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Original poster

Sitting here doing timed controlled crying

97 replies

Madamecastafiore · 09/07/2014 20:39

And every minute feels like an hour!

Please tell me it will work and get better.

We are at the end of our tether. Done the staying in the room thing and that doesn't work and 8 month old DD waking every 2 hours again.

OP posts:
heartsshapedbox · 12/07/2014 20:10

Thingy they do! Without any training other than a regular familiar routine.

This applies to both my DC and others that I know. So its a myth that all must be trained.

They sometimes just don't learn fast enough for their parents liking or expectations. There is a lot if nonsense about when babies should sleep x amount of hours, when in reality they're all different.

I'm sorry OP but I doubt that she knows you're outside. I'm pretty sure babies haven't figured that out yet, someone correct me if I'm wrong on that one.

ThingyTheBusCleaner · 12/07/2014 21:30

hearts actually "Training" to self settle had nothing to do with why I left my Baby to cry.

It had everything to do with the fact that I was knackered, with no help and had to get up early in the morning.

My sleep is just as important as my baby's sleep.

PamsDaughter · 12/07/2014 21:30

Donald Winnicott - it's a he Smile

heartsshapedbox · 12/07/2014 22:10

Winnicott had opinions, not a studies as I recall?

Also his whole point was more about mothers trusting their own instincts was it not?

heartsshapedbox · 12/07/2014 22:11

Thingy I was replying to your earlier post about but bfing/cuddling/rocking forever. That is not necessary of course.

smokeandfluff · 13/07/2014 18:41

Op-hope you managed to get some sleep last night. Before I had ds I said I'd never do cc, but I've been using it for naps for the past week. Ds is 8 months and since about six months his naps have been impossible. He won't reliably nap in the buggy, won't be rocked to sleep, doesn't respond to shush/pat/disappearing chair/Pupd, cc was pretty much all what was left. Went down for both naps with only a little whinge, which is great because stressing about naps was really getting me down

iamnotacoward · 13/07/2014 20:16

Your poor little boy. Of course he does not know you are outside. Please stop convincing yourself that you are teaching him an important skill.... He will learn something eventually if you keep at this as others on this thread have encouraged you to do. But he will not learn to self settle, rather he will learn to give up. That there is no point crying because the people he loves and wants the most will not come. What a terrible lesson to teach a baby.

Please don't under estimate the importance of a baby experiences in their first twelve months, and how they shape their brain, and the way they perceive the world - these are important lessons that shape a person's character. Read the scientist Suzanne Zeedyk's important work on this. It's so important... Please do your job as a mother and go and look after your baby properly. It doesn't have to be your sleep vs your baby's. It's not just about his sleep but his sense of well being and trust in the world. For those who say it hasn't done their child any harm - you can't possibly know that.

There are other, gentler ways to go about this.... The no cry sleep solution. Or pick up out down - at least you're staying in the room then rather than abandoning the poor little soul. CC is like smacking, it may work but it's deeply cruel and outdated- just a horrible thing to do to anyone let alone a tiny baby.

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 13/07/2014 20:24

SHE knows I am outside as can see me.

CC is not the same as smacking at all. I was smacked as a child and it has let awful scars, to equate cc with smacking is utterly stupid.

Dd went down last night at 8pm, took about 15 mins to go to sleep, woke at 10.30 and I quickly fed her. Straight back into cot asleep before head hit the mattress until 6am this morning.

She is already in bed tonight,I will give her a dream feed at 10.30 and fingers crossed she will do exactly what she did yesterday, although would prefer if she slept until 7.45am!

Thanks for all the support chaps.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 13/07/2014 20:27

Iamnotacoward. I have 2 older, well rounded, happy children who excel in most areas of their lives and that is mainly down to me doing my job as a mother properly.

I do not need to read one doctors opinion on this method, if you read my earlier posts I have asked many professionals who work in CAMHS and they all say that there is absolutely no definitive proof that cc does any sort of damage.

OP posts:
ThingyTheBusCleaner · 13/07/2014 21:00

Ignore the mummy martyr OP.

Some people can't understand that it's not "their way or the highway"

Fingers crossed for a good night tonight Smile

Paddingtonthebear · 13/07/2014 21:02

This is a sensible view in my opinion

goodnightbaby.co.za/self-soothing-myths-and-facts/

smokeandfluff · 14/07/2014 09:18

Glad to hear things are improving

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 14/07/2014 12:51

She slept through last night until 5am this morning when I fed her and she slept until just before 8 so the controlled crying has been a success.

Have just popped downstairs to put the kettle on then back up to pat her to sleep to conquer the daytime nap issue.

(She took a bottle on Friday too which is another big milestone!)

OP posts:
DrJuno · 14/07/2014 13:11

yay! Glad to hear OP :)

girliefriend · 14/07/2014 13:26

Well done op, you will always get a mixed bag of responses on mn but you sound very sensible.

I did cc with my dd from 5 months out of necessity due to being a single parent and physically not being able to spend hours and hours settling dd every night!! She is 8yo now and remains as excellent sleeper. I strongly believe you do your baby a complete disservice by not helping them learn the life skill of sleeping well.

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle · 14/07/2014 14:37

Madame, I'm really glad you've found a method that's working for you.

Sorry to be a pain, but would you giving a quick summary of what you do? DD is 8 months and I am struggling to break the feed-to-sleep cycle.

Madcat22 · 14/07/2014 15:48

I am a psychologist with far more years experience than I want to mention (makes me feel old) who specialises in issues relevant to insecure attachment and there is NO evidence CC will harm your baby psychologically in any way. I do get cross with some people who air sanctimonious unsubstantiated opinions when others are struggling and just want a bit of support. Our babies must come first but that doesn't mean our lives/wishes/sanity has to be thrown out the window. An exhausted stressed out mummy is not good for baby. If CC solves a problem then it is definitely the right thing to do in my view. Madam: I really hope things are better for you and you are coping. Am preparing myself to CC DD (6 months). Dreading it so eager to hear success stories.

SpanielFace · 14/07/2014 16:15

I never did CC as such with DS, but since he was about 5 months old I tried not to interfere if he was just grizzling and complaining as he went to sleep. I learned that he did this when overtired, and he was best left alone or I would make it worse. I would go to him if he started to really cry, but if he is just grumbling he is left to get on with it. He is almost two and sleeps fantastically well , goes to bed awake and routinely sleeps 12 hours, and if he wakes at night he settles himself very quickly (illness/teething being the exception).

My mum left me to cry it out at 6 months, as was recommended at the time. I would consider myself a happy person with a very close, loving relationship with my mum. I don't feel in any way damaged.

Good luck, OP. The first night of uninterrupted sleep feels AMAZING. I hope it comes soon.

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 15/07/2014 05:45

Thanks chaps.

Even more successful last night.

Went to bed a bit later at 8.30 asa other things sort of got in there way.

Dd showered with me about 8, I then fed her and DH winded her and just laid her in her cot. She took abut 10 minutes of crying and fussing and was the out like a light and we have heard nothing since.

She is still asleep!! (I get IBS around time of my period it worsens so have been up for bloody hours though!!!!!)

DD did feed to sleep and that was the main issue. I was at the end of my tether and wanted to stop feeding her because doing it half of the night (and some nights we were still talking every 2 hours at 7 months) was leaving me feeling drained and irritable and I was snapping at DH and the other DCs. DH and I finally agreed that he would settle DD, as long as she was fed and content then we knew she was just doing it for comfort out of habit and we would replace my boob with DH rocking her.

We then decided that we had to tackle the sleeping through issue or even sleeping for longer periods of time. So decided to try controlled timed crying. We put her down and then would go in at intervals of 2, 4, 8 minutes until she went off to sleep. We probably did it a bit wrong as we would sometimes pick her up if she had got herself into a right state of we patted her or just looked if she was drifting off. We sat outside her room and she could see us but we didn't interact with her at all other than when we went in.

I also did the CC yesterday daytime and she went off I about 15 minutes. I got the ironing done and she had. 2 hour sleep which is unheard of as she was the poster girl for napping for 20 minutes here and there.

Well that's it, she just woken so going to feed her in my bed and let her sleep with me until the others wake up and we have to get up.

OP posts:
Rivercam · 15/07/2014 07:59

We'll done. I'm really pleased for you and your family. No doubt a week ago, having a baby that slept seemed a long way off, but you have achieved it.

Madcat22 · 15/07/2014 08:12

Am so happy it seems to have worked. Am going to start with DD later this week and really worried but like you, totally at the end of my tether. Also going back to work soon and sometimes need to be away overnight so no choice really. I really hope things continue to go well.

minipie · 15/07/2014 09:49

Well done! I should warn you there is sometimes a mini regression on around night 4 or 5 of CC where they protest for longer - but it's only 1 or 2 nights and then they are fine.

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 15/07/2014 13:54

Thanks all.

It was really emotionally draining but I feel so much better for not being woken up every couple of hours.

Good luck starting, persevere and know the rewards will be more than worth it and I will be on the look out for that regression.

She up there now whilst I get ready to exercise but the noise is definitely different, more resignation that I am going to have to go to sleep than out and out anger which it was to start with.

OP posts:
AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle · 15/07/2014 17:10

Thanks for the explanation, Madam and very glad it's working for you.

museumum · 15/07/2014 17:21

iamnotacoward - not all babies cry at bedtime because they want their parents. I thought that my boy wanted cuddles and tortured us all by cuddling or rocking him when he was tired. It turns out he was crying because he didn't like feeling tired and he wanted to be left alone to go to sleep! If we leave the room he's out in about three minutes max. compared to the 20-30min it took him to pass out exhausted by crying in my arms!!
It was posts like yours about how my baby just wanted me and I should at least stay in the room patting him or whatever that caused us so much anguish.

Whatever you think of cc please acknowledge that all babies are different and not all babies are crying cause they want cuddled.