Are we bad parents?

[Firstimemummy15]

So my 2 weeks old will not settle in her crib at night. She will fall asleep on me so I wait a while, put her in crib, making sure the transition is smooth - crib not too cold for her, place a reassuring hand on her before I leave etc but she wakes with a startle about 5 mins after being in there. Anyway tonight we have let her sleep in her baby bouncer just to be able to get some sleep - this is very slightly upright, she is strapped in and has a blanket to keep her warm. Are there limits on how long she should spend in a bouncer?

I don't know about limits on bouncers but, she's two weeks old!! She just came out of you!! Of course she will sleep on you, you are her comfort and home. And if she wakes startled it might be because, at only two weeks old, she is missing the comfort and warmth of the womb.

I suggest that you swaddle her tightly before you put her in her crib. Don't get into the bouncer habit as you might struggle to get out of it. Just swaddle her properly, give her loads and loads of cuddles after she's been fed, changed and winded, and put her down. At two weeks you should just give her everything she needs. She's far too little to be taught anything properly.

Congrats on your new baby!

I haven't a clue, Firstimemummy15, but as long as you and your partner don't take drugs or drink, you could think of co-sleeping.

She's 14 days old. Give the crib and the bouncer a miss for a bit and do what nature says. Don't you want to be with her?

Ds1 we got straight into his cot at about 2 weeks. dd2 took 14 weeks to convince that she would be ok lying down in her cot without me. Until this week she woke up after 45 mins unless co sleeping.
Echoing others on this thread, your baby is only 2 weeks old. Lots of cuddles should help get them familiar with the world. Don't stress about setting up 'bad habits' at this age. Baby sleep changes so much in the first 4-6 months that it will all be fine.

I don't know specific time limits for bouncers but as pp have said I wouldn't use it as a nap venue as a matter of course. At 2weeks though any sleep is precious and so long as baby is safe then it's fine.

You are not bad parents, no.

Sleeping flat in a cot is a good end to aim for, but it's only been 2 weeks since she was sleeping upside-down in a bubble of amniotic fluid with no expectations of fitting in with anyone else's sleep-wake cycles, it will take time to make the transition.

DD slept on me for the first few weeks, then a moses basket next to me for a few months, now next to me for 18 months

I'd echo what everyone else has said - she's only 2 weeks old. With all of mine at that age I've put them in with me - lying flat next to me. They can sense your presence and hear you breathing which seems to settle them nicely. Much easier when breast feeding too. Obviously if you do decide to co sleep then follow guidelines mentioned above in previous post.

Have you tried raising the head end of the crib? We have two big hardback books under one end to raise it enough to be comfortable.

I never liked the idea of bed sharing - it never felt safe.

Fastwindow I think your comment "Don't you want to be with her" was below the belt. Here is a new mum, 2 weeks in, shattered and asking for advice. No need to stick the boot in.

Firsttimemummy15 I used the bouncer for a few hours in the night when dd was a few weeks old. It's not ideal but it was the only way both of us could get some sleep. She hated lying flat at first. After a week or so, we were ok for dd to start sleeping in her Moses basket.

First of all, you're not bad parents. In those early days you have to do whatever it takes to get through, sometimes. If that means your baby has to sleep in her bouncer for a couple of hours, then that's okay. As long as she's safe and not upset about it, then it's absolutely fine. You don't want to make a habit of it, but when you're desperate then you do it.

My DD was similar in that she wouldn't sleep during the day unless held. She screamed if she was put down in her basket or swing, I mean proper, heartwrenching screaming. Of course we always picked her back up again and she calmed down, but it was hard. Then she went through a stage (a very very long stage, it felt at the time) where we weren't allowed to sit down. She wanted to be held whilst we stood up. Sometimes that wasn't enough and we had to pace up and down, and if we didn't do it then she would cry and cry. Everyone kept telling me to get a sling but it wasn't what she wanted. In those days (was less than a year ago, but time plays tricks on you with a little one) I would've given anything for her to just let me put her down for ten minutes. I used to watch the clock, waiting for DH to get home so that he could stand up with her, crying some afternoons when I realised he'd be another three hours at least. Turned out she had a milk allergy and was uncomfortable with us sitting down, but at the time we didn't know that and it was hell. I spent most days in tears, feeling awful when I had to sit down because my back was breaking.

But!

Now she's 11mo and a pretty good napper, and not too bad at night either. Things fall into place. It takes a long time but they do get there. For us, it started with being able to sit down with her, then she started having her daytime naps in the cot (now she won't sleep anywhere else!), and now she can sit and play and is the happiest thing in the world.

So, despite my essay there I have no real advice, but please don't feel bad. I know it's hard. It does get better, but those first weeks can be awful. Do what's best for her, and for you. And congratulations!

Thanks guys - of course I want to be with her! She had a rough time her first few days, lumbar punctures, blood tests, scans, antibiotics etc. she did settle in her crib when we got home after 5 days but then suddenly doesn't want to! She is a very hungry baby and feeding every 1-2 hours and I worry about having her in with us when we are both so tired - I will do some research into co sleeping though. I'm being a first time paranoid mum and don't want to do anything 'wrong'. Raising her crib is also a good idea, I will give at a go! Thank you all - never felt love like this before and want the best for my little lady! X

She is a very hungry baby and feeding every 1-2 hours
that tells me you need to work on your BF technique then she will not be hungry and will carry on sleeping after each feed.

If you are tired enough to think you may accidentally cosleep it is probably better to plan to do it safely. At 12 days she may feed lots, the have growth spurts and breastfeeding is about so much more than just food if you see what I mean!
Our dd hated being flat in the crib and we though she would sleep on us forever! She preferred to be slightly propped up in her crib and now much prefers sleepin on her tummy. at 17 months she sleeps happily in her cot (except she is ill at the moment and no one is sleeping!).

Some of these responses are harsh! Co sleeping is not the answer to everything! I just couldn't do it as couldn't relax enough /fear of rolling on top of Ds. So yes he slept in his bouncer a few times. It's not officially recommended as a newborns head is heavy and can tip forward, present a breathing issue...can one of you stay awake and watch her in it while the other sleeps and hen swap? After about 2 weeks we were gradually able to increase the time he spent in his bednest. A few tricks we used were hot water bottle to warm it up first and a rolled up towel in horse shoe shape under cot sheet to kind of hug his top half and not make it so big.

antimatter - feeding every 1-2 hours for a 2 week old breastfed baby can be perfectly normal and does not necessarily mean her technique is wrong! Breast milk is digested very quickly and her LO's tummy is still very small.

Chiming in to dispell the 'your feeding technique is wrong' comment. 1-2 hours is sometimes utterly normal for a breastfed baby.

Keep on keeping on OP. You can't really be a bad parent if you continue to do what you think is in the best interests of you and your baby.

Don't be so hard on youreslf and don't make it too hard for yourself and your baby. Go with what works and makes you all happy and safe.

Haha to " you need to work on your BF technique". Some babies are just like that - nothing to do with technique

Agree about the feeding every 1-2 hours, though hopefully that is not during the night.

Re. your fears about co-sleeping, would something like this help: www.google.com/search?q=co-sleeping+crib&hl=en&biw=1024&bih=615&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=K-nUVIqLM4O0yQTls4CoBw&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAg

I am only commenting on the basis on my own experience of BF 2 children.
When I knew how to do it with my second child I was able to have him sleeping 3-4 hours between feeds whilst when I was learning my older child was feeding non stop.
It had nothing to do with them - all to do with me being able to understand how to breastfeed.

I appreciate everyone has different experience and is good to have different points of view. OP will do what's right for her. I wish someone told me when my dd was unable to feed well that it was poor technique (lack of knowledge or experience - = the actual term is less relevant), not the food I was eating or her.

DS had reflux, not diagnosed until 4 weeks, and feeding in short spurts but very often ( in our case, every 45 minutes) just goes with the territory. He refused all formula, and even my expressed milk from a bottle.

"Don't you want to be with her" how rude and harsh.

Not everyone wants to co sleep.

Oh if I was doing all this again I'd get a cocoonababy. It looks lovely!

here

It's so knackering isn't it? Everything is so overwhelming at this stage!

The vipers are really out on this thread, aren't they?

Oops I think I have unintentionally started something! I'm happy to be open minded and listen to all views, what works for one doesn't for all. When in hospital my daughter was been woken every 2-3 hours and encouraged to feed a certain amiunt (via cup) this was due to the antibiotics she was on - not sure if this has any bearing. Happy to listen to breastfeeding techniques - mudwife and health visitor have said she is cluster feeding as only ever feeds for ten mins at a time - any tips to increase this welcomed!! Like the idea at warming crib as I certainly don't like getting into a cold bed!!

Waking the cot definitely worked for us with ds1.

With the breastfeeding I agree it may just be cluster feeding and growth spurts (which can feel never ending in the first few weeks). However, it can be helpful to speak to / show a BF supporter your technique - it might help put your mind at rest? The NCT offers BF support if you google their website (to non members too) and so does the Breastfeeding Network (I found the NCT helpline was quicker to pick up). In my area we are lucky to have drop in clinics every week day which are just brilliant at supporting new mums (and 2nd time mums!). (I'm in Islington)

With co-sleeping it is very personal. Looking back over the thread, other things to note are that any smoking is a no no and that you should not swaddle whilst cosleeping. It's well worth researching safe cosleeping if you do do it. DH has just spent 14 weeks on the couch at ours but it has saved all of our sanity! We didn't have to do that for DS1.

Good luck and keep asking for help and support until you feel settled. Am sure you're doing a great job.