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Controlled crying...

72 replies

shatteredmumsrus · 07/09/2006 18:54

DS is 2yr old and has never slept thru the night. He goes to bed without anything, just a soft toy and he falls asleep on his own. But he wakes three four times a night. I no its wrong but I have always settled him back with milk.Even this isnt settling him now. I have tried CC before but he is still screaming after an hour and its really unpleasant listening to him.
Can I have CC experiences and advice please? I have taken a month off work to sort it out!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
olatt · 09/09/2006 20:19

sorry just saw, you've tried that ...

LucyandKatysMummy · 09/09/2006 20:29

Oh No shattered mum hope your ok- k taken 50 mins tonight-Ive been in tears. you need to go in after 10 mins reassure, sooth, stroke but dont pick up!- next time go in after 15 mins do the same but no talking to him just sooth by touch but again dont pick up then keep it to 15 min intervals- just BE STRONG I KNOW THIS IS SOOOO HARD! CC is the hardest option but is the most effective long term.
Great Big Hug to you lovey- thinking of you- seems daft to say this but your not alone!

Take Care
xx

shatteredmumsrus · 09/09/2006 21:46

Thankyou all. It is sad but it really does help. Hes asleep now anyway and I havent made any bottles up and im quite determined. I think Im gonna go in after 10 mins and put lullaby on, then again 15 mins later and keep that up every 15 minutes. I no this will be the hardest night.dh at work tomorrow, oops he isnt impressed. Im prepared for a day in my pjs at home.Thanks again, is the above the right way to go?

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LucyandKatysMummy · 09/09/2006 22:00

Hi Shattered mum!- It sounds like a good plan-just keep strong you'll probably be shattered but i absolutley promise it will be fine and all your hard work (and mine with my little doll!!) will pay in the end.!!!( im convincing myself as well as you here!!! ha ha )
sometimes i think that if your determined enough and that your prepared for it then its easier to cope.
Keep in touch
YOU GO GIRL BE SUPERSTRONG MUM (INSTEAD OF SHATTERED MUM!!!!)
xx

shatteredmumsrus · 09/09/2006 22:03

Thankyou lucyandkatysmum, I am superstrong mom!!!Ill have to change my mn name. Ill have nothing to talk about from now on.Hope yur night is good too, speak tomorrow if i can keep my eyes open
xxx

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shatteredmumsrus · 10/09/2006 08:50

Drumroll please.......
He went o bed at 9 himself with no milk etc. Heard him at 1.50, went in at 1.55 and said sshhhhh bed, and put lullaby on.Went in again at 2.05, and 2.20 and did the same. At 2.42 the house was quiet!!!!!Amazing! There were times when I wanted to give up like when he was banging the cot sides and screaming mommy!!! I dont know how he keeps it up. He then woke at 6.08 and I thought he had done well enough by then and gave him milk with a well done you have slept like a good boy. He fell back to sleep til 7.45!!!Yes 7.45, I am going to make a roast dinner today afterall. Thankyou so much for your support, gotta get it from somewhere.
xxx

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LucyandKatysMummy · 10/09/2006 09:44

Hi Shattered Mum

I am sooooooo pleased for you!!!! Well done! Stay positive and this will keep you strong Just get ready to do it again tonight! Enjoy your Roast! Make sure you have a naughty dessert- You deserve it!!!
Take Care
xx

shatteredmumsrus · 10/09/2006 13:54

Ooooh yeah, apple danish and custard!

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shatteredmumsrus · 11/09/2006 12:42

Last night wasnt soooo good. He went down at 8, woke at 3 and i put lullaby on and he went back to sleep. Then up at 4, i ernt in at 4.05, 4.15 and 4.30 asleep by 4.45. Then up again at 5 and i put lullaby on and he went back til 6.40 then i gave milk as i think he has done well enough by then. He woke at 8!!!
Am i doing this right,dh is not very optimistic and im really trying to be confident, it sooooo hard!

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poppiesmum · 11/09/2006 18:41

Shatteredmum - well done, have just caught up with your threads and it sounds very optimistic to me! You're really making progress - stick with it and it will get easier!

shatteredmumsrus · 11/09/2006 20:15

Thankyou Poppiesmom. I dread bedtime, ahhhh!
Are there any CC success stories to cheer me up?
PLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEE

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LucyandKatysMummy · 11/09/2006 21:17

Hi Shattered Mum
I'd not forgotten you! Had a mega busy day today! You are so doing this right- Stick with it Remember Dont talk to him when you go in his room or make eye contact if he looks at you and cries!!- It sounds so bloody harsh I know but honest keep with it!! Reassure him by touch only. The milk thing is good- i think its a reasonable time to give it. I am on night 5 tonight. last night she cried for 3 minutes- I gave her milk at 10.30(only because she didnt drink it earlier she only had 1oz!) but she stayed asleep whilst she drank it and for the FIRST TIME SINCE SHE WAS 4 MONTHS OLD SHE SLEPT THROUGH UNTIL 7!!!! I AM DELIGHTED!! K went to sleep again on her own tonight and cried for 5 mins!!! So keep with it shattered mum ,I am a success story so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well done so far. Support for you is here- even if its across the WWW ha ha ha !!!
xxxx BIG HUG xxxxx

shatteredmumsrus · 12/09/2006 07:45

Lucy and Katies mom - Thankyou so much. It helps knowing someone else is doing it. Your doing really well. Especially as you are on your own. I know how hard it is. My eldests dad left when he was 2 and my best friend has been on her own since her son was 9weeks!!!HUH!Your superstrong mom not me.
Right then down to business. He went to bed at 7.45 and woke at 12, i put lullaby on and he went to sleep. He woke at 3 and I did the same. Then he woke at 4, i did the 10,15 minute thing and he was asleep by 5. Got up at 7 and i gave his a big juicy bottle of milk!Yum yum.
I am still wondering if he will ever sleep thru. I have left it so long, he is 2 on saturday.
How are you doing with K?

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shatteredmumsrus · 13/09/2006 10:53

Im not sure if anyone is listening but it helps me anyway. The CC is going well, he went to bed at 8 and woke at 4 and i put lullaby on and he went back til 5.50!!!WOW. If you are thinking about trying CC - DO IT NOW!!!

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nige40 · 13/09/2006 15:03

Not sure if this helps - and it looks like you are well on the way to succeeding anyway, but here goes anyway...

We have a 6 month old girl. For the 1st 5 months she slept in our bed (she wouldn't sleep anywhere else - and we rather liked it anyway for the first 2 or 3 months). She would also not sleep without a dummy as a comforter. Therefore, whenever the dummy fell out (after a while sleeping) when she awoke she would cry until it was replaced as she couldn't go to sleep without that prop. Also, she wouldn't go to sleep until about midnight so we had no time to ourselves at all. At breaking point (no exageration!) we tried a sleep clinic called Millpond. They were very helpful and suggested ways of improving the sleeping in stages. However, given the state we were in, we just couldn't cope with a long drawn out programme (although we tried for a couple of weeks or so). Eventually they recommended controlled crying (we had previously said we didn't want to try that unless absolutely necessary - hence their other staged programme).

The results were (and still are) quite astonishing. 1st night she cried for 1 hour then went to sleep and slept for 11 hours, only waking once for about 10 mins. The 2nd night she cried for about 6 mins then slept through the night for about 12 hours. Third night she fell asleep as I left her bedroom and slept all night for about 12 hours. 4th night she cried for about 10 mins but then slept all night and form that night to this day she has been going to bed and straight to sleep first from 7.30pm but now from 7pm until about 6.45am to 7.30am every day. She has never had her dummy (day or night) since day 1. Our life has changed completely. Although this is not an advert for Millpond (I am not connected with them at all - we just subscribed to their service) nor should anything I say be taken to be their advice (we altered it very slightly and their advice was specifically intended only for our child given our circs), we would never have done controlled crying, or if we had we would certainly not have done it correctly, but for their suggestions and support.

Our system was as follows: First night put the baby to bed whil still awake, but as calm as possible (a routine is essential - feed then bath then stories then (and this was my addition which didn't seem to cause probs - a cuddle and rocking to calm her). After 5 mins of crying go in to check and reassure her she was not abandonned - just a few calm words which must always be the same - I did 2 shhhh's, said good girl twice and then night night twice. No eye contact and no touching, just reassurance without leaning over her, then leaving the room. If she continued crying then 10 mins later repeating the process. Then again after a further 15 mins, then a further 20 mins (in other words, increasing the period 5 mins each time - so checking at 5, 15, 30, 50 mins etc) up to a max of 25 mins gap for the 1st night. The 2nd and subsequent nights extending the checking period by 5 mins each day, so night 2 would be 10,25,45 mins etc.

Our baby was not even slightly traumatised by the process (she was 5 months though - we wouldn't have done it when she was much younger). In fact she appeared very pleased with herself the next morning and was bright and happy and fresh each day - she also naps during the day at the appointed times (which means she is not overtired by evening).

Sorry for the lengthy description, but if any of this helps it will have been worth it. I don't expect it would work for every child, but we were amazed at how quick and relatively painless it was. I should say that I am dad, not mum, and mum had to leave the house for the first 2 or 3 days because she could not listen to the crying - whereas my hormones (or lack thereof) meant I didn't suffer as much!

shatteredmumsrus · 13/09/2006 16:32

Cheers Nig im gonna tell my partner it will reassure him too. He wasnt sure about it at first. Its so nice to hear that it works when your in the middle of it. It gives me confidence to carry on with it.

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LucyandKatysMummy · 13/09/2006 16:35

Hi Everyone!
Another good night 7am-6am (woke at 3am for few mins and went back to sleep)Hope your ok shattered mum your doing really well! Thats really good advice youve given Nige 40. your right the CC results really are astonishing!!

Take care
xx

shatteredmumsrus · 14/09/2006 09:09

Hello - bed at 8, woke at 4.30!!!WOW!!! Put lullaby on at 4.35 and again at 4.50, asleep by 5. Up again at 5.50 and i gave milk then. He is doing well. Cant wait til i can tell you all its been 8 til 7, am i pushing my luck. Ha ha

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shatteredmumsrus · 15/09/2006 07:56

Didnt wake til 4.45 last night so gradually it seems to be getting later. I put lullaby on twice but he wasnt going back to sleep so by 5.25 i gave milk, i am disappointed that i did now but dh was pressurising me too cause he had work. I guess 9 hours is good enough dont you think? How are you lot getting on?

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shatteredmumsrus · 17/09/2006 15:37

Hi everyone.He woke twice in the night and went straight back to sleep after putting his lullaby on. He eventually had milk at 6.45. What a difference hey? Hope everyone else is doing well?

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shatteredmumsrus · 18/09/2006 08:18

Well i dont know what happened last night. Spoke too soon i think. He woke at 11.45 and i must have put the lullaby on ten times. He wasnt asleep until 3!!! Not a happy mommy and daddy today.Are relapses normal?

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fabbylucesmum · 18/09/2006 19:40

Hi all tired parents,

My DD was a sound sleeper until 6 months when she developed some digestiive probs and began waking frequently overnight in pain. She has also always gone to sleep in mine or dh's arms with a bottle of milk. About a month ago I started to think that the waking had become a habit and that she was screaming just to get us to cuddle with her. Both dh and me work so it was beginning to ruin us both! We were spending most of the night with one of us in a bed with her and even then her sleep was disrupted. She also rarely went to sleep at night until about half nine.
Anyway, last Wed (5 Nights ago) we started CC. What a transformation! The 1st night she screamed for about 4 hours in total (inc Overnight), the 2nd night this was down to about 1 1/2 hours and so on...Now she is sleeping from 7pm til 7am without any probs! Fabulous! My sheer adoration for my gorgeous dd has resumed and my dd and I are no longer rowing about whose turn it is to do night duty!
I would urge anyone with a baby with sleep difficulties to do CC. We worried and fretted about it for months but it really has made our lives 100 times better! Incidentally, my dd is just 12 months. I left my dh to do the 1st 'stint' as I knew I would find it much harder than him. I must say thoughn that it has been much, much easier than i imagined. Good luck x

LucyandKatysMummy · 18/09/2006 23:05

Hi Everyone
Im still doing well with K- and yes shattered mum it is normal to have a relapse! I had one last night! K woke just the once at 4 for milk- I gave it to her as she GENUINLEY seemed hungry.( she dad been with her daddy and she had her evening meal too early ) I'll just give her some weetabix next sunday for supper just incase! No milk tonight hopefully! Keep it up remeber your little one is older so it is a longer process!
Take Care, Off for some kip myself now!!
XXXXX
ps havnt been on line coz had some probs with the ex and its all shaken me up a bit.

shatteredmumsrus · 19/09/2006 06:50

Hi L&Kmum, hope you are ok now. I have been thru a break up with my first sons father and it wasnt pleasant. We do ok now tho, just about!ds2 went to bed at 7.30 last night and woke at 4.45 which i thought was long enough so i gave milk then he woke again at 6 so i think i did the wrong thing giving it to him at 4.45? What do you think? He is up earlier than usual too. Think the early milk threw him a bit? Glad to hear you are doing well too x

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LucyandKatysMummy · 19/09/2006 20:18

Hi Shattered mum

Well it sounds like the early milk did throw him a bit- I do think before 6 is unreasonable but its easier said than done- K is waking around 6.30 so shes doing 11-12 hours without waking up- and if she does wake, she soothes herself back to sleep. Why not try making him wait for it each morning for example if he wakes at 4.30 keep him waiting 15 mins and increase the time he has to wake each morning unitil it gets to a more reasonable hour? Just a suggestion! Your doing well though and you sound happier!
I'm just about keeping it together for the sake of the girls- its hard when you've loved someone so much and they've trampled all over your feelings. But at least im getting some sleep which always helps!!!

talk soon well done! take care
xxx