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Original poster

I am broken.

62 replies

AllOutOfNaiceHam · 04/12/2014 20:08

My 3y 7m old dc2 has always been a shit sleeper. He's one of those duracell bunny kids. Waking/feeding every half hour day and night for months, bedtimes taking anywhere between 2-4 hours.
Then the daytime naps got dropped at 18m. The only way to get any rest was to co-sleep and keep breastfeeding. At his 2 year check with the paediatrician he blamed my breastfeeding him for the fact that he was underweight and not sleeping. He weaned ay 2.5 but the sleep never improved.
We have several nights every week when he goes to sleep at midnight then wakes up for the day at 3am.

I've seen the HV and the nursery nurse. I jumped through hoops. Did sleep diaries, food diaries, tried every strategy, eliminated various foods and electronics, tried osteopaths and supplements, and every "sleep training" method short of CC. Went back and forth to the GP several times. Eventually, with the support of my HV who is at a loss, the GP agreed to refer him to the paediatric consultants to a sleep clinic. The referral reason is stated as "extremely disruptive sleep patterns and behaviour". He chased up the referral and I was sent a choose and book letter. I rang the number on the letter only to be told that the paediatrician reviewed the referral and his symptoms and decided they can't see him at the nearest big hospital. Apparently they can't see him at the next two that are a bit further away in either direction either. The nearesr they "might" have a sleep clinic is 3 hours away, but they aren't even sure if they would accept to see him there.
I've had to tell them that circumstances would make it extremely difficult for us to attend an appointment 3 hours away, so they want to just cancel the referral, assuming I don't want him to be seen.
I went back to the surgery this evening, but the referring GP wasn't there. A different doctor basically shrugged at me and said she didn't know what to do either.
I've cried and sobbed, said I just want him to be seen by someone who will listen to me and actually hear what I am saying.
I can not cope anymore. I am broken. His daytime behaviour is hard enough to deal with when I'm rested, but this sleep deprived I'm tempted to shove him in a cage. Or find a tranquiliser gun somewhere. Or throw myself off a bridge.
I can't cope with him bouncing around in the middle of the night anymore. Or the incessant talking.
I'm lucky my other two children usually sleep well, but my 1 year old has been very poorly for the last 3 weeks, so there has been less sleep than usual.
She said she would "ask them to see him" again, but it didn't sound very confidence inspiring.
I don't know what to do anymore. Between full time work, 3 dcs and the sleep deprivation I am close to burning out.

OP posts:
CPtart · 04/12/2014 21:03

I'm no expert but it sounds like the sleep problems are part of a much bigger picture. My friend has a DS with dreadful sleep patterns, he has recently been diagnosed with ASD. He too is very bright.
I hope you get something sorted.

cherubimandseraphim · 04/12/2014 21:06

Could you ask to get into the system via a referral for possible ADHD? Once you're being seen somewhere at consultant level IME you can get referred on. OP you sound completely exhausted Flowers - TBH if I were you I might present at my GP and simply say "I'm now physically unable to cope and you need to do something or I will need a full psych referral myself."

I hope you get somewhere soon Flowers

Original poster
AllOutOfNaiceHam · 04/12/2014 21:07

Reward charts really don't appeal to him at all, for anything. When he doesn't want to do something, he just doesn't do it. No amounts of bribery, threats or consequences changes that. He's not a "defiant" child in general, just very strong willed. and a real cute pain in the arse sometimes

OP posts:
Dirtymistress · 04/12/2014 21:07

I have no advice, none. Just wanted to say I empathise. I have a 3 year old and a 20 month old who has never slept more than 4 hours and starts most days at 3am.
It sucks.

nottheOP · 04/12/2014 21:10

You can hire sleep consultants privately without your gp. They start with a phone interview and give you homework before staying for a couple of nights and putting their plan into action

Olivo · 04/12/2014 21:15

Has your GP been able to prescribe a sedative fro him ,to give you all a break? We had to ask for this after 6 years of poor sleep, we were on our knees. We used it for no more than 3 nights in a row ( didn't seem to working after that long anyway) but it gave us enough to just a hour retains our sanity, jobs etc And no more then once per month.

Original poster
AllOutOfNaiceHam · 04/12/2014 21:15

Can a private sleep consultant prescribe melatonin? Because i think we are beyond "strategies" and plans now Confused

OP posts:
Peanutbutterfingers · 04/12/2014 21:17

I think you're an absolute hero-who is being treated appallingly. Is your MP any good? They could write to the hospital/CCG on your behalf and demand you are taken seriously.

My DS didn't sleep for longer than 90 minutes at a time until he was 11 months and I honest to god thought I would die. I cannot imagine how you've got this far. Problem is you need someone who knows now it feels to get noisy on your behalf. If you're in Birmingham I can help.

Olivo · 04/12/2014 21:23

Ask for phenergan or valergan as a short term solution?

nottheOP · 04/12/2014 21:44

I think they can op. You'd have to ask when you called to enquire.

Itsfab · 04/12/2014 21:45

I would be going back to the sympathetic GP and then make daily visits to the surgery until someone actually does something to help your child and therefore your whole family.

Keep a diary of his food, drinks, activities, sleep, quiet time plus his bed time routine so that the professionals can see what goes on in his life - it will also save you having to repeat yourself.

Short term, could you employ a nanny to help in the day so your child gets to know them, then employ them to cover the nights so your husband and yourself can get some sleep. Even if the nanny sits up all night doing a jigsaw or reading to him, it will mean you both get a rest.

I am really sorry if these are stupid ideas, I feel for you and want to help.

TwiggyHeart · 04/12/2014 23:37

I think the night nanny idea is a good one, my friend did this once a week for a few months as age was on her knees with two under two. I think you maybe need to change tact with the GP, make an appointment for yourself and tell them that you are suffering exhaustion and you are not coping, they need a kick up the backside....

Handsupbabyhandsup · 04/12/2014 23:47

Tart Cherry Juice - you can buy it in Heath stores contains melatonin. It might be worth a try if you haven't tried it already.

Another suggestion I could make is look into the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital diet for elimination of ADHD symptoms also called failsafe. I've done the diet with my own kids and it's hard at first but it gets easier quite quickly.

MrsCaptainReynolds · 05/12/2014 00:00

Can you move away from his sleep as the issue and move toward the fact he is keeping others awake? I mean rather than trying to train him to sleep, train him to stay in his own room between e.g. 10pm-5am, gradually shifting toward the hallowed 7pm-7am telling him he can sleep or do other quiet activities.

Anything in this helpful?
www.mommyish.com/2012/04/06/the-answer-to-bedtime-tantrums-we-let-our-daughter-decide-when-to-go-to-sleep-115/

Original poster
AllOutOfNaiceHam · 05/12/2014 01:44

I can't trust him to quietly entertain himself in his room, he usually destroys something or does something dangerous because it looks like fun.
Plus, he would stay awake until 3am anyway, and i can't go to sleep while he is still awake.

one of my children is going in the bin tonight

OP posts:
NowWhatIsit · 05/12/2014 06:34

Poor you. Can you get to the GP today? Do a sit-in - I cant go until you give me an urgent referral ?? AND short term solution?
Hopefully you & partner can make up some sleep over the weekend?

Original poster
AllOutOfNaiceHam · 05/12/2014 09:31

itsfab I forgot to reply to your post last night - that's the exact kind of diary we kept for a few weeks to look at with the hv and what the referral was based on. I'm still doing it because the gp said it will be better to present that to paeds rather than going empty handed and them telling me to do it.

I've made a phone appointment with the referring gp for this afternoon.
Today I am wearing my fluffy pyjama top to work because I got distracted after putting my jeans on and then forgot.... Blush

OP posts:
nottheOP · 05/12/2014 11:56

www.millpondsleepclinic.com/

Original poster
AllOutOfNaiceHam · 05/12/2014 16:29

I just spoke to the referring GP. Last night's visit earned us an urgent referral straight to paeds, bypassing the referral service (who actually were the ones to say he couldn't be seen but blamed it on paeds). I should hear next week, hopefully sooner rather than later. Tears and the remark that it is making me feel like jumping off a bridge obviously were taken seriously. Thank goodness.

OP posts:
Itsfab · 05/12/2014 17:04

You poor thing Sad.

I really hope things soon improve for you and as for your pyjama top, it was dress down day at DS2's school today and you were supporting them, weren't you?GrinWink.

sososotired · 05/12/2014 19:38

I hope that link helps? You have all my sympathy I have a rubbish sleeper, a full time job and I'm studying I can't imagine coping with 2 other children

Original poster
AllOutOfNaiceHam · 05/12/2014 19:55

Thank you soso. I wonder how much the doctors would frown upon it if I got some and gave it to him.

OP posts:
sososotired · 06/12/2014 05:06

My answer to the doctor who said my son needs to cry it out and he will sleep better (we tried for 2 weeks he just got so worked up he got sick everywhere) was your more than welcome to come sit and listen to him night after nigh and try to function normally in the day?! To which he replied I guess I didn't think it takes more than 3 nights to train a baby...... So we co sleep we wake up 2-6 times a night so I'm thinking about ordering some of those drops myself!

Ginfox · 06/12/2014 06:49

OP as well as your diary, I would also write down the points you want to make, behaviours/issues you want to highlight - anything you think might be helpful. If you're anything like me, you come out of appointments feeling like you didn't say/ask half of what you wanted to. Have your list in your hand, and don't leave until you've ticked everything off.

And don't play down the effect it is having on the well-being of the rest of your family. Plenty of stories in the press about parents who reached the end of their tether. I'm not saying this could be you, but it doesn't hurt to remind paediatrician of the bigger picture, and the consequences of not getting help when badly needed.

Hope you get some help very soon Flowers