Controlled crying...

[shatteredmumsrus]

DS is 2yr old and has never slept thru the night. He goes to bed without anything, just a soft toy and he falls asleep on his own. But he wakes three four times a night. I no its wrong but I have always settled him back with milk.Even this isnt settling him now. I have tried CC before but he is still screaming after an hour and its really unpleasant listening to him.
Can I have CC experiences and advice please? I have taken a month off work to sort it out!

Tell me about it. Having kids makes you so much stronger. You cant afford to crack up can you? Thank god for the kiddies eh?Your doing fab, i dread night times. God knows what tnite will hold for us eh? Good luck x

Hi shatteredmumsrus, i havent read all the post so sorry if im repeteing what everyone else says. Why not try the baby whisperers method if cc isnt for you. Its simular but you dont leave the child alone to cry so they know you are there. Basically you lay him down give him a kiss say night night then leave the room. As soon as he crys you lay him down saying night night you keep doing this until eventually he gets the message that he has to get himself off to sleep. It is hard and can take ages, also he will still cry so you might find it just as upsetting but at least your there with him so he doesnt feel abandoned. Have you tried singing him to sleep? I somtimes do this with my son if hes being tricky and he really likes it...it only really works if hes really tired or has been crying for a bit. Another thing i find works is just hugging him while hes lying in his cot, just rest your head on his chest so he can hear your breathing. You can tell mines a tricky sleeper..lol

Hi again just had a quick read through and saw that youve been giving milk early morning, i did the same when i did baby whisperer method when my ds was 8months old. It would get to like 5 or 6 in the morning and id thing he must be really hungry hes not used to no milk at night so id give in, the method still worked in a sence he went from waking 6 times to 2 or 3 and if i was reaaly lucky once. But he started sleeping through just before his 1st birthday. I think if you can cope with not giving milk at all in the night it will make the cc method work quicker for you.

Thanks Lorna glad it worled for you. I think the problem i have is that he is 2 now and the baby whisperer way just doesnt wash with him. He has never wanted a cuddle or to get in my bed or even for me to just stay with him. Its milk he wants and so i think cc is the only way. He woke at 2.45 last night and after 5 mins crying i put the lullably light on for him and he went back to sleep. Then he woke at 5.30 cried for half an hour, the lullaby light didnt work this time and so i gave him milk and he woke at 7.30. I can cope with that, its 100% better than before.

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hi Mellowma, oh dear. we have had a few relapses too!You must be mad having a puppy to care for too. Try CC with the dog?

Hi all,
I'm new to this thread and have read all I could of the last few day's messages. None mentioned day-time methods, is it the same as for nights? I have just begun cc and am having ok success at night time (so far!) My son is 6 months old and has NEVER been much of a day time sleeper. I am hopeing to fix this at the same time. Does anyone have any tips for day time? I only got him down at 11am this morning after nearly 2 hours of non stop crying. And then the only way he went down was with me relenting (after the 2 hours), picking him up and rocking him to sleep. He lasted a fair while (for him)Any tips would be greatly appreciated

My dd wouldn't sleep through the night until she was 18 months old. It was driving dh and I crazy. I contacted our HV who said to try CC but I was too much of a soft touch and couldn't bear to hear her crying for any length of time. We did the rocking, patting, singing, lights on, lights off, tried everything and then eventually I had to give in and try CC. It worked for us but took months of sleepless nights, temper tantrums from dd and I, arguments with dh.

ozharrysmum - After 6 years of being a mom i have only just relaxed about sleep times. As for daytime i have never really had any problems. My 2 year old fell asleep on the setee yesterday at 12 and woke an hour later. I always put him in his cot for his bedtime nap but yesterday i thought sod it he'l sleep when he'l sleep. If your night time sleep is good then i wouldnt worry. Sorry i cant be of more help but i would relax about daytime sleep, its the night that is the main thing.
loopylou hiya, glad cc worked for you too. it makes me feel better that im not trying for nothing.I have argued so much with dh, they just dont get it do they?

shatteredmumsrus, thanks! The childhood "professionals" here keep telling me he should be having 2 sleeps during the day for his age and I am pleased to hear from others that I am ok in not worrying too much about this. I am pretty happy with our daytime routine and didn't relish the thought of having the type of battle I had today every day.....
last night was my first cc night and it took a whole hour for my ds to nod off (crying the whole time!) tonight it took only half an hour and most of it he was just grizzling, not full on crying. So far, so good. I am finding it hard but am encouraged after only 25 hours on the programme!!! Good luck to all

Hi forestmum, we are only 10 days in but things are going soooo well. I dont know where you are, I've noticed the British cc seems to advise 5 min intervals. Over here we do 2 min in, 2 min out; 4 min in, 4 min out; 6 min in, 6 min out etc up til 10 in, 10 out. You could try the different time intervals. My son, Harrison absolutely screamed for an hour the first night and my resolve nearly cracked but it has gotten better by halves each night and in the last 5 or 6 it has been under 10 mins and not screaming, just talking to himself and grizzling a little. The 2 most valuable tips I was given were -

1. DON'T use anything to settle him at bed time that won't be there when he wakes up (fingers included ) I bought H a comforter and he finds it easily when he wakes during the night.
2. Dreamfeeds - Before you go to bed scoop F out of his cot and feed him. I do this with H and he sleeps through to at least 6.30. The first time I did it I was petrified H would wake fully and I'd have to start all over again. It hasn't happened yet. Usually he keeps his eyes closed but last night he was very alert and looking around.......He finished his bottle and went back down without even a murmer!!!

These tips worked a treat for me. I hope if you give them a try you have the same success. Good luck, let us know how you go.....Kate

Hi everyone

I've read through this thread now and it's given me the motivation to try CC with my DD. She's 7.5 months old and wakes generally around 2, 2.30, 4, 4.45, 6 and 7 am each time I give her a breastfeed to settle her back to sleep but when she wakes up around 30-45 mins after putting her back sometimes even a BF wont settle her and I end up taking her into the spare room so DH can get some sleep (DD is in her own room but me getting in and out of bed and her screaming wakes him).

I'm going to try the method of going in after 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 etc. I've got a couple of questions though:

1. how long should I perservere on the first night? Until she eventually gets to sleep? Or should you stop after 1 hr etc?
2. she usually has a dummy, should I wean her off this before trying CC or just do it all together, e.g tonight don't give her a dummy and do CC?
3. So, no picking them up, no eye contact and no leaning over them? Just patting tummy and shhh-shhhing and a couple of night nights? Should I put her into her sleep position (she rolls onto her left side to sleep but should I let her do it herself or do it to help?

Reading how well your little ones are getting on is giving me light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment she goes to bed around 7/7.30 and usually needs her dummy twice before midnight then from 2 am thats when it becomes a nightmare. She's slept from 8-5.30 about 3 times since she was born and as she mostly refuses a bottle or formula from a cup etc I am so shattered from being the one to get up to her as ultimately I give her the boob to get SOME sleep

I'll let you know how I get on.

Thanks

Lucy

Hi

Right, made a start with the CC tonight. DD went to bed at 7.45pm after her bath, 2 oz of milk from bottle and a full breastfeed. She was asleep when I laid her in the cot (as usual) then as soon as her body touched the mattress she woke up and cried (as usual)... (at this point I would normally give her the dummy and she'd roll over and settle. Tonight I didn't give her a dummy I sshed-shhh her and patted her tummy then left the room with her screaming. Did the 5,10,15 min gaps of going back in to pat her tummy etc and then we were 15 mins into the 20 min break and she's gone to sleep.

Wow, during the crying I was really upset myself but DH and I were sitting together telling each other the benefits if CC works. Now she's asleep I'm feeling really happy and ready for the next stage of the CC - during the night. I think during the night will be hardest for me because my boobs will probably need expressing for painrelief and I'll be tempted to feed her but I'm going to try and be strong.

How's everyone else getting on?

Lucy

Hi Lucy,
Well done!!!! You should be very proud of yourselves! I know it is hard the first nights. My DB was away the first few nights (I did it that way so the he'd miss the worst and not miss out on sleep for work)I cowered at the other end of the house phoning DB and Mum crying like a baby myself!!! My DS took 1hr. The second night, half an hour and now goes down in under 10 mins. It sounds like you did everything by the book!
Please dont take this as criticism (I seemed to take anyone with a bit of advice as telling me I was doing a bad job for the first couple of months of my sons life - damn hormones!!! )The one thing you might want to change is the bed time itself. Have you ever heard of the 7 o'clock bed bus?....Everyone has sleep cycles where we wake during the night and re-settle ourselves (exactly what you're teaching you DD to do for herself now) For babies the cycles are every 80 mins. eg 7pm/8.20/9.40/11.00/12.20am/1.40/3.00/4.20/5.40/7am. If you get them down by 7pm thier sleep cycles from that time help them to sleep longer - usually til 6.30 or 7am. If they go down later they wake earlier. Eg: If they go down @ 7.30pm, thier cycle will make them wake to re-settle at 6.10 instead of 5.40 and they'll stay awake instead of re-settling just 'cos its lighter/birds singing/cars are out and about ect.
What time did your DD wake up this morning? You may prove what I've just written tatally wrong!!!!
Anyway, Well done and good luck for the next few nights.....Keep us posted
Kate

Hi Kate

Thanks for your advice and tips re the 80 mins, I didn't know that but often wondered why a lot of people say their little ones sleep 7-7! Now I know why! Thanks!! I'll try and get her to bed at 7 tonight.

After she went to sleep she woke up at 2.10 so I did the CC until about 2.40 then she settled but woke at 2.55 but settled within 5 mins. Then she woke up at 5.20 and she seemed wide awake so I gave her a quick bf but she was awake when I put her down (so hopefully that counts!?) she cried for 10 mins then I heard her stir at 6.30 but settled herself then woke at 8.10 and was happy just playing with her feet and Mr Rabit in her cot.

So, I'm really pleased that a) I only fed her once. b) she didn't use a dummy at all c) there were times when she did a small cry but settled herself.

So, I'm ready for tonight's CC as well but I have a question regarding day time naps. Should I do CC during the day as well? DD normally sleeps in the car seat as usually I'm needing to go out and it coincides with when she's tired or likewise in the pram. Should I make her sleep in her cot for day naps?
I have a bad habit but usually during the day let her fall asleep on breast then she sleeps on my bed (we've got side rails so she can't fall out). Should I stop this?

Thanks for all your help and support.

Lucy

Also meant to say that usually either DH or I would have had to go up and give her the dummy at least twice between her bedtime and our bedtime so improvements here as well

Lucy

Sorry, me again
DD went to bed at 7.15, i went back in after 5 mins of crying but she had settled to sleep before we got to the 10 min interval. I hope this continues!

Shatteredmum - how are you getting on?
Lucy and Katy's Mum - how's K getting on now?

DH doesn't want me to get my hopes up of the CC working 100% but at the moment it feels great that she settled so quickly tonight.

Can anyone give advice on my questions in my previous post about day time naps? DD was really tired this mornig but fighting sleep and as it happens I needed to go to the shops so when I put her in the car she fell asleep - is this ok?

THanks
Lucy

Hi Lucy,
Kate again....Well done again! Feels good doesn't it?!?
As for the daytime naps.....My ds wouldn't sleep during the day unless he was in the car or my arms. I tried cc in the first day or two - it was a disaster.....I left it 'til we were about a week into the night ones and then tried again. Victory!!! He now goes down (and is asleep in the first 5 mins) at 9am and has about 45 mins; then we go run our errands (he sometimes has another catnap in the car); home and lunch between 12.30 & 1pm and bed again at 1.30....I can squeeze 1 1/2 hours out of him then......heaven considering I had to sit and hold him or lie down with him every day!
Our children seemed very similar before cc so maybe your dd will come around soon to proper daytime sleeps. I have to admit I never thought it possible for us.....
Good luck, keep your chin up as you're doing a fabulous job

Hey Lucy,
How did you go last night?

Hi Kate (and anyone else still using this thread!)

Wow! Last night put DD down at 7.25pm (keep aiming for 7pm but she's not showing her tired signs until nearer 7.30 so I'm going to need to keep an eye on how long she naps for in the afternoon I think... I'm presuming I need to wait for the tired signs to do the CC?)
Anyway put her down semi asleep (she is usually asleep during her breastfeed but always wakes as I'm taking her upstairs) and she cried when I left the room and shut the door but by the time I'd got down stairs she had gone to sleep! Here's where it gets even better, the next time I heard from her was at 6.20 this morning! I can't tell you how good I feel today. I fed her at 6.20 because my boobs were ready to explode (sorry if TMI) then she went down for another hour.

I hope this isn't a coincidence and is down to the CC, it has made such a difference to our lives and DH is going off to work feeling refreshed.

Kate, is your little one being conisistent with sleeping through now?

How's everyone else getting on?

Gotta go now, I'm taking DD to the creche at the gym and going for a swim - first time I've felt I have the energy to do that!

Thanks for all your support

Lucy

Hi Lucy,
Yay!!!! Thats great news.
My ds is fairly consistent with his sleeping through. I say fairly 'cos the last two nights he's woken at exactly 5.30am. I think its 'cos he's a bit cool tho, I've covered him over and he's settled back til about 6.50. It is very warm when I put him down and he's in summer pjs, but I think the temp must drop right about then. He's a little bugger tho, 'cos he won't keep a cover on and it is too warm the rest of the night for warmer sleepwear.
I put ds down awake at 7 regardless of no sleep signs or not, and the slightest touch earlier if they're there! But if it keeps working so well for you and you're both happy, I wouldn't stress it too much at all! Hope that helps.
I don't know how we'll go tonight......I started back at work this month, just casual/call ins (a point of contention between dp and I - but thats a whole other story!!!) My dhp (the 'h' stands for head - I'll let you guess the rest) did not give ds a bottle at 6.30 as I had on his list of things to do.....because I had not made one up for him.....?!?!? Are ALL men stupid or just mine? Of course ds woke at 7.30 (I don't know how he went down we're in such a routine after 5.30 now...) dhp then fed him and did not get him down 'til after 8.....
Anyway, I'd best get myself off to bed or else if he wakes at an odd hour I'll be a zombie tomorrow. Wish me luck, and good luck to you guys, I hope this keeps up for you
Kate