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Sleep

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Original poster

self settling - is it a myth??!

26 replies

Monkeybrain10 · 31/01/2015 22:32

My 7 mo will not self settle between sleep cycles. His naps are only ever 35 mins tops. If I give him boob he may do another after. During the evening/night its better - he'll go for mostly 2 hours at a time (if in our bed) but if in cot he'll only go half an hour. If I don't go to him he just ends up screaming til he's all red faced and hysterical.

Any advice please? (I'm weaning him at the moment so he's soon going to have to learn not to use my boob to get him back to sleep! Other people can get him to sleep but with me it's booby or shreaking!)

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caravanista13 · 31/01/2015 22:37

Google Sarah Ockwell-Smith - great advice on this subject.

steppeinginto2015 · 31/01/2015 22:49

mine all did self settle (not always, but in principle)

I never fed to sleep, but this was sort of accidental as dc1 wouldn't take the boob at all once he was full. He was though very sucky, he would suck on finger/dummy, basically anything without milk, so we got him a dummy and rocked/cuddled with the dummy and then put him down sooner with the dummy and a reassuring hand and then just dummy and leave.
dc2 didn't take a dummy, but it is definitely worth trying. When dc1 woke in the night we would give him the dummy and he went straight off again.

CatsClaus · 31/01/2015 22:56

ds1 would feed to sleep and be a nightmare to move into a cot, i used to read out loud to him right until he was about 15months and sneak out once he was fast asleep.

I was determined not to make that mistake again, so dd and ds2 were fed, settled and parked in moses basket/buggy/cot and left to their own devices right from day one really

i'd chatter, or get on with stuff, or sit quietly and they'd watch and do baby stuff and before you know it they'd be asleep, always around and about when they were teeny babes, but same rules at toddler nap time in cots .....they always slept through anything too....no subtitles and unflushed toilets here! small comment about another thread!!

Showy · 31/01/2015 22:59

Of course it isn't a myth. I self settle without my Mum rocking/breastfeeding/shushing me.

I think it's normal for a 7 month old to struggle with it though. Mine were both older than that when they were able to do it.

FATEdestiny · 31/01/2015 23:01

My DD is 17 weeks and has been self settling since about 8 weeks.

If she's got a full tummy and tired, I just put her in cot and leave and without any sound or anything she just goes to sleep. If she's slightly grumbly or cries at all I insert dummy and leave. That's the sum total of her settling needs.

DD is my fourth. DC2 and DC3 both settled with dummy only.

DC1 on the other hand, was a nightmare. I guess I learnt my lessons from her sleeping habits.

PacificDogwood · 31/01/2015 23:02

It's not a myth.

Mine did it between 9 week corrected age (preemie DS2) and 2 years (DS4).

They all do it eventually, but in their own time.

evertonmint · 31/01/2015 23:07

My 7mo has been a woefully bad sleeper, and has been the subject of several posts here. Waking every hour for months, only sleeping with me and breastfed to sleep.

After a good start about 3 weeks ago using some advice on here we then recently hired a night nanny to help us for 2 nights. She didn't leave him to cry and actually was incredibly hands on, with lots of patting and shushing, and got him to take a dummy and a bottle at night. In 2 nights this helped break the cycle of only being fed to sleep. He now will sleep7-10, with maybe one quick trip to replace a dummy or give him a pat, and he is settling himself at 7 usually as I put him down awake. Then he's a bit more hit and miss during the night but does a couple of 2-3 hour stretches. And he also goes through for 90 mins or so at lunchtime now with only occasional resettling needed.

So yes, they can but I think they need to be taught it. Unless they suck their thumbs like my older 2 did - they were good self settlers the
Minute their thumb was found!

steppeinginto2015 · 31/01/2015 23:08

another thing we did, we had a baby mobile which played a tune and as soon as we were doing sleep time we turned it on, so the tune=slepp. that worked well (until it broke and we couldn't find the same blinking tune!)

blushingmare · 01/02/2015 19:05

No it's not a myth. They do do it, just all at different times and you never know which one you're going to get. DD only self-settled at 2yo, after I left her to cry a couple of evenings (much to my distress, but she's been wonderful more or less ever since). DS self settled from about 6 weeks, then totally went tits up at 6mo and lost the ability and now I'm back to sitting in with him to settle him. Would be nice to think he could get it back, but no sign so far and I don't have the energy to put any real work into it at this stage.

cheeseburgerandfries · 01/02/2015 19:12

My DD was always fed to sleep until she was around 4/5mo when she stopped falling asleep during feeds. Now at 7mo I am able to pop her in the cot awake and she will settle herself.

I do a "5 minute" rule. If she starts crying I wait 5 minutes until I go in, tell her it's bed time and pop her dummy in. Sometimes we will go through half an hour of me going back in every 5 minutes but most nights she will go straight to sleep once she's in the cot.

CH1TChat · 01/02/2015 19:31

My bouncy baby boy is coming up for 11 months and is currently waking up every 2 hours at night with an irregular daytime pattern too. We are in a regular bedtime routine - feeding, bath and boob and into bed for about 7 BUT he wakes at 9pm, 11pm, 2.30an and 4/5am and then up at 7.30am.

During the day he used to sleep for 30 mins at 10.30 and then 30 mins at 3.30ish but at the moment he's not interested until 12 midday and then not at all in the afternoon!

My Mum can get him to sleep but only by rocking him to sleep. If we leave him, he screams and screams which I find too difficult to listen to. My partner has spoken to other Mums how swear by a bottle of formula last thing at night.

Any advise?

cheeseburgerandfries · 01/02/2015 20:14

Sorry re-read your post and I should add that during the day she goes for 2 naps (anything from 30-90mins) and generally I sit her in her bouncer chair when I notice she's becoming tired, cover her up with a blanket and pop her dummy in and she will be asleep within 5 mins.

She sleeps from about 8.30pm-7am. We have spells of night wakings but the last 5 or 6 days she has slept right through.

mrsmugoo · 01/02/2015 22:01

It's not a myth. Mine worked it out at 17 weeks but I had to give him the chance. Before that, it was always feeding and rocking to sleep.

Original poster

Monkeybrain10 · 01/02/2015 23:52

Thanks all. Interesting to hear everyone's thoughts and experiences. Have just been trying to get ds back to sleep in his cot (after 10 mins at about 8 pm then awake on the sofa with us til 11pm ish) . I just tried Putting him in the cot before he was fully asleep after bf but it was the usual ....He literally panics as I put him down in the cot. He goes all Rigid and wide eyed then you get the silence followed by shreaking the house down. I tried just sitting with him to comfort him. Ended up with him laughing as he tried to grab my face through the cot bars then back to shreaking again. gave in and brought him to bed and tried to lie him next to me...more shreaking til I gave in and he's currently having more boob. I have no idea anymore if its just for comfort or if hes actually hungry. don't know what to do. I hate him getting so upset :-(

OP posts:

FATEdestiny · 01/02/2015 23:59

Have you tired to get a dummy established (takes some time and perseverance)?

perfectlybroken · 02/02/2015 00:01

Not a myth but I've had trouble with both of mine, they've started off well and then got worse as they've got older! I really recomend the book 'the no cry sleep solution'. Hope things get easier for you.

Original poster

Monkeybrain10 · 02/02/2015 05:03

PS. ..what are u supposed to do at 4.30 am when you've been awake for an hour due to bf and insomnia, are so hungry u can't get back to sleep, can't leave baby in bed with dp (due to fear of squashing) and sound asleep baby detects cot within cms and starts shreaking as soon as I put him down? My choice was to leave him screaming or bring him down and sit him in highchair whilst I made toast (probably screaming too)....I went for the first option which woke dp....I threw a strop and now I'm sat eating toast worrying about said squashing as all is silent once more.
I love my baby so much, and it's not even that he's dependent on just me, but he just hates being on his own which makes it all distressing for everyone. :-(

OP posts:

catellington · 02/02/2015 06:33

Monkeybrain sounds exhausting.

Wake dp up, and trust him to look after baby while you get toast (unless he's been drinking etc.)

And from now on get a good thermos with tea ready before bed and a selection of snacks ready for night time hunger attacks

My dd is nearly two and we cosleep and I'm pg and I have recently had to get the snack draw up and running again. I didn't have thermos when she was a baby but have my new one all ready to go this time round.

My dd never self settled, any attempts we made up until very recently she would literally cry for hours and injure herself against the cot so we were not prepared to let her do that, so we started cosleeping. At about the age of your Ds which is when I went back to work. This was the only option for us and we love it but it isn't for everyone.

She has just started on occasion putting herself to bed in her own room she is two in three weeks. Although it is a work in progress.

Booboostoo · 02/02/2015 06:45

It's a complete myth. There are no scientific studies showing that there is such an ability or proving at what age it kicks in or identifying what practices help or hinder its development.

There seem to be very variable sleep habits in babies, some of which respond to some techniques, some of which get better but still encounter regressions and some problems do persist into adulthood as there are plenty of adults with insomnia problems.

On the positive side you are not doing anything wrong nor are you missing a trick that could fix everything. Go with what works for your baby and allows you the most sleep.

Original poster

Monkeybrain10 · 02/02/2015 11:37

Thanks all :-)

OP posts:

worldgonecrazy · 02/02/2015 11:43

Not a myth.

We had a cot bed which was the same height as our bed, so DD slept in that so she had her own space, but was soothed at night by me holding her hand or shushing her quietly. Sometimes they just need to know a parent is nearby, even if not in the same bedspace. It also means you don't have to get up and walk to a different room, so you won't wake up as fully and get better, more refreshing sleep.

evenafterall · 02/02/2015 22:34

Could it be reflux? Silent reflux stops babies from sleeping especially flat on their backs. Your ds does seem to wake really frequently... Just a thought.

Original poster

Monkeybrain10 · 03/02/2015 21:13

Interesting thought re reflux although it seems more like a reflex reaction of horror whenever I put him in his cot! (He sleeps fairly well in our bed (I think I wake more often than him due to paranoia!)

OP posts:

Heatherbell1978 · 03/02/2015 21:22

Depends what you actually mean by self settling. DS1 is 5.5 mths and has always been easy to put down and get to sleep initially by himself but he still wakes a lot in the night and needs me to go to him to put dummy back in. Then he'll sleep instantly. I would love him to wake, then go back to sleep without me....

BMO · 03/02/2015 21:27

Sarah Ockwell Smith writes a lot of pseudo scientific bullshit about self-settling, but she does have merchandise to flog

One of mine just settled to sleep by himself pretty much from day 1. He had a couple of weeks around 4 months where he needed rocking to sleep but that's it. Never cried himself to sleep.

The other needed feeding or rocking to sleep at first and I started gradually doing less from about 7 months. He was falling asleep by himself or with a bit of patting in his cot from 9 or so months.

Both had dummies.

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