Ending feeding to sleep with a 4-5 month old - any tips?

[fuzzywigsmum]

The time has come to stop feeding DD2 to sleep. She's not letting me put her down in the cot anymore, keeps waking up again and so it's taking me over 40 mins to settle her for naps and 2 hours to settle her at night.

I've read the NCSS and have been trying the pantley pull off for two months - every time I think we're making progress I go right back to where I started.

So, the plan is to cold turkey her on feeding to sleep. I'm not going to feed her anymore at naps and in the evening I'm going to have break between feeding and putting her down. I'm going to buy a musical mobile and stand by the cot, stroking her head, saying sleepy time etc. if she gets really upset I'll pick her up and soothe her.

Anyone got any other top tips? And if you've done this at this age, how long did it take to see progress?

Watching with interest.... My 7 month old feeds to sleep and subsequently wakes every 2 hours because he doesn't know how to get back to sleep any other way. I'm going back to work where I do night shifts so need him to be able to settle without me or at least by DH.

Hi, my DD2 is nearly five months now and will sometimes fall asleep by herself (with a little help). She does have a dummy which helps, but mostly we do bedtime routine including a feed, then if she isn't too tired, we have a look at a short book then I put her in her crib with soft sleepy music playing, stroke her forehead a few times then see if she will fall asleep with my hand on her.

Sometimes she falls asleep feeding, which is fine, and sometimes she is tired and struggles to fall asleep in which case I usually rock or jiggle her to sleep. I do find that she is more likely to sleep well in the evening if she falls asleep in the crib rather than being put down asleep.

I have always found her first nap of the day to be where she is most receptive to being put down without feeding or rocking - it might be the same for your DD2?

You could also try introducing a lovey at this age?

Drat! Just wrote a really long post and it's got lost in cyberspace - damn smartphone! Anyway, thanks again for tips and wise words. Will report back on how it goes.

Oh dear, first attempt at her morning nap was a complete failure. She didn't cry hard but wasn't happy and after 15 minutes I gave up, in tears - not coz I was upset for her, she wasn't even close to properly being distressed more coz I just don't know what to do! It's not sleep depravation that's getting to me, it's not having any semblance of a social life, or time in the evenings to do anything! Plus the fact that Settling her for naps takes so long I feel like I'm neglecting DD1. And even when I take 30 mins settling her she wakes up after 10 mins.

So, if I put her down awake she gets upset and confused, if I rock her, she'll calmly get sleepy until about two minutes after she's closed her eyes then starts crying and back arching and when I feed her to sleep she wakes up after 10 or 20 mins Heeeeelp!

Are you putting her down early enough? Have you tried pupd?

Fledermaus - do you mean early as in at the first signs of tiredness, or do you mean before she's actually gone to sleep?

My concern with PUPD is that picking her up and cuddling her once she's upset doesn't seem to calm her - only boob does, so I think it would it would be quite a long and painful process.

Early as in after she wakes up for the day - some babies need their first nap less than 2 hours after waking, and being overtired can cause the short sleeps.

I would go with your instinct on PUPD if you don't think your DD will take to it too well. The whole process was completely nonsensical to my poor DS and I feel a lot of trust was lot, which we are still trying to repair now. Pantley's version of it seems a lot gentler but will take longer.

I read the NCSS last night (thanks Kelly1874) and am now totally committed to a long term overhaul of our feeding to sleep co-sleeping set up. Some babies just don't respond to drastic, all guns blazing, change. I had read it whilst pregnant with DC1, but she was a much more settled baby and I didn't really need to call on it.

What about other options for some of her naps? DD2 loves being in the sling and will drop off happily in there either with dummy or quite often dropping the dummy to suck on the strap! It is another way to fall asleep without feeding and means I'm still with DD1 and can go out in the garden or for a walk. Would she fall asleep in her pram if you went out?

I agree with fledermaus too - my DD2 usually only manages about an hour and half for her first waking, any longer and she is overtired and difficult to settle and more likely to catnap.

Agree with everyone else that if you can just grit your teeth for a bit longer, say get her to 6 months and definitely out of the 4-5 month window, the whole process is likely to be MUCH easier.

Apart from that, as another feed-to-sleeper: is there an option for DH/partner to take over the putting to sleep routine for the evenings at least? We did this (but at a much later age admittedly) and it broke the connection between sleeptime = feed. DH used to rock her to sleep initially.

Yep, she generally does her morning nap about 90 mins after waking up. The waking up after 10 or 20 mins is something she's always done - seems to happen at the point when she should go into deep sleep. I used to be able to shhh her through it or shhh her back to sleep but now seemingly only feeding her again soothes her. That's one of the reasons it takes 2 hours to settle her in the evening - I usually have to repeat the whole settling process twice because she wakes up after 20 mins, expecting a quick nurse - even if I sit next to the cot patting her and shhhing her. It's seriously testing every ounce of my patience! Absolutely cursing myself for ever feeding to sleep! I rocked DD1 from newborn but thought feeding would be less time-consuming. Aaaargh!

Bruno, honestly not sure how much I can keep it up as I'm starting to feel pretty isolated but will take heed that it may be a developmental thing. I guess my concern is the longer I leave it, the more dependent on boob she'll become. But yes, I think next attempt should be by DP.

My dd is just over 5 mos and has just this past week been able to fall asleep without.considerable effort
Think it was the so called regression. She is ebf and we cosleep including for a nap a day, but everything stopped working and she seemed unable to get to sleep and very frustrated.

This is a good read; drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

OP you've done a fab job, no doubt about it - feeding to sleep is such lovely comfort for them and it really does take it out of you. Go for it with your DP - we found it a good solution as it still means lots of comfort and contact as they go to sleep. If you've had enough and are feeling the strain - absolutely do it now. You have to take care of your own health too!

Fuzzy my dd was a nightmare for napping and it would take forever to get her to sleep and then she'd wake a short time later. She's 6 months and she's still not brilliant but she will sleep for longer sometimes and goes down easier though I am still feeding to sleep at the mo unless we are out. It will get easier but dd had the 4 month sleep regression and I was on my knees with tiredness at all the feeding to sleep only for her to wake what felt like ten mins after I'd dropped off. It will ease up eventually
Just hang on in there and maybe just ago with the easiest way to get her to sleep for now? Try to get her to sleep at the first signs of tiredness as over tiredness makes it a hundred times worse. Oh and if you get it all figured out please tell me

Oh and get the wonder weeks book! Dd did the waking up after 20 mins at bedtime and it's all a developmental thing. If you get to her quickly can you rock her in your arms back to sleep instead of boob? We jiggle dd if she wakes and it's a short time after a feed.

Oh, also have brought bedtime forward which seems to be helping. Thanks Boring!

What! Another long message just failed to post - boo!

What I'd written was that I've decided to focus just on naps for now and accept the evening chaos for a bit longer. She can do all her naps in the sling and buggy - so no feeding. And I've discovered that she'll fall asleep in the buggy with minimal rocking, so I'm going to work on that - see if she can self settle in there and build in some positive sleep associations - lovey, music etc. then see if she can shift that to the cot.

Once I know she can self-settle for naps, then I can start thinking about evenings again. By which time, she might be over the worst of the 4/5 months shenanigans. But no doubt teething or ill again

Sound like a sensible plan?

Sounds like a sensible plan. Hope it all goes well.

Hallamoo, agree with your post. In my opinion four months is way too young. Know that many may disagree. With first dd drove myself nuts thinking there was some method or routine to be had. At a year I then started to co sleep. I trained her to sleep in own cot at two, which took two nights. Know that's not for everyone. If you do want to sleep train, the older the better. In my opinion six months at least. I nap with my four month old who is currently regressing at night. This time around I know its just a phase. Good luck, op! Its tough, for sure.

PS op! For what its worth my kid never self settled for nap.s. but it didn't matter because by two and half she'd dropped her naps. It helps when you try to see it longer term. As one wise mum once told me, just tell yourself it's just a phase. It helps. PS dd2 naps in sling, with me. We are obsessed with routine. Your new plan sounds great