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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Sitting here doing timed controlled crying

97 replies

Madamecastafiore · 09/07/2014 20:39

And every minute feels like an hour!

Please tell me it will work and get better.

We are at the end of our tether. Done the staying in the room thing and that doesn't work and 8 month old DD waking every 2 hours again.

OP posts:

ILoveYouBaby · 15/07/2014 19:09

I'm glad it's working for you, I hope this continue to go well.

I'm currently doing some sleep training on my 5.5 month dd. Not controlled crying as I've been advised ages too young for it, but something similar. We've a whole run (5.5 months!) of very interrupted sleep. I've got pnd and exhaustion was making it worse. I don't understand posters who are convinced that what is most important is that the mother completely gives up everything for their child. It's far better for my daughter for me to sleep well, as she then has a mother who isn't severely depressed!

MrsHY1 · 16/07/2014 09:57

Museumum my DD's exactly the same! I remember one particularly horrible morning/middle of the night when she was about 4 months old- she'd been awake for over an hour and we'd put her in bed with us, carried her, cradled her- but towards the end of the hour the screams were so desperate I was set to call an ambulance as I was convinced something was medically wrong- I laid her down in her cot to try and find my phone and she rubbed her face against her toy and fell straight to sleep!!

fuzzywigsmum · 16/07/2014 18:19

OP - I really cannot believe some of the people on here! Good for you for standing up to them! I do sometimes wonder if they're real parents or hideous trolls, hell-bent on sending vulnerable women mad on sleep deprivation by talking them out of sleep-training. You totally did the right thing and if she went to sleep after 16 minutes she clearly wasn't distressed - that's just an average baby going to sleep. I wouldn't even consider it CC/CIO.

Justgotosleepnow · 16/07/2014 22:07

Fuzzy how dare you accuse people disagreeing with you of being trolls.
I and others presented a different argument about leaving babies to cry.
This is a chat forum where many opinions are expressed. We do not all agree and that's fine.
Well, it's fine by me anyway.

fuzzywigsmum · 17/07/2014 07:14

Just - I disagree. The MN sleep thread is not simply a chat thread intended for sharing of opinions. It's a support thread, often used by women who are at risk of mental illness because of the impacts of sleep deprivation and feel they have no where else to turn. When people ask for moral support and practical guidance with sleep training I think that posters who oppose doing so should display a little more empathy and keep their opinions to themselves.

Ragwort · 17/07/2014 07:26

I agree with you Fuzzy - many parents have successfully used cc and are happy to share their experience with new parents - the 'martyr' type mummies who come out in droves whenever CC is mentioned only serve to alienate those parents who are really struggling and desperate for some ideas to help their child sleep.

This is one of the few threads in over 12 years on mumsnet where people have actually dared to speak positively about CC !

SpanielFace · 17/07/2014 18:31

Also agree with Fuzzy. OP didn't ask for opinions, but support. Therefore, anyone who disagrees should keep their opinions to yourself.

OP, hope the week is continuing to go well for you.

Original poster

Madamecastafiore · 18/07/2014 04:22

We are regressing tonight chaps. Dd been feeding all day and seems to want to go on with it all night too.

She having a moan I her cot, not crying actually just moaning.

I'm sitting outside her room so she can see me, listening to the thunder.

I understand that CC is an emotive subject and some people want to say how they disagree which is fine but to say things some people said about feeling sorry for my dd and that I need to go and parent her properly is pretty hurtful.

It would make someone younger and maybe a first timer not return to Mumsnet which is not really what is site is all about is it?

OP posts:

MrsHY1 · 18/07/2014 17:57

Madame I'm sorry last night/this morning wasn't as good as it has been. It's perfectly normal for things to get a little worse before they get better. Our minds can be very cruel to us at silly o clock but I hope that you're not entertaining for one minute that you are a bad parent or are causing any form of harm to your obviously fiercely loved DD. Tonight is another night. X

Original poster

Madamecastafiore · 19/07/2014 14:05

Thanks mrsHY1.

She was a bit of a monster but last night was much better. Slept until 4 then back to sleep until 8.30am. I was up with bad tummy again so none the more rested.

OP posts:

TheBogQueen · 19/07/2014 14:16

Op just to say - I did thus with all three of mine and it was well worth it. It sets up good habits fir life - my children all sleep really well and are up early in the mornings, well rested . Most people I know also did it at dome point.

I was talked through the first night if CC by some lovely ladies on mumsnet 10 years ago. They were truly, truly supportive as I sat with a glass of wine.

It's a really unpleasant thing to go through but so are many things about being parent when you actually have to step up because you know best.

fishfingerSarnies · 19/07/2014 14:23

Don't drive yourself mad sitting outside her room, distract yourself for 10 mins then check on her... Hoovering works a treat. Stay strong it does work (for some people) you have to be consistent. I did it for nap times first then once they had calmed down I did bed time.

LotsaTuddles · 19/07/2014 14:56

My (10 mo) DS really hates to go to sleep. He's fine when he goes to sleep, has been sleeping through the night (mostly) from a few months old. Stopped bfing him when he was about 4 months old because he really just couldn't get the hang of it.

He has always been a nightmare to get to sleep even in the day. So one night after him taking hours of screaming and cuddles to go to sleep I decided to just put him in his cot and left the room, I went back in whenever he was sitting up/standing up, layed him back down, gave him his muslin, and dummy and walked out. He now goes straight to sleep.

I learnt that he wasn't actually crying he was just tantrumming because he doesn't like going to sleep.

I've also learnt that he likes to be left alone to go to sleep as he goes to sleep a lot better in the day now too since I've realised this.

Hope things continue to improve for you, op

LotsaTuddles · 19/07/2014 15:02

I also have to put him in bed with his bottle at night because I'm pg and obviously making milk and he keeps trying to bf but again, this works really really well for him as he lies there drinking and I read his story to him, when he's done, he rolls onto his side and burps, nuzzles into his muslin and goes straight to sleep.

TheBogQueen · 19/07/2014 15:17

Wine does help

Although do e mumsnetters think you should be flogging yourself while wearing hair shirt or something

TheBogQueen · 19/07/2014 15:18

I mean wine fur you not baby - this isn't 1850

MrsPixieMoo · 19/07/2014 16:59

For those who've mentioned studies, this is the biggest and most scientifically robust one that followed children up until they were 6 years old. Cc did no harm compared to those whose parents didn't do cc.
Price A, Wake M, Epi GD, Ukoumunne OC, Hiscock H. Five-year follow-up of harms and benefits of behavioural infant sleep intervention: randomized trial. Pediatrics. Published online September 10 2012

eversomuch · 25/07/2014 21:16

Reading through this thread with interest. DS, 21mo, has always been a horrible sleeper. He still BFs and lately seems to be regressing to newborn days, ie always wanting the boob, feeding for an hour or more at bedtime, taking ages to go to bed (4 hours the other night!), etc. DH and I are going crazy (I think literally) from the sleep deprivation and I'm starting to think that CC is worth trying.

Will try to read through more closely when I have the time and energy (it's a horrible catch-22: you need the time and energy to figure out how to crack the sleep problem but you're too exhausted from sleeplessness to find the time and energy).

I hope things are steadily improving for you, OP.

lightgreenglass · 28/07/2014 13:37

This is my first time posting but it was this thread that gave me the courage to try controlled crying with our 10 month old pfb ds, we've co-slept on and off.

We initially started by staying in the room with him but he seemed to get angry that we wouldn't pick him up. So decided to do controlled crying - last night was our first night and he took an hour and a half to settle then went to sleep. In the middle of the night (12ish) we carried on as suggested and it took 50 mins to go back to sleep after a bottle. He then woke at 4 and finally settled about 5.30 went to sleep for 45 mins then woke up at 6.15 where my husband fed him then brought him into bed then he slept till 8.30. He normally wakes twice a night.

I have a couple of questions I was hoping you could help me with? Should we leave him to cry it out at 6.15?

Should I just cut night feeds completely?

Is there like maximum amount of time to leave him to cry before picking them up?

Is it essential to carry on the training during the day? At the moment he is sleeping when we're out in the pram.

Finally, is it worth investing in Shaun the Sheep?

Any other advice would be great!

MillionPramMiles · 28/07/2014 14:22

Madame: stick with it, you and your family will be better off in the long run. We did CC at 10 mths, dd (now 2) is a great sleeper and genuinely welcomes going to bed, it's a safe, cosy environment for her and she doesn't feel afraid being alone as she's always slept alone.
When I talk to other mums of 2 yr olds who are struggling to end co-sleeping/feeding to sleep etc (funny how they're not finding it so cute anymore...) I'm so thankful we stuck with it.

Feeding to sleep when an older baby isn't hungry but is feeding for comfort just doesn't seem healthy IMO, setting up food = comfort associations can't be in the best interests of any child. I wouldn't stick a biscuit in dd's mouth every time she was upset so why a boob :)

girl84 · 28/07/2014 22:10

I couldn't do this but I did think about it. I decided to 'camp out' in my babys room. I started by placing my hand on her chest while she fell asleep for a few days, then sat next to her cot amd slowly moved out of her room.

now she can fall asleep by herself. I was so desperate and dreaded bedtime until I did this at 7 month.

I also found that putting her in her pram awake during the day helped while she fell asleep by herself.

eversomuch · 29/07/2014 16:43

Not sure if it's premature to say that we're making progress, but for the past two or three nights I've been able to get DS to lie calmly in bed after feeding and let me rub his back. He hasn't fallen asleep that way, but last night after I left his room, he cried for about ten minutes. DH was about to go into him had his hand on the doorknob when DS's crying abruptly stopped .... and we didn't hear another peep out of him until 6:30 this morning.

We have also cut his afternoon naps to under an hour and are making an effort to make sure he gets plenty of exercise during the day. Fingers crossed that this is the start of a new pattern.

DH and I still wake up during the night, though, even when the DC don't ... so retraining ourselves to sleep through may be another hurdle later on.

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