Ending feeding to sleep with a 4-5 month old - any tips?

[fuzzywigsmum]

The time has come to stop feeding DD2 to sleep. She's not letting me put her down in the cot anymore, keeps waking up again and so it's taking me over 40 mins to settle her for naps and 2 hours to settle her at night.

I've read the NCSS and have been trying the pantley pull off for two months - every time I think we're making progress I go right back to where I started.

So, the plan is to cold turkey her on feeding to sleep. I'm not going to feed her anymore at naps and in the evening I'm going to have break between feeding and putting her down. I'm going to buy a musical mobile and stand by the cot, stroking her head, saying sleepy time etc. if she gets really upset I'll pick her up and soothe her.

Anyone got any other top tips? And if you've done this at this age, how long did it take to see progress?

4-5 months is still so tiny, please reconsider, until she is 6 months at least.

Hallamoo, do you not think that I might have given this huge amounts of thought already? And that, as someone who has fed to sleep up til now, that I probably lean towards a gentler approach to parenting? Could you not imagine that I'm only trying this now because a) the current approach isn't working for me, DD2 or the rest of our family and b) because I think DD2 is ready? And from my post are you not able to pick up on the fact that I'll trust my instincts and give up if I feel it's traumatic for DD2? No? Really?

Now, does anyone have any practical and helpful advice rather than sanctimonious interventions?

Thanks!

Hmm 4-5 month is classic sleep regression time. It's probably not feeding to sleep that's the problem but just a developmental thing.

I'd just carry on but then I'm still bf to sleep at 9m with ds2 and did until 18m with ds1, with no angst when I stopped.

Sorry, not very helpful!

Try the no sleep cry solution. Great book which helps to build positive sleep associations and has suggestions in how to break this habit.

I had to go back to work when DD was 5 months old, plus I wanted a routine and more Of my old life back, so I completely understand. I'll Pm you as I can email you a copy of the book, if you like? Ps I didn't write it!

Thanks Kelly. I've got that book and really like it. That's why I've bought the musical mobile to help build some positive associations. Definitely hoping for a bit of my old life back!

Hi there,

Hopefully I can offer my experience. I tried the same approach as you at around 5.5 months. But for naps only. It sort if worked for about a week then all the problems came, illness, teeth, developmental stages etc. to cut a long story short I went back to feeding to sleep.

My DD is now 8.5 months and I've done it again. I've cracked it for naps and it was so much easier and quicker. Tonight I started for bedtime and she was asleep in 30 mins. Me by the cot. Yes crying but I stayed the whole time.

I don't think I could have done bedtime any earlier than this age because I don't think she was ready. At 8.5 months I think she's ready. I don't want to be another to tell you not to do it, but I think you need to wait until they are ready. If you think that's now then so be it. From my experience there was a sleep regression and too many other hurdles that would have made it lot successful.

All the best with what you decide.

Sorry you felt I was being sanctimonious, I wasn't trying to be. I echo what others have said about sleep regression/growth spurts at that age and just felt that you might be making things more difficult, not easier at this stage.

I have 4DC, so I know about sleep deprivation and how it can affect you, I really do.

4-5 months is a massive growth spurt and babies get mega hungry, more hungry than you can ever imagine is possible for a small child.

My advice would be to not only feed to sleep but keep them on your lap in front of the TV from 7pm until you go to bed, feeding on and off and then both retire to bed to continue through the night.

Hi fuzzywigsmum, our DD is the same age, also been feeding to sleep. I was putting her down in the cot already asleep at night and for naps she would sleep on me or in the buggy. However a couple of weeks ago she started waking whenever I put her in the cot and it would take me several hours of putting her down, her waking and crying, me picking her up, feeding her to sleep again, ad infenitum, until at about midnight she'd stay asleep. It clearly wasn't working so I started putting her down awake and letting her suck my finger and play with my hand until she fell asleep as she would do that happily and I could lie next to her and doze. We've been doing this for a few days now and it seems to be working so far, and after a few seconds of finger-sucking she'll now let me put in a dummy instead (she'd stopped taking her dummy a couple of months ago). It can still take a while and when she woke at 5am this morning it took over an hour for her to fall asleep again with me half asleep next to her (hence I try to get her to take the dummy as an hour of having your finger sucked gets a bit painful!) but it seems to be going in the right direction as at least she's then falling asleep in her cot so I don't have to risk waking her when I transfer her. So no magic answer as we've only just started this ourselves but letting her suck to sleep in her cot seems to be working so far. Good luck!

I stopped at a year.

Meant to say, she does still wake to feed at night, currently she's going to sleep about 7:30/8 then is hungry again sometime between 9:30 and 11 and sometimes wakes around 4 for another feed.

Google 4 month sleep regression. It is very common development stage, normally confused with people trying to "fix" a 'problem' when it is unfortunately, very normal and very exhausting eg early weaning, bed time rituals, refusing milk.

Whilst I appreciate the sheer exhaustion at this stage, just be flexible is my advice. I would feed (bf) until sleepy and then unlatch, but if she did get distressed for more than 5 min, I'd feed again. I also used a dummy, which I have no regrets over. I came to the conclusion that if ds wanted me to help him sleep, I would. Feeding to sleep is such a small part, they genuinely do grow out of it over time, at ultimately, it was far easier for me to feed to sleep than do anything drastic to change it.

I agree that now might not be the best time.

With ds1 we tried ncss at this age and it just wasn't working.

I was desperately sleep deprived but we gave up and tried again at 7.5 months . We did pupd and it worked much better (which I think was age rather than method).

At 10mo he finally got it reliably.

I think 4mo us a tad young to try to sleep train. You'll get it done much faster at a later stage in development.

I ought to add that many babies lose the feed to sleep association all by themselves and you'll know it by their not going to sleep despite a bellyfull of milk. I reckon it's not the baby but the PARENT who uses feeding as a crutch and comes to depend on it.

Reading this thread with interest- I had the same feeling of needing to do some sleep training with DS at 4/5 months but so glad I didn't now; I did feel he was so tiny compared to now at 6 months, only a month or so on he is so more capable.

Nutella- interesting post. Feeding to sleep is no longer working for us and I feel like totally helpless now that I have lost my crutch. I was desperate to stop feeding to sleep with my first DC who finally stopped at a year old... I only wish DC2 would keep going with it!! So he has grown out of it much earlier it seems at 6 months, and despite a belly full of milk he was screaming from 7-11:30 last night with me trying to get him to sleep. We tried PUPD a couple of weeks ago for 5 nights but he became so distressed, and now starts screaming just on entering the bedroom. It's made things far worse for us

OP, best of luck with what ever you decide. I agree with what others have said. In just a month or so your DD will be so much more capable. Don't do what I did and sleep train too early and throw some negative sleep associations into the mix to contend with also!

and I feel like??

Also feel a bit sad for hallamoo OP, though I can understand your frustration. I would be mortified to read back your response if I were her .

Thanks all for responses. Busy at moment with toddler and DD2 who now won't nap at all except latched on but will reply later when I get a minute!

Thanks Roopachoo, but it's ok. I have a thick skin, and OP is sleep deprived, I get it. I would've done anything (and tried everything), if I thought it would get me more sleep, and I would quite happily have bitten anyone's head off for even daring to disagree with me.

After 4 DC, bfing, and surviving on 3 hours (interrupted) sleep a night for several years, I feel a little bit qualified to advise, but OP did not know that.

We swapped feeding for rocking at that kind of age, and then did pick up put down (baby whisperer). Was a lot easier than expected!

That post was even sanctimonious than your first hallamoo

Eh?

That sentence makes no sense, I think you might be missing a 'more'?

I know where you're coming from OP and it can be so desperate but I echo what others (including halloamoo ) have said. My DD stopped feeding to sleep around 9 months old and of her own accord. I missed it tbh as I found t was the only way to get the non sleeper to sleep!
I remember doing a form of CC though when she stopped feeding to sleep and that was put down, leave to cry for four minutes and repeat. Never more than 4 minutes and not until she was about 9 or 10 months old. Whatever u decide then good luck- it is so bloody hard and I'm doing it again in 6 weeks

Maybe tweak her routine a bit? She might need an earlier bedtime hence feeding to sleep taking gforever. 4/5 months isn't just growth spurt time it is developmental leap time too and their sleep body clocks change a bit.

I ended up combining my two DCs routine to get around the long bedtimes (2.2 age gap), settling them in the same room. So lights out for my eldest, fed youngest while eldest fell asleep then popped her into her cot. My youngest actually wanted to be in bed by 6pm (!) Which was hard as was a bit early. If I left it too late she would take longer to settle. Same for naps too. With naps I just had them in the sling or outside if I could.