Controlled Crying Day 2 in need of reassurance

[OsMalleytheCat]

Just as the title says really, finding it really difficult to even think about so as a result I'm putting bedtime off as long as possible

Please reassure me that I'm not a horrible mummy, damaging my baby and doing the worst thing in the world because it feels like it right now

Tell me your success stories, and please nobody say "if you feel like this maybe you should stop", I am quite literally at my wits end and wouldn't be trying this had I not exhausted all other methods.

Night 3 was our worst then great results. I suggest you keep at it otherwise last night will have been a waste..? You obviously decided this was the way forward, so keep strong and it will hopefully improve things for you! Have you got a Dp to keep you strong?

Thank you, that's what I keep telling myself that last night would have been in vein if I give up and that's even worse.

Yes DH here to support but doesn't really understand my angst about it, obviously he doesn't like listening to DS cry but his attitude is we've decided to do CC so obviously will have to listen to him cry IYSWIM

I remember being terrified that I'd damaged dd for life, that she'd become insecure, feel unloved etc. A year after doing cc our dd is a happy, confidant, affectionate toddler who sleeps brilliantly. She likes her cot and positively welcomes being left there when she's tired.

One thing I will say, for us cc wasn't a particularly quick fix. We would do cc for 2-3 days and see a big improvement for a week or two then we would have to do it again. This went on for a couple of months but each time the crying was less (and was never more than 15 mins or so at most).
I am glad we did it though, especially when I hear other mums struggling to end cosleeping or breast feeding to sleep, once a second baby is on the way.

How old is your child?

It tools 3 days here, then everyone was so much happier! rested and contented. Keep strong. As a parent you need to teach them so many things, and how to help themselves sleep is such an important skill.

We all do what we think is right in our own situations I guess. Personally I wouldn't want to leave my baby/toddler to cry. Gut instinct tells me not to which has been backed up by the research regarding cortisol levels. I'm only saying in case you are not aware of it. Have a google.

DS is 9 months,

I've googled extensively and all the articles I read reported no positive or negative effects on a child.

I am worried about him feeling abandoned and that if he cries no one will come (immediately) and falling to sleep stressed and upset

That's reassuring Million & sweep thank you!

www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/science-says-excessive-crying-could-be-harmful

OP, you said you need reassurance.
So does your baby.

CC is not recommended for any babies under 12 months.

Have you read about it?

I won't reassure you that your baby isn't going to sleep upset and distressed, because he is. At 9 months, babies do not understand object permanence, so if you are not with him, he doesn't understand that you may be nearby.

You haven't abandoned him. He is just cross that crying hadn't for the response he is used to. Cross is very different to ill or hungry. We all have to make our own parenting decisions, and a rough couple of dYs will give you a much more contented baby overall. You have thought this through carefully so keep strong!

From day 3 it got better here. But it doesn't solve things forever, we had to do it again as ds went through various developmental stages. We found having a muslin as a comforter a great help.

He is now 2.9 and is a great self settler (99%of the time!). Cc saved all our sanities!

You'll be fine. Promise. X

Sorry not getting any sympathy here. I wouldn't use CC prior to 12 months.

I fully understand if you don't agree with CC but do you really have to post! I'm actually having a pretty tough time as it is without others negative judgements

From nhs:

How did the researchers interpret the results?

The researchers concluded that behavioural sleep techniques do not cause long-lasting harms or benefits to the child, their relationship with their parents or their mother’s health. Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.
Lead researcher Dr Anna Price said: "For parents who are looking for help, techniques like controlled comforting and camping out do work and are safe to use."

link

It totally depends what you mean by cc.
We let out ds who is 9mo grumble himself to sleep when we realised he will go to sleep in 5-6mins if we leave the room vs crying in our arms for 20min+ if we try to rock or pat him. Basically he's just very easily stimulated/distracted and needs to be left alone to go to sleep even if he's crying a bit. The average is 5-6min. It's often closer to 3 and never more than 10.

Many different views on whether cc is harmful or not incl disputing sears. www.weebeedreaming.com/my-blog/-cio-homework

Op all the studies seem to indicate that all the different sleep training techniques do work, with the key being consistency.

You can do it and you will have a happier toddler and mummy as a result.

Great link littlef00t

Many many many thanks for all your support ladies, he cried for 3 mins tonight and I might have given in were it not for you!

You are not a horrible mummy and you are not damaging your baby.

Just another night or two and he will sleep through, as long as you are consistent.

DD slept through on the 3rd night of CC and has slept through ever since (now 8.5).

Good for you.

People who oppose cc talk about babies crying for forty minutes and making themselves sick with hysteria. Not the 3-8mins crying that is my experience and that of the people I know through ante natal classes and baby swimming.

If you have already done 3 nights then stick with it otherwise those nights will have been for nothing.I did Cc at nine months, it took four bad nights. Don't regret it. Lots of useful info on www.sleepstore.Co.nz and look under sleep articles. It is called verbal reassurance. Everyone parent and child are happier with sleep

Well done you

CC worked v well for our eldest two. Will no doubt do it with the third when the time comes.

Wouldn't normally suggest you try it at 9 months as this
is often a tricky time for babies as they now understand separation. They are crying to get you to come back and you're not responding. So if it wasn't working well, I would suggest trying again at 12 months when baby is at a more emotionally stable age.

However, just saw your update and looks like all is going swimmingly. So well done and good luck for tomorrow night! Good sleep makes all the difference to family dynamics!!

TheonlyoneIknow has already said most of what I was going to say.
You are not a horrid mummy. You are a caring loving mummy who, along with her DH has come to the very sensible conclusion that lack of sleep is damaging the whole family and especially their child. You are giving your child one of the best gifts in the world: the ability to go to sleep independently.