Should I sleep train a 3 month old?

[Kwash]

I keep reading/hearing such conflicting advice either on-line or from different HV.

My LO will only go to sleep if I rock, walk & bounce (on an exercise ball) & that's only after 15-20mins of crying. He fights sleep as if it's the worst thing in the world!

During the day he wakes up from naps after 30mins & demands feeding (EBF) even though I know he's not really hungry (the feeds are short) & then he's grumpy because he hasn't slept enough. At night he sleeps much longer (between 3-6 hrs) & wakes up only for a feed (the feeds are longer & finishes satisfied)

So..I want my LO to fall asleep by himself & not to fight it...

I have been told that 3 months is too early, but I could try pick-up, put-down by 1 HV & another said that this was the perfect time & recommended gradual retreat.

My gut feeling is that pick-up, put-down would re-enforce the fact that if he cries he's going to get picked up & never self-soothe. While gradual retreat might be too much for a 3 month old....

Help...I'm at a loss & dread the pre-sleep fight.

Ok, but those of you saying 3 months is too young, what do you think the OP should do? Continue to let him cry for 20 mins before every sleep? Surely some gentle age-appropriate sleep-training is kinder than letting him cry, even if he is being held whilst crying?

Thankfully my LO will nap in his cot. But the 15-20 mins of crying while I'm trying to soothe him beforehand is killing me. He's so distressed (bucking, scratching etc.) that he falls asleep from exhaustion not because he's relaxing.

I'm now watching him post 30mins into his nap to soothe him back to sleep when he wakes so that he's getting enough sleep in the day. This isn't ideal either.

The more I think about it (&talking it over with my husband) the more sleep training feels like the way forward. I can't wait until 6months because I'm back in work.

The question I suppose it how to do it...last week we did try pupd, but I felt like I was toying with him & re-enforcing the fact that is he crus he'll get picked up. It also does nothing to address the rage beforehand!

I never thought sleep would be such an issue for us! He was such a good sleeper, day & night as a newborn. To be honest, I feel out of my depth on this one...

I can't offer advice on the short sleeps as my DS still will still only sleep one cycle but after having almost the exact same issue as you I did decide to use controlled crying at 16 weeks.

Friday and Saturday he cried quite a lot, Sunday he cried less. Today he hasn't cried at all.

I'm thinking of trying wake to sleep to get him to sleep longer but for now I'm just extatic at being able to put him down in his cot without a major battle.

The term "sleep training" is so loaded in my opinion! Just do what feels right for you. Good luck.

We did CC at 4 months and it saved our sanity and stopped me dropping DD through exhaustion.

If he is crying for 15-20 minutes even with you soothing him, I'd say you have nothing to lose by trying up to 15-20 mins of controlled crying instead of staying by his cot the whole time.

I'm not a fan of PUPD personally, I'd suggest CC or gradual retreat.

However if 15-20 minutes doesn't do the trick then I would leave it for later. I wouldn't do CC for too much longer than that with a baby this age.

30 minutes was the longest he cried - I was by his side the entire time - it wasn't a really distressed cry, more just frustration at not being able to sleep. The look of relief on his face when I put my finger in his mouth and he sucked in it was priceless. I replaced it with his fingers and the rest is history!

I could have written this post. My baby girl is 3 months this week and I spend hours inside, in the dark, on a bloody exercise ball. If I don't, and if we miss naps, we have total meltdown. I don't know what to do about it.

I simply couldn't do CC or even PUPD because she screams rather than cries. Screams when she's hungry, when she wants a cuddle and especially when she's tired. I'm sure that nothing would placate her until she is bounced or walked... She screams, arches and wriggles all the way to sleep in my arms.

I totally understand wanting to do some sleep training. 3 months is months and weeks and weeks more of this on very little sleep seems hellish at the moment. I don't know what the answer is though...

Maybe just tough it out for a few more weeks and try around 4 months? My LO simply couldn't work out how to send himself off to sleep at 3 months but at 4 he seems to have magically worked it out for himself - with a little encouragement.

I read a great series of articles on sleep training on a website called scienceofmom.com

scienceofmom.com/2012/02/13/why-sleep-matters-to-babies-and-parents/

Thank you for sharing mrsmugoo! By far the best writing ice read on sleep. It's so refreshing to read something with little bias & referenced.

I'm sitting here now with my hand on lo's belly while he's he's sucking his hand...still not asleep, but not bucking & screaming like he does on me. He's frustrated at not being able to sleep but not crying right out.

I'll keep you posted....

Crying did start & I let him cry for a further 10mins only as he's still only little. Picked him up & soothed in usual method, but he used his fingers too. I hoping finger sucking will help in the long run! Fell asleep on me but him down straight away & he continued to suck fingers for several seconds before falling back asleep.

We'll try again next time.

Thank you to everyone who has left comments either in favour or not! It's been good to have this discussion & understand sleep in the real world. I've found this exercise so reassuring as I was starting to doubt my abilities & getting quite anxious about it all. As my mum keeps on reminding me a happy mum = a happy baby.

No crying this time...it took 40mins but LO asleep. Sucking fingers & babbling to himself. I'm very proud of him. Fingers crossed it only gets better.

Definitely, if you're bouncing on a Swiss ball to get her to sleep, have you tried putting her in a sling and just going for a walk, outside, at least you wouldn't be in the dark. Alternatively pram or car seat?

I sometimes use the car seat. The pram and sling used to be fantastic but now she is such a screamer that I often can't bear to. I have 'well wishing' dog walkers come up to me to tell me that my baby is hungry or make less than helpful suggestions about how to manage her. Grrrr.!

Will he not just feed to sleep like most 3 month olds?