Controlled Crying Day 2 in need of reassurance

[OsMalleytheCat]

Just as the title says really, finding it really difficult to even think about so as a result I'm putting bedtime off as long as possible

Please reassure me that I'm not a horrible mummy, damaging my baby and doing the worst thing in the world because it feels like it right now

Tell me your success stories, and please nobody say "if you feel like this maybe you should stop", I am quite literally at my wits end and wouldn't be trying this had I not exhausted all other methods.

Hiya, if CC doesn't work, I would suggest some gentler ways to deal with bed time separation anxiety - we could never do CC with my DD as her will was stronger than ours and she would make herself sick if left for more than 2 mins. Anyway she's a brilliant sleeper now - here's my post blog post on how we dealt with bed time separation anxiety if you're interested -mydaughterwontsleep.com/2014/05/31/dealing-with-separation-anxiety/

good luck every one

Thanks again everyone, I'm starting to dread bedtime now, so I am contemplating using a gentler method although if we have another night like last night I've nothing to worry about, it's hard though as it just goes against all of my instincts as a parent

But I can't co sleep anymore, he fell out of bed last night (soft landing but still!), and wakes as soon as I put him in the cot no amount of PUPD or shushing and stroking and cuddling seems to work. I just wish there was an easier/less upsetting way

Could you make the bed safe from falls and continue to co sleep? Or dismantle the bed and have the mattress on the floor?

Just keep at it. You've done the hard bit. It'll probably get easier from now. Just think of all that beautiful sleep he'll be getting... oh and you too!!

I think at that age I slept on a mattress in the room. Started with her in her cot and then if she woke she was in with me. I really didn't do any leaving her to cry until 12 months or so. Like yours, mine did not respond to PUPD or shhh and pat (made things significantly worse). It's very likely he's going thru an important developmental phase right now and it's prob not the right time to be doing CC (if you have a bad night again).

Day three and haven't put him down yet, we don't really have the space to take down the bed/make it safe and I want him in his own bed tbh, DH and I need a bit of intimacy back ( not sex as baby still on our room but just the closeness IYSWIM)

Allisgood what makes you say he's going through a developmental phase (genuine q!)

And thank you again everyone!

Google wonder weeks to see if he is the right age for a developmental leap.

The cortisol thing is apparently linked to babies being uncared for in destitute orphanages - not crying for short spaces with you outside.

Will do 7 that looks interesting!
No tears tonight! yay!! Just getting him to stay in his cot now!!

He is certainly not an abandoned orphan

9 months is within the separation anxiety phase (it actually starts around this age). It is when he has worked out that he is a separate person from you. This causes anxiety when you leave because he is too young to understand if (and when) you will be back. This phase tends to end around 12 months when they become more confident and you can start to leave the room (not just bedtime but anytime!) for short periods and they are ok. As they get older you can leave them for longer periods. This is why CC is usually not recommended before the age of 12 months, although there is some controversy and debate between medical professionals around this, hence you hearing different things.

I think in my pregnant brain fog my words aren't working very well so you can read more here:

www.babycentre.co.uk/a6577/developmental-milestones-separation-and-independence?ModPagespeed=noscript

m.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/sep_anxiety.html

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001542.htm

To add: OP, if he is doing well and the crying has reduced DONT stop. If you do you will make it harder when you go to try again. Only stop if the periods of crying aren't reducing.

Thanks for the links allis, all of the articles I'd read said 6months+ were ok! worried I've done it too soon now but he went down absolutely fine tonight (hurrah!!) very glad I've stuck with it now

Yay! Well done for keeping strong. Enjoy some time with your DP.

They only say that to counter those who say that they are damaging /torturing their babies!

Question: what to do when he wakes in the night for a feed? My aim isn't to get him to sleep through (although I wouldn't mind!) just want him to sleep in his cot. I get him out feed him and then when I try to put him back all hell breaks loose and it's a lot harder to deal with at 3am! Am I supposed to do CC during the night??
He's EBF if that makes a difference.

Ok, I used a combination of methods here between the no cry sleep solution and gradual retreat. Before we started CC I wanted to have no more night feeds so that I knew hunger wasn't involved.

Over the course of about two weeks I gradually reduced the amount of time Ds would,feed for in the night by a minute each feed, this meant that he gradually took more in the day to make up for what,he wasn't having at night. When it was down to a 2 minute or so breast feed I knew that it wasn't hunger but habit that was waking him.up. I was then happy to start Cc. I was back at work fill time and getting up 2-3 times in the night. For Dp and I personally we had to do it. Neither of us could function at work or at home on such crap sleep constantly.

OP you are going to have to do the same in the middle of the night really unless you can co-sleep from when he wakes for his feed.

When we did CC, it was to sleep through the night so no, there were no night feedings.

When baby woke up, DH did whatever he could to get him/her back to sleep. This involved lots of hugs, rocking, singing, sshhh/patting, and some crying. DH went to baby rather than me, because I was still breastfeeding and it would be impossible to get him/her back to sleep, smelling of milk.

How old was the baby Cote?
I think, for the time being we're going to have to co sleep after he's woken up, one step at a time!

I would advise reading the no cry sleep solution book (Elizabeth Pantley). It's a short book but best to read it than someone try to précis it on here. It deals with bf and sleep and gently and slowly reducing the 'feed to sleep' association. It worked very well for me but contrary to the title it's not a 'solution' but an ongoing approach. My ds still feeds in the night one or two times but sleeps in his cot in his room (thank goodness cause I can't cosleep as he's soooo wriggly now. Cosleeping here just means him sleeping in my bed and me not sleeping at all).

DD was 4 months and DS was 5 months.

Here in France, babies see their paediatrician once a month, and it was their paediatrician who had told me that they don't need to feed through the night at this stage and that we can get them to sleep through the night with some form of sleep training, if we want to. There was none of that trotting out of Romanian orphanage stories etc.

It worked very well, and quickly. It was by far the best advice I have ever received about anything.

Re "one step at a time" - You are substituting old sleep habits with new ones. I would change it all at once and install the habits that you want to continue with - take the bandage out in one go, in other words. Otherwise, you will have to do the whole CC thing again for the other 'steps'.

Glad it's going better os