Her own room!

[Cha]

I wish that someone had written this down in letters ten foot tall or had shouted it at 100 decibles in my ear. (I probably still wouldn't have 'heard'.

We have just put our 6 month old (breastfed) daughter in her own room and, after months of constant waking, crying, wanting feeding, only falling asleep if fed, controlled crying, not picking up, screaming night after night after night and GUILT, GUILT, GUILT - put in her own room, she finally slept through. The first night she woke at 3, cried for a few minutes and then slept till 6.30. The second night she woke at 4, grizzled for a minute or two, slept till 7. Now she sleeps through, 7 - 7.
I only wish I'd done it earlier. Though I do miss her in our room, I know we were keeping her awake as much as she was doing it to us.

Now I have to learn to sleep through too.

Cha. I didn't learn this till my second one was 5 WEEKS old!! My daughter slept with us until 4 months old, even though she'd been going through the night for about 2 months. ( I just couldn't bring myself to move her out!)

I moved DS out of our room beacuse he was a noisy sleeper. Everytime he murmured I rammed a boob in his mouth, so moved him and guess what, he slept through 7-7, frightened the life out of me the first morning. I was scared to go in his room! He never woke at night until he was 2.5 years old, and that was hard because I'd never had sleepless night before!

Just to add one little thing to this - I appreciate all this, but the advice everyone is supposed to be given on SIDS (Cot Death) is thst babies should sleep in the same room as their parents until 6 months. It's not a risk \i was willing to take, being so careful about everything else. But then , my dd was a good sleeper and so is my ds. I just thought you should be aware of it.

Yes, you're quite right. This is why we waited till 6 months too. It's with the obvious benefit of hindsight that I said what I said! Though I think we won't wait so long with the next child.

Anyone out there with babies 6 months plus still in the parental bedroom - it's worth considering. I also worried that she would be scared and lonely in her own room. This has proved to be our problem, not hers. She is asleep too much of the time to even notice she's no longer sleeping (and waking up all night) next to us.

A friend with a 7 month old in their room, doing what mine was doing, has just moved him out and had the first good night's sleep since he was born.

for some reason, although i was fully aware of other "safe sleeping" guidelines, such as new mattress, ensuring they're not too hot, feet to foot etc, the one about them being in the same room until six months passed me by totally, until i read it here on mumsnet when ds was 4.5m old! i then went back and checked all my baby books and could not find any specific reference to this, except in the big "magazine" the HVs give you after they're born. oops.

i had always thought that you put them in your room for convenience, if you needed to get up many times in the night, so we decided to play it by ear and put him in his own room from about the third night after he came back from hospital. he slept really well from the start, only waking once per night until about eight weeks, from which time he slept 10.30ish to 7.00am, so it seemed we were all happy with the arrangement!

when i found out about this guideline, i felt so negligent. how could i have missed it? i had read so much, attended classes, the works, yet it had passed me by. i felt really sick, not to mention stupid. however, it seemed silly to move him to our room at that stage. we have a baby monitor, so were/are able to hear every little breath and movement, so we were always able to tell that he was ok.

i'm not advocating that anyone does what we have done, the guidelines are there for a reason, and if i had known about this one earlier, we would have followed it. yet given our (very positive) experience of having him in his own room almost from the start, i think we will have a dilemma if and when no 2 turns up...

bossykate, I didn't hear the 6 month advice anywhere until my midwife mentioned it to me about a week before I was due to give birth. I must say I found the idea pretty unattractive and I knew my partner would too. In the end, dd and I slept in the spare room, in the same bed, for the first 6 weeks which was great, as I could get on with feeding her without disturbing dp, he could get a good nights sleep and then go to work and come home and do all the cooking and cleaning . DD napped in her own room, in her cot, from when she was about 10 days old, and transferred there permanently from 6 weeks. It all worked out very well and I'm hoping to do the same again with the next one.

I meant to say that dd slept on her tummy too, as she had a very badly bruised head after the birth and anyone could see she was very uncomfortable sleeping on her back. So I broke lots of SIDS guidelines - it did worry me for a good few months but luckily everything was OK!

bossykate - this is a quite new bit of advice which is why it wouldn't be in the books but in things hv gives you etc.
I must say though that we had a very positive experience of having children in our room (and bed) until they seemed ready to move. My dd stopped waking in the night from 8 weeks but co-slept until 7 months no problem - we put her in her own room then because she seemed interested in her room and cot when she started to crawl, and the transition didn't seen to bother her at all. She used to sleep in her cot for the first part of the night and would come in with us when we went to bed (or sightly later if need be
whatever suited) but we loved having her near and missed her when she moved into her own room. We are really enjoying having our new ds in our room/bed!
Like all these things, some babies like it, some parents like it, and some of each don't. I think that's the important thing to remember.
I think babies are far less fussy about where they sleep than parents are

The point about babies sleeping in their parents room has completely passed me by too. I have 3 children and as soon as each one has slept through the night (normally by 10/12 weeks), they have been moved to their own room (although eldest DD (aged 9) shares with the baby (5 months) as she has the largest room and she wanted the baby in with her.

oops, never knew of the safety aspects of having baby sleep in the same room as parents for the first six months either! bad, bad mummy! ds is is now 3yrs ols and slept in his own room since he was about three weeks old.

I have never heard or seen the guidelines about babies sleeping with parents for the first six month. I have a Sids leaflet ans it is not mentionned, perhaps it is out of date.

I am a childminder and a nanny, none of my babies have slept with their parents for that length of time, and what do you do about daytime sleeps? Cot deaths happen during the day, not just at day. It happened to someone I know whose baby was in the pram and someone elses in her car seat.

My two both slept on their tummies, despite trying to make them stay on thier backs, my son preferred it, I'm sure because he had such awful colic (the doc also told us to put him tummy down!)

DS went into his own room from 6weeks old and has been fine. In fact a 4day holiday (ds 14weeks old)to a hotel where ds slept with us resulted in him waking up in the early hours where previously he'd slept through. Came away knackered as I was awake all night listening out for him and dh snoring would wake ds. My dh's attitude was one of "if ds is going to die of SIDS then neither he nor I would know about it if he was in our room or not" - a little harsh I think you'll agree, a typical medic, but it did make sense. I understand that keeping baby in bed with mum can help to regulate temperature and respiratory rate of the baby, but I was always worried I'd roll onto ds, or he'd roll out of bed or get smothered by our duvet, so this wasn't an option for me. I agree with Alibubbles, SIDS, sadly could happen at any time and I don't feel that having baby in the parents room for 6months is going to make any difference at all. Its just more evidence of this "nanny state" thats taking over the country.

A baby can have SIDS until he is 2 years old... so don't know why at 6 months you are off the hook (maybe because there are more incidence at that age)... also as Honeybunny pointed out, it can happen during the day.... and anyway, SIDS is about a child who stops breething and if that happens he may not make any noise... so whether he is in your room (or bed) or not is not going to make any difference.
If you are that concerned, buy a baby monitor that checks for breething.

I think the 6mths recommendation was decided upon because statistics show 88% of SIDS occur in babies of 6mths or less, with a peak at two to three months. My understanding of the idea of room sharing is that it provides a stimulus for baby's breathing, which it might not get in a completely quiet environment when some babies just forget to breath.

But can babies really forget to breathe?

Well I'm just a freak because my dd was in with me til oooo.... about 4 weeks ago - that makes her 25 months old! Ah well, I don't use black out blinds either - what a rebel!

Yes, they can, it's called apnoea. The following is from a BBC website.

Apnoea attack occurs when a baby stops breathing. It affects approximately 500 babies a year.
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What is apnoea?

Apnoea means that air flow into the lungs has stopped. This can be because the baby stops breathing, or because the windpipe or airways have become blocked. In some instances, it may be due to a combination of both factors.

What impact does it have?

Irregular breathing and short apnoeic pauses are normal in young babies and have no adverse effects. According to the Foundation for the Study of Sudden Infant Deaths (FSSID), sometimes babies stop breathing for a longer period and have a sudden drop in blood oxygen which is accompanied by a colour change in the skin which turns blue or white. They may also become floppy and may choke or gag. This is called an Apparent Life Threatening Event (ALTE). Other infants may become stiff or have a staring spell.

What causes an ALTE?

ALTEs may be associated with an identifiable disease or condition such as an infection. They may also be linked to the inhalation of vomit.
However, in about half of the cases a cause is not found. In some instances it appears that a baby somehow forgets how to breathe. Some babies with unexplained ALTEs may have repeat attacks.
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What should be done?

The baby may need vigorous stimulation and resuscitation to start normal breathing. Learning how to do this is complicated, and the FSSID recommends that all parents take a course in stimulation and resuscitation prior to the birth of their child.

Is apnoea relevant to cot death?

Cot death is the sudden and unexpected death of a baby for no obvious reason. The actual causes of cot death, or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) have not yet been established. It is not known whether a baby dies because breathing has stopped, or whether breathing has ceased because the baby is dead. There are some similarities between babies who have prolonged apnoeic attacks and cot death babies. For example, they occur in the same age range, are more frequent in boys than girls, and are more common in premature babies. Some babies with ALTEs have been shown to be at greater risk of sudden death. However, a recent UK study found that less than 4% of cot death babies had a history of apnoea.

Welll Lizzer, if you are a freak then so am I!!!(btw how do you do that maniac grin thing I LIKE it!)

Sorry - I meant rebel - it's just me who is the freak!!!!

It is not just babies that are subject to Sleep Apnoea. Even adults can suffer from it - my dad certainly did.

Don't want to get into heated discussion, but if they recommend that babies sleep in their parents room because of the stimulation they might get from their parents' breathing, surely my DD would be okay as she sleeps in the same room as her big sister (9 years old) and surely she would get the same stimulation from her breathing.

I have to say that I have never had my children in bed with me or my husband (when he was sleeping in my bed!). Not that I have been "strict" about this, they just seem to prefer their own beds.

It just works differently for different people doesn't it? Everyone has a different way of doing things don't they? Co-sleeping is for some people and not for others, like room sharing is for some and not for others. We love it, others don't. Do what is right for you and your baby!!!

fp, I wasn't criticising anyone that co-sleeps. As you quite rightly say, everyone should just do what is right for them.