1yo screaming in the night.

[CoodleMoodle]

For over a month now my 1yo DD has been screaming/crying in her sleep. She's always done it on and off, but these last few weeks have been so awful. Previously all she'd need is me to pat her, give her back her muslin, move her back down the cot, etc. Very rarely she'd need picking up. Then she'd go back to sleep and stay that way for at least a few hours.

Now she goes to bed, and normally sleeps for a couple of hours until she starts up. She wants me to have my hand on her and shush her, which was okay at first but now it's not enough because as soon as I stop either she starts crying again. She's asleep most of the time, as far as I can tell. If it gets really bad I have to pick her up, but recently that's been waking her, and although she'll eventually go back to sleep, as soon as I go to put her down she wakes up again. This is what's happening right now. I've been trying to get her back to sleep since 4:50am, and I've resorted to white noise and our rocking chair. She's asleep but won't go back in the cot. She also won't go into our bed, which I tried even though I don't like cosleeping at all.

She can't self settle. I've always had to rock her to sleep, with white noise and a muslin. She used to suck her thumb but doesn't seem to do that so much now. Sometimes if she starts moaning in the night she'll go back to sleep by herself, but only if she doesn't get too worked up, IYSWIM. That hasn't happened for weeks. It's probably because of the self settling, isn't it? She's slept through a handful of times but we haven't had a good night for months and it's steadily getting worse. I don't think I can face CC but I think it's got to be done.

She's currently having one nap, from 11:30 to 13:30. She used to have two 45-60min naps, but started resisting them so we changed it to one long sleep in the hope that it would help. It's made no difference at all, and I can't push it any later or she won't sleep as long. She's up at 7:30 (or used to be) and goes to bed at 7:30. I can't get her to sleep longer during the day. She won't sleep in the buggy or car.

Her food intake is dreadful (still not eating proper solids) and she's on lactulose for constipation. She has two 8oz bottles per day I don't think it's teeth.

I'm a mess, crying every time she cries in the night because of how bad it's become. I know there are people with worse sleep but I can't cope with it much longer. I dread going to bed.

I know just hope you feel, we were there a couple of months ago when DD was 8-10 mths. That feeling of not having had a good night for months... The dread as you creep back to bed only to have them go off like a fire alarm as soon as you shut your eyes... Hell. I was prepared for sleep deprivation with a newborn but had no idea how attritional the first year can be. Loads of people said it would get better when she ate solids. Nope - she's a very inconsistent eater but it makes little difference to sleep quality that I can see. I've got a couple of "help me I'm so tired" threads on here myself, sent from a very dark place this winter so I know what you're going through.

The good news is that things have improved for us lately. We came within an inch of Controlled crying but couldn't do it right away for various reasons so did a fortnight of "what else can we do to prepare the ground first" and it actually worked so well we never proceeded to CC. We did:

• back to basics on routine for a fortnight or so. Fixed times for naps, solids and feeds. Fixed wake up times when I would get her up even if still sleeping. She gave us hell for the first few days of naps but quickly got into the rhythm. I had to say no to a lot of stuff to stay home and prioritise routine (which I'd never been too keen on before) but it was worth it and the flexibility is back now.

• sleep cues - opening curtains before getting her out of the cot as an awake cue, so if the curtains don't open she now doesn't expect to get up. Sleeping bag on for all naps and straight down.

• pick up if we have to but shush pat if we can. Our issue was largely separation anxiety so she needed some reassurance.

• dummies in the cot only so they became an effective soothing aid again.

FWIW, we still do a night feed. Loads of people say there's no way they need it at this age. Mine does. You know your own baby.

Hope you find some stuff that works for you. It WILL get better.

Thanks for all comments! Update on today:

DH did her milk this morning (weird for me as I've always done the first bottle) whilst I hid under the duvet trying not to cry. Then he took her downstairs for an hour whilst I tried to rest, but she was moaning and groaning so much I didn't get any more sleep, really. I went down and she cheered up... She loves DH but if she knows I'm in the house as well she wants me there too. Anyway, she had her breakfast and had a good nap (1hr 35mins without waking up), then lunch and then a walk in her trike. We took her to the GP and he's given us Movicol, and said to put it in her milk as there's no way we'll get her to drink water! We're starting that first thing tomorrow morning, so hopefully that'll help in some way. She went to bed at 7:30 and so far she's not made a peep. I'm off to bed soon and really hoping for a few hours at least. It's been a nice enough day but I'm so tired I nearly nodded off during Night Garden...

Just to respond to a few things (sorry if I miss anything):

• We haven't fed her in the night since she was about 6mo. She stopped waking up for it so we stopped doing it. The last few times she did this she was awake for hours afterwards, probably because she wasn't really awake when I got her up to feed her, just moaning in her sleep. And now when she cries she's not really awake, and trying to give her milk would wake her up for hours again (made this mistake last year when she hadn't eaten anything all day due to a cold!). We may try this but honestly I don't think she needs it. She can and has slept through several times, just not recently!

• We gave her a dose of Nurofen before bed in case it is teething. We'd been doing this before and it made no difference so we stopped as we didn't want to give unnecessary meds, but today she's had quite red cheeks and been chewing on her fingers so it's a possibility. She doesn't get upset about her teeth in the day (or she hasn't so far), but teething is worse at night so it could be. As I said, not a sound from the monitor yet!

• She's a very very very routine led baby, for my sanity and hers. She wasn't until we got to about three months, and everything was all over the place with no end in sight. I started a routine and it turned our lives around! We were all so much happier after we got into a strict routine/schedule, even though it's meant missing out on things sometimes. DD is not a 'go with the flow' kind of baby. She's had the EXACT same bedtime and bedtime routine since she was 3mo as well. She definitely knows when it's bedtime! We changed her routine slightly at the start of the month by turning two short naps into one long nap, but that hasn't changed her night sleep.

• She's been out of Leap 8 (I think?) on the Wonder Weeks for quite awhile now. I was wondering if it could be something to do with that, but I find them a bit hit and miss tbh. Sometimes they're accurate, sometimes they're not, and I take them with a pinch of salt!

Thanks again for the replies Here's to a better night! (I've even moved the cot slightly closer to the bed so I can lay upside down and have my hand through the bars if needed. Hopefully not...)

Always remember that babies are totally selfish - ME ME ME - they have no compassion for their poor sleep-deprived parents whatsoever!
The sleeping routine will gradually evolve - one day you'll look back and barely remember the last time that you had a disturbed night.