Should I sleep train a 3 month old?

[Kwash]

I keep reading/hearing such conflicting advice either on-line or from different HV.

My LO will only go to sleep if I rock, walk & bounce (on an exercise ball) & that's only after 15-20mins of crying. He fights sleep as if it's the worst thing in the world!

During the day he wakes up from naps after 30mins & demands feeding (EBF) even though I know he's not really hungry (the feeds are short) & then he's grumpy because he hasn't slept enough. At night he sleeps much longer (between 3-6 hrs) & wakes up only for a feed (the feeds are longer & finishes satisfied)

So..I want my LO to fall asleep by himself & not to fight it...

I have been told that 3 months is too early, but I could try pick-up, put-down by 1 HV & another said that this was the perfect time & recommended gradual retreat.

My gut feeling is that pick-up, put-down would re-enforce the fact that if he cries he's going to get picked up & never self-soothe. While gradual retreat might be too much for a 3 month old....

Help...I'm at a loss & dread the pre-sleep fight.

I would definitely not leave them to cry yet. All the hv i have spoken to suggest sleep training from 9 months. many babies seem to have a sleep regression at 4 months so maybe a tricky time to start. I started a (very gentle) version of PUPD at around three months to teach my ds to fall asleep in his cot, took a few weeks but did work. I found the book No Cry Sleep Solution quite helpful. Once they can fall asleep in their cot they will sleep through once they are ready, mine started sleeping ttn at 6.5 months. Don't feel under pressure to sleep train yet.

I sleep trained both of mine at around that age and 6 years later can count in one hand the number of times they've woken me or each other at night. If they wake, they get themselves back to sleep with no fuss.

I think once you get into a habit of rocking or soothing, it can be hard to break so if I were you I'd grit my teeth and go for it. It was surprisingly painless all round in my experience.

I think I read the no cry sleep solution book which helped.

Please don't. 3 months is so tiny. He will not get it at all. I know this is a tough time but hold on for at least another 6 months before trying to train him.

I disagree with the post above saying he won't "get it" - maybe he will, and maybe he won't, but at least give it a try. My DD "got it" from this age - I used PUPD. If your baby was currently happy then I'd say just continue with what you're doing, but 15-20 mins of crying, then being grumpy after naps, indicates that he'd be a lot happier overall if he could sleep better.

I am in the same predicament. My 13 week old is a nightmare when it comes to sleep. Unfortunately she was very poorly for the first 6 weeks of her life and we resorted in rocking and cuddling to sleep now she cannot sleep on her own and like yours will fight like mad at every attempt to sleep. We have contemplated the reassurance technique and will probably try that soon they recommend 4 months for this sleep training method but I totally sympathise I hate nighttime knowing if she wakes ill be spending half hour rocking her.

I think the official guidance is 6 months. I waited till then and I'm glad I did.

I wouldn't sleep train per se but I would be looking at trying to gradually move into a routine so you baby knows where he is. Like put down at 7pm to bed after bath and wind down time, distraction rather than feed when clearly not hungry,
Etc

There's a chance that the 15-20 mins crying is because your lo is overwhelmed and overtired.. Have you just tried putting him/her in their cot and seeing what happened? With my third born we tried this at about your stage and he cried for three mins and then zonked. In our arms he was crying for half an hour and then on and off all evening!

I don't think anyone advocates sleep training teenie babies but I really don't think a couple of mins in their cot on their own is going to do any damage.. My Ds now one sleeps like a dream yet he still sometimes cries down for a minute or two when I put him in his cot.

Good luck and go with your instincts

No, not at three months old.

Read the sleep whisper.

Saved dp and I from throwing our selfs from the top window

Are you catching his sleep cues early?

Dd used to cry like I was stickng pins in her when tired and would fall asleep in exhaustion.

The book I suggested really helped!

Only you can decide but I wouldn't. Your baby's behaviour is normal. Completely normal. All they know is you, in fact at 3 months they don't even know what is them and was is not them, so I think it's far too young to self sooth. To be honest I think it's pretty normal if a far older toddler sometimes has difficulty falling asleep alone. There's far too many unrealistic expectations around baby sleep. That young they need you. My advice: sort your sleeping arrangements so you can lie next to your LO to settle them and then you'll relax too and maybe fall asleep. Doesn't have to mean co-sleeping, i found a side car cot a life saver. It'll also make night wakings easier. And don't expect too much and remember it's not for very long and will pass.

Thanks so much for all your responses.

-He's a great sleeper at night only waking for feeds & then falls asleep with minimal fuss after a nappy change. It's the pre-nap & bed time sleep that's tough....

• I watch for sleep cues like a hawk & I'm definitely catching them. But, he know's it's time for sleep because I draw the curtains & start patting/sushing & he's off!

• My gut instinct is that he isn't ready for formal training, how can I put him down drowsy but awake if he's in a rage & falls asleep from exhaustion. I'm going to try feed - play - wind down - sleep & see what happens. I'll also give putting him down in this cot a go (he's grown out of his Moses basket already!) & do think pat-sush just winds him up rather than calms him.

• I think a trip to the library is in order & I'll see what books can offer.

Thanks again & I'll keep you posted.

Hi Kwash, my DS is slightly older than yours at 4 months. I've had to stop co-sleeping as we were running out of space for the 3 of us and none of us were getting good sleep. However putting him down asleep in his cot is pretty much impossible due to the fixed sides, he always wakes up. I've tried shush/pat and PUPD but both were winding him up into a rage when he clearly just wanted to go to sleep. So I just left him to it and after a bit of a grizzle he found his fingers and went off to sleep by himself. It was a momentous achievement as he'd always been rocked or fed to sleep previously.

He hasn't achieved it every time since, but from now on he goes down in his cot after a feed regardless of if he's asleep and I'm afraid he needs to learn to sleep by himself. There's no way I can wait until 9 months, that's just not realistic in the real world!

I never thought I'd sleep train at this age but I just needed to get him out of my bed at night and out of my arms for naps and this was the only way.

No. I waited until 6 months. Your dc is so tiny.

Thought i would add the perspective with older DCs. I had no choice but to sleep train each of my DCs as I had to go back to work after 3 months (no extended maternity leave then). It took about 2 or 3 days and then all slept brilliantly.

None of them remember being left to cry. More importantly, they have all grown up to be confident well balanced DCs. And I wasn't a harrassed sleep deprived mother.

I know friends who didn't believe in sleep training and their DCs never settled for 2,3 or in one case 4 years. In the end this caused more trauma both for DCs and poor frazzled parents.

So this morning I put him down in his cot for 10mins & he called (not crying) & sucked his fists then started grizzling. I picked him up & it took only 10mins of sush-pat to fall asle (still angry though). I then put him straight down on his tummy. A friend suggested it as he can lift his head high & roll over unaided. He woke as I put him down but settled with him sucking his fist & me lightly rubbing his back. He lifted his head to get more comfy. This is a first....

We'll see what happens! He's been asleep for 15mins...

I don't understand people who're saying don't do anything. The OP's baby is crying & grumpy everyday through overtiredness. How is that preferable to helping him learn to sleep?

But why do something by sleep training at 3 months. What's with all the 'I can't let him fall asleep on me, he needs to learn to sleep by himself'. He's 3 months old, he's tiny. He doesn't understand he and his mother are separate beings.

It's just not practical to have a baby have to do all their naps on you for months and months and it's unfair to imply that by wanting to them to be able to be put down for naps that somehow this is being harsh.

I let me DS take all his naps on me for over 3 months and then enough was enough - I needed to be able to have visitors in the day and be able to do a few basic tasks for myself while he slept.

I really don't think that past 12 weeks it's unreasonable to take steps to encourage your LO to be able to sleep independently.

He's 12 weeks old, it has not been months and months. A nine month old and you might have a bit more basis. Why couldn't you have visitors with a baby in your arms?

It's obviously down to whatever you as an individual can tolerate.

3 months to me is "months". It felt like months and months. For me personally I'm going back to work at the end of the summer so him still sleeping on me for naps at 9 months just wasn't going to work.

When I had him sleeping on me I couldn't answer the phone or the door or move a muscle, let alone speak as he would instantly wake up. Four times a day that started to send me loopy and I felt very isolated.

But LittleBear the OP said "my LO will only go to sleep if I rock, walk & bounce (on an exercise ball) & that's only after 15-20mins of crying". She's not saying 'the baby will only sleep on me'.

Please no. 3 months is so little and tiny.

Diryan I was responding to Mrsmugoo.

But I still don't think sleep training is the way forwards at 3 months.