4 week old doesn't sleep. Can anyone wise help me? I'm so tired

[Minithemoocher]

My dd is 4 weeks old and I'm really struggling with her sleep. Up until last week she was hardly sleeping at all in the day or night, managing max of an hour at a time. I thought perhaps she was overtired so on Wednesday I had her in the sling (which she likes) and managed 4 x 2 hour naps in the day and a longer stretch at night.

I now can only get her to sleep in the sling during the day and on me in the night. Am I 'making a rod for my own back' as my mil says or is it ok as she's so small? I've tried transferring her into her moses basket but 9 times out of 10 she wake up within 10 minutes. I'm also knackered from carrying her around all day.

I bf her and she often falls asleep whilst feeding but wakes up when I burp her. If I don't burp her she wakes up screaming in pain (I think) within 30 minutes.

She's my first and I'm feeling really tired, a bit weepy and losing confidence that I know what I'm doing. Can anyone offer any advice? Thank you

At the end of the day, you're the one at home with your baby trying to survive and make it through the day and night so you should do what works for you! Mine is a VERY windy baby - wouldn't settle/stay calm after feeding let alone sleep. He's now 6 weeks and sleeps during the night (but wakes up for feeds) - he never used to sleep! There were nights I would only be able to close my eyes for 10 mins or so and now I get the two and half hours (if not longer) in between feeds. It gets better - everyone says that but turns out it's true. I used to stress/wonder how I'd get through the next hour let alone day or night!

He doesn't sleep during the day still and I've resorted to putting him in a carrier once a day so I can get some housework done and get a little rest before it starts all over again.

Things I've tried which have changed things/helped: infacol but I found gripe water worked best and helped him burp better which meant he settled better, tilting his Moses basket so he's not completely flat, keeping him upright after a feed, white noise - mine prefers the ocean sound ... There are various apps that have a different noises to try, swaddling. Also I started hallucinating due to lack of sleep - in the end my partner would take him in another room for even 20 - 30 mins so I could close my eyes ... Even doing this was a challenge at times but better than nothing. He works long hours and has very early starts so couldn't really help but those odd 20 minutes here and there helped keep me sane!

Hang in there. It doesn't feel like it right now but things do get better.

Thank you everyone. We've done better tonight. She slept downstairs with DH from 9:30 - 11.40, then in bed with me from 2:30-5:30. She's up now feeding.
I'll give all your suggestions a go and keep hoping that it gets easier as she gets older.
When you say that s/he wakes for a feed, how long is it take you to feed? It can take dd an hour or two before she's had enough to then get sleepy. Is that normal? She often falls asleep on the boob but then wakes as soon as I move her.
Should I take her to the docs for the tummy pain or just go get some gripe water and cut out dairy and see what happens?

At the risk of being flamed, have you tried a dummy? One thing I really regret is not giving my eldest a dummy sooner, we listened to four months of screaming all night before we tried it. It may have been a coincidence, because I believe that can be about the time they sleep through anyway but for us it turned the crying off like a tap.

The length of time they feed for varies and I believe gets shorter as they get older - ds now feeds for 10-15 mins apart from at night and the odd long feed which is 30-60 mins. It can be longer when they have a growth spurt.

Are you sure she's feeding for that long and not just sucking? Can you see her swallowing?

I was advised to burp halfway through a long feed and I do this by putting ds on my shoulder so his belly has a bit of pressure from my shoulder and put my hand on his back if he sleepy maybe rubbing. I rarely pat his back as I don't find it much more effective and it wakes him up. I also agree gripe water is more effective than infacol which works by joining all the air bubbles into one I think. The only thing with gripe water is I have to keep ds fairly upright for a bit otherwise the small burps wake him up.

I'm bottle feeding as my milk supply dried up! He also was very sleepy during night feeds. He would fall asleep while feeding which meant he didn't feed effectively and wouldn't settle - would need to be fed frequently during the night because he had not had enough. This also meant that he would take a long long time to feed! I tried undressing, tickling, gently blowing in his face to try and wake him. These didn't really work for me. This issue got better as I managed to burp properly after starting gripe water. I assumed that he was getting sleepy because he couldn't be bothered as he was obviously uncomfortable during feeds. Mine as it turns out has reflux but I am convinced that the gripe water has helped greatly and not what the doctor prescribed for the reflux. This may not be the issue for you but if you want to go to the doctor, it's an avenue worth exploring just to cross it off as a possibility in an effort to find a reason why she's not sleeping.

I personally burp frequently while feeding now - every 3 mins or so. It may seem excessive but works best for my little one it seems.

Funny you should say that ken. I tried a dummy yesterday after my sil suggested she might just be using me as a dummy and she settled down whilst she held her and the slept for 2.5 hours. We had a much better night last night as well.
I'm at the doctors now to ask about possible reflux/colic so will see what he says.
I think you're right about the more frequent burping carinna. I think I need to do it even more. I guess that will help her stay awake as well.
DH is home today and he's going to watch her whilst I sleep. I can't wait. I'm at risk of falling asleep in the doctors waiting room....

Good luck at the doctors.

I have also been keeping a food diary so I can try to notice what affects ds - my osteopath recommended cutting out pasta, bananas and broccoli and I also stopped drinking anything fizzy. seems to have done some good. I had bad night with Chinese although it was quite plain.

The doctor's prescribed gaviscon for possible reflux. Will get some gripe water as well to see if that helps. Do you just get it from the chemist?

Hi op, I'm glad you had a better night using a dummy. Hopefully the gaviscon will really help as well. Yes you can buy gripe water in most chemists, supermarkets and I recently saw it for sale in the pound shop. I've found infacol worked best for my baby but a pp said gripe water did for them so clearly it varies from baby to baby.

Again I'm pleased you had a better night!

I have a 5 wk old and after a couple of restless nights when we first brought him home from hospital, we bought a Sleepyhead from John Lewis which fits in his co-sleeper. He now sleeps 3/4 hour stretches at night with no fuss and most days will go in in for a decent nap at lunch time. Might be worth a shot. Good luck.

I haven't read everything else, so not sure if anyone said this yet, but have you tried swaddling for naps/night in moses basket? My LO would only nap in the sling until we tried this, and it was a miracle, he stayed swaddled until 4 months when he learned to roll both ways.

Thanks ellie. Tried that but she's not a fan! She's had a slightly better day for sleeping so hoping for a reasonable night.

My ds hates swaddling now but when he's kicking off because he's overtired I wrap him up tight and hold him rocking and shushing and he fights for about 5 mins but then settles down and goes to sleep.

when I'm feeding him at night I wrap a blanket round but leave his arms free then tighten it when he's dropped off so his arms don't jerk him awake or he doesn't hit the cot when I put him down.

I found gripe water was MIRACULOUS with my DS. Also a dummy. And get one of those SleepyTot toys, with Velcro paws, that can hold 4 dummies at a time. So if she loses one in bed, she can find it again. My youngest DS is7 now and still sleeps with his! (Without dummies attached, obv.)

I'll give that a go Auntie, thank you.

Will get gripe water in the morning. Fingers crossed it'll make a difference

I'm at 5 weeks and he didn't sleep anywhere but on us for 5 days until we had to start expressing and feeding 2oz every 2 hours due to large weight loss, (very sleepy baby and then too tired to suck) whether he wanted to feed or not, then the fullness seemed to help and suddenly slept in Moses basket downstairs. It's been more of a struggle getting him into bedtime crib, he now goes in it but has to lie on us (me usually but DH before 11.30pm or after 6am, thems the rules!) after feeds until properly asleep and then after an attempt or so will go in. He sleeps like an angel on his front on our chests but also hates his back, he'll startle and even when asleep is twitchy and grunty. He isn't colicky or terribly windy but we also have one end of the mattress propped. Back sleeping seems to be so against what babies want to do. He's just had a 3 hour gap between feeds for once (I'm excited by this!) and is currently fast asleep on me but he went in crib very quickly at 1am so I'm about to sneak him in! Having had a bit of sleep however I'm quite enjoying the cuddle! I would happily sleep with him in the bed but my DH and DM aren't fond of the idea, and since he goes in the crib eventually we are going to persevere.

Oh, and feeding him wrapped in his blanket seemed to help him 'transition' back to crib better. Although some nights are just inexplicably better (I've just put him down with no grunting flailing, though he did chug 5oz at once ).

And he's awake...

Reeling I hope you managed to get some more sleep. If your baby settles better in the moses basket downstairs maybe he just doesn't like the crib. Can you either bring the moses basket upstairs at night, or sleep downstairs with him? Mine sleeps in a moses basket day and night - though I'm in a flat so there's no lugging up and down stairs needed.

I agree back sleeping does seem to go against what the baby wants. Mine is 10 weeks and happily sleeping on her front at night and she has been sleeping between 6 and 8 hours straight for the last 7 nights. I feel comfortable doing this because we have a monitor and neither of us smoke or drink etc so we are low risk in other ways. Having a solid stretch of sleep allows me to function so much better and I think that is better for both of us.

Sorry I meant Redling!

dd hates sleeping on her back too. I spend most of the night with her asleep on me, which is resulting in much more sleep for everyone.

Daytime naps are in the sling with a transition to moses basket if we're lucky. She'll go 3 hours if I let her sleep in the sling the whole time. It's hard to know what the best thing to do is!

I hope everyone's getting a bit more sleep

I sent DH in at 6.30 and had another hour sleep in the spare room! myusernameis he isn't any better in the Moses basket upstairs oddly, we tried but I think it's the semi dark quiet he objects to. And he does tend to need some settling before daytime naps too, but he stays quieter and can sleep longer down here, possibly the noise etc in the background. He's asleep in his swinging chair, farting away happily in his sleep right now! Little bugger. They do the opposite of what you want don't they?! I didn't want to keep him in his chair for long but he seems to like being slightly propped up, he's quite snuffly so it helps. I hope you all can catch some sleep time, I often have a couple hours nap when DH comes home, to recharge me for the night. I did drift off for 2 hours with him on my chest the other night, not what I wanted to do but it was so comfy for both of us!

That's good. I think the key is to fit in sleep when you can and to do whatever works best for you and your baby. Even broken up sleep is better than no sleep.

When I have a bad night I try and nap in the day. I do share a bed with my dd sometimes. Usually after the first feed in a morning when I want to try and grab another couple of hours. I prefer it then because dp is getting up for work there's a lot more space so I feel less worried. Sometimes I do struggle to relax enough to sleep with her in the bed but other times I am fine.