies? Is feeding comfortable?

I would suggest handing him to your husband for a short while, and you grabbing even a short nap. My little girl would often settle in her daddy's arms in the early days, whereas she would just feed constantly with me. If it helps by 2 weeks she reached birthweight, the cluster feeds got shorter and she started having good stretches of sleep (we were very lucky!). If breastfeeding is going well I would try to avoid formula in the early days.

Oh poor you - it's so hard I really really know that
Could you try pumping breastmilk during the day so you have some in a bottle that DH could give baby overnight?
Cluster feeding is a really rough time but at 8 days your supply is still being established. Formula feeding is not bad but your breastfeeding supply may not grow as you need it to if you supplement with formula.
But, having said that, it is f*ing hard & you are not alone xx

Thanks all, it's really reassuring to know I'm not the only one going through/have been through this.My DDH feels so helpless through the nights - he's great during the day and after waking up at 3am today to find me crying while BF he said that today he'll take LO as much as possible so I can get some sleep. LO let me get a full hour at 5.30am so at least that's something. I'm definitely tempted by either the expressed milk/1 formula in the night - I think if I can get a couple of hours sleep a night I'll be able to get by, but very much looking forward to cluster feeds being over.
Milkyway - we had our 5 day check up with the midwife and he's putting on weight well and she was really happy with his latching on & feeding so hopefully that'll still be the case when the health visitor comes on weds.

Congratulations on your lovely little baby

I have 2 DC, breastfed them both for a year each, never used dummies.

It is hard, it really really is, but now my kids are older I'm so happy I did it the way I did.

This website became my Bible (so to speak!) in the early days [www.kellymom.com KELLYMOM]]

Also, there's a section on Mumsnet about feeding, lots of good advice there.

Your baby is still getting used to being in the big bad world, wants to feed lots to increase your milk supply and to feel close to you. It's totally normal and he isn't doing it to try to make you die from lack of sleep, although I know exactly that it feels that way.

All newborn mammals do the same, feed feed feed from their mums, humans are the same naturally too. It's just we're used to seeing babies being like dolls in society, sleeping in prams, quiet, dummy plugged in mouth.

If your DP wants to help then get him to help by doing housework, bringing you lots of water to drink and generally telling you you're a star.

After a few months your baby won't feed just as much and you'll get the hang of it more so you can do other things.

I'll try that link again, sorry!

KELLY MOM

Ooh thanks will take a look :) DH is very good as birth was via CS so he's been doing all the housework and butler-esque duties during days (I am very lucky) :)

Personally I think adding a small Bottle of formula now is fine, it helps as then baby can be left with dh if needed. I wouldn't change to Just formula at night though as that's too long without him feeding from you to keep up supply.

If you do decide To introduce a bottle I would add It early evening. And just a small 2-4oz. Then you can have a solid 2 hrs free to sleep or bath or similar without worrying baby is hungry. Feed yourself at 6pm, then don't feed again until 8pm yourself. If baby needs a feed I between these 2 hrs then dh can offer A few oz. Then you can feed again after 8pm. This will be just enough you are reassured he isn't hungry and he may not even want any soon in this gap but at least you know he is fine alone with dh

Thanks Art - 2hrs continuous sleep sounds utterly blissful right now!

Breast is not necessarily best, what's best is what suits you and your baby. Try (if can get the chance) To express and let your dh give a bottle or even a mix of formula & breast milk. Your baby at this stage should mainly be sleeping ( in longer than 20 min bursts) so either your baby is using you as a dummy or isn't getting enough from you. Try a dummy try a bottle try whatever you need to do to get it right for you and your baby.

What babies 'should' do can vary a lot, Lexy. They very often haven't read the manual that tells them they should mostly be sleeping, and it's a dangerous myth to spread to mums whose babies don't. I suspect even those babies who have managed to read the manual can decide to vary the rules at any given time...

Most things are normal, tbh. You roll with it, and after a month or two, most things even out according to baby and parental temperament...

I lasted until 6 weeks before offering dc1 a dummy - it happened to be exactly what she needed. Neither dc2 nor dc3 would have anything to do with dummies, despite my efforts to persuade them

One was EBF, one was tube fed then bottle fed with bm for 6 weeks, then ff. (expressing for bottle feeding, plus all the sterilization of bottles and expressing eqt with three under three is a direct route to madness).

Good luck Jo! Lots of things to try, but I would try and keep away from the formula at this point, while your supply is building.

I expressed from when little one was 2 days old, noe do most of my feeds with expressed milk as I find it so much easier to know how much he has had to eat. I was spending hours at a time breastfeeding, only for him to still be hungry when I took him off. Gave it too him in a bottle and he was much more settled, he is now 10 weeks old and never had nipple confusion.

Good luck x

Thanks ladies :) we managed to get some sleeps last night which I think was the pinnacle night as I don't think I would've stayed awake during feeds if I hadn't got some sleep and, at that point, I think we'd have turned to the bottle as last thing we want is LO in danger with me falling asleep with him on me. Crikey House -3 under 3?! Brave crazy lady! ;) I really want to stick with BF, though ex pressing is definitely appealing atm! We're quite happy to go with a dummy but are trying our best to hold off until he's 4 weeks to give BF a chance to establish properly.
Yesterday my boobs engorged again (had gone down after a few days initially) so wondering if he wasn't getting enough before which is why he turned up the frequency of feeds to get more milk flowing as he waa going a good 2hrs between feeds through the night.
Happily that's a good idea, especially if my boobs did dry up on him a bit and he wasn't getting enough from me. He's getting weighed tomorrow (has been putting weight on well so far, was last weighed on weds) so should be a good indication whether he was getting enough.
Thanks again ladies, really grateful to all for your support and advice! :)

Jo it's great to hear things have improved for you. I always got engorged after a growth spurt for a day or two- try to remember that engorgement or lack thereof isn't really a reflection on your supply. Evidence of good milk transfer is reflected in nappies and weight. The first few weeks are really gruelling, but with breastfeeding the work is all front loaded. With me it started getting easier after 2 weeks, and by 6 weeks it was definitely the easier option. For now do anything it takes to make your life easier- tv, phone/tablet, easy to eat food. And definitely hand the baby over so you can catnap- my dd would happily settle on her daddy for an hour or 2 whereas she just kept rooting when I held her.

Hello - how are things going? Is he stretching longer through the night again. Was reading the thread through whilst night feeding (!) and noted no one had mentioned whether your baby was feeding properly? Sounds like he's snacking and taking short feeds - which means he never fills up properly and wants more. To establish your breadtfeeding you just need to do at least 8 feeds in 24 hours. Are you waking him up properly for those feeds when he asks for them - ie change his nappy at start, change again if falling asleep etc? If you're engirged that could be another reason why he's struggling to get the milk off so worth discussing with your HV.

Hi ladies - Kitty - yes thankfully we had another good nights last night of sleeping between feeds and it really is making all the difference! :D
Milky - that's really relieving to hear that engorging comes back - he's certainly filling nappies regularly with both 1's & 2's and he's getting weighed today which I am eager for to make sure he's getting everything he needs :) I'm getting close to 2 weeks now so going to keep going with BF - so want to be able to succeed with it for him.
Pumpkin - he's not so mich snacking as he's feeding continuously for at least 30 mins at a time, it's more that he kust wants it all the time and I think he's using me as a human dummy as well!
Yep he's getting a change before the majority of feeds and I make sure he's awake before he feeds.
I've got the midwife coming today for his day 10 check up so going to be asking her loads of questions about his cluster feeding.
Thanks ladies :) x