1yo screaming in the night.

[CoodleMoodle]

For over a month now my 1yo DD has been screaming/crying in her sleep. She's always done it on and off, but these last few weeks have been so awful. Previously all she'd need is me to pat her, give her back her muslin, move her back down the cot, etc. Very rarely she'd need picking up. Then she'd go back to sleep and stay that way for at least a few hours.

Now she goes to bed, and normally sleeps for a couple of hours until she starts up. She wants me to have my hand on her and shush her, which was okay at first but now it's not enough because as soon as I stop either she starts crying again. She's asleep most of the time, as far as I can tell. If it gets really bad I have to pick her up, but recently that's been waking her, and although she'll eventually go back to sleep, as soon as I go to put her down she wakes up again. This is what's happening right now. I've been trying to get her back to sleep since 4:50am, and I've resorted to white noise and our rocking chair. She's asleep but won't go back in the cot. She also won't go into our bed, which I tried even though I don't like cosleeping at all.

She can't self settle. I've always had to rock her to sleep, with white noise and a muslin. She used to suck her thumb but doesn't seem to do that so much now. Sometimes if she starts moaning in the night she'll go back to sleep by herself, but only if she doesn't get too worked up, IYSWIM. That hasn't happened for weeks. It's probably because of the self settling, isn't it? She's slept through a handful of times but we haven't had a good night for months and it's steadily getting worse. I don't think I can face CC but I think it's got to be done.

She's currently having one nap, from 11:30 to 13:30. She used to have two 45-60min naps, but started resisting them so we changed it to one long sleep in the hope that it would help. It's made no difference at all, and I can't push it any later or she won't sleep as long. She's up at 7:30 (or used to be) and goes to bed at 7:30. I can't get her to sleep longer during the day. She won't sleep in the buggy or car.

Her food intake is dreadful (still not eating proper solids) and she's on lactulose for constipation. She has two 8oz bottles per day I don't think it's teeth.

I'm a mess, crying every time she cries in the night because of how bad it's become. I know there are people with worse sleep but I can't cope with it much longer. I dread going to bed.

Got her back in the cot and got back into bed. She woke up after five minutes. Now she's fully awake and I'm sobbing.

Didn't want to leave you unanswered, but actually I could've written your OP, as we have almost identical problems. The only difference being solids - presumably you are getting help re: this if DC is on lactulose? My only advice would be to seek help from a GP or HV, because although this might be a passing phase, it is clearly taking its toll on you.

and strong

My DS was similar, although he's growing out of it now at 3. He moans/cries in his sleep a lot more when he needs a poo. He is on movicol now which has helped. Could it be a similar thing with your DC?

Thanks for the reply. Sorry you're going through similar, it's completely shit!

She's happy as anything when she wakes up. My DM has arrived for her Monday visit but I can't get back to sleep now. I've been up so long

RE the solids... She's still mostly on purree. No finger foods or proper food. We're working on it but she hates it. Been trying to coax her for 6m! We're under a dietician for her CMPA and she said all we can do is keep trying, which we are.

I think we're going to have to do CC, or similar, today. I hate the thought of letting her cry but she won't respond well to patting, etc. She'll just want to play and get more upset that I'm not doing it. But something must be done or I'll go mad. Everything is fine when I've had sleep but this has been going on for far too long and it needs to be sorted out.

Petallic, we're going to speak to the GP tomorrow about her constipation. Even if it's not the cause, it's definitely not helping! She struggles so much for very little output IYSWIM, I feel so sorry for her.

Have you looked at The No Cry Sleep Solution? It's a gentle retreat process rather than crying it out, might be a good read to give you some structured progression towards self-settling.

Whatever you do in regards to self-settling, you'll need to have any medical issues sorted first. Movicol is often prescribed for constipation. Is she drinking water or just the milk as that doesn't sound like much fluid intake, although purree has fluid obviously.

Will she settle for anyone else so you could have a night off? Everything is SO much harder with relentless sleep deprivation.

Thanks Pragmatic. Her fluid intake is even worse than her eating! I've tried every sort of cup/beaker but she pushes it away, screaming, and won't try it herself. This doesn't help the constipation, obviously. I try and try with her but have never got her to have so much of a sip. I suppose I could syringe it into her mouth as she's quite good at taking her medicine (was on ranitidine practically from birth until a few months ago, and sporadic lactulose as well though now she has two doses per day). She has no problem with me brushing her teeth, it's just food and water we have major problems with. Likes her milk although some days isn't interested.

I've read about No Cry but I'm not sure if it'll work. But it's worth a try! At this point I'm just desperate. She's never been a good sleeper (terrible catnapper) but was getting better and now so much worse.

Oh, and no she won't DH tries so hard but she only wants me. I can't face him trying in the night anymore because she gets so upset that she wakes up and then it goes on even longer. He's very supportive, though.

And I can't sleep when she's awake because she's so loud - when she's upset or delirious with joy! This is very much my problem though, and I can't fix it so I've learnt to put up with it...

It's a vicious circle, unfortunately - if you want her to sleep then you must stop picking her up. At 1 she's probably starting to understand what you say, so tell her to lie down and then mummy will stroke/pat her. If you pick her up you're giving her the attention she's craving.

Keep the room dark, speak as little as possible, get her to lie down before you will offer comfort and then rub her back gently till she goes to sleep.

You have my sympathy - mine are 19 & 21 now but I still remember sleep deprivation!

This is definitely the problem, 53! And she absolutely understands a lot of things we say to her (follows very basic instructions like showing us things when we ask), so maybe she'd respond. I hope so.

My one saving grace is that she can't sit up (or stand) from laying down. She's nearly walking and sits perfectly but unless we pull her up she can't get there for herself! At least I won't have to keep laying her down, etc.

DD only slept for 45mins this afternoon, until I went up and rocked her back to sleep and she did a total of 2hrs. But I had to hold her because every time I so much as shifted my weight she stirred.

We're snuggled up watching Night Garden, then it's bottle and book with DH before going upstairs. This is my favourite bit of the day but it leads to the worst. Today has been okay because DM has been here (DH is currently working from home and helping when he can), but tomorrow it's back to normal and I'm dreading it.

Calling the GP first thing to get something done about her constipation.

I can't be much help re sleep issues, but my dd was the same about food and drinking from a beaker until a similar age. She started solids properly when she was decided she was ready, and the constipation pretty much evaporated once she started eating cereals and lots of fruit.

With respect to food I stopped presenting her with food and trying to coax her to eat. Instead I ate my meals with her sitting on my knee and allowed her to make a mess with my food. She didn't eat it, just messed about with it, but it made her comfortable with the idea. Once she started eating meals with other children at nursery, baby peer pressure seemed to set in and she started to eat everything. She's now know as a 'good eater'. Watching other children eating works wonders.

Thanks Worse, that's pretty much what we're doing, it just hasn't clicked with her yet. I'm not especially bothered (most of the time, not so much when she's screaming before the spoon goes near her!) as she at least eats pouch/jar purree if she's in the right mood! I know she'll get there, it's more concern that it's causing her constipation (she loves fruit pots and has wheetabix in the morning) and/or she's waking up hungry but too tired to have milk... And the lack of water is getting a bit worrying.

Glad to know you've come out the other side of the poor eating, here's hoping DD follows suit soon!

She's only been asleep for an hour and she's already crying and won't stop with just shushing and patting. It's getting steadily worse.

Don't pick her up! You have to persist even when it's hell - if you give in and pick her up then she knows that if she carries on long enough she'll get her own way.

I didn't!

I patted her bum and shushed her, and she went back to sleep after a little while. I still had to rock her to sleep in the first place, but that we're going to work on once we've got the constipation sorted (getting the ball rolling first thing tomorrow).

Whatever happens tonight can't be worse than last night, which is what I keep saying to myself...

Thank you all for your replies, I'm off to bed!

Just got into bed and she's started again. Twice in two hours, doesn't bode well. She's still whimpering even though I kept my hand on her for a really long time. I know she's going to do it all night, every hour like the other day, and I'm working myself up about it because I can't take any more.

I'm not like this when I've had sleep. I can cope with anything when I've slept.

And again, much worse this time. I've picked her up. What a fucking idiot. But I can't listen to her scream any longer. She's still screaming though, and I've just shouted at her because I'm so bloody knackered all the time and it's not getting better.

You're not an idiot for picking her up! She's still tiny. No advice on the sleep as both my DDs have been dreadful but honestly don't beat yourself up for giving her a cuddle.

Oh this stuff is SO hard. Try not to beat yourself up. So you picked your crying baby up. It's not a crime, you're not breaking the rules. Get through tonight however you need to, and avoid 4am strategising, that way lies madness.

If you want to do CC, which I completely understand, get yourself some sleep first, even if it means someone else taking the night shift while you go to a travelodge. As you say, you can cope with anything when you've slept. Sleep training will be a rough few days, so it will help if you don't go into it already beaten down by tiredness.

Good luck. You will get there

Every single hour we were up. I just don't know what to do, she's now half awake and singing, an hour before she normally wakes up. I'm so tired

I very much feel your pain. DD was very similar at 9months. I desperately didn't want to do any sort of sleep training but reached the end of my tether and used the No Cry Sleep Solution. She is now 11months and we still have bad nights but overall is much better. I had to do something as I was going back to work.
I found it really hard to stay strong but looking back I'm glad I persevered. The good thing with No Cry is you can pick them up and you only leave them to cry for as long as you are comfortable. It also makes nap suggestions which really helped us too.
People suggested someone else having her overnight, but that wasn't practical as I'm still breastfeeding.

Do you give her a bottle at night? DD is 15 months and still gets hungry overnight (and she's been eating a fair amount of solids for a while now, I think she's just a snacker).

We've tested the theory of "they say their stomachs are big enough to take enough food to sleep through by this age" but that just doesn't work - even with a bottle watered down to no milk at all she still wants something.

So we let her have a bottle at night, the alternative is exactly what you've described. At least this way we only have to get up two or three times rather than 8 or 9, which is what happened when we took the bottle away!

If she's not hungry DD will actually self settle. The problem with self settling for her seems to be discomfort - if she's hungry or has a dirty nappy or she's cold then she won't self settle. Which I think is fair enough, I can't either if I'm not comfortable!

Are you sure she isn't teething? My almost 12mo wakes every hour when he is teething, just cutting first molar now but been hurting him on and off for about 6 weeks. I know its teething as he can start the night waking every hour but once I give nurofen he can does a 4 - 6 hour stretch. Don't feel bad about picking up/cuddling you are just giving her what she needs. Have you looked at wonder weeks? There is one smack bang over the first birthday period, my DS is going through it now and he is GRUMPY! Also struggling to fall asleep but ok once he manages it. Get 1 - 3 brief wake ups.