4 week old doesn't sleep. Can anyone wise help me? I'm so tired

[Minithemoocher]

My dd is 4 weeks old and I'm really struggling with her sleep. Up until last week she was hardly sleeping at all in the day or night, managing max of an hour at a time. I thought perhaps she was overtired so on Wednesday I had her in the sling (which she likes) and managed 4 x 2 hour naps in the day and a longer stretch at night.

I now can only get her to sleep in the sling during the day and on me in the night. Am I 'making a rod for my own back' as my mil says or is it ok as she's so small? I've tried transferring her into her moses basket but 9 times out of 10 she wake up within 10 minutes. I'm also knackered from carrying her around all day.

I bf her and she often falls asleep whilst feeding but wakes up when I burp her. If I don't burp her she wakes up screaming in pain (I think) within 30 minutes.

She's my first and I'm feeling really tired, a bit weepy and losing confidence that I know what I'm doing. Can anyone offer any advice? Thank you

Dd1 didn't sleep either. I happily made a rod for my own back when I started hallucinating from lack of sleep. Whatever gets you the most sleep is my motto!

It might be worth taking her to the GP though - turned out dd1 had cows milk protein intolerance giving her reflux, and a posterior tongue tie.

Oh and you hit a wall at about 8 weeks, and think you are going to die from lack of sleep (not exaggerating) then your body adjusts and you cope.

From 3 years of experience, as long as you get a 4 hour stretch of sleep every couple of nights you can survive...

If you are bed sharing - just make sure it's safe - no thick duvets, baby well away from pillows, no cracks or gaps around the bed, firm surface, tight sheets - you layer up and blanket to waist height only and baby in sleeping bag. Baby not next to anyone else but you, don't drink, smoke or use drugs that might make you sleepy.

And good luck!

Do you have anyone who could take her for a walk while you have a sleep?

I found ds2 would settle better if I laid him on something I had been wearing.

I also sometimes fed him laying down on the bed, then when he had fed, I rubbed his tummy in a clockwise direction till he burped, then hopefully he would sleep on dh's side, and I could roll over and sleep on my own side.

Some babies need more assistance to help them go to sleep than others.

Ds1 was a brilliant sleeper, ds2 was the complete opposite

Thanks for your advice. She had a posterior tongue tie which was snipped when she was a week old. That's meant that she's been very slow to regain her birth weight (just there now). She was feeding constantly once we got it sorted. All feed and no sleep!
I was wondering about reflux/colic. She's very windy and screams blue murder after a feed sometimes.
DH is great when he's awake but he had a physical job and works late into the evening and isn't great at getting up in the morning. He doesn't hear her in the night. She wants to feed so much it's hard for him to take her as there's no telling when she'll start screaming for a feed.
I can't seem to stop crying. I'm not sad but just so tired. We're on our way to a family thing and I've got a serious case of blotchy face...

Has a physical job, not had

Of course your not making a rod for your own back!! She's so tiny of course she wants cuddles. Do whatever you need to to get some rest. Do you co sleep?

We have a bed nest type thing but she wakes up as soon as I put her in it, even if she's fast asleep. She sleeps next to me (or on me) most of the time

She's only tiny! My D's didn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at night for about 6 weeks. He slowly began to sleep for longer stretches and started sleeping through 7-7 from13 weeks. He's 9 mo the now and goes through phases of needing a night feed but is back asleep within half an hour. You can't make a rod for your PW. Back with a baby that young, they need to be close to their Mum.

Oops excuse the typos!

I feel your pain op and busty is right you do feel like you will die from tiredness but you do get used to it I cried so much those first few weeks it's a massive shock to the system. I don't have any miracle tips but just wanted to say I know how you feel, my dd is 13 weeks now and things seem so much easier she is formula fed and still fed every 2 hours day and night until 8 weeks when she started going 3 during the day but longer at night now she goes to sleep at 7 wakes for a feed around 11.30 then 5am then goes back to sleep until 7/8 and I feel so much better now. She hardly slept during the day either as soon as I put her down she would wake up she is getting a bit better now hang in there hopefully you'll feel much better in a few weeks time!

So if I just keep doing what I'm doing she might just start sleeping longer by herself?
How do I help her sleep not on me?

Thanks butterfly you've given me hope!

Well dd1 didn't learn to consistently sleep better until much older. But dd2 was sleeping 6 hour stretches from about 6 weeks until she hit 4 months when it all went a bit haywire again for a few months, but since then has been generally ok unless teething/ill.

Didn't do a thing to encourage dd2 to sleep better/not on me, and she still has the vast majority of naps in the sling at 10 months as I am generally out and about with dd1. She just did it herself :)

She probably will, 4 weeks is still really tiny google "4th trimester" it was helpful to me it allows you to understand why they want to be with you all the time, I wish I just went with the flow a bit more instead of worrying about why she was feeding so often or wanted to sleep on me all the time and why other peoples babies were going 4 hours between feeds and self settling to sleep it's such a short period of time it's bloody hard work but just try to enjoy it it will pass soon and things wont seem so bad x

This is exactly how I felt up until a few nights ago, so I feel your pain OP. I missed (and still do) my sleep so much. DS1 is currently 4.5 weeks and would only fall asleep on me or DP. I tried all the tricks of trying to get DS into moses basket once asleep - swaddling, something smelling of me in basket, hot water bottle etc, and he just didn't want to. I kept trying, but not every time, sometimes was easier not to bother. However recently something changed and he now at night mostly sleeps in his moses basket in between feeds, without any of the tricks I tried before. I'm convinced he was just ready to be apart from us for short periods of time, but before he wasn't, but who knows really! Next to figure out day time sleep!

I posted to give you hope OP, and to let you know you aren't alone. Fingers crossed things get better for you soon.

My DS wouldn't sleep without Ewan The Dream Sheep (can get at John Lewis). He's nearly three and he still use it sometimes as do I when I can't sleep ! Lovely peaceful white noise sounds and red glow.

I remember the midwife told me to just go to bed with the baby for a few days, get somebody to just bring food up to you and sleep as much as you can, even if that is just an hour at a time. Could you try that just so you get some rest?

Oh and don't go to the family thing if you don't want to.

Treat as though it's reflux & see if that helps - I mean in so far as keeping tilted, never flat, keep upright for 20mins after a feed where poss etc.

For sleeps incl. overnight, I would swaddle tightly & put onto tummy, then gently try to turn onto back once asleep.

Also always white noise esp. at night, e.g. A fan.

Also, when winding, always wind for 5 mins after the last (or what you think is the last) burp comes up. Pain in the ass at night when you are desperate to get back to sleep but better than a screaming baby who has more wind & refuses to settle.

Thanks basil, that does give me hope!
We've got Ewan, although we find a white noise app works better as it's a bit louder. We're going to try and turn it down slowly and switch go Ewan.
Her basket and bednest are set up with one end higher. I probably don't keep her upright for long enough after feeds though. Especially at night when I'm so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open.

The family thing was ok, despite me balling my eyes out when I got there. Other people took turns to settle her and brought me food. DH is working now and DMC is in hospital so hard to stay in bed but I could give it a go on my own anyway. It sounds blissful actually!
She likes to sleep on her front (I've previously posted about that) but hates a swaddle. It's so hard to know if you're doing it right, and hard to think clearly when there's a screaming small thing in front of you!
Thanks so much for the helpful advice. It really helps to know ok not the only who's had a screamy baby

That should read DM not DMC. Tired fingers make typing hard!

I'm another one posting to give you hope! We're 7 weeks here and were in a similar position to you at 4. She'd deviously been ok with the bednest but suddenly wouldn't have it at that stage.

In the short run I coped by sleeping pretty much whenever someone else as available to hold her. In the longer run she needed more thorough winding and gripe water. The bed hatred was linked to her wind as she was really uncomfortable on her back with it.

Now she's going down in it from 10-2 (sometimes 3 or 4) and then again for 2 hour stretches. She'll also do a couple if hours in there in the day.

It gets easier! Good luck for now though. I know it's so hard.

Previously been ok not deviously! Although the regression did feel devious and mean at the time!!

Hi Mini,

Does your dh not get any days off to bring you the baby in bed? If not of course you and your dd can have a nice lazy day staying in bed but I just think it would be nicer for you if you can sleep in between feeds completely alone.

I also put my baby on her front to sleep. I realised early on she slept better that way and we have a monitor with a motion alarm. I see you said your baby also likes to sleep that way so I'm not sure whether or not you're putting her on her front already? I know it isn't recommended but for me I thought if she sleeps better like that and we have no other risks (don't smoke etc) than I'd rather she had a decent sleep.

Hmm If she is having painful wind maybe some infacol would help. I think you could try cutting out/down on dairy if you haven't already.

I hope things get better for you soon. Just grab sleep as and when you can and do not feel any guilt if you do spend a day or two staying in bed. I know I feel a bit guilty when i do that's why I am saying that!

12 week old here - it does get better!

what works for me is wrapping ds in a blanket when he's on me and wrapping his arms in tight after he's gone to sleep and then he's still warm when I put him down but if his arms jerk he doesn't hit anything then I quickly cover him in another blanket and if he stirs put my hand on his tummy and shush him. works at night not so much in the day. He hates his moses basket and dp always has more success than me but someone suggested to me to put the mattress on your lap so then it's less of a disruption when you put them in the basket. In the early days I used to lie down to feed with him next to me so that when I moved him I kind of slid a hand under his bum and head and was moving him from one flat surface to another.

I would keep trying to put her down and if she cries leave her just a few mins to see if she stops. keep trying different things and you'll find something that works.