I am broken.

[AllOutOfNaiceHam]

My 3y 7m old dc2 has always been a shit sleeper. He's one of those duracell bunny kids. Waking/feeding every half hour day and night for months, bedtimes taking anywhere between 2-4 hours.
Then the daytime naps got dropped at 18m. The only way to get any rest was to co-sleep and keep breastfeeding. At his 2 year check with the paediatrician he blamed my breastfeeding him for the fact that he was underweight and not sleeping. He weaned ay 2.5 but the sleep never improved.
We have several nights every week when he goes to sleep at midnight then wakes up for the day at 3am.

I've seen the HV and the nursery nurse. I jumped through hoops. Did sleep diaries, food diaries, tried every strategy, eliminated various foods and electronics, tried osteopaths and supplements, and every "sleep training" method short of CC. Went back and forth to the GP several times. Eventually, with the support of my HV who is at a loss, the GP agreed to refer him to the paediatric consultants to a sleep clinic. The referral reason is stated as "extremely disruptive sleep patterns and behaviour". He chased up the referral and I was sent a choose and book letter. I rang the number on the letter only to be told that the paediatrician reviewed the referral and his symptoms and decided they can't see him at the nearest big hospital. Apparently they can't see him at the next two that are a bit further away in either direction either. The nearesr they "might" have a sleep clinic is 3 hours away, but they aren't even sure if they would accept to see him there.
I've had to tell them that circumstances would make it extremely difficult for us to attend an appointment 3 hours away, so they want to just cancel the referral, assuming I don't want him to be seen.
I went back to the surgery this evening, but the referring GP wasn't there. A different doctor basically shrugged at me and said she didn't know what to do either.
I've cried and sobbed, said I just want him to be seen by someone who will listen to me and actually hear what I am saying.
I can not cope anymore. I am broken. His daytime behaviour is hard enough to deal with when I'm rested, but this sleep deprived I'm tempted to shove him in a cage. Or find a tranquiliser gun somewhere. Or throw myself off a bridge.
I can't cope with him bouncing around in the middle of the night anymore. Or the incessant talking.
I'm lucky my other two children usually sleep well, but my 1 year old has been very poorly for the last 3 weeks, so there has been less sleep than usual.
She said she would "ask them to see him" again, but it didn't sound very confidence inspiring.
I don't know what to do anymore. Between full time work, 3 dcs and the sleep deprivation I am close to burning out.

You can buy melatonin from a company called biovea.
Our son was in it for 3 months and it totally sorted his sleep issues out.
I think you son needs a developmental paed referral however, and should be rx the meds by them.
I'm so sorry.
Sleep deprivation is soul destroying.
X

ginfox I think I made a point when I told them that if I have to wait another couple of weeks, never mind months, I may just jump off a bridge.

We saw a really great consultant when my daughter was very ill a few weeks ago. I hope whoever we see is that good and thorough, and listens to me the way he did.

I think most people realise that ds is wired a bit differently within a few minutes of meeting him. They just don't quite realise just how much he can just keep on going. And going. And going.

have you tried homeopathy? i presume infant's diet is "healthy" no caffeine, carbonated drinks, chocolate, the usual suspects (sorry if you mentioned diet, i don't have time to read all, precious little sleep this end too. i would recommend homeopathy. They'll have some options and it will be holistic approach looking at whole-self. wish you the best

What a terrible situation for you OP. I feel angry on your behalf and I cannot believe that it has gone this far.

In the meantime (I could get absolutely flamed for this) have you thought about a little dose of antihistamine to see if that works? I heard folk use it on flights for their dc as it makes them sleepy???

My heart goes out to you.

quitelikely it has been suggested upthread that I could buy melatonin ;)
I'm hoping that the urgent referral really does come through and we get seen this week. The more I think about it, the more I believe that his inability to get to sleep is just a symptom of something bigger. I'm thinking maybe sensory processing.

anewmum thank you for your reply. Thr sleep diary the referral was based on took all those things into account. His poor keyworker is under strict instructions to write everything down he puts in his mouth, which is quite a lot. Yes, his diet is healthy and balanced. We tried homeopathy, somewhere towards the beginning of this journey, with very little effect.

................tried osteopaths and supplements, and every "sleep training" method short of CC

Sorry if I have misunderstood but have you actually considered trying CC?

Night nanny?

Get a very good friend/relative to stay overnight with him whilst you and the rest of your family go to a hotel? I know it sounds drastic but I have a close friend who's children won't settle at night - the one night she actually left them (they are 12 & 10 ) they settled happily.

I am desperately sad for you but I am always berated on Mumsnet for doing CC when my DS was very, very young - maybe it is coincidence but he has always managed to self settle and sleep through. I would prefer CC to drugs, but maybe it is too late and I absolutely don't want to criticise whatever you decide is best.

Yes, we considered CC when he was abour 14 months old and had been taking several hours to settle to sleep every night for the better part of 10 months. I put him in the cot, laid him down and he went ballistic before I even left the room. Went back to try to settle him after a few seconds because he was so distressed, and he went hysterical with real panic in his eyes every time I even went near the cot with him. The next time we considered it, he just climbed out and let himself out of his room.
He's 3.8 now, there is no crying anymore, but also no way I can keep him in his bed. I have spent many an evening sitting in his bed, or by his door. He'll just lay there and kick the side of the bed, over and over. Or take his mattress and all the bedding off his bed and his brother's, even strip the sheets. Put it all in a pile, then dive into it from the windowsill. Or empty his entire wardrobe onto the floor. And the bookshelf. And every toy box. (yes, I've tried removing everything)

Wow you poor thing, that sounds like torture

You deserve for not having lost the plot completely!! No real words of wisdom though sorry.

Have you tried sitting down with him and telling him that this lack of sleep can not go on? Asking him to help you maybe....

Almost every night. "But I don't need to go to sleep. I'm not tired!"

I would reply with 'but mummy needs to sleep, it is not o.kay to keep waking mummy up' I don't know how you don't lose your rag with him, I think I would end up just going mad!!

This sounds very familiar. My DD was an awful sleeper - yet she seemed fine in the day whilst we just crumbled with crippling tiredness. In the end I found loads of things that helped. The red light suggestion above is a good one. Plus the reward chart. I'm a nutritionist & herbalist so we cut out all stimulating foods including gluten which sent her bonkers. I gave her a sleep tea an hour before bed. We did an aromatherapy bath and massage before bed. We even used acupressure to help her mind quieten and Bach flower remedies for emotional issues like separation anxiety, nightmares, being too wired etc. Then lots of rewards for staying in bed at night. controlled crying only made matter worse, and made her fearful and clingy. Anyway, she sleeps 11 hours straight now at age 4. I've documented it all on my blog - you can have a read if you like - here's the post on acupressure, sleep inducing foods and sleep teas - Good luck!! Full admiration to you, you're a saint!

mydaughterwontsleep.com/2013/12/27/the-sleep-inducing-power-of-acupressure/

mydaughterwontsleep.com/2014/05/18/sleep-inducing-foods-for-toddlers/

mydaughterwontsleep.com/2014/07/12/3-herbs-that-help-your-child-sleep-better/

The people I know in this position simply bought melatonin from the USA, and used very small doses with their child. There's no point waiting months and months for doctors to tell you the child may be under producing melatonin when you can work it out for yourself as soon as the package arrives.

It's an over the counter thing in the USA - lots of people use it to combat jetlag - but it isn't licensed for use over the counter here. That doesn't mean that British melatonin is any more dangerous than American melatonin (!) it just means that the drugs companies haven't gone through whatever procedures they have to go to in order to get it as an over the counter thing here.

Really - I know so many people for whom this has just revolutionised their lives and their children's lives.

(and yeah, I totally get that controlled crying is NOT going to work with a child who has sensory needs. Please believe me - all of this will pass. In the end, your child will be able to settle himself to sleep, and wait quietly until he falls asleep. It's just a question of treating him kindly until he is developmentally ready for that, and I wouldn't be expecting that at 3 for a neurotypical child necessarily, and DEFINITELY not for a child with sensory issues.)