Im getting really angry at 7 month old

[atWitsEndNow]

Hi my 7 month old is crying in her cot right now. I had to leave the room im so angry I'm shaking and crying. I feel like a terrible person. She just won't go to sleep. She has no routine at all, when she sleeps I let her I'm so welcome for the break.

She was doing all the signs of being tired. I've been rocking her and doing pick up put down for an hour and a half but she won't sleep. She isn't sleeping well at night either. She was waking every hour in the cot so moved her to our bed which is better but she isn't going to bed for the night until about midnight and then is waking between 7/8am, with about one nighttime waking for a feed.

Im worried I've done everything wrong.

My sil and bil keep acting really shocked she isn't in bed earlier, me and dh have no evening together. They say I must be breastfeeding too much. Sometimes in the day she can go nearly all day with no nap, other times she will have 2-3 hours. I read online that a baby her age should have about 14.5 hour sleep in total, she never gets that much.

She's finally fallen asleep breastfeeding. I had to go and get her out of the cot as she was in such a state after seeing me crying.

((Hugs))

Its so hard isnt it when you have a baby that doesn't do what they are 'supposed to'. First thing to say is you are not alone... in fact look at all the posts on this thread alone!

My DS is 17 months now but didn't have a routine for aaagggess. I couldn't for the life of me work out when he was tired. In the end I just used to go on time. So whenever he woke up for the day i figured he'd be tired around 2-2.5 hrs later. We did buggy walks every day for about 5 months until i finally got him to nap in his cot (he became a thumb sucker which helped). Upon waking id reset the clock and know he'd need a nap in another 2.5hrs. Some days it worked beautifully other all went to pot if he was up early.

Do you have a wind down routine for naps and bedtime? I would focus on bedtime first and every night without fail do bath, milk, sit in dimmed room at the same time without fail. At first it may seem pointless but they need to get used to going to bed early eve now. Just focusing on fixing one part of the day might help everything else slot into place. You'll find you get your eves back and feel a bit more sane to deal with the day.

GOOD LUCK! remember they all come good in the end xx

Aww

It's so, so hard. Don't bear yourself up about how you've dealt with it, you have done what you must to get sleep.

My DS is 14 months now and has been in with us from early in as he is a terrible sleeper. We've just night weaned him, he was waking 2-3 times a night and was going to bed at a similar time. At 7 months he was exactly like yours and we were exhausted. Gradually he has started sleeping more and has fallen more into a nap time routine but not due to anything I've done particularly- part of me does wish I'd tried to night wean sooner, we had a week or so of cuddles and tears when he woke for a feed and then he stopped waking. It has moved his 'wake up' time an hour earlier though

We now do the bath, p.js and gro-bag so he's in that for about 8, then a story/lullaby and cuddles until he goes to sleep which is now about 8:30/9:00 - he goes through to 6ish. He's in his own toddler bed (pushed up against ours) now since 11 months, which had helped DP and I get a better nights sleep too.

Also, he now has medication for reflux. He had it when he was tiny but had stopped but kept coughing when waking. Since he started the reflux medication that seems much better too.

sorry I've not really got advice but lots of sympathy! It really does feel like it gets a little bit better every month. I hope someone comes along with some actual help/advice!

She was doing all the signs of being tired - for mine at that age that was a sure sign of overtiredness, and almost inevitable problems settling to sleep, and poor sleeping at night. Oddly the more sleep they got in the daytime, the better they slept at night too.

My advice would be try to put to bed earlier (roughly 2 hours awake time was all they could cope with). And try an out of tune radio to soothe to sleep (white noise).

It is exhausting when they are overtired.

Thank you all for kind words and advice. I've calmed down now but am worried she will be scared of me now because I shouted and cried.

At the moment dh gets home from work at 8pm. As soon as she sees him she goes from drowsy to wide awake. When we are cooking or eating dinner this also is quite stimulating for her but until we are in a bigger space we can't really do much about it I think. (We are in a small 1 bed flat but looking to move somewhere bigger soon).

Interesting to know that showing signs of tiredness can be a sign of over tiredness. Thanks throckenholt I did not know that. I will put more effort into a bed time routine as well. It's nice to hear I'm not the only one going through this. I know I'm not but it feels like everyone else I know with a baby has a baby that sleeps 7pm-7am!

I really understand how you are feeling, I was there yesterday!

DD is 5.5 months, and she is a nightmare sleeper, but two things I've done have made a huge difference...

1: A proper bedtime routine and going to bed far earlier than I thought she needed to. She was going to bed at 9, she is now fast asleep at 6.30. I start bedtime at 6, bath, dress and cuddles, white noise on, story, feed and then bed. We started this in her own room in her cot. Once she got used to the routine, which took about three days, she was falling asleep during story time. I also suspect she is over tired. It may be easier to have her in bed before DH gets home. It is a shame he won't see her, but it sounds like he is not getting quality time with her anyway. You can then have dinner together after she is asleep.

2: Babies love routine, and I had no idea what her natural routine was. So, I worked out a time when I could have two or three days at home. The weather forecast was atrocious! I then made up a sheet with the 24 hrs of the day marked off in 15 minute increments. I then spent those days trying my best to just follow her lead, feed her when she wanted feeding and putting her down for naps at the first signs of tiredness. When I looked back after the three days I was surprised that her natural behaviour was quite routine. Three hours between feeds, but down to 2.5 hrs towards the end of the day, and 2-2.5 hrs after she wakes she is ready for her next nap. Knowing this it is far easier to plan my days so she gets her naps when she needs them and we are having far less issues with over tiredness.

Good luck!

Now, can anyone get my DD to sleep through the night without waking 10 times!!!

Thank you Team that's really encouraging. That's a great idea about marking out 15 minute increments. I will have to try that out x

I'm by no means an expert but with my LO who is nearly 5 months I started cot naps about three weeks ago (not all of the day - sometimes we are out so much he has all his naps in the pram) but before that I was also misreading his tired signs and hence became convinced he wouldn't nap in his cot (he'd scream when he got there through overtiredness). For my baby, by the time he is rubbing his eyes it is almost too late to put him down without a fight. His other signal is getting louder vocally (shouting). Because of these signs meaning he is overtired I now clockwatch and like the other posters put him down at a set time - usually 1hr 50 after waking. He may cry in a low level way for a few minutes but I put him down after small routine (shut blinds, ewan dream sheep on, sleeping bag and white noise on) and then leave the room. I found he was overstimulated by me being with him and would look to me to pick him up when all he needed was to be left in peace so he could fall asleep by himself. A hard lesson to learn for me! Sometimes we just have to have the confidence they CAN do it by themselves :)It may take a few days of practice. Do you have a video monitor? Once he is in the cot I watch quite closely - if it turns into a distressed, really unhappy cry I go back in and get him. But this only happened a couple of times since I started clock watching.

ps you could start working on a little daytime nap routine? It's never too late! Maybe always have the same small book you read in the same chair/place in her bedroom? You could also put a small lovely/doudou thingy, basically a soft little blanket that is always in her cot and nowhere else so she associates it with sleep. I always say the same thing when I put him down ('go to sleep now, sleepy time etc'). Smell is also important - you could dab some lavendar oil on a muslin and tie it to the end of the cot. Sorry if you have already tried these!

Mine are atypical sleepers. I did try routines etc for DS but had given up for DD. I got myself a couple of good slings and never thought about nap time or whatever, I just got on with my day. If she was awake I'd pop her out of the sling, if she was fractious or sleepy I popped her in the sling. At nighttime I kept her with me until I was going to bed, as she shared with DS (actually we all share cos it's a one bedroom flat)/and I didn't want her waking him.

Fuck what people say and think about sleep, there is no 'normal' - your baby sleeps when she needs it. If you have expectations of her that she can't meet it's going to piss you off. Drop your expectations for a happier life and rehearse some replies for the tediously over involved (seriously, people need to develop their own interests if your kid's bedtime is an issue to them). I had some, 'this suits all of us thanks " and "who told you that, ha ha?" for those sweeping statements about What Children Need. And "we like having her around" and "she'll soon grow out of it".

Save your anger for the non experts who want to tell you what is wrong or how it should be doing - such a shitty way to speak to people just to make yourself feel like you know something. It'd be funny and pathetic if it wasn't so upsetting.

My nearly 2year old and 4year old are still slightly atypical in that they don't need as much sleep as they are meant to - they go to sleep at 9:30 and get up at 8:00, the 2yr old occasionally naps. But they do it happily and we are stress free. Bill and Sil should eff off and you should give yourself a break - trying to put people to sleep is frustrating and pointless if they are anything like mine.

Make your own rules up and be happy

Thank you fatpony those are great ideas. I have not tried lavender. It's really interesting to know eye rubbing etc is a sign of over tiredness - I thought I was being clever and spotting the signs she was getting tired early but obviously not! I will try doing the timings.

OutsSelf thank you .
I am going to give the routine thing a proper go but I don't think dd needs as much sleep as a 'normal' baby. Even as a newborn she had long periods where she was alert and she never slept as much as everyone else told me she should.

The funny thing about bil and sil is when their dd was a baby they used to moan constantly about missing out on sleep. When I was pregnant they'd always say to me and dh, 'you'll never sleep again'. Now we never bring up sleeping unless we get asked and when we do we're greeted with the shock horror response. I can't work out if they were exagerrating or lying about their dd's sleep habits before or if they are now!

So far tonight...(this will be long and timings are approximations).

7.00pm: dim lights, settle down on sofa to give her a last feed.

7.15pm: hold her and walk up and down room until she falls asleep.

7.30pm: put her in cot. She sits up right away. Switch on glow worm soothing light and leave.

7.45pm: listen to her cries steadily get worse on monitor. Go in to comfort her and she ends up bawling. Pick her up to calm and put down again. She cries straight away. Do this several times with no luck.

8.00pm: get into my bed with her. Feed her lying down but she isnt hungry and just bites my nipples a few times.

8.15pm: move her back to cot. Read her a story. During reading she cries. Try shushing and patting. Still cries. Pick her up, calm her down and put her back in cot. Repeat several times with her bursting into tears as soon as I put her down. Finally get her down without crying and leave room. She bursts into tears.

8.25: go in and try shushign and patting. She continues to cry. Pick her up and sing. She cries. Walk around singing and she calms down. Put her in cot, she cries. Rub her back, she stops.

8.45: leave room again. She bursts into tears.

If you've made it to the end, does anything stand out as really wrong? She's crying right now and I'm in the other room.

atwitsend - a colleague gave me some useful advice when I was about to have my baby. "All other mothers are liars...". One relative told me last weekend hers napped for two hrs each time but I distinctly remember there being problems when I used to stay at their house

ps - should say eye rubbing is a sign of overtiredness in my baby. May be different in other babies. The first sign is him getting nosier.

Can you make your bed safe and see if she will sleep in there? I used to just feed DS to sleep or if he wouldn't fall asleep I would just lie next to him and he would mess around for a bit but eventually go to sleep. I know I know, rod for your own back, blah, blah, blah but he sleeps great now and I was about to go insane.

Been through this. You're (understandably) at the end of your tether. She needs a solid routine. You need sleep and a break. You can't do anything without a proper night's sleep. You haven't slept properly for months. If you have time get a book and work out sleep and wake routine and stick to it rigidly. If you're desperate google a sleep clinic and get professional advice. Baby has to learn to fall asleep by herself. They can show you how to teach her. I went from where you are now to a baby sleeping through the night within 10 days once I got a timetable and stuck to it. My baby was same age and BF. Good luck. You're a brilliant mum. You walked away and you have asked for help/advice. It does get better. Honestly.

Thanks fatpony I shall bear that in mind! All other mothers are liars that is.

Just read your latest post. By all means please discard what I say as I only have one baby and am still feeling my way but could she be getting a bit confused? First she is put down (presumably for the night)...then you offer another feed, then a book (her crying during the story could be overtiredness again) then singing. The book and singing are overstimulation - mine gets massively excited by mine tuneless warbles.

When did she last have a nap? I'm not sure for a 7 month old but I try to encourage my little one to nap no later than 5pm for a 7.30pm bedtime. So what I'm saying is she actually tired when you tried to put her down? Do you have a soothing routine of bath, clean sleepsuit, milk? I don't bother at all with a story as part of the bedtime routine as he is too tired and would cry. Once you've put her in the cot can you just stay with her, perhaps not directly in sight, saying shussh and holding hand if necessary? I would avoid picking her up at all once she's been put down and you know not hungry/in pain/dirty nappy...but then that's only from my experience of trying it with my boy - he finds it overstimulating and all too much/headbuts me etc.

Thanks everyone. I've just got into my bed with her and am feeding her to sleep now. She seems to be falling asleep this time. She isn't biting me anyway which is a big improvement from earlier.

OP I think she is prob really confused as you have tried so many things in a short space if time. My advice is to pick one and stick to it, once she is in her cot don't get her out again. Hold her hand through the bars, you could be there hours but it will be less and less each night. Remember her cries are protest and prob not distress (as long as you are confident she is well, warm, safe and fed). Many people comment about letting their children dictate and enjoying it because it doesn't last forever etc- don't let that worry you at all. Maybe they didn't feel the desperation you feel! I can't tell by your name it's time for this to stop. Pick one hing and stick to it- it will work but you must be consistent! Took me 4 nights. PM if you want any more info x

Ha ha just realised I have basically repeated all of fatpony's post!! Great minds!!

Ha ha just realised I have basically repeated all of fatpony's post!! Great minds!!

Sorry fatpony I'm probably doing it all wrong. I did the bath and change. When I put her down she was crying more and more. I've read you should do pick up and put down when they cry so I tried that but when I put her down she is crying straight away.

Then I tried moving her to my bed and feeding her to sleep because that sometimes works.

I haven't read to her at night time before but I thought it might soothe her when she was crying in the cot. It didnt.!

I used to do this:

7.05 pm - tune of The Archers starts and they get into the bath.
7.15 pm - tune of The Archers again and it's time to get out - they used to stand up at the sound of the theme tune (Pavlov's dog!) I'd dry them in the bathroom and take them into the living room
7.30 - tune of Coronation St started - start to have bottle/feed
7.15 - commercial break - do teeth, turn sound off for a bit and read books
8.00 - turn sound up for tune of Coronation Street - big kiss and into bed

It really worked having a tune that told them what they had to do. Your problem is that your husband comes home at 8pm - could he then read a story in the bedroom for ten minutes and that's the baby's cue to go to bed?